No question using the gratuitous booby- jiggle just to get the attention of the reader is not beneath me my friend. However the most important aspect of drawing attention to oneself is doing something with that attention once you have it. As those of you who read the SMACK pages religiously know, I have been tentatively called out several times by Coventry’s own version of McLovin a.k.a Timebomb a.k.a. Mikey Demonti. Well as Mick Jagger used to say, Bad Publicity is just as good as good publicity…either way they are talking about you. Well McLovin you now have my undivided attention. (This is what I suspect you have wanted all along). However be forewarned…oftentimes getting the attention of certain people doesn’t always work out the way you plan! MCLOVIN IS STARVED FOR ATTENTION!
I’m committing Literary Murder in the major first degree, I’m Mer-Tog Mother Fucker, maybe ya heard of me, Smack’s the house that Mert built, and you you’re cannon fodder, Check yourself Dude You look like Harry Potter!
I would Smack you, but in Coventry we don’t hit little girls, And your tired lame ass jokes, just make me wanna hurl, The shit you spew don’t take a brain, it only takes a mouth, Now get that weak ass smack shit, the fuck outta my house,
Okay maybe freestyle rap battles aren’t McLovin’s game .
Uh Oh, McLovin is down!!! That’s right Mertog!!! If you didn’t know now you do bitches!
Okay I have to presume most of the people reading SMACK today aren’t the same readers that were here years ago and I must now preface my remarks by first giving a brief cursory history lesson to all of the new readers here in SMACK. Several years ago, McLovin had a brief war with my boy Ryman. This battle was pretty much the same thing that is occurring now between me and McLovin. McLovin is so starved for attention and the adulation of others on the SMACK pages that he becomes insanely jealous whenever someone talks about another great player. In this instance it was about Ryman’s worship of one Kirby Murphy (who is undoubtedly deserved of any and all praise that comes his way). If you have never seen Kirby Play you have cheated yourself of watching a home-grown legend my friends. This man is an absolute fucking beast at the plate and literally hits bombs that would get the attention of even the world famous Long Haul Bombers! The man has busted his ass perfecting his craft and I don’t know of anyone who puts more time into his game than Kirby. It should also be known that Kirby was a huge part of Ryman becoming the hitter he is today.
Yeah, Yeah we know McLovin I’m blowing Kirby now. So Mclovin the self proclaimed SMACK NAZI decides that he can’t stand the Kirby Worship that is going on and challenges Ryman to a home-run derby…the loser can no longer post in SMACK for the rest of the year, Mclovin won the derby and the Kirby worship ended and Ryman lived up to his end of the bargain. Well I’m not going to take that challenge…I admit McLovin would probably beat me. Then all SMACK would be is more of McLovin just bitching about how the website sucks and how this blows and that blows and a bunch of him going deep into his big bag of bullshit and pulling out his main staple of page long HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA’s! I could challenge him to a game of pool, but I hear he is really good at that too!
Then there is always the macho way of settling disputes via the bench press showdown, but McLovin has been busy working out a lot lately so I would probably lose at that too.
Okay time out for gratuitous butt shots!!! Got a problem with that McLovin?
Once again I definitely feel compelled by a moral obligation to the readers and feel that it would be unfair to spend an entire edition of the Planet just fucking with one person, true it is fun but the Planet is dedicated to edifying its readers as well. So since we are on the subject of…
I think it would be interesting subject matter to delve into the psychology behind some peoples reasoning as to why they feel so completely dedicated to the proposition of being douches? In other word what makes McLovin tick? The question then becomes: “ Why is Mikey so angry”?
Does he blame me for stealing his copy of his favorite movie?
Why is it that whenever he senses that someone takes joy in something or is having fun it is his job to step in and just kill it?
I ‘m sorry folks I only possess a rudimentary understanding of modern psychological theories and I am probably not the person to answer this question, all I can say is that the world is full of people who have nothing better to do than be mere annoyances.
In the internet forum and blog worlds these people are known simply as trolls. The harass and torment other people for no apparent reason other than to wreck the fun everyone else is having and seem to take sick twisted pleasure out of annoying and irritating other people. But have no fear my friends it usually ends likes this.
See the license plate on that truck McLovin it say’s Mertog!!! Don’t get it fucked up don’t get it twisted.
Okay it’s time for another gratuitous booby jiggle!!!
Hey guys did you know chicks do this shit too!
To close out this edition of the Planet I would just like to say that it doesn’t matter who or what you are just be yourself. If other people don’t like it fuck em! McLovin you big ol closet fag, don’t try to hide what you are my friend let that shit out of the closet and be who you are! Let your freak flag fly my brother! It’s all good!
RyMan
June 20, 2012 12:10:35 PM
Entry #: 3935404
I remember when I used to post on here! Now I've replaced the time I used to spend posting with batting practice and masturb......um, bible study. I think Timebum and I need to have a decisive HR derby because by my last count it's 1 win each.
As for poundpuppy4poundpuppy, I love when there's rumblings about him having a "new pitch" (said rumblings always seem to be started by him). I finally see it and think "yup, that sure is underhand from 45 feet away!". Just for the record I play on hitting the 30 pack so hard it turns into 5 seperate 6 packs.
Unclemertog
June 20, 2012 12:22:22 PM
Entry #: 3935411
Wow a rare post from my boy Ryman. Still playing guitar?
lb4lb-7
June 20, 2012 1:40:32 PM
Entry #: 3935466
Need I remind you of .394 1 13. RyGuys stats from 2006. When you suck that bad no amount of practice with Kirby is going to help. The lack of talent runs so deep there is only one way a guy goes from 395 to 750...and, we all know how that happens. Especially since its obvious that Ry hasnt got all caught up in this fitness fad. Yes, Ryans stats started going up when he started going down ....to Cumberland HS with Kirby and take endless BP. All that practice..and still cant take the outside pitch to right. You better learn quickly. The RKG happens to float in about 3 1/2 feet off the ground just nipping the outside corner.
Guvna14
June 20, 2012 2:45:01 PM
Entry #: 3935507
Be careful if he does....kid is outright flat spotting the ball lately.
RyMan
June 20, 2012 4:10:51 PM
Entry #: 3935573
Thanks, Matty. I like playing at Phillips Hill because I can free swing more. It's been helping a lot.
Why would any right handed batter consciously want to go to right field when they play in Coventry?! Most fields you can reach out and touch the left field foul pole from home plate. If not hitting to right makes my average drop considerably, I promise you I'll learn how just for you, Bob. Going DOWN to Cumberland? Isn't Cumberland north of just about everywhere in the state?
All that being said, I'm excited to see that cute new pitch. I'm even willing to make a friendly wager on how I fare against it. Ideas? Maybe if I hit it out you stop posting for a year? Or if I can't hit it well I'll post all the Botelho love you want on here. Let me know. I'm down for a challenge.
Mert: Yes I still play. Hope you'll be there when we play you guys. Haven't chatted softball with you in some time.
lb4lb-7
June 20, 2012 5:02:37 PM
Entry #: 3935601
..." stats started going up when he started going down...." to Cumberland with Kirby. Demonti might have said this a little differently.
Unclemertog
June 20, 2012 6:09:53 PM
Entry #: 3935651
No wager from me Ryman, like you said it's 45 feet away and it's underhand. I know that you of all people understand satire when you see it.
