Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children

Below is the Houston, Texas Police Department's satire on parents who don't control their children...


1. Give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.

2. When he misbehaves or picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he's cute and the center of his little world.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Let him wait until he is 21 when he can "decide for himself."

4. Avoid using the word "wrong." It may develop in him a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later when he is arrested for stealing that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

5. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.

6. Let him read, watch, and listen to anything he wants to. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in his presence. In this way he will not be too shocked when his own home is broken up later.

8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?

9. Satisfy his every craving. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Always take his side against teachers, coaches, and other adult authority figures. They are all prejudiced against your child.

11. When he gets into real trouble, make excuses for him. Be quick to place the blame on others.

12. Allow him to always talk negative (whine and complain) and act like a fool. This will keep him from ever having to take responsibility for his actions.