A new season is upon us Diablos. Let's get it up. Information to write home about from the League Meeting this morning.....22 teams and full fees have been paid. Thanks Nieves! Get ypur dough in asap for the league fees. We scored two brand new bases to bring to the games when we are Home Team(1 if we are Visitors). A little help with the gear this year from the squad would be most appreciated. Keep your eyes peeled for any loose arms roaming your neighborhood. Our stable is only 4 deep and it's a long season. Remainder of the schedule will be figured out by Opening Day. Meanwhile our 1st 6 games have been put up here. Keep the limbs loose fellas. We've got a tough road ahead...

The SF Diablos kicked off Spring with a 3 inning exhibition against the Fog(who we play the 2nd week of the season). Notables for the game, which featured late swings that shed so much rust the plate had to be wiped clean few times, Chris White threw a solid 3 inning gem. Mechanics looked good and the 2 seamer was darting all over the place. Gabe Sanchez showed more leadership with his hustle and timely baserunning. Not much else could be said for the game. Baserunning errors and poor defense lead to a negative outcome on the scoreboard, but we now know what we have to work on for the opener.

On Sunday March 30, 2008 the San Francisco Diablos took field for the first time as complete team. It all started with a golden effort from Sir Whitey on the hill, pitching a gem of game and keeping his compsure throughout the contest, despite annoyances from the opposing team's bench. The Diablos played solid defense for the entire game with Fedrico making a nice play at first to secure a crucial out late in the game. The dynamic duo of Kimo & Brooks up the middle for the Diablo's turned a gracefull double play to stop a potential big inning for the Dirtbag's. Dennis Shanahan's debut in the 3 hole looks promising for the Diablo's lineup. Brian Baduske continues to impress with his prowess at the plate. Justin didn't get tossed and pitched a solid inning for Diablos to set up Joe for the save and bring home a win for Diablos's. Good job to everyone, it was team effort for the whole game, let's keep it going next week, so ice up.

It has been a rough couple of weeks for the Diablos, dropping 2 in a row to sub-par teams. There has been a few highlights to mention. Sir Whitey threw another gem of a game, a complete 9 inning game of the highest quality. A "FEW" errors in the game created hole to deep for Diablo bats to climb out of. Week 3 started off on a better note with a beautiful day for baseball & beer. Pitcher Joe Shakira pitched a great game, dazzling the Artichoke hitters with an array of pitches and uncanny command. An early bunt by Gabe "Aluminum Cans" Sanchez got the Diablos off to a good start. However the Diablos's bats fell silent and would not produce too many more hits or runs. Defensivly the Diablos tightened up and played good ball with Ryan "The Dude" Brooks turning a graceful double play. The outfield draft picks, Dennis "Sombreo" Shanahan and Don "Still Finding it" Kreppin getting on the same page and starting to look like lifelong teamates. A lefty prospect was brought in the 7th and got in to some early trouble and the game was put out of reach for the Diablos. Kimo "1000 Milligrams" Lary's stolen base added to his team leading totals. Justin "Chill" McFawn pinch ran and killed an inncoent garbage can, that happened to be black. I'm just saying. Next week the Diablos need to right the ship and get back on the goodside of the scoreboard, and pick up their pitching staff. KOOL AID!!!!!!!!!!!!!OH YEAH!!!!!

Strange thoughts on this mellow 4/20. Had I witnessed a baseball game @ Westmoor Field yesterday or was it a battle of wills between two teams playing for the love of the game. In an early season battle against a veteran Tsunami squad the San Francisco Diablos showed true veteran grit.....the 35 mph winds didn't hurt their cause either. Leading the Diablo's this week was pitcher Justin McFawn(CG, 5 hits, 8 k's, 2 ER)and his pinpoint accuracy. Pre-game grunts of dissatisfaction about the Home Plate Umpire turned to statements like "He owed me that one" as we caught up with the surly right-hander during his post-game ritual of Budweiser and Ice. Helping keep the pitch count low were 3 innings of 1-2-3. As expected with the weather the defense was not spectacular, but a diving catch by CF Dennis Shanahan snuffed out a potential comeback bid by the Tsunami. "Aluminum Can" Sanchez destroyed any notion of base stealing with an early rifle shot to 2nd(into the wind, uphill both ways, with no cleats)that gunned down the would be thief. Also the Tsunami didn't lead to far so we wouldn't have to keep snagging Justin's hat as it blew across the diamond(Thanks fellas). At the plate the Diablo's produced only 7 hits, but used the elements and Tsunami miscues to produce 7 runs. Leading the charge was Shanahan with 2 hits(2B,3B)and Sanchez with a triple(2 runs scored). Other notables for the Diablo offense were Anthony Peterson scoring 2 runs and SS Ryan Brooks and RF Federico Narvaez scoring 1 run each. Props handed out to Federico's bro who endured that tornado for all 9 innings. Also a thank you to the Cafe Sainz lead by owner/operator Alfredo Sainz who laid out a post-game spread worthy of a dirt covered-beer gutted group such as the Diablo's.

On Sunday the Diablos took the field and began to play like the veteran team they are. An early injury to Kemo "Now it's 2,000 Milligrams" Lary opened the door for Joe Shakira to put on a hitting clinic for us all to enjoy. Sir Whitey tossed another gem of a game against the overmatched Dirtbags, throwing a complete game with some clutch late inning strikeouts. Defensivly the Diablos tightend up the game with no major errors to mention. Dennis Shanahan continued to glove everything in centerfield and Fedrico stepping up to play first base like he never had a 7 error game. Gabe "Aluminum Cans" Sanchez continued smash the ball like it owed him money, professing his love for the weight bat every step of the way. Quality teamwork was the theme that emerged on Sunday. The post game shenangins were a sponsored by "Kool Aid" and raised the bar for post game drinking and debauchy. I'm sure we all enjoyed the beer, booze, food and finally some tits to look at! The Diablos face off with the Blue Claws next week, with Don and the Diablos ready to continue their win streak. Good Luck next week, I have front office duties to handle in Puerto Rico, hopefully returning with Puerto Rican talent for the Diablos minor league system.

Where do we start. Is it with the stat of seven different Diablos scoring a run or Whitey's 3rd complete game of the season? Do we highlight the post-game relief of beating former teammates or the fact that no new injuries popped up with our decrepit line-up? Either way the Diablos emerged victorious on a less than stellar day. Chris White, celebrating his son Williams 1st birthday this weekend, dug deep to lower his era and extend the Diablos winning streak to 3. Once again he couldn't get loose until pitch 65. Diablo management is looking to get him starts with their AAA squad so he can show up loose on game day. Snuffing a rally in the 4th was 3B Justin McFawn starting a solid 5-3 double play to get the Diablos back in the dugout. Left Fielder Don Kreppein was beaned in the 6th inning, but the lack of bruise kept the benches from clearing. A shaky strike zone and suspect glove work kept the game close throughout the day. The difference makers today were Gabe "aluminum can" Sanchez cheering on the squad like a tweaker on a bender and SS Ryan Brooks who reached base safely 4 of his 5 at-bats. Homework assignments handed out by the Captain this week are: 1)At least 3 "nooners" for our outfield this week 2)BP for everyone on the roster over 75 years of age 3)Ground Balls for the SS.

The Diablo's rolled out of bed with a hangover and appetite for a victory. Behind Sir Whitey's solid, albeit wild performance the Diablos continue their win streak. The Diablo's bats were awake and crackin' from the get go, with the team putting up runs early and often. Solid defense behind the plate and a great catch by Gabe "Aluminum Cans" Sanchez ended an early attempt to rally back by the Titans. Ebony & Ivory played magical defense up the middle, robbing a few Titans of sure hits throughout the game. Justin "Mr. Happy" McFawn excelled at third base, making all the plays his age allowed him too. Anthony "House and Two cars" came out of retirement to swing the bat well for the Diablos. Don "Bomber" Kreppin hit one deep late in the game to show some good signs of life. Fed "Meow" Naveraz played well at first and behind the plate, I suspect he's been on his knees more than we know. Joe Shakira came in to close the game and baffled the Titans with his arsenal of pitches and machine like precision. Brian "Kool Aid" Budaske played well defensively continuing his error free streak on the field. Alfredo "PR" Sainz fresh from a triple-A rehab start in Puerto Rico dazzled the fans(Den Mother & My Mom) with a hitting display that would have made Ted Williams and Tony Gwynn proud to be left handed. Get ready for next week, the Artichokes will be ready, so ice up.

The overcast skies were high over Balboa Park and the heat wave had finally broken, but not even Mother Nature could cool off the streaking Diablos. Behind another solid performance from Sir Chris White(5-1) the Diablos defeated Artichoke Joe's 17-7 to improve their record to 6-2. Leading the offensive charge was "Kool Aid" Baduske with 3 hits, 4 rbis and 20 shots at post game BBQ. Asked about breaking his recent hitting slump baduske said "I don't know man. I didn't even have to bang a fat chick." Also helping the cause was Kemo "0.5-inch vertical" Lary. His 3 runs scored and blinding speed on the base paths had AJ's on the ropes all day. He also showed great veteran poise when he battled(and lost) gravity on the defensive side. "PR" Sainz continued his torrid pace since returning from the DL. 3 runs scored and reaching base all 4 plate appearances pushed his already bloated On-Base% thru the roof. "Junkyard Dog" McFawn decided to let his game do the talking(2 hits, 3 runs, 2 SB's)after his bark wasn't intimidating anyone. Joe Ponson was, once again, called upon to drop the scorebook(Causing Kemo to sigh with relief)and hoist some lumber for the Diablos. His solid plate discipline and 2 runs scored has Coach Nieves "Pimpin aint Easy" Trejo re-thinking his stance on pitchers batting for themselves. No Whitey this doesn't apply to you. "Aluminum Cans" Sanchez executed another perfectly called game and even added a circus catch behind the dish that would've made Dottie Hinson proud. "Still finding it" Kreppein knocked in 3 rbis and played a flawless LF. Keeping things loose during Pre-Game was "Bubba Gump" Narvaez. Who's moving review of the classic Forrest Gump had many teammates questioning his sexuality. Who knew jenny wasting all that Yola on the mirror was such a riveting scene. Stay tuned for his future reviews of such timeless classics as "All Dogs go to Heaven", "27 Dresses" and "Blow". Overall it was a solid team effort highlighted by the fact that 9 different Diablos crossed the plate. The recent addition of young bucks has meshed well with the over-the-hill veterans and has led to Team Chemistry being right where it should be. Enjoy the week off fellas. You've earned it.

We have received a draft of the remainder of the schedule thru July. Should probably be another 4 or 5 games added on soon. So check out the updates and plan your social life accordingly.

- Dennis Richmond

The Diablos returned to Big Rec on Saturday. Looking to extend their winning streak. The Super-Stars had other plans. The 9-7 final score gave the upper hand in this divisonal battle to the Stars. Getting the starting nod for the Diablos was Joe Ponson. Unfortunately the Diablo defense wasn't there for him. Sir Chris White tossed a few innings in relief, but the Stars rapped out 15 hits total and never trailed during the game. Staying true to their form the Diablo offense took a while to warm up, but in the end their effort fell short. Even an electric diving catch by wily veteran "Aluminum Cans" Sanchez(which is becoming a weekly event)couldn't send a charge through the Diablo O. The highlights for the day 1)"Kool Aid" Baduske notching the first big fly of the 2008 campaign with a 2-run HR in the bottom of the 9th 2)Anthony Peterson and Ryan Brooks each reaching base all 4 at-bats 3)The fact that Don's back will get him more fluff after he wore that 0-2 fastball 4)Only 1 young lady fell victim to the sinkhole @ Casa de Kreppein. Next week a late game in Marin will throw another challenge the Diablos way. Let's see how they bounce back.

The Diablo's are still giving away wins like they are going out of style. Despite an all-star performance for Sir Whitey on the hill, the Diablo's bats went limp after the 3rd inning except for Ronaldo "The Kid" going 4-4 and showing some great hustle on the bases and nice leather in the field. The Wipeout was an appropiate place for the Diablo's to drink their issues away. We need to get back on track next week, so ice up and be ready!

The Diablo's took the field on Sunday with an eye on getting back in the win column. Sir Whitey's performance was an all out effort for 9 innings! "The Kid" continued to make a claim for better contract next season with a dazzling diplay of defense and offense! It was all out effort for the Diablos with everyone pulling together and getting a win. A double play by Kool-Aid was a feat unto itself and probaly won't be seen again for awhile. Forest getting back to third was great but his reception at third was even better, with the ugly finder zeroed in on him. Ebony put on a wonderful hitting display, lazering the ball all over the yard. Dennis "dumbass" Shanahan got on base, then got off base, enough said. Get ready for next week as we take on the Benders, who according to sources, play really good baseball, so ice up! oh yeah, I got hit twice for being late!

Buuuush! The only term to describe the abortion that was Diablos v. Benders on Sunday. From a blind umpire in black jeans to the Benders middle infielder whispering sweet nothings in Gabe's ear. It was a strange day all around. It started with a less than stellar effort from usually dependable starter Sir Whitey. In post game analysis I had mentioned that he had left the ball up which one anonymous player replied "No shit". Falling behind 8-0 early had most Diablos dreaming of the frosty beers waiting in the back of 'Aluminum Cans' Denali. That was just the mind set we needed. After an inexplicable pitching change by Bender management(Their starter had baffled the Diablo line-up)the limp Diablo offense suddenly got a shot of Viagra. After cutting the lead to 9-4 second baseman Kemo 'I'm not feeling this' Lary was quoted "Shit. I guess we're going to play all 9". The Diablos decided to show up after that rallying cry. A 7-run 6th inning capped by a 3-run double by The Kid made things pretty interesting. Federico Narvaez continued his recent hot streak by serving up 'Smoked Double Shrimp' not once, but twice. Kool Aid Baduske petitioned for a name change to '3-0 Ho', but his gapper dropped for a double. He also added a spectacular diving catch, but failed to replace his divot. PR Sainz found that the umpires strike zone reached all the way down to the dirt during his at-bats. His choice words for the ump would've gotten him tossed in any of the other 47 contiguous states, but Stargell Field proved most lenient when it comes to umpire harrassment. Ironically PR's rant prompted the Bender 1st baseman to let us know that we weren't playing with class. Most likely he was looking the other way when his 2nd baseman #15 decided to drop down to the bush leagues and tell our runner that a foul ball had been hit after stealing second. The only thing keeping this review from ripping that certain play to shreds was the respect shown by a Benders player after the game. He knew it was wrong. We knew it was wrong. A beer was shared. Case closed. The loss drops the Diablos down to 7-5 on the season, but the parking lot pimping afterwards has raised our season record of out drinking our opponents to 12-0. Get ready for a little payback next week against the Fog.

Breaking News...Breaking News...Hot off the AP wire Diablo management is in talks with league officials about scheduling a Friday night game on August 8th. The location would be Washington Park @ Burlingame High School. New levels of debauchery could be achieved with the post game activities occuring on a Friday evening. Stay tuned for confirmation of opponent and first pitch time.

Last Sunday the Diablos took on the Fog. Fitting since the skies were blanketed over Big Rec. As luck would have it motivation had been sent in the form of a 500-and-over ball club squawking in the outfield. Nerves were stroked after PR had said his piece....two or maybe three times. That "looseness" helped the Diablos overcome a 3-0 hole in the 1st inning. The Diablos staying true to form waited until the 5th inning to get their bats going. Scoring 1 run thru the first 4 innings and adding 10 from the 5th inning on. Another well balanced attack as 7 of 9 Diablos scored for the squad. Kool Aid added 2 more RBI's while not having to butcher any plays in RF all day. Forrest Narvaez had his 3rd multi-hit game out of the last 4 and continued his Iron Man streak of being the humor of the Post Game party. The kid had another day lashing 3 hits and swiping 3 bags. Sir Whitey gave a solid 6 inning effort eventually yielding to a high pitch count(4 hits,5 k's,8 BB). This opened the door for Joe Ponson to earn his first victory of the season in relief. Closing the door in the 9th inning was Junk Yard McFawn. Observing the 4th this weekend there will be no games. Diablos will come back strong on the 13th against divison foe the Beavers.

The 2008 SFNABA schedule has been completed. The Diablos schedule has been updated on this site thru August. Also the playoff format has been announced. The weekend of Sep. 6/7 will be the single elimination portion of the playoffs with Wild Cards having to win 2 games to move on. Division winners will only have to win 1 game on Sunday to move to the next round. The weekend of Sep. 13/14 will be the Bay and Ocean conference finals with a Best of 3 format. The Championships will be played the weekend of Sep. 20/21 with a Best of 3 format. Take note of these dates and plan accordingly.

Well 2 weeks ago, 17 was number for the day. And we lost. Last week, we lost. We need to get our collective shit together and get a win on Sunday. The Kid did a hell of job at the "All-Star" game last week as well. See you Sunday.

The title tells the whole story. You don't want me to bore you with the details. What? Oh you do want to hear how it all went down on Sunday. Where do we begin. I guess it starts with Sir Whitey bringing his D- game to the Balboa Park mound. After wasting a gem a few weeks back Whitey decided to make the offense work a little bit. His 8 walks in 3 innings were nothing to smile about, but his 2 savvy walks near the end of the game(wink,wink)more than made up for it. Getting the offense started was "P.R." Sainz with a frozen rope RBI double in the 2nd inning. Unfortunately that was the extent of the fireworks until much later in the game. Coming in to make his Diablo debut in relief was Eric "Composite Buster" Platano. With a blazing fastball and some effective wildness he kept the G*ays at bay with 5 k's in 4 innings of work. Kemo "Big League" Lary had a solid grasp of the strike zone receiving 4 walks on the day. He also was accused of trying to hit the 1st base coach in the head during warm-ups with a throw that bounced past his feet. It's this writers personal belief that it was Kool Aids lack of a vertical that fueled the entire incident. Joe Ponson came in for the 8th and went 1-2-3. Trailing 8-4 in the 9th usually spells a quick inning so the Diablos can get to the parking lot. Not this time. 2 hit batters and 4 walks later the stage was set for Diablo RBI leader "Kool Aid" Baduske. After struggling for most of the day(and blaming everything from his batting gloves to his lumber)Baduske said "No more bullshit" and raked a 2-RBI single to RF and gave the Diablos a 9-8 lead going into the bottom of the 9th. Not making things easy the bullpen gave up a run and forced extra innings. Fortunately the umpires weren't in as much of a hurry to call a tie as the G*ays were and 1 more inning was granted. In the top of the 10th the G*ays got 2 quick outs and it looked like we were going to play for a tie. That's when Sir Whitey continued his stunning return to the batters box and worked a walk. Luckily for the Diablos (censored) Shanahan(sorry dude 'censored' is already taken) came in to run and turned in what will be labeled "The Mad Dash" from here on out. Stealing 2nd and 3rd was the plan. The catcher throwing the ball into LF was a bonus that resulted in the run that eventually stood as the game winner. "Angry Tomato" McFawn closed out the 10th inning for his second victory of the season. Post game entertainment was once again provided by Fed "Lady Humps" Narvaez. Oh and I forgot to say "Thank You" to the angry G*ays player yelping that they gave us the game. You did. We took it. 'Nuff said.

The SFNABA has gone ahead and changed the tie back to a victory. To the parties involved(you know who you are)I quote Tom Hanks: "There's no crying in baseball."

After a 7-5 victory over the Storm on Sunday the Diablos ran their record to 4-0 @ Balboa park for the season prompting whispers of making that our home field for next season. Funny since most of the Diablo roster is made up of players who shouldn't be that close to a police station for fear of incarceration. The name of the game today was pitching. Sir Whitey got back on track for his 7th win of the season. Scattering 4 hits over 6 innings while allowing 2 runs. Earning the Bruce Sutter type 3-inning save was recently activated 'Firewood' Platano. The Diablo offense was much less helpful with a grand total of 4 hits. Fortunately some defensive miscues and walks led to a six run 3rd inning that was sparked by a 2-RBI triple for 'Kool Aid' Baduske. Thankfully the Diablo line-up batted around so the paramedics could revive his oxygen deprived body. Also helping the cause was 'Aluminum Cans' Sanchez scoring 2 runs to push his season total to 16. Not surprising the post-game festivities went deep into the evening. No doubt a warm up to the late night debauchery that will follow our 08/08/08 game this Friday. I also received an inquiry about a possible Budweiser sponsorship since we dusted 150+ of their fine product on Sunday. Keep it up Diablos!

Well, there is not much to say about Friday's loss. Eric pitched his second beautiful game,. however the Diablo's offense couldn't help him out. Great party at Gabes house. Got to win the next 2 if we want to continue the season.

Last Sunday the Diablos showed up strong. Led by a RF from the Jurassic period they fell to the playoff bound Titans 10-7. Sir Whitey proved once again he has the heart of a lion. Only having 8 players(9.5 if you count brother) tends to leave the DH option kaput. Whitey broke out the Steinbach helmet and managed to reach base 4 out of 5 ab's......oh and he pitched a little too. Way to get a batting average kid! Speaking of kids the Orozco brothers did not disappoint. Naldo dropped in his 3 hits, gunned one runner and was taken out by a sniper himself in the 8th inning. Oz nailed down the hot corner with veteran presence and everything he had. Now both of you go drink water. Junkyard McFawn and Mr. Lary decided to go old skool. McFawn rocked the nutter pants to the tune of 2 hits, 2 runs and 3 stolen bags. Mr. Lary wore the oversized uniform, but missed his golden opportunity for the behind the back DP. This close dude. AC Sanchez showed up strong with the energy of a 16 year old and the stats to prove it(RBI,Run,SB). LF/CF was manned by Don who was recently back from an Air Guitar World Tour(1B,Run). Nieves roamed RF and moved runners over all day at the plate. Definitely an example for all players younger than 7,000 years of age. Thanks Coach. With this loss the Diablos fell out of contention for the playoffs. 1 damn game. We finish off next week against the Sea Lions.

That's right folks. The Diablos are going to the dance. With a season ending forfeit win over the Sea Lions(Not cool guys) the Diablos qualified for the 2008 SFNABA playoffs. Word round the camp fire has us facing the Beavers in the 1st round on Sept 6th. So keep up the steady diet of booze and broads Diablos and we'll be in fine shape when game time rolls around....UPDATE: Diablos lose 1st round match-up with Beavers.

Happy Holidays Diablo fans. Hope all is holly and jolly in your lives. We start with sympathy to the family of Dock Ellis. He passed away this past week after a battle with Cirrhosis. He is best known for throwing a No-Hitter while under the influence of LSD. A truly remarkable sporting achievement if you have ever thrown a baseball or dropped acid. I am writing this review due to the recent flood of emails inquiring about the Diablos interest in this years Free Agent pool. Let me start with our most recent news. We are no longer in talks with Mark Teixeira's people. Initially it was the money demands, but the deep pockets of GM Nieves Trejo quickly evened those numbers out. In the end the deal breaker was the fact that Scott Boras couldn't handle Trejo calling him 'Brother' during negotiations(also the fact that Teixeira's drug test came back negative meant he got an F in the team chemistry department...a killer with this organization). Our legal department had drawn up an 8 year-100 Beer/game contract for C.C. Sabathia, but a fierce bidding war developed between Hank Steinbrenner and Hank Steinbrenner. After careful consideration it was the training staffs view that C.C. was guaranteed to gain at least 25 lbs. post-gaming in the parking lot. Rounding out 2008 the Diablo front office thought they had filled the SS hole with a 4 year deal with Rafael Furcal. The initial report of Furcal's agents using the Diablos offer to drive up the price were false. The truth is that Diablo management found the Fax machine with a paper jam and just gave up on sending the offer. "That is disappointing. With his multple DUI's and alcoholic training from Bobby Cox he would've fit in well with these guys. Especially when the hat was passed for the 3rd and 4th beer runs." was a quote from someone close to the negotiations. A one and done scenario in the playoffs has left a bitter taste in managements mouth. All positions are open for next season which should create some competition when Spring Training begins in March.

Winter meeting has been concluded. Coach Trejo has spoken. All Diablo's are to report to the first practice February 8th. Time and location will be determined. So get those livers ready with a good lather during the Super Bowl because the weekend after that "Brother" is running our asses. UPDATE: FEB 8th practice will be held at Balboa Park. Feb 15th first preseason game @ Balboa Park.

2009 SFNABA league meeting has been completed. The Ping-Pong ball has been grabbed(Thanks Justin)and a lottery has shuffled the Bay and Ocean Conferences. The Diablos have been placed in the Ocean-East with five other squads(Storm, AJ's, Bay Sox, Tsunami, Sea Lions). Some squads have been played and others are new. The league executives have guaranteed the first 4 games of the schedule to be released within a week. This weekend the Diablos play a pre-season game against an old foe @ Balboa 2pm.

Season opener against the SuperStars has been moved to Flood Park 3pm on 3/29/09. Please plan accordingly for rides and bring your beer money. McFawn has been put in charge of providing post-game orange slices and lettuce. Received a warning email from the league office regarding the behavior of an "unidentified league team" in San Leandro last week. The letter specified beer drinking and "legal and illegal" smoking as the infractions. It also mentioned leaving trash and not maintaining the field after use. The summary statement in the email threatened to re-schedule games from San Leandro Park to Big Rec for any teams breaking the "rules". Ummmm ok. Since we signed up to play in the SFNABA I don't see how not having to travel across a bridge to play is punishment. As for the complaint of garbage we have "Aluminum Cans" Sanchez living by the motto of 'No empty beer can is left behind'. We don't leave any food trash since eating keeps you from getting buzzed quickly. I am fully aware the complaint was not about us since we played in SF this past weekend, but I am sure that at some point this season we will have a complaint against us. Oh well. That will not effect the Diablos post-game ritual of alcohol consumption, smoke inhalation(legal and illegal) and game review. We went a perfect 20-0 last year in after game theatrics and we strive to keep that record intact. Play Ball!

To borrow a line from Marvin Gaye "Oh mercy mercy me". That about sums up our first game of the 2009 season, but what fun would it be to chat about a mercy killing without some details. To begin every Diablo that stepped in the batters box scored a run today. A new Kangaroo Court fine was established thanks to Fed almost decapitating Frank in the on-deck circle. 'Aluminum Cans' Sanchez performed such magic behind the dish the Super Stars were talking amongst themselves about his cannon all day(His 2-RBI's didn't hurt). Fresh fish Louis Gardella(CG,12k,5BB,3H,2ER)decided to break from his pre-season tradition of hitting more batters than the other team. It worked. Justin "Mad Dawg" McFawn knocked in 2 rbi's and also had enough energy to yell at Fed from across the diamond on more than one occasion. Frank 'Pimpin aint easy' Escobar found time to score a run and play a solid LF while dodging flying timber. Brian "I use my cellphone while driving" Baduske added a run and hit while hosting post-game festivities at his place. Kemo "Brooksy's got it" Lary showed his veteran poise by not letting some defensive miscues creep into his at-bats. Atta boy. Center Fielder Marcus Reed(2hits,2runs,2RBIs) showed why the Diablo front office flagged him down on the side of the road this off-season and asked him to play. Naldo Orozco brought the scenery and managed to score 2 runs from the lead off spot. Now if we can only get him to take a pitch or two. And last but certainly not least we have Joe Ponson-Chaika. He patiently waited for his AB all afternoon. His purchase of a new bat had him dreaming of shots in the gap and the muff confetti that accompanies such hitting prowess. Sadly that dream was put on hold since he was promptly beaned on the 3rd pitch. Better luck next time Joe. Overall it was a complete 180 degree turn from our pre-season games. Who knew the veterans on this squad were just holding back until it counted. There was even a little fire shown during a squabble over the post-game spread. Keep at it fellas!

What a day for baseball. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping(where is a shotgun when you need it) and the pitchers showed up to play. For the Diablos it started and ended with 'Fresh Fish' Gardella. Earning his second win he went the distance on the hill and begged(like a woman)for runs in the dug out. In true Diablo fashion we waited until the last possible moment to score those runs. Returning from his expensive Vegas vacation 'PR' Sainz got himself a batting average, had a $1 strikeout and scored the game winning run. Not a bad '09 debut. 'Mad Dawg' McFawn scored the first run of the day for the Diablos and had some nifty glove work at the hot corner(That ump totally screwed you). The outfield was solid as usual. Led by CF Marcus Reed who squashed a couple of Bender rallies all by himself. 'Flat tire' Escobar and Brian Baduske-Smith locked down the corner spots respectively. Oh and B also wanted me to add he is the most feared 8th hitter in the league. Behind the dish 'Aluminum Cans' Sanchez showed the energy of a teenager(or maybe someone who mixes stimulants with his crystal light). After he flexed his muscle in gunning down the first Bender who attempted to steal nobody even considered that idea for the rest of the game. He played the part so well that he over threw Gardella regularly to show he couldn't control his cannon. 'FundaMENTALs' Narvaez found new and amazing ways of parting himself from his hard earned dollars. Whether it's striking out looking or calling his own infield fly rule from the batters box I can't wait to see what he does next. Punch and cookies were served post-game, but the bridge traffic cut the festivities short. Props to Kemo 'get away from the grill' Lary for feeding the animals @ Gabe's house.

A tough two weeks for the Diablos has sent them down the standings to 2-2. Last week 9 players showed up and we lost to the Blazers 4-2. Injuries limited Sweet Lou to only 4 innings or work, but Justin picked up the slack and carried the Diablos the rest of the way. Highlights from that defeat were 1)Gabe bronzing on the 3rd level of hell @ Alfredo's place 2)Lou proving to us why we DH for him. This week it was a familiar foe the Blue Claws(who wear red jerseys). With injuries and swine flu keeping key players out of the line-up the Diablos battled back from a 9-2 deficit with a 6-run seventh inning highlighted by a 3-run triple from Naldo(no doubt trying to impress his lady). Amidst chirps about the time limit from the home team the umpires allowed play to resume. In the top of the 9th a towering solo home run by Marcus Reed tied it up at 9-9. Unfortunately a run was plated on a sacrifice fly by teh Blue Claws in the bottom of the 9th and the game was over. Post game attendance was considerably light, but when you only have 7.5 players ont he roster that is to be expected. This week we got screwed by the powers that be and are playing in San Leandro @ 715pm on Sunday. Wow. Good thing we signed up to play in the SLNABA.....oh wait it was the SFNABA. Hopefully we'll get a game in San Francisco before the season is over.

Read the headline fool!

Wow is the only description for Saturday @ Hayward High School. The host schools mascot is the Farmers and thats what we should have been doing instead of playing ball. That is if we could find the field we need to plow with AC Sanchez at the wheel. Figuring we had plenty of time to sight see before 1st pitch the Diablo party bus hit up a few fast food joints, visited some of Haywards finer neighborhoods and even had time to shop a few garage sales for the perfect mothers day gift. I think PR even got a screaming deal on a knock-off designer hand bag. After pre-game warm ups(ha) Joe Ponson took the hill for your Diablos. Making his 1st start of the season fresh off the DL he gave us everything we needed. Six innings later he departed with an enlarged nut sack and the Diablos trailing 2-1. Not much to chat about from that point on. Final score was 8-1 in the Tsunamis favor. Other highlights involved Track coach Kemo legging out his first triple since the Reagan administration and AC Sanchez taking the term "getting treatment" to the next level by playing 8 innings with a bag of ice in his sock. Conversations of where to get the best crab and who left what in the car back on our side of the bay dominated the post game. The Diablo heads(livers) are definitely in "mid-season" form as we reach the quarter pole of the 2009 season. Also just to keep our cry baby reputation shining bright the trek across the bay for that field is a joke. Not because of traffic or gas prices. Because we can find a field like that anywhere in the SF area(HNABA). That is all.

For anyone in attendance Sunday evening a full refund of your time and money should be expected. The Diablos decided to put on a little show of what not to do in most situations. Never make the first or third out at third base. We did. Don't walk the lead off batter with a 3-run lead in the 9th inning. We did. Don't lose track of how many outs there are in an inning. We did. Dont drink in the park after hours. We did. For most of Sunday the Diablos looked like they would pull this one out even while committing so many baseball sins. Fugeddaboutit! Gardella threw a solid game. Gabe ripped a sweet RBI-double. And our overweight line-up caused havoc on the base paths all night. In the end a strong 4 run rally by AJ's in the top of the 9th extended the Diablos losing streak to five. Post game consisted of 5 guys drinking in the dark and throwing cans in the garbage(where were you AC Sanchez?).

Epic, Colossal, Mountainous. These are just a few words that can describe the current 8-game losing skid the Diablos are riding. After a demoralizing 13-5 extra inning loss to the Sea Lions a double header against the 1st place Storm was just what the doctor ordered. Making his Diablo debut Phil Lonsdale tossed 7 solid innings, but the Diablo offense couldn't get across the plate enough to help him out in a 5-4 loss. Post game odds on Phil being able to wipe his ass Monday were rumored to be around 10-1. After a 30 minute lunch break spent getting ice for the post game sodas and rocking out to Kemo's greatest hits the Diablos sent Sweet Lou to the hill. His 6 innings kept the Diablos in the game, but once again the offense stalled and the final score was 6-4. Joe Ponson ripped a 2-RBI double in he 9th inning to keep things interesting and extend his hitting streak to every game he makes the line-up. AC Sanchez was injured on a hustle play at first base in which the Storm 1B thought he was playing soccer and gave Gabe's hand a kick. Since this weeks absence from post-game activities was not his choice the cans were recycled and brought to Gabes house. That should cover the co-pay big guy. To end the losing streak virgin sacrifice was mentioned during the drinking session, but quickly forgotten after Frank aired the latest episode of Dragon Slayer for the team. The new guys were introduced to a memorable roast of Alfredo by none other than Kemo "Shut the fuck up. You can't say nuthin'" Lary. The Diablos return to SF this week and play the Tsunami @ West Sunset.

Happy Fathers day all you Dads. Last Sunday the Diablos welcomed their second and FINAL game in San Francisco for the 2009 season by ending their losing streak with a 13-0 victory over the Tsunami. The effort was shared by many whether it was Joltin' Joe Ponson shooting the gaps and getting dirty at 3rd(u almost had that shit man) or Kemo "I'll be right back" Lary showing his youthful legs in scoring 3 runs(He also gave a clinic on how to sneak out early). Sweet Lou decided to throw fastballs since he enjoys the echo @ West Sunset and got the 7 inning CG(even had to field his position a few times). Cameron Lebowksi stepped in behind the plate and couldn't be stopped with the stick. RBI's were dropped in by Fed "I'll be late next week" Narvaez and Alex Mora. Fresh fish Zack Miller impressed with his hustle. The Flying Orosco brothers were a welcome site. Although Oz needs to work on his 1st base coaching style. This week looked like an entirely different Diablo squad. Of course Brother thinks its all his line-up tweaking, BUT we know it's more about guys just playing some ball. Late arrival by world traveler PR Sainz was welcomed to collect a boat load of Kangaroo Court fees. This Sunday the Diablos play @ 2 pm Flood Park against the Fog.

The guy on the right was umpiring our game. You figure out how it went. More to come...

Yes you heard it right. The Diablos level of debauchery has sunk to a new low. Now before y'all go running to alert PETA the chicken was a lovely roasted garlic number from the Safeway rotisserie and for our needs it came through like a champion. Following the latest 1 run debacle in our previous game the post-game festivities wrapped up with a 2/3 majority vote in favor of an offering to the baseball gods. It worked like a charm and the Diablos defeated Artichoke Joes 5-1. Sweet Lou Gardella tossed a complete game gem. Striking out 10 batters and walking 6(Don't ever doubt the captain when he says you walked a shitload....whore). The scoring was started with Federico Narvaez hitting a meteor shot to CF for an RBI sac fly. Cameron Yuen-Shore continued earning his hyphen by pissing on the rug and adding two more hits to his resume. AC Sanchez kept his sponsorship with Crystal Light going strong by reaching base three times and taming AJ's running game. He also hosted the post-game festivities which will be remembered for 1)Two large men comparing bellies 2)Black is slimming 3)Rookie Gardella disrespecting the BBQ by bringing his own food-who does that 4)Kemo working the grill with his bare hands 5)Alfredo dressing like a white man.

Diablos beat Sea Lions 13-4 in San Bruno Park...AC Sanchez proved that predicting the future is not easy....Lou earned the nickname of Cheddar....Fed showed us how to hire Mariachi's and play defense on Nachos during post-game....The part of Alfredo was played by his understudy Eli-direct quote dude-He said it before the game....Brooks openly pleaded his case for a seeing eye rbi single to the tune of "Sneak through you Bitch!"....Our racial coolness elevated itself to white and black guys pouring beer on each other....Miller showed his versatility by playing LF, looking like a 3B for a few innings and diving for a ball in the same spot he stood in RF....Marcus scored 4 runs while patrolling CF, BUT more importantly stayed for the post-game pow wow....Joltin' Joe Ponson's hitting streak was halted 49 shy of Dimaggio and he also couldn't catch with Meteors 1st basemans glove, his loss of invite to Gabe's house was totally unrelated....Cameron got himself one step closer to earning the hyphen on his jersey-He also took two steps back for making Brooksy score from 1st on multiple occasions....Phil finished off the final 3 innings on the mound and then gets to drive to St. Louis a week too late-that sucks....The kid Naldo stepped up by giving a clinic on bunting and removing the sticker from his hat-a big day in the youngsters life....Gabe went overboard with the Crystal Light and turned in a solid performance behind the dish despite using an inferior glove that seemed to not frame the ball and impeded his ability to throw out baserunners-damn glove....Kaitlyn(sp)came through clutch by picking up Cheddar before he went for seconds on the lawn nachos....Nieves walked a little taller after the game-obviously it was his unstoppable line-up that caused this behavior not the viagra....Next week the Diablos return to Goose Shit Park aka Raimundi Field....Bring your money for tacos(or mysterious pizza deliveries)and your Kevlar....oh and ladies the Nicaraguan nightmare pictured above is Hungry and Humble.

Can words sum up the weirdness of Sunday? Probably not, but here goes...Someone called in the blimp and a flying advertisement for Sugary Buds...Cheddar nutted up and worked through a tough 6th inning to get the CG win...He also gave up an absolute BOMB that was measured from the Google Earth image above...Conservative estimates are 430 feet...Kemo gave a solid tribute to Rickey Henderson with a stand up steal...He also got his ass soaked by finding the only puddle on the dryest field we have played on all year...Federico picked up a few rbi's, but also played third base like a 53 year old...the self proclaimed house broken Cameron dropped in a few more hits but proved more clutch with his surveying skills...Miller decided to buck trends and give us a going away gift by scoring the winning run and missing cut offs(had to dude)-now go mold young minds and remember "8 year olds dude"...Marcus did his usual thing in center and in the lead off spot-his early exit from post game was due to laundry and bachelorhood...Joltin' Joe picked up where he left off with the bamboo a few weeks back but his "Fed" that he pulled on that pop-up will probably not be lived down until 2010...Coach Trejo found himself another line-up that could tear ass early and provided the incentive to win with a cold 36 pack in the cooler...AC Sanchez decided to provide free tickets to the gun show by pegging two would be base stealers early(Kemo’s creative swipe tag helped) no doubt he was aided by the return of his glove from the DL...Props go out to Nieves and Gabe venturing out for a beer run in the neighborhood...Post-game provided some laughs with Kemo almost getting mauled by a dingo, TCHNIC picking out the smallest infielder to step up to in the afternoon game and Feds stang getting the royal treatment in the form of a wash/wax with recycled Heineken and Budweiser...Oh yeah Diablos win 10-9...Look at Lou dressing the part of someone named Cheddar below...

This Ice Cream dude cutting across the diamond was the only action San Bruno Park saw Sunday afternoon. I would like to tell you about the gem Philly tossed yesterday OR the majestic bomb that Fed hit foul OR the 3 walks that Kemo stared out of the umpire, but in all fairness to the baseball gods I won't try to pass off these lies to you. Now our significant others are a different story(unless you brought 'em to the park and they witnessed the Dirtbags not reaching the minimum). Since there was no baseball played the Diablos got an early jump on the post-game festivities which proved rather eventful. AC Sanchez once again showed why he is Public Enemy #1 to all the pigeons that roam the parks looking for cans. He also went against tradition and did all this flexing with his shirt on(sorry ladies). Eli proved once again he is made of money and racked up a fine for wrong colored socks. He didn’t allow the fashion mistake to interfere with his bullpen for the scouts. A factory recall was initiated for Ipod workout arm bands since a Diablo(who will remain anonymous)almost landed on the DL for wearing it too tight. Fortunately he won’t miss anytime at third base. Naldo graced us with his presence(albeit a little late)so we decided to tell him we had to forfeit because we were one guy short. His expression was priceless until “Poker Face” Narvaez spilled the beans. Damn you Fed we could’ve strung that one out for awhile! Joltin’ Joe made an early exit and in the spirit of the X-games decided to jump the curb. Since he didn’t get to work on his latest streak I guess he had to hit something. Talk of last weeks BOMB surrendered by Cheddar now has the estimates up to 450. Since he wasn’t here to defend himself it was pretty ruthless. That will teach him not to plan vacations during the season. Also if any of you fans are interested in experiencing a Diablo Post-Game the management is now making reservations for the Wipe-Out Grill in Marin on August 30th. We are all following Kemo’s lead that day.

The Diablos used every trick in the book on Sunday to guarantee a 6-1 victory over the Titans...One lad celebrated his 21st(53rd) birthday by showing up glossy eyed from too many Long Island's, One fella rolled up with a semi-conscious(possibly dead) chick in the back seat and Cheddar brought his 7th inning snack of PB&J with the crusts cut off...On the field the Diablos defense showed no mercy and even turned a double play...After allowing a run in the 1st inning Cheddar clamped down on the Titans offense....He only pissed off Ebony & Ivory with lead-off walks a few times this week...AC Sanchez had an amazing day by scoring 2 runs without ever touching the plate-Eat shit David Blaine...His constant yelling behind the dish took it's toll and by the 9th inning he had the umpire fetching the balls for him- I believe thats called respecting your elders...Marcus finally got a flyball in CF for the first time in a month-He caught it and immediately acknowledged the sun worshippers in stripes...Alex Mora showed that pop-ups off a Bamboo bat cause more havoc than maple-His kick save @ 1B also proved clutch since it slowed the ball enough for Kemo to get a true hop...Cameron finally decided to stop hitting the ball with authority and had an RBI duck fart to get the Diablo offense going-contract negotiations must've stalled...After showing us his best caged animal routine Fed stepped on the field and flashed a little leather-All the yelling from Gabe probably had something to do with it...Post-Game had solid attendance including RoboCop errr Whitey and his family...Topics covered were diversity in sexual relations, 24-Hour Fitness' policy on drinking and stealing on the job and why the hell is Fed sitting in his car...And yes ladies and gentlemen Cheddar is pictured above during his Time-Out for his subtle comments directed towards Kemo's hat.

Another Sunday in the park, Another Diablo victory...Cheddar tossed a beautiful chickenhawk complete game, but he had to bat for himself...the collective slap of our heads could be heard for miles...AC Sanchez decided to call out the squad as FLAT before the 1st pitch and added an exclamation point to his comment by throwing the ball into LF during a stolen base attempt-It worked...Federico showed up after a full nights sleep and picked up 3 RBI's...5 to 1 odds he shows up hungover as a muthafucka next week...Marcus tracked down some flyballs and absolutely tore up the 1st base coaching box...No doubt he had fabric softener on his mind...Phil felt that his jersey didn't have any mojo so he left it at home-Luckily for him Nieves left a little juice in his and it rubbed off...I'm guessing Nieves pre-game advice of "Put your dick into it Brother!" also helped...Kemo showed his strike zone knowledge by Big Leaguing a couple walks off of Dreyfuss(That last one was a strike Dude)…He also forgot to tell Phil that it sucks hitting behind him-$1 lesson learned…Cam continued his quest for a hyphen by scoring a couple runs and contributing nothing on defense…Don’t worry the ball will get hit to you during a crucial inning…His Kirkland Signature beer was received well during post-game although he didn’t share any of the free white t-shirts or 4 radial tires that came with said beer…Eli survived a pitch to the neck…To his credit he never went down BUT he did circle the runway a few times and I am pretty sure he got clearance to land…Atta boy…Postgame was handled with class and dignity(even allowing the inner circle to be breached by a Rebel)after anonymous sources snitched out the Diablos to the league office…Good job Deep Throat…We enjoyed our orange slices and toasted our juice boxes in your honor.

Diablos snap their 6 game winning streak with a 5-3 loss to the Bay Sox...

A valid question since our record sat at 2-8 just a short while ago...Here is how it played out this past weekend...430pm on a Sunday in Marin licks nads...Watching the other squad play patty-cake when 1st pitch is supposed to be happening is even worse...Cheddar tossed another wonderful gem, but asking about stats in the book after a game is lame...yeah I said it...Marcus did his usual merry-go-round act on the bases and patrolled CF-for all this his Turkey Burger got the extra attention this year at the Wipe Out...congrats buddy...we welcomed back two prodigal sons with PR Sainz and Justin making appearances...Marin still poses challenges for our 3B, but the RBI's more than made up for it...Kemo retained the "3-0 Ho" status-only for the integrity of the game-He also got his food on time, enjoyed the cleanliness of the bathroom, noted the servers lack of flair and took his leftovers seriously...AC Sanchez was bummed about the lack of recycling generated by our post-game venue-I'm just thinking his mood was subdued since he actually drove the speed limit this year...Myrow showed up in a taxi like a big leaguer and also demonstrated how poor the grains were on his Louisville Slugger-Keep swinging brother or as Eli would say "Hit to contact"...Alex decided to show off for his family and put on a display of hops and arm strength...Joltin' Joe wore one in the same spot for the 2nd week in a row starting a new streak that he may not want to keep...Brother said lets kick some ass while he is out of town so lets do it fellas...Diablos open up the playoffs against the Blue Claws 9/12 - 2pm - Flood Park...

The Diablos were eliminated on Sunday 9-8 in a 10-inning thriller against the Benders after beating the Blue Claws 9-5 the previous day...AND YES THOSE ARE THE PLAYOFF SCOREBOOK PAGES TOASTING ON THE GRILL

Another off season has reared it's ugly head for the Diablos and baseball fans across the country. The evil empire has reclaimed the top of the mountain in the MLB and supposedly the same team won the SFNABA championship. I say supposedly because as is usually the case with the Diablos when their season ends their interest in the league ends with it. After an epic battle with the Benders ended the Diablos playoff run the front office was kicked out of hibernation.

First order of business was to arrange a sit down with Tim Lincecum and see if the numbers could be worked out. After a few hours of listening to some Pink Floyd, staring at Timmy's collection of blacklight art and watching him polish his Cy Youngs it seemed that the only logical course of action was to pop in The Big Lebowski and enjoy. Unfortunately Diablo management noticed that the fabulous hookah we had been using during negotiations was autographed by none other than Barry Zito. Suddenly visions of a 7 year/$126 million nightmare filled our collective heads and negotiations stalled. The official statement put out by our PR group indicated we did NOT end negotiations because of his citation for marijuana possession and we are sticking to it despite the rumors to the contrary. (Between you and me I would take that kind of publicity with one our players much better than say having his wife beat him with a golf club after finding out he was putting from the rough if you know what I mean). Since those negotiations little has been cooking on the hot stove. A bid for Marco Scutaro was beaten out by the Red Sox(Damn you Theo Epstein!).

This past week the brain trust(using that term loosely) for the Diablos met up at a fine establishment in Westlake. Only a team of this caliber plans a meet @ a place located in a shopping mall during the holiday season. After tearing through a few sampler platters like wild hyenas and wetting our whistles the meeting was called to order. Everyone aired their thoughts on last season and what was needed to get over the hump in 2010. McFawn and Forrest picked up right where they left off and got back to their marital bliss. Nieves showed up late as usual and took care of the bill(Coach you will always be a champion). PR Sainz vowed to halt his nomadic existence and bring his glove on game days. AC Sanchez showed disappointment throughout the meeting since the weather and state law barred him from drinking shirtless.

The main topic of discussion turned to a serious allegation of poaching going on for the second year in a row. After two years in the league it is clear to all that play against the Diablos we enjoy the game AND post-game. A good team in our eyes enjoys giving it all between the lines and ripping each other a new one after it's all said and done. Nobody is on this team because they went to some try-out and had Lloyd from Entourage pat their ass and offer them a hand job. We certainly don't call players and disparage their current teams in an effort to lure them to our squad. This type of behavior is for guys who are still bitter about being picked last and/or having a strong resemblance to the above picture. This part of the update is for only one person so most of you out there don't need to read any further...Knock that shit off

Diablo veterans Ryan Brooks and Justin McFawn take time off their busy off-season schedules to enjoy the finer things...Beer and stolen property.

After the first (un)official workout of the season a familiar sound is heard. The prideful boasts of half-buzzed Diablo veterans. Either way we have the first bet of the season as witnessed by Justin and Alfredo. Kemo "Athlete" Lary and Forrest Narvaez have put $20 and a 12 pack on who will have more stolen bases during the 2010 campaign. Seriously. Let's hope the next few weeks bring even more wagers on athletic performance. Unlike the MLB we encourage this type of behavior.

We have received the first six games of the schedule. Lo and behold our friend down at the league office(Berkhalter?) has scheduled us for 2 double-headers in the first 4 weeks of the season. I thought we told that Kraut a thousand times we don't roll on Shabbos. Get your day planners out or start scratching these dates on your cave walls. It's going to be a loooooong season.

A sunny day in the park, Battle scarred shoulders cracking during warm-ups, Smokers coughing in the back of the bullpen and Players praying the last loop on their belt will be sufficient. Yes fans the Diablos have started another season. A 6-2 victory had the fellas in good spirits on Saturday. Some fresh faces have found their way to the squad, but most of the roster is still made of the usual suspects. Opening Day 2010 brought a new squad, the Red Devils, to the Diablos door step. After having the junkyard dog "politely" tell them they needed to change their names and colors at the league meeting earlier this year we figured an extra effort was going to be needed. Also the right to represent the Prince of Darkness in the SFNABA was on the line. Coach Trejo decided early in pre-season to give the Opening Day nod to Cheddar Gardella. He pitched well enough to earn the start(plus we didn't have anyone else). Ched didn't disappoint. A solid 6-inning effort was given, BUT eye witness testimony has confirmed that he spoke of stats from preseason before the game. That led to about 76 full counts which had Kemo "Athlete" Lary talking to himself. Making his Diablo debut Mark Pacheco did not disappoint. His 3-inning Bruce Sutter style save is the kind of effort that usually leads to contract extensions. Several nicknames were tossed around, but the consensus for now is to call him firewood. The offense was led by Justin "I'll piss all over your shit" McFawn driving in 3-RBIs. Kemo picked up another 2-RBI's. Marcus "where are the flyballs" Reed did his usual thing and scored a couple runs at the top of the line-up. Ryan "How many fingers do you see" Brooks laid down a textbook sac bunt and also took a pitch off his dome. Tough day for the SS, but it wasn't anything a few Budweisers couldn't take care of. Other highlights included Joltin' Joe Chaika showing us how to take a walk, score 2 runs and piss of an umpire. Gabe "Control your Child" Sanchez making a circus catch behind the plate AND helping families in the park learn how to police their children. What a guy! Federico "My Bad" Narvaez making a diving stop @ 1B in super slo-mo. No seriously it was slow as a hell. All in all a good way to start off the season.

The picture accompanying today's update is a re-enactment of what should've been the final out of the game. Brooksy is showing excellent form for the flip to second. Kemo looks EXACTLY how he did during the play...minus the Bud Light.

After a week of rain threatened to ruin our weekend the sun made an appearance and the Diablos didn't disappoint. Getting his first start of the season Marcelo Pacheco showed why GM Sainz traveled the 7,000 miles to scout this kid. He also now leads the SFNABA in "Who the hell is this kid?" from the opposing teams. Cheddar Gardella finished things up by throwing a curveball that led to an ejection. I still don't know how the game ended and I was standing on the infield. Like usual the Diablo offense took care of business, but left waaaaay too many runners on base. I believe it was 15 this week. Marcus "Scorsese" Reed got things started at the top of the lineup. Ripping gap shots and filming Oscar worthy moments on the diamond. Brooksy wore another ball off his dome. Seriously who did this guy piss off? Athlete Lary upped the batting average and played a boringly efficient 2B. It's pretty easy when they bounce right at you. Kid Orozco hobbled in from the barrio and had three hits. His mini-celebrations seemed to piss off the All Blacks, but nobody wins when you criticize the handicapped. The real hero of the day was Fed "My Bad" Narvaez. After getting grief from everyone for getting hosed at home plate during the pre-season he vowed to hit the gym and never let it happen again. Well I am pretty sure he hasn't gone to the gym, but he decided to hit the ball a little further so he could actually make it all the way home. For the second week in a row his defense was solid. Beginning your typical 3-6-1 double play and picking everything in sight. Great game Fed. Next week the Diablos begin their death march of three double headers in a row. Come on out and cheer them on OR talk shit. Either way we enjoy fans in the stand no matter what team the support. Unless it's the Dodgers. Then your ass has got to go.

This weeks picture is PR Sainz after a long day of signing prospects and telling people what to do.

For the 17th time this week the venue for our double header has changed. The latest change has us playing at Balboa Park. Not the real field at Balboa, but the piece of crap located near the freeway that is only good for BP and having sex in the bleachers(if your not interested in giving the extra effort to get over to Crocker and hump in the dugout). Let's hope that we all don't receive emails Saturday night at 11:59pm telling us our game has been moved to the dark side of the moon. Stay classy scheduling gods.

Apologies to the Diablo faithful. The lack of updates for the past few weeks can be blamed on A)having a job, B)planning a wedding and C)general apathy caused by having some douche named Venereal screw with our baseball karma...I guess we'll start with our 7-2 loss to the Benders a few weeks back. It was summed up well by a Diablo veteran with this line "Lou gave up the ass." Short, simple and to the point. I'm pretty sure some weak hitting also helped, but blaming Lou is so much easier. After loading our guts with Bravo Pizza we promptly lost the second game of that double header to the Black Sox. Pacheco pitched well enough for a victory, but the Diablo line-up provided shit for runs and the final score had us behind 3-2. I guess the only excitement was our junkyard dog barking with theirs. Staying true to form the team rallied in the parking lot and the two losses were forgotten in about 20 minutes. A new dance called the "Fed" was created. All three steps are illustrated in the picture above. It's such a sensation they're doing it in Egypt. This past weekend proved much better on the field for the good guys. A double header with the Rebels seems to be just what the doctor ordered. Here are some highlights from the weekend...Pacheco got the W in game 1 and stole 3rd base(his head first slide looked to have begun about 3 steps off 2B)...Marcus ripped the hell out of the ball and caused general havoc on the base paths...Kemo decided to try and use a "Barrel over Niagara" slide into second base...He got the stolen base and also showed us how well baseball bats can be used as walking canes...Lou pitched a gem in the second game and talked enough shit to now be the 3rd best hitting pitcher on the team...Fed barfed during infield/outfield, got a stern talking to from Papa Gabriel and had a huge catch in foul territory...He also created a new kangaroo court fee which has come to be a weekly thing with him...Coach decided to send the team a message and ordered Diet Coke for the mid-day snacking...Not cool Nieves...Joltin' Joe decided to bust some municipal property, almost kill some dude sun bathing and make Gabe feel better about RF...Ivan played some solid 3B and performed the first ever "Fed" at 1st base...Alfredo arrived in a cab and decided to sacrifice his bat to the BMW gods...He also hit the cut off like a man possessed...Justin kept his hitting stroke going, struck out the side in his only inning of work and showed that the worst spot to throw the ball to him is right in the glove...Of course we post-gamed like champs and even out lasted the communist soccer players in the parking lot...Next up is the Mad Dogs in Oak-town...Now the official instructions on how to do the "Fed"...You do one to the left and then one to the right. This is repeated until the chorus of the song. You then lift your mid-section like a fat guy pulling his pants up and run in the opposite direction. Preferrable done with about 5 guys in varying degrees of a drunken stupor.

The Diablos took that long trip to the up & coming city of Hayward for a twilight game against the San Francisco Sea Lions. Upon arrival the squad was in good spirits and ready to playball, then the game actually started and frustration set in early for the Diablos. After a quick top half of the first inning the Diablos spent the bottom half watching the merry go round that only a few walks and few scattered hits can create. The bats remained quiet for a few inings with the Diablos only managing a few scattered hits here and there. The "head up our ass" style of play continued for the Diablos with sluggish defense and poor pitch selection on offense. We outright sucked donkey balls the whole game only make a real game in the top of 9th with a nice rally the came up just short. Smarter baseball is the only way to get back on track and it only begs the questions...is it to early to sacrifice a chicken? And yes we are still undefeated in the parking lot.

Diablos win and picked up a homeless guy to play left...

Hello old friend. Yes your friendly chronicler of all things Diablos is back on Americano soil. Lots has happened since the last time we've chatted. The Diablo sinners have seen a founding member of the tribe tie the knot and run their record to 7-5. What, What, What you ask. Here are some highlights from this past weekend where your beloved Diablos swept a Double-Header from the divisional foe Red Giants(11-8 and 8-3 respectively)...The Red Gmen showed up around sunrise prepped and ready for battle...The Diablos stumbled in one at a time checking their equipment inventory and forgetting they were supposed to pick up fellow players...The Diablos threw a pitching sequence of Sasquatch, Hidalgo(1st career Diablo victory) and Junkyard at 'em early which left everything up to the offense to score a few runs and get the victory...Kemo decided to put on a clinic for the youngsters and break out the grave digger slide...it worked...Marcus celebrated turning (murmur) by scoring every time he reached base...Alfredo proved that a little incentive like having your Mom show up never hurts...Cam's Mom cemented her place as numero uno fan...Lou got back to just pitching and dominated in the night cap. This week a late trip to Hayward puts the Diablos against the Beavers at like 11pm. Just kidding. Not Really.

The Diablos traveled to the East Bay on Sunday to take on the Beavers(great team name...seriously) and found that losing 4-3 in Hayward at 10pm on a Sunday evening sucks. Some highlights from the day...Diablos shoot their wad early and score all three in the 1st inning...Cheddar tossed a gem stone that couldn't be supported by the offense...Might have to look into his theory about us not scoring for him...Nah...PR Sainz decided to play Superman in RF...then the ball landed...Sharpshooter Lary felt that the fans in the bleachers were nodding off so he decided to scatter them with his relay on a double play attempt...WOW...Hyphen Cam came back from Vegas(looking like he came back from Vegas)and found that only on the Diablos can a man go to Sin City and still have his level of debauchery topped by someone who stayed home...O'Shanahan showed off the Potato Gun from LF and hosed a would be runner at the plate...He then went on a rant about how France screwed Ireland out of the World Cup...Justin managed to have a solid day at the plate and still reach his quota of "FUCKS" for the day.

A shocking development occured this past weekend. The Diablos actually played in San Francisco. Taking advantage of this rare occasion they pulled out a tough 6-4 victory over the Wood. Here are a few highlights from the game..."Cannon" Sanchez decided to finally watch his Tom Emanski VHS and gunned down a couple of would be base stealers...Ivan flashed some fine leather work at the hot corner and showed us a couple of versions of the "barrel roll" slide into 2B...Yeti Pacheco showed some speed on the basepaths with a couple of stolen bases-He also murdered a perfectly good bamboo bat...dick...Marcus did his usual lockdown in CF and probably gave the opposing catcher nightmares all this week with his easy swipes of second...Cheddar Gardella served up some stinky Gouda in the 1st inning, but managed to settle down and get the CG win...PR Sainz summed it up best during post-game "The bottle won."...The lovely female fan for the opposing team triumphantly announcing she loves wood...Unfortunately we were without Brother Trejo who was injured while filming a Do-It-Yourself episode for HGTV. Get well soon Brother!

This past Sunday your beloved Diablos knocked off their division rival the Isotopes by a score of 9-8. Splitting the season series 1-1. It was a typical affair for the Diablos as they got out to an early lead and gave it all back before it was over. Except this time they added a run(thanks in large part to Kemo's athleticism)and held on for the victory. To say the games between these two teams are friendly would be quickly followed by a call of BULLSHIT! The Isotopes have taken offense to the 27 hit batters they have received from the Diablos this season and I can't say I blame them. The Diablos pretty much piss off every team they play and cordially return the dislike at every turn. It's what fires them up. I believe his team would go 0-20 if there wasn't some kind of chip on their shoulder(real or imaginary). This week's game was no different. After racing off to a 5-0 lead Cheddar decided to do his usual 2 out nobody on rally for the other team and beaned the Isotopes 2 batter. With the Isotopes already whining on pretty much every call that went against them(and successfully talking the umpires into overturning their own calls on a few occasions...unbelievable)this particular incident was no different. Except for the fact that the hit batter in question acted like a little bitch and threatened our pitcher while pointing to his own dugout. Rule #1 if you are going to act tough and threaten a pitcher after getting beaned don't point to your dugout like they are going to save you. It just makes you look like a Ho. The situation was quickly taken care of when said Ho immediately tried to steal second base and was gunned out by Cannon Sanchez. Baseball karma at it's finest. With a flurry of runs scored from the 5th to the 8th inning the score was now 8-8. The stage was set for a dramatic finish. Kemo "Should I be offended" Lary started off the inning with walk. He would probably like me to tell you about how he worked the count and took some tough pitches, but I won't. During the next at-bat he stole second. It wasn't just a straight steal, but a gift from the other team since the infielder dropped the throw from the catcher. Of course this infielder was the same one who we already mentioned above. My guess is he would have been able to tag our runner if he had used his mouth to catch the ball, but he pulled a Roger Dorn and there stood Kemo at 2B. With a deep fly ball to RF off the bat of Raul(hitting for Dennis since his hammy popped jogging in from LF between innings....no shit Diablo fans this is how we injure ourselves)Kemo was able to tag up and reach 3B. He did get a little offended by the dugout screaming for him to tag up so he made it interesting and didn't go back to the bag until after the ball was caught. Thanks for the heart attack. With a sac fly off the bat of Ivan we scored the go ahead run and Cheddar creamed in his pants. In the 9th Nuke Pacheco exorcised his own Demons from a few weeks back and nailed down the W. A solid team effort all the way around. Defense was good and the situational hitting came up big. Tune in next week to find out how your Diablos do in their double header against the Fog...

Breaking a champagne bottle, raping a black cat, walking under a ladder, picking up a tails up penny, stepping on the foul line. These are all things that would've probably not pissed off the baseball gods. The above pictured Facebook chat has gotten their attention. I'm sure of it.

Welcome back Diablo faithful. With another year of New Year's hangovers lasting longer than most resolutions we embark on the 2011 season with a promise of more drunken wagers and debauchery. Plans are in the works for a Winter Meeting in the near future. Since more than half of our squad probably doesn't check this website(or know how to turn on a computer)a Brett Favre style text message will be sent to all.

Explanation of the picture above: We have titled this one "Deal with the Devil". From the drunken fog I believe the wager was that Lou couldn't strike out Alfredo. Can't remember what the stakes were(probably beer, reefer or gold bricks).

The thought bubbles from left to right:

Pacheco: "I can't believe you shook his hand...You know Lou doesn't wipe properly!"

Kemo: "Look at this dumb muthafucka right here. I will NEVER field another one of his grounders."

Alfredo: "I don't know if I'm excited about this bet or Raul's hand up my ass!"

Raul: "Hey Fredo wheres your wallet?"

Justin: "Should I steal Lou's soul through his mouth or eyes?"

Lou: "Oh Wow Fredo uses the same moisturizer as me."


Like all great works of art there may have been some things you missed in your first viewing of the picture.

1. Kemo is flipping Lou off from the table
2. Alfredo's neck vein is bulging which is usually a tell tale sign of ass play
3. Even the Birds of Paradise behind Lou are mocking him.

Calling all Diablos. Our first practice of the season has been set. Sunday 2/13/11 @ Balboa Park 2:30pm. Bring your equipment because Brother says he is going to burn us with his new space age hip.

Picture above is untitled. We had to wait until Kemo started snoring to get him to pose with the A's Championship trophy. I am pretty sure he is still unaware of the assault.

The Diablos kicked off their spring with a double header sweep in Napa. Fine performances were turned in by all who bothered to show up. Brother ordered pizza and it was devoured like a pack of hobo's had showed up in Diablos jerseys. Next games are scheduled for Sunday 3/20 at Balboa Park. Be there by 1100. Today's picture was shot by Joe Chaika while deftly handling a beer in his other hand. It is a very rare sighting of a Kemo caught in his natural urban habitat fending off an attack from an elusive shopping cart.

The 2011 season opened with all the pomp and fanfare of a wet fart this past weekend for the Diablos as they lost to the Black Sox 10-8. Getting the start for the Diablos was Ched Gardella. Usually when a guy holds a team hitless through the first 5 innings you would think his team was in control. Not these guys. The Diablo defense was atrocious, offensive and just plain pathetic on Sunday. Brooks Conrad decided to suit up and play SS. His multiple abortions on the field led one spectator to later comment "Brooksy needs some glue for his glove". We thought of calling Elmer's but his penchant for eating the stuff when he was younger has the front office looking for other alternatives. The offense was led by a 3 hit day for CF Marcus Reed. Hyphen Yuen-Shore spent most his day on base and scored 2 runs. "Cans" Sanchez pushed the hands of father time back a bit and showed some clutch hitting knocking in a couple of 2-out RBI's. PR Sainz back from his scouting trip to the Peruvian mountains left it all out on the field. Seriously. There is a large amount of skin somewhere on the Balboa diamond. The Diablo rookie class looks strong this season led by Nico "hyphen junior" Madrigal who showed some solid base running and even chipped in an RBI. Robbie "I don't own a watch" Rodriguez scored a run and flashed some fine leather with a diving stop at 3B. Nick Imbody added a hit in his debut and was found to have a strong affection for Matt Holliday during the post game powwow. Overall there wasn't much to take away from this game for the Diablos. Hopefully next week will bring them better fortune as they battle the Blue Claws.

This past Sunday your Diablos decided to cover the entire spectrum of emotions one can experience on a baseball diamond. From the gut wrenching feeling that accompanies losing the first game in the bottom of the ninth and the euphoria of laying pipe to every Blazer that toed the slab in the second game. On this particular day Yeti Pacheco came to play. Zeke got the nod to start game #1, Rooftop Gardella(we'll explain the new name in a minute) was busy sniffing peoples luggage at the airport, and did not disappoint. He tossed 7 strong innings only giving up 2 runs. Squatch was helped by a couple of defensive gems turned in by Gabe "Screw the glove" Sanchez and Rook Imbody. Early in the game the Blazers showed some sand by challenging the defense and sending runners from 3rd that really had no business going. Gabe came out to receive a short relay throw and displayed some amazing misdirection(more like an old man trying to break his hip) and confused the umpire just enough to get him called out. Later in the game Nick "The Body" showed shades of Joe Rudi and fired off a bullet from RF to hose yet another runner. The Diablo offense showed all the thump of a dried twig and only mustered 4 runs. It would've been enough to score a win for the Diablo starter, but the bullpen and defense imploded and the Blazers were victorious 5-4. After filling their bellies with pizza and humble pie the Diablos decided not to leave this one up to the baseball gods. The Diablo offense finally located the bat rack and used every inch of lumber at their disposal turning out 17 hits in a 14-1 victory. Marcus "I declined my alarm clocks friend request" Reed scored 3 runs from the lead off spot. Brooksy rediscovered his texas league stroke and dropped in 3 hits. Accessories Sainz drove a toaster oven to the game, bought a new helmet and managed to stroke two doubles. The domestic life seems to be working for him. Kemo "Still got it!" Lary managed to steal 3 bases over the course of the day and didn't need assistance to his car after the game. A big step for the old timer. New comer Nico Madrigal-SomethingorOther showed his poise in the field and scored a few runs as well. Joe "BYU" Chaika conjured up some good karma with my car keys and dropped in an RBI-single when his number was called. Blue Shoes McFawn kept his Ripken-esque streak alive with another session of yelling BALK! Take-Out-Yuen-Shore hit the ball hard and had nothing to show for it. He also located a helpful arm angle and gunned down a stolen base attempt. On this day though the real stud was Mark "Fuck Harry and the Hendersons" Pacheco. After showing Nieves his awesome hitting prowess by breaking a bat during practice a few weeks back he has been locked in at the plate. His 5th inning Home Run was a Ruthian blast. It was able to avoid the tall grass, skip off the first cut and finally come to a rest somewhere on the Peninsula. A fruitcake style attempt at throwing his hands up for a ground rule double by the Blazer LF was met with a chuckle by the umpire.The trajectory of it's flight had all Diablos in attendance remembering the absolute B-O-M-B Lou gave up in Oakland hence the new Rooftop nickname. By the end of the game Abominable Pacheco had 4 RBI's and his lady on his arm. Not a bad day. I only waited this long to mention Gardella's performance because I can actually see him as I type this getting pissed his zero walk outing wasn't the lead in. Rooftop was in control from the first pitch. Limiting the Blazers to only 1 run and striking out....well you can ask him how many strikeouts he had. The more important number was his doughnut hole in the walk column. There were forces of nature we don't quite understand at play on Sunday. It is almost as certain as the sun rising in the East tomorrow that Gardella will walk the 1st batter he faces in his next start. Brother Trejo showed his left arm still works and pretty much sent every runner that touched third base. Brother also pawned Modelo off on his ball club. I've put in a complaint to Anheuser Busch. Way to salvage a split and roll into Easter break on an upbeat note. Today's picture has been titled "Hanging with Huxtable". Three things happening while this picture was taken 1)White men were over biting because of the play list streaming from "Kemos" ipod 2)Satellites were struggling to support his 1997 flip phone while he searched for Rooftops crime scene photos from the Biggity Biggity-O 3)Mr. Lary was inadvertently displaying his T-Rex style attempt to catch balls at 1st base......Bam

First off the San Francisco Diablos would like to thank SEAL team six for dispatching of Osama Bin Laden over the weekend. I believe Charlie Sheen would call that WINNING. Whether it was coincidence or not the Diablos handed the Wood a 12-1 loss that probably felt like a bullet to the head. Making the trek to Stenzel Park(Who the hell is 35 Wagoner?) in San Leandro for a 430pm first pitch did not put smiles on the Diablos faces. Somehow we overcame this intrusion on our post game festivities and continued our recent offensive explosion. The offense was led by PR Sainz rapping out three hits. His pre-game strategy was to hit into the foliage on the fly, but he decided that peppering the right side of the infield would be most prudent. The crack of his bat was replaced with the war cry of sobriety! A snafu with his socks has him wondering if the laundry service is stealing from him. Hyphen-decided –to-barrel-up-a-couple-of-hits. His-throwing-with-the-local-10-year-olds-has-helped-him-find-an-arm-slot. The Diablo 2 thru 5 hitters scored a total of 9 runs. Getting the start for your Diablos was Yeti Pacheco. Despite not having his A game he gutted out 5 innings with only 1 run allowed. He even fielded his position without spiking any throws to first. Rooftop finished off the final 2 innings, but couldn’t avoid douching it up when he gave up a “laser” shot single to CF. His expletive outburst had the Umpire asking WTF. On behalf of the Diablo organization we apologize for his mental incompetence. Next Saturday your Diablos will be facing the Wood, once again, at Moscone 12pm. With a second game against a non-divisional opponent on the schedule the League Office was obviously thinking…….I don’t know what the hell they were thinking. Today’s photo is titled “Look Ma I played”. I believe Alfredo felt his phone had better picture taking ability then it actually does. Either way the photo of the tree he hit with his monstrous foul ball didn’t come out.

On Thursday the Diablos won the "Takin' Care of Business" award at Balboa Park. With Brother Nieves still on his scouting trip to Houston we all had to pull together and gather equipment from the four corners of the Earth. Crystal Light Sanchez had a "Senior(or is it Senor) Moment" and forget to pass along every piece of the L-Screen. No worries. With all the college degrees and life experience we could muster a make shift screen was created. Somewhere MacGyver just nodded his head in approval. Some interesting things are happening in the picture above. Nick has a familiar grip on the bat as if he were home alone, Yeti seems to be auditioning for 1st base in the back ground and Robert is doing his best impression of a New Kids on the Block album cover. Well done guys!

Saturday baseball in San Francisco! The Diablos took this opportunity last weekend to show the world what they are made of. A motley bunch that can come through with a clutch hit or leave a ton of runners on base, field their positions with poise and excellence or absolutely murder a routine play. Taking the ball this week for the good guys was none other than Rooftop Gardella. With the bar set extremely high the week before he had a lot to live up to. Without the command of his A game he gutted it out and held the Wood scoreless through 5 innings. Enough time for the offense to sit in the driveway and warm up like a ’71 Pinto. Rooftop ended up going the distance for the victory with the Kemo led mantra of “Get yours Lou!” Leading the offense was none other than Yeti Pacheco. Who in true Diablo fashion decided to save his Grand Salami for the 9th inning. Couldn’t have used that earlier. Bear Lary got things going with a triple in the early innings. Thoughts of a homer were quickly squashed when he had time to check his pulse while rounding second. His executive decision to avoid Nieves windmill around third was appreciated by all in attendance including AMR. Junkyard McFawn once again proved to be the most rabid in the line-up. After breaking his bat on a hit by pitch(a first in Diablo history!)he needed an escort to first base. All hurt feelings were soothed when Tecate Shanahan revealed “He fills our special needs quota!” The Diablo dugout also doubled as the set of Animal Kingdom with Alfredo’s cone headed love child and Gabe’s lethal killer roaming around. This Saturday the Diablos look to continue their winning ways against the Titans @ 3pm Balboa Park. Today's photo is titled "...wow..." That was pretty much all you could mutter after Rooftop decided to ATTEMPT to field a pop up on the infield. After he Cansecoed it in fair territory everyone was left to wonder who's ball was it? After careful consideration we are going to place full blame on Short-Line-Yuen-Shore. At that point in the game AC Sanchez Crystal Light had worn off so he was not going to get it.

This past Saturday the Diablos returned to more familiar grounds at Balboa Park for a clash with the Titans. While warming up during the game before us it was noticed that a Black Sox fan was molesting his dog in the bleachers. Passing it off with a shrug and thinking "Hey it's San Francisco" the Diablos did not realize it was a sign of things to come. Rooftop Gardella decided to treat the Titan lineup as if it were his own small furry victim. With pinpoint accuracy and occasionally serviceable breaking stuff he kept the opponents off balance to the tune of 19 strikeouts. With that kind of pitching the Diablos weren't going to need much offense this day, but they decided to score more than the bare minimum. Sobriety Sainz ended his drought of biblical proportions with a 2 hit-2 run performance. Too bad his skirt wasn't watching, but I'm sure he told her he went 5 for 4 with 12 rbi's. Crystal Light Sanchez took the LF's disrespect and turned it into an rbi triple. Don't let the grey chin whiskers fool you. Rook Rodriguez had his first significant day with lumber and knocked in a couple rbi's. Rumors in the parking lot that he is Nieve's long lost love child have not been proven. Check it out the next time they stand near each other. Jose Cruz Imbody missed a fly ball because the tent he pitched got in the way. He quickly made up for it by starting the 5-run 6th inning rally that would put the game out of reach. While post gaming in the parking lot Rooftop couldn't control himself and complained about not getting 20 K's. This was met with no sympathy from the squad. It was then Joe "Can't hit into a friggin double play when he needs to" Chaika whispered that he had reached 20. The scorebook was checked. The claim was confirmed. Partying commenced. Congrats Lou for joining the likes of Roger, RJ and Kerry. Of course they did it in the bigs, but hey good job anyways! Today's picture is titled "Pimpin' bitches in the bushes." It served as transportation for Skin knee Shanahan. It was also his rallying cry for his plans to attend the Bay to Breakers.

This past weekend the Diablos survived the Rapture and took two from divisonal foe the Red Giants. Actually the Diablo bullpen must've been taken away because Yeti and Rooftop decided to toss a couple of complete games. In game #1 Yeti was in control from the first pitch. He also brought his gold glove defense and turned in a couple of underhanded gems to 1B. Yeti's rock and fire pace was a gift from heaven compared to the human rain delay that was pitching for the RG's. His antics of wander around after ever pitch and Geneva convention meetings when runners reached base did slow the Diablos the first few innings. After almost pulling out the tarp a few times the offense finally showed up. "Mothers Day" Reed smacked a triple and double from the top of the lineup. Abominable Pacheco scored three runs. Ginger Imbody knocked in a couple of RBIs while murdering his bat and had absolutely zero plays in RF. Love Child Rodriguez continued his hitting streak and knocked in a few runs as well. Game #2 was a completely different story. Rooftop showed up a little late since he was busy sniffing ladies under garments at the airport and immediately said he was sorry. Despite not having his A, B or C+ game he slogged through 9 innings and earned his 4th win of the season. Kemo "I gotta play the field?" Lary got on base all 4 times he batted and also turned a sweet double play. Word is his agent has already contacted management about re-negotiating his deal. Hendu Imbody slid over to CF and did his best Marcus impression while tracking down a fly ball late in the game. He also chipped in 2 RBIs and boasted that he will take down Pacheco for the RBI crown this season. Messin' with Sasquatch is not advised. Sobriety Sainzwent hitless, but worked some counts and scored some key runs. It happens to everyone! Child care Madrigal had a few hits and talked some shit to the captain. He will most definitely be batting 10th or 11th next week. Overall a good day for the Diablos who earned a week off before they head to Oakland to play a sunrise game against the All Blacks.

The Diablos were rained out this week on a sunny day. Try and figure that one out. At least that didn't keep our elderly part of the roster from catching some afternoon Z's at the BBQ.

When I say “kind of” I mean the Diablos kissed their sister and earned a tie with the rival Isotopes in Game 1. When I say “record crowd” I mean we had a total attendance in the low 20’s with a surprise visit from a bag lady posing as Justin’s date. We had all the makings for an awesome day of baseball . Yeti Pacheco was celebrating his birthday so a horde of Sasquatch enthusiasts made their way to the Marina in hopes of catching a glimpse of the mythical beast. Pacheco didn’t disappoint. In an effort that rivaled Jack Morris in the ’91 World Series Yeti tossed an obscene 11 inning effort. Unfortunately all he got was a complete game tie and the embarrassment that goes along with not being able to wipe your ass properly for a week….Apologies to Mrs. Yeti. The Diablos got off to a fast start scoring 5 runs in the 1st inning. Nick “Can I get a flyball” Imbody led the offense with 3 RBI’s. Take-Out-Yuen-Shore knocked in a couple RBI’s and didn’t kill any middle infielders with short hops. Well done. Brooksy and Squatch each chipped in 2 hits a piece, but the real game 1 offensive hero was Alfredo “TIMBER!!!” Sainz. His absolute disintegration of two bats(Think Joe Theisman’s leg)was only an appetizer for his main course that followed in game 2. After running through his own lumber he set his sights on the log that is known as a “team bat”. You know what came next. Involuntary Batslaughter. Taking inventory on the Diablos “Deadwood Wall of Shame” Fredo is now the team leader by a wide margin. Joe Chaika also chipped in doing his best Ogilvie impression and found some Isotope accounting errors which lead to him earning 1/3 inning . Sufficed to say it’s the best arm slot you’ve had all year! But the Isotopes clawed back to tie it 6-6 in the 9th and Bud Selig appeared from the bushes(or was it the depths of hell) and called it a tie in the 11th inning. Game 2 proved to be a little more exciting as there was a Fireworks show planned for the 7th inning that neither team knew about. Rooftop Gardella got the ball and didn’t disappoint limiting the Isotopes to 3 runs for the game. I would list his strikeout total, but his shouting and total number of erections during the game cancelled them all out. Kemo “A mans got to know his limitations” Lary laid some pipe when he crushed a ball to the other diamond(was rooftop pitching to you?) for a hom….errrr….triple. He also flashed his athleticism with a stolen base. All in attendance learned the true meaning of “Hungry and Humble”. The Fireworks I alluded to were set off when the Isotope lead off hitter decided to play tough guy and took out Iron Man Sanchez on a play at the plate. Last time I checked this was a no contact league, but I guess the rules don’t apply to certain teams. In his Crystal Light induced state Gabe gave a Brent Jones style spike of the ball and butt hurt feelings took over from there. Kudo’s on the Lebron style flop from the Isotopes lead off hitter. You looked just as ridiculous as they do in the NBA. Unfortunately a Diablo who was trying to keep the peace was ejected from the ball game and will most likely miss our next game. Poor judgement from the umpires, but hey that’s something we’ve come to expect these past few years. After cooler heads prevailed the game ended with a 6-3 Diablo victory.

Diablos lose to the Grays 8-5 on Saturday and 11-8 to the Mad Dogs on Sunday. Consecutive losses didn't keep Lou from inviting all Diablos to the gun show...

Sunday's double dip featured the triumphant return to the mound by "Oil Can" Lary...

A lot has happened since last we chronicled your favorite weekend warriors. We've seen some wins and more losses. We've been no-hit. We've been ejected more than Maverick and Goose AND we've seen an Umpire lose his shit and go all Ryan Leaf on the Diablos dugout. Basically it's been entertaining as hell and business as usual for your beloved sons of Satan. If you were lucky to have been one of the 17 people who witnessed Diablos v. Phitans this Saturday then you saw some great pitching by both sides punctuated by a well placed lob wedge that sent us home with 1-0 victory. Toeing the slab on this fine overcast afternoon was Yeti Pacheco. Not hearing any creaks from his back during warm-ups must mean he has found a new pile of rocks to sleep on. His 6 innings of shut-out ball were welcomed by Brother Trejo. Yeti also got an early start on his winter firewood by shattering three bats. The Phitans don’t appreciate you dipping into their wallets like that. The Diablo offense was led by….well nobody. I don’t think we can call 4 hits offense. Credit to the Phitan pitcher who ended up throwing something like 250 pitches in his complete game loss. We made him look like Steve Carlton with a ridiculous amount of K’s. Striding in from the corn fields(or was it the bath house?) came Rooftop Gardella. His chicken hawk “W” was well deserved since his relief appearance only produced one laser beam single. In the end it was Kemo working a 2-out walk and Brooksy doing what he does best with a duck fart that pushed a run across and got the Diablos to the parking lot. Today’s photo has been properly titled “Ebony and Ivory”. We have Brooksy giving a dramatic “Miracle” style speech. Rooftop is updating his Facebook status. Nieves is daydreaming about what Chinese takeout he is going to order later. Gabe has a “que” look on his face while preparing to snort his Crystal Light. The real treat was probably missed in your initial viewing of the photo. Kemo has decided to let loose the python(notice the pants halfway down)in hopes it would fire up the fellas. Not sure if it worked, but it sure put a smile on Imbo’s face as he stares DIRECTLY AT IT!

This past weekend the Diablos had their 3rd straight sellout at Balboa Park. This weeks attendance hit the high teens and was the most vocal crowd we’ve had yet. Or at least that’s what the umpires thought in giving them a warning for using the “F” word. Hey Blue next time bend over and use your good eye when calling balls and strikes and worry less about what your rabbit ears hear. The game ended with a 10-0 Diablo victory over the Black Sox, but it had none of the flair that comes with beating someone into submission. Today’s update will be done with a breakdown of each players performance starting from position numero uno.

“Rooftop” Gardella actually had to bat. Thanks Justin. It’s been about 12 years since I’ve seen someone swing at a pitch that hit ‘em. We were treated to that and a couple of dribblers that 3B couldn’t handle. His claims of OBP mastery actually made me throw up in my mouth a little. His 8-inning CG shutout victory was sprinkled with laser beam singles, but hey his mind was on hitting. Did I mention he swung at a pitch that hit him? His shotgunning of only 2 beers this week was appreciated most of all by Kemo's lighter.

“Aluminum Cans” Sanchez didn’t start any altercations with the other team this week. His Crystal Light was mixed with some bammer so he was a little less agitated. It still didn’t keep him from being warned for using the “F” word behind the plate too much. He also contributed to Junkyard getting ejected because he couldn’t throw the runner out HA. His post-game attire screamed “Is it cold in here?”

“PR” Sainz showed up with the energy of a thousand tweakers. His pre-game pep talk consisted of telling the guys to play like Diablos(multiple warnings from the umps, an ejection and no offense until the third trip through the order) and that’s just what happened. He seemed to be having an enjoyable afternoon until he crumbled to the ground after a breaking pitch squared up his elbow. His vow to never drop to the fetal position on a baseball diamond again will haunt him the rest of his playing days.

“Junkyard” McFawn totally dictated how his day would go when his first words to me in the dugout were “I’m in the mood to talk shit today”. True to his word he got himself ejected in the 2nd inning by an umpire who showed up looking for a fight. Unbelievable stat of the day: This is Justin’s 1st SFNABA ejection. Junkyard later was ejected from the stands and played “Where’s Waldo?” for the remainder of the day around Balboa Park.

“Squirrel Cheeks” Lary showed up hurting. I thought he was either dead or sleeping in his car when I arrived in the morning. He planned on having a nice easy day keeping book and strong arming walks. Instead he was called into service and performed the following feats in this order: K’d, missed a looping line drive by jumping like a white man and burned the CF ass with a bomb that cleared the bases. Not bad for an old guy who probably had every painkiller known to man coursing through his system.

Brooksy knew the Diablos were in for a long day when the umps didn’t even respond to his “Hello” in the parking lot. Assholes. He spent his first two at-bats plotting where he was going to bloop one when he came up with runners on base. Rooftop asked for a “Brooks Special” and he delivered by driving in the first run of the game with a double/triple/snowball fight texas leaguer.

“Brothers Love Child” Rodriguez made his papa proud by going the other way with runners on. He also decided to make the LF look good by hitting one just far enough for him to catch it. Muscle up Ho! His defense was solid except for when Rooftop yelled at him to catch a foul ball and he didn’t. The fact that the ball was only 13 ½ feet away from home plate is irrelevant.

“I only do that on vacation” Miller came back from his trip and immediately made an impact on the line-up. That impact was pushing Brooksy to the 3 hole and stealing his helmet every goddamn time he came up. He also sold a HBP by gazing in the umpires 4-eyes and saying with his mind “That grazed my jersey kind sir”. He scored the 1st and eventual winning run after that Jedi mind shit. His defense was tested not by any plays(not a single ball went his way), but by the man child who was using his beer can like a prisoner in a cell down the LF line.

“Coltrane” Reed made his triumphant return to the line-up after a little “vacation” provided by the NABA. I’d like to tell you he went 4 for 4 and had 8 rbi’s. That didn’t happen. His timing is a little better than it was last week and his presence at the top of the line-up had a strong effect on the rest of the squad. His CF lockdown defense was present as always. Do teams avoid hitting it to center much like teams don’t throw towards Revis island when he is playing? Survey says Yes.

“Where’s my taco?” Imbody was given the player of the week award by this website. It entitles him to a nasty case of the runs and a hangover provided by the postgame BBQ. Upon hearing the Yeti would not be in the line-up he decided to try and drive in as many Diablos as possible. The bullets he peppered throughout the yard were only matched by the Howitzer blast he unleashed from RF to nail the unsuspecting runner. His only misstep was the GI Joe tank top.

Today's picture is titled "Wears Alfredo's shit better than he does". This is Olive who is cute as a button and probably scarred for life after attending a Diablo post game.

Sunday marked the first practice game of the 2012 season for your SF Diablos. The score of the game was not important(17-2 victory!)since Brother told us to "work on stuff" during his pre-game speech. Pacheco started on the mound and worked through some early arm stiffness. Typical Yeti. He also ripped the shit out of a couple balls so he looks ready to go. Nico climbed the hill for a three inning stint that could only be described as solid. The internment of his mentor seems to have not effected his game. Ivan made a triumphant return after spending 2011 on the shelf. His leaning into a 37mph fastball was the stuff of champions. His awkward bat toss and retrieval were not. Joe decided to rip a titty before he left early. Of course he used the handle to display his hitting prowess so the out was expected. Imbo came in determined to pick up where he left off last year. The swing looked good, but that pop up dropping to the infield left something to be desired. His FB status update should read "The infield is difficult and I shall never speak ill of it again." Alfredo showed up all Zen and shit. He then proceeded to hose a runner. No seriously. The guy had two legs and was of normal weight and mental capacity. The league has already begun the investigation into his off season arm procedure done in Europe. Kemo decided to stay this week instead of flipping a U-turn and getting back on the freeway. Thankfully he delighted us with a solid inning on the mound. The half swing with RISP was also entertaining. Lou was Lou. Whether it's stroking his own on base percentage or walking his first batter of the season he never fails to put on a show. The post-game vow of silence was broken within 3 minutes. Newcomer Bird was welcomed to the squad. His work behind the plate was impressive. His start-stop-start-stop swing for strike three....not so much. All in all a solid effort to open the 2012 season. I have been informed that we will not be heading to Napa this coming weekend. Details will be sent out this weekend.

Welcome back Diablo faithful. The 2012 season has begun and your minions of the underworld are 1-0 after a 6-3 victory over Yucatan. Being kicked out of their last league by a group of whining bitches disguised as baseball players the Diablos entered this season ready for a fresh start. Returning to the friendly confines of Crocker Park offered the Diablos a chance at getting back to the basics of playing ball, battling old foes and having adult beverages without looking out for Narcs. Despite the 9am start time most Diablos found their way to the park on time. I'm looking at you Yeti! With the smells of grass, dirt and urine wafting through the dugout it was apparent the boys in red had found their way home. Toeing the slab was none other than Rooftop Gardella. His Spring Training boasts of striking out every person on Earth in his first three starts had built an anticipation that couldn't be matched. Of course his first inning went just the way you would expect. A shitload of walks and a 3-1 deficit that led to everyone including birthday boy Imbody telling him to "Forget about the damn bet!". This was obviously what the young lad needed since his final line read 9 innings, 5 walks, 1 laser beam hit and 17 strike outs. Sunday also marked the debut of several new Diablos. Bird Nielsen showed solid ball blocking skills in saving Rooftops ass on several occasions. He also chipped in a couple of hits, but is now guaranteed to get shit every time he gets on base after forgetting how many outs there were. Jeff "I haven't done anything stupid to earn a nickname YET" Ramirez manned shortstop and showed a slick glove. Luis "Banksy" Bermudez got his first official at-bat and roamed LF. Imbo showed up to let us know he would be celebrating his birthday later at the Doghouse. He also chipped in 3 RBI's and caught his only chance in RF. Olive Garden Hidalgo made his triumphant return to the Diablos after spending last season on the DL. In typical fashion he was beaned in his first AB and then went all Wild Horses and ran free when he should have froze on a line drive. Kemo drove in a run with situational hitting. He also spent the day writing in every K that Lou got. How screwed up is that? Pacheco worked hard behind the plate and also worked a walk...OH WAIT sorry that was the other teams Pacheco. Ours couldn't be risen from his hibernation. That'll cost ya big guy!

Today's picture is titled "Fat man race". After a few hours of shit talking and beer drinking the gathered Diablos decided on a race between Fed and Lou. Winner being deemed the slowest Diablo/person on Earth. The racers agreed that downhill would be easier and we secretly calculated the odds of a spectacular wipeout. This race had been held a few years back, but Fed had whined that the results were tainted due to him wearing Brooks Vans. We headed outside to clear traffic and put this baby to bed once and for all. I grabbed the toilet paper roll that would serve as the finish line and FANA Joe found an uncomfortable spot to film from. Cowboy Rodriguez served as our starting line judge. This was the photo finish results....TIE! A second race was run with Rooftop winning, but Fed was already having a heart attack so the results will always have an *asterisk* next to them. This was one of the most epic moments in Diablo history.

*Photo finish montage courtesy of "Take Out" Yuen-Shore

Last Sunday your Diablos faced off against an old foe Mexico. It turned out to be a solid pitching match up. Rooftop Gardella always thinking about "The Bet" decided to use his defense in pitching a complete game shutout. Defensive gems were turned in by SS Jeff Ramirez, 2B Ryan Brooks and LF Alfredo "Cannon" Sainz. Not much to talk about regarding the offense in this one. With a total of four hits the Diablos weren't exactly raking the ball. The first run was driven in by Jeff after hitting the ball off the starting pitcher (actually it hit his glove, thanks Joe). The insurance run was scored on a sac fly by none other than Mad Hatter Bermudez. His signature moment in a Diablo uniform. Cowboy Rpdriguez finally awoke from his stupor and chipped in some stolen bases en route to scoring in the 7th inning.

This weeks photo is titled "Door Stop". Imbo is performing an impersonation of how we found Fed in the bathroom after a few adult beverages. Forrest Narveaz also added some recycled pizza to Brooksies backyard. Animale!

This past weekend the Diablos offense finally came together(somewhat) in a 13-3 victory over Venados. I say somewhat because the unofficial count is 1,643 runners were left on base. Getting the start was Yeti Pacheco who graced us with his presence. His 5 innings of shutout ball was the first gem turned in this season by the Diablo staff (Right Rooftop?). Mad hatter Bermudez made his Diablo mound debut in relief pitching 2 solid innings and getting zero help from his defense. No joke. You couldn't throw a rock without hitting an offensive hero for the Diablos on Sunday. It all started with Marcus "Battleship" Reed lobbing balls anywhere the LF couldn't catch it. Including his glove! E9.....HIT! Imbo decided to rob an elderly person at an estate sale of their 1942 war club fashioned from a rare endangered species of Redwood tree. Seriously the handle on this thing is the size of a rhinoceros penis. Believe me I know. Obviously this theft was a wise move since it banged out 4 hits for him. Unfortunately the bat couldn't help him run the bases. At least that's what PR thinks. Jeff "Video room" Ramirez did some in game work on his swing and banged out a pair of doubles. Cowboy Rodriguez continued his march for the stolen base title with a pair of swipes. He also proved the theory that residents of Liberty Court can't tag up for shit. Nico made his debut at 1B for the Diablos this Sunday and immediately showed he is middle infielder. BUT when the moment presented itself to end the game early and send us to the parking lot he was more than ready. With the bases loaded and two outs he unleashed a game winning cue shot that absolutely ate the first baseman up. Dude tried to lay down in front of it and it still found a hole. Not sure if it counts as a "walk off", but it was definitely Diablo style.

Today's picture is titled "Don't mind if I do". Imbo was re-enacting his standard operating procedure for hiding items at an estate sale. Plus this looks like the natural home for the war club.

Several firsts happened this past week for the Diablos en route to a 5-2 victory over San Luis. We had our first warning from an umpire about not killing our own players. PR got his first stand up triple since the Clinton administration. There was an RBI Sac Fly to the second baseman, possibly a first in recorded history. We also had our first bat branding of the season. All in all an eventful week in the Diablo universe.

With Brother being out of town on a scouting trip (no doubt scouring the Far East for young talent) the managerial duties were left to Brooksy. Boy did he push all the right buttons. Not only did he nod yes when a crippled Rooftop said he wanted the ball, but he also had the foresight of batting PR Sainz in the 6 hole where he could do the most damage HA. PR did not disappoint by rapping extra base hit after extra base hit past the CF who obviously read his scouting report backwards. Joining him on the hit parade were Yeti Pacheco who had his first multi-hit game of the season(Yeti also passed his parents for games attended...insert golf clap) and PT Ramirez who will go down in history as the first Diablo with RBI SF-4 in the books. No I am not shitting you. Imbo branded his bat with a lightning bolt and then didn't get a hit with it. He was also unsuccessful in hitting any of his teammates near the on deck circle with it in the later innings. Mad hatter Bermudez continued to prove the nay sayers wrong with a pinch hit RBI single in the 9th inning. Whether it's running to the store mid game for a quick snack or showing the youngsters how to use athletic tape this guy always makes it interesting. Rooftop Gardella tossed his third complete game of the year. While tossing 12 strikeouts he crossed the 30k threshold and won his bet with Kemo. Asked for a quote after the game Kemo said "He did it, but it's Nieves fault for pumping him up last week." This victory puts your Diablos at 4-0 for the season.

Today's picture is titled "I'm not drinking."

Diablos defeat the Marlins 16-1...

I'm baaaaaaaaack. After a few weeks off your faithful scribe has returned from the rocky depths of hell(or was it just LA?). In my absence the Diablos have run their record to 7-0. A no-hitter(Couldn?t toss a perfecto) by Rooftop against the Nicoyas a few weeks back put the league on notice. What that notice said is a mystery to me since it was written in Spanish. This past week your minions of Satan faced off with the Black Sox. With boatloads of confidence and the usual cornucopia of pharmaceuticals a 14-2 victory was secured. Here are some of the days highlights:

- Mad Hatter Bermudez had a career day going 4 for 4. He also ripped the first homerun of the year for the Diablos. Not to be a one dimensional player he added a scoreless inning on the mound. Not sure if it was his pre-game routine or personal cheering section. Either way keep it up young man.

- Imbo murdered the war club. Not sure if the current district attorney opposes the death penalty, but there were plenty of witnesses to uphold a conviction. Also casting a shadow over the event was his use of a different bat his first time up which proves there was tension in the
relationship. The silver lining is the 2-RBI?s produced from her last gasp.

- Itunes Ivan provided a spark from the top of the order. Brother wasn?t sure who could fill Marcus shoes, but the I-man was up to the challenge. The only blemish on his day was letting that catchable ?laser beam? that Rooftop gave up get to the wall for a double. No seriously Imbo told me it was a can of corn HA

- Joltin Joe Chaika spent another week playing with only one hand which made his 7 hop base knock past the 3B all the more impressive. He also added some excitement while getting hosed trying to stretch a double. Unfortunately we don?t have any leg ailment to blame that one on.

- PT Ramirez had another solid day at the plate driving in a couple runs. He missed a grand salami by a few feet, but we?ll attribute that to his having to work at 5pm. Pussy. He also finished the game with a solid inning of relief.

- Cowboy Rodriguez didn?t field shit at third, but he did perform the highest form of flattery by getting hosed at 2B the exact same way as Joe. Sign your kids up for summer classes www.LibertyCourtBaserunning.com

- Kemo got his vintage ass around the bases for a couple of runs and found his way on the field for defense. Of course he had everyone on pins and needles playing 1B, but in the end we shouldn?t have worried. After all Jackie Robinson played there during his career. He also completed his duties as bag bitch according to ?The Bet?.

- Rooftop won another game. Although it wasn?t a CG so obviously the at-bats are starting to take their toll. I would mention his double he hit, but his loafing to 2B was rather cuntish.

- All in all it was a solid day for the offense with every starter joining the hit parade.

Alternate translations for this photo:

Yeti only drink malt liquor from hulk fist

Yeti enjoy bean bag chair

Amy loves cock shots

Today's photo is of Fredo and Jager fresh off their work doing base running drills at the Liberty Court camp. Now being offered by the fine folks of Liberty Court is an introductory class on Equipment Management 101.

Judging by the Diablos record this must be what Lou looks like from the mound this year.

Was this picture foreshadowing events to come?

 

Couldn't have been Imbo. This guy sprang for expensive seats near the glass.

Welcome back! It's been a long offseason full of hangovers and Super Dome power outtages. The Diablos spent this past Sunday firming up their rather ample beer guts. A solid BP round followed what could only be described as an abortion of an infield. Brother was in fine mid-season form while rapid firing grounders at unsuspecting infielders. A lengthy meeting was held after practice (pictured above) where many offseason transactions were discussed. Coach has ordered immediate sensitivity training for any Diablo who doesn't APPRECIATE the efforts of his fellow teammates. This was met with a solid crotch grab and "That shits for the NABA". Key additions this season include a sick ass baby seat in the back of Fredo's jalopy, actual left overs at the post game spread and a Yellow Emperor twitter account. Key subtractions include any and all spray painted accessories and whiny turncoats. Today's picture is titled "All growns up" and features our fearless PR leader wearing protection after a flying bat incident. Don't laugh. He's got dependents to think about.

Also a Diablo shout out to Ms. Yeti who has been under the weather as of late. Get well soon girl! Without you in the stands are attendance is inthe low single digits.

Holy shit that form should be taught to every child in America

Look at Imbo trying to be the Panda

I'm sure Lou tried to pimp this foul ball too

I looked at this pic and all I could come up with was What...The...Fuck

"I hope that thing is loaded." - Fredo

How hard is Jeff staring at my dick.....and why does he have hearts in his eyes?

Joe, a fake ring and Zitos crotch = Diablos victory

This past Sunday your Diablos got back to it under the bright blue skies at Balboa Park. The opponent was San Luis which meant the 13-2 mercy killing was inevitable. The tone of the game was set when Marcus was landed on by a first baseman with all the gracefulness of an ACME piano. That lead to every infielder for SL running there mouth and a 5 run 1st inning that effectively put the game on ice. Thanks for the motivation. Cheddar Gardella started the game, but only gave an abbreviated effort since he had other places to be later in the day. Liberty Court ended up bringing the offense with them on this day. Robbie Trejo chipped in a 4 for 4 day along with another web gem at 3B. Taking over the clean up spot was Imbo since Yeti (pictured above) was a little preoccupied. PT Ramirez dropped in a couple of doubles (luckily he didn't use the Matty Williams autographed bat this week) and finished the game on the mound without injuring any batters. Papi Sainz continued his streak of getting grass stains on his uniform. Brooksie continued his streak of stopping pitches with his body. Congratulations to newbies "Backstop" Jimenes and "Ultimate Warrior" Ayala who got their first hits as Diablos. We are actively seeking volunteers to roam 280 in search of any foul balls Marcus deposited there on Sunday. One was seen nestled on the on-ramp, but Joe wasn't willing to tuck and roll for it. 

This past Sunday your Diablos sputtered to a 12-6 victory over Venados. With several players missing for various reasons the Diablos only had 8 players ready to step between the lines hours before first pitch. Then riding in from centerfield on a large white horse disguised as an electric wheelchair came Gabe “PPFM” Sanchez throwing aside retirement for one more day of baseball with the fellas. Rumors have it Diablo management caved in to his demand of having every aluminum can in the world crushed and delivered to his house. Climbing the bump for the bad guys this week was Yeti. With his new glove that he fashioned himself from a baby calf near his cave he tossed 5 solid innings only allowing 2 runs. After an offseason of studying local cave scratchings and watching Congo we knew that Yeti(tap chest) was finished(throat slash). Unfortunately his efforts would not lead to a victory since the bullpen promptly gave up the lead in the 6^th inning. Luckily Imbo decided to stop fucking around and just throw it over the plate. He said it. He did it. He got the victory with 3.1 innings of relief. The offense took a while to warm up this weekend. Leading the charge once again was Imbo smacking doubles and triples all over the place and running his RBI total up to 962. Possible typo. Getting his first start of the season Danny Harper did not disappoint. With a solid opposite field approach he collected 4 hits and reached base all 5 times he stepped to the plate. The one blemish on his day was the fact that he wears a hat with the sticker still on the bill. C’mon kid! If you want to prove you bought it just show us the receipt. Speaking of kids Junior got his first taste of Diablo ball and didn’t disappoint making a fine defensive snag in the 9th inning. Now all we gotta do is draw some facial hair on him and nobody will know he’s 9 years old. Papi Sainz put on a clinic only Jack Nicklaus or Tiger could appreciate. He dropped in 3 of the ugliest lob wedge pop ups you’ll ever see. This was only mentioned because in the book it looks like he hit 3 line drives. Bird was back this week and hit a triple no less. Lovely Melissa was keeping book(Official grade B-, see me after class). Robbie Trejo made it back from his fishing trip at Brokeback Lake and kept up his hitting stroke. He also added his usual Liberty Court shenanigans on the base paths. Gabe did not disappoint in his triumphant return to the diamond. He hit a double, almost broke his hip while powering down on the base paths, fielded a grounder at second, botched a grounder at second, sported an amazing father Christmas beard, hit into a spectacular double play and drank shit beer after the game. This was all accomplished before the early bird special at Sizzler expired so that’s a bonus. Overall it was a solid victory for your local sinners. Also spotted in the stands was a local scout named Skippy(pictured below). He mainly looks for athletes. Oh hey does anyone know how the Black Sox did? UPDATE Nobody gives a fuck.

Ugly. That is the only term that could describe the Diablo offense on Sunday. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know we won the game 9-3, but how would you describe leaving 16 runners on base(BARF)? Taking the bump for his first Diablo start was Danny Harper. An elaborate deal had been struck to have the umpire instruct him to remove the sticker from his hat before first pitch, but the more effective strategy of having Jeff say “Take that shit off your hat” worked just as well. Danny fixed the wardrobe malfunction and went forth tossing a complete game victory. He also continued his torrid hitting and Liberty Court base running clinic. All this earned him his first Diablo golden shower(pictured above). This weeks winner of “First one to the field” was Yeti. I was able to witness his warm up routine of running down gophers and scratching his back on a tree. This all lead to him flashing some serious leather at 1B. The other side effect was he swung at every first pitch thrown. I am almost positive he swung at one during my at-bat. Rumors of an early morning psych out text are completely false. Robbie Trejo made it on time this week and chipped in 3 RBI’s. He has now officially entered himself as the dark horse in the Diablo RBI challenge. He also let a ball get by him this week. When you are the coach’s son little facts like he was fully extended in a backhand dive don’t matter. Imbo dropped in a few more hits to bring his average up to a cool .684. Not a typo.  He also air mailed the hell out of a throw home. Sometimes the steroids kick in at the wrong time. Papi Sainz continued performing his best impression of Brooksie by dropping in another bleeder. Watch yourself Bro. That shit is trademarked. He also had to cut out early for work so he rushed everyone to get one more at-bat. Nobody was surprised when he wore the first pitch HAHAHAHA. PT Ramirez decided to fill the void left by Kemo’s retirement and swing at a 3-0 pitch. The resulting pop out earned him the “3-0 Ho of the Day” award. He was also called the 3-zero Ho by the Diablo faithful so either way is acceptable for the remainder of the week. Overall it was a grind it out victory and we’ll take it.

Nieves found a helmet that fit and showed the Diablos how to do it in their Mothers Day victory. 

Diablos try to avoid their first losing streak in years. Crap.

Black gatos crossing your path, using broken mirrors for lil bumps, walking under ladders, opening an umbrella indoors and dancing an irish jig on the foul line with spikes full of tails up pennies. All of these things MUST HAVE been done by the Diablos in the past month. Nothing else can explain the strange happenings that have befallen this snake bitten squad. Yesterdays 9-8 loss to USA's little biaatch Puerto Rico was as excruciating as a swift kick to the nuts. There are no words to describe the end of this game. This writer has been watching baseball for almost 3 decades and has never seen or been a part of an ending quite like it. Everything leading up to the 9th inning was standard for the past three games. Batters having zero approach at the plate, baserunning that would make a tee-baller puke and ridiculous mound antics from starting pitchers. With all this the Diablos were still in the game! Tied 3-3 in the top of the 9th your Diablos scored 5 runs capped by a HUGE 2-out 2-rbi double by Joltin' Joe Chaika(When found for comment after the game his only response was "The fuck just happened"...it was a sentiment shared by many). Looking up the entire history of baseball the odds of winning the game with a 5 run lead in the 9th inning are 99.999999999%. Well guess what side of that equation the Diablos ended up on yesterday? If you guessed win obviously you haven't been watching recently. Leading 8-3 going into the bottom of the 9th a mushroom cloud rose above Crocker 1 and when it had cleared the first 6 batters sent to the plate scored for Puerto Rico. Not a single out was recorded. A few errors were made. 1 grand slam was hit. That was longest any Diablo team has ever taken to clear out of a dugout. Heading into the All-Star break the Diablos sit at 6-3. Sacrifice has been suggested. Blah.

Welcome back Diablo faithful. The long dry winter is over and spring is ready to blossom. Some red tape held up our getting the permits for a Market street parade so the championship celebrations have yet to commence. Once the location is set please plan to attend if you have ever contributed to the Diablo "experience". Memories of your favortite plays or insults during the season NEED to be shared. This past weekend your Diablos got back to it with their first practice. Braving hamstring tweaks and beer gut pulls we made it through without any injuries. Any physical injuries that is. Lou's ego may be bruised after needing AAA assistance, but he'll get over it. Brother came in with a plan to burn grounders past anyone who dared to stand on his diamond. The tall grass had different plans and his usual 11mph "heaters" were cut down in their prime. It was a great practice for charging the ball. BP was solid with a few line drives sprayed here and there. Overall it was a success with no injuries and a few cobb webs wiped away. The offseason review had tales of living situations, new jobs and plenty of debauchery. Nieves' fresh recruits said all of 5 words the entire practice so they're already off on the right foot. Pacheco had a skateboarding session end with a new Yeti gameday shirt. Joltin' Joe brought the other half of the Eiffel Tower and damn if that isn't going to improve the roster on off-field skills alone. Notable absences were PR Sainz(Somebody has to run the Zoo), Nieves illegitmate son(Something about wedding plans) and PT Ramirez(directions to the field were hazey).

Not much positive to say about this one. To say the Diablos lacked focus would be the gentle way to put it. Others might say they need to pull their fucking heads out. Bright spots were as follows: the bullpen gave 7 1/3 solid innings including Bird shedding the tools of ignorance and tossing five scroeless, Yeti smashed a nice opposite field double, Fredo put on a clinic with the bat even Tony Gwynn could be proud of and the crowd was energetic. Yep that was it. Defense was good at times and pure bollocks at others. Pretty sure the Diablos left 10+ runners on base. No book to confirm so at least I can keep my lunch down. We even let McNab make solid contact...WTF! Shout out to Melissa Romo for her efforts in documenting this atrocity of an opener. Hopefully we can put on a better effort for the paying crowd next week.

The headline says it all. We were crap. We couldn't get any offense going against a pitcher hurling 37mph. Yeti and Bird pitched well enough to win this game 1-0, but our defense crapped out at the exact right time. To make matters worse the SF Park Rangers decided to make it rain parking tickets. Bastards. Hopefully we can get it going next week against the Reds.

 

Happy Mothers day to all you mothers out there! This week your Diablos played like the team who hoisted the hardware in 2013. Solid pitching and defense....CHECK. Scored more than 1 run...YOU BETCHA. Turned the strangest triple play in Diablo history...OF COURSE. It all started with everyone's favorite mythical creature Yeti Pacheco tossing six shutout innings. His efficient pitch count led to a quicker exit to the parking lot which is always appreciated by the Diablo faithful. Bird Nielsen came in for relief and oh what a relief he was. Shutting down the Reds offense for the final three innings and preserving the shutout. Tweet, tweet muthafucka. The offense was ignited by 10 stolen bases! That is not a typo. Who knew these old, fat slobs could still motor around the bases when they needed to. Leading the way was Cowboy Rodriguez(expected)with 3 SB's and PR Sainz(totally unexpected) with 3 SB's. Of course Cowboy could have had more, but his leg was injured from a Saturday night brisket incident so he settled for three. PR channeled his gopher cousin to help him get a double in the 1st inning(Should we call you beastmaster?). Bird in addition to gunning down a would be base stealer and pitching his (non existent)ass off added an RBI double for good measure in the 8th inning. Now about that triple play. Let me set the stage for you. Yeti ran into a jam in the bottom of the 6th. He walked the leadoff batter and gave up singles to the next two to load the bases. The following batter hit a one hopper back to Yeti. In his infinite kindness he lobbed the ball to Bird at the plate fearing a stronger throw may hurt the poor chap. Bird quickly snatched it like a leftover garlic fry in the bleachers and hurled to PR waiting at 1B for the second out. After catching the ball PR forgot to use his "infield arm" and fired the ball into LF trying to get the runner going from first to second. Fortunately during this chain of events the runner on first had decided to not run to second(huh) and drop his head and walk off the field(double huh) eventhough there was only 2 outs. After the umpires inital shock and bewilderment at what the hell just happened the base runner was called out and the triple play was complete. As I pore over the scorebook the final official scoring for that play is 1-2-3-???. Beautfiul. Next week your Diablos try to continue their winning ways against the Black Sox 1230pm @ Crocker #2.

DIABLO PRACTICE THURSDAY 6PM @ BALBOA SUNDBERG(BY THE 5-0 STATION)

On Sunday your Diablos continued their winning ways beating the Black Sox 11-1. Bird Nielsen made his first career start for the Diablos and it turned out victorious. Inducing a double play in each of the first three innings on his way to five shutout innings. Yeti Pacheco fought through some arm stiffness (Doing the windmill with your throwing arm after each pitch usually gets the bullpen up......NOT WITH THE DIABLOS, PUSSY) and held the shutout in check thru the final four innings. The offense was led by Nick "I go to practice" Imbody knocking out three hits (Nieves said it was more like a romantic day in the park not practice). Rocking Robin Nielsen also continued his torried hitting adding three hits of his own. PR Sainz showed no mercy and took advantage of Precious on the infield for a 2 hit day of his own. New comers Mike "Greybush" DeLaCruz and Niko 'Ive got a batting average" Vukasin added their first hits as Diablos (They also donated their first funds to the Kangaroo Court). After the dust settled the Diablos had 17 total hits and the beers tasted better in the parking lot. It's a solid turn around from the crap these guys were producing to start the season. Following the Memorial Day break your Diablos get back to it with a 6/1/14 1230 game against Yucatan. See you at the yard.

This past weekend your Diablos won their third in a row with an 11-0 trouncing of Yucatan. Did Yucatan have 37 players suit up...YOU BET! Were the Diablos intimidated...NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST! The Diablos warm ups consisted of taking some hacks with Brother, Trying to avoid the three ring circus that was occuring on the other side of the field and watching Fredo (In honor of the World Cup) show his futbol skills with a sweet header in the on-deck circle. Yeti "Back end of the rotation" Pacheco continued his "decent" season on the mound by tossing five more shutout innings. Bird Nielsen went the rest of the way preserving the victory. Ivan "Breadsticks" Hidalgo had another solid showing behind the plate while adding a couple hits. He even gunned down a runner with a little flash of leather from Brooksy. Joltin Joe Chaika squared up a couple pitches and showed management he's still got it. Obviously the closed door meeting in the Crocker parking lot made all the difference. PR Sainz continued his assault on the leagues pitching. Treating every at-bat like it's last call at the Riptide. Jeff "Eyrie" Ramirez hit an absolute BOMB to cap the scoring in the 8th inning. Next week the Diablos get to it early 9AM at Crocker #1.

A great hitter. A better man.

Willie Mays, Carl Yastrzemski, Dave Parker, Bo Jackson, Kirby Puckett, Frank Robinson and Tim Raines. These are just some of the ball players that Marcus "Turn Back the Clock" Reed has etched his name along side while earning All-Star game MVP honors this past Sunday. Luckily he didn't waste any of his homeruns during the game. So give him a pat on the back the next time you see him.

This past Sunday your Diablos choked out the Reds 13-3 in 7 innings. It was a day of firsts for the ball club and every one of them helped lead to victory. We had one of our newest Diablos earn his first victory. We had our first on field prayer to the baseball gods while making a catch. And last but not least we had the first steal of home in Diablos franchise history. Scooby Noyes got his first start of the season. He cruised for most of the day minus one crap inning. Along with earning his first victory as a Diablo he also earned the coveted "Elephant Bar/Trader Joes" shirt given to the batter with the most strikeouts for the game. HAVE A DAY, KID! The defense behind him was solid. Nick "Ginger Flash" imbody made a full out diving catch that included a bounce. Concussion tests were inconclusive. PR Sainz made the catch of the day out in LF. From where I was standing the geometry concluded that there was no way he was getting to the ball. All of a sudden "Like a Prayer" could be heard in the trees and he made a sliding/kneeling catch. "You're supposed to slide NOT stick" was the post game quote given by umpire Kemmith Lary on the effort. Either way the catch earned uproarious applause from the tens of people in attendance. On the other side of the ball the Diablos rapped out 14 hits. Hitters 1-4 scored 10 runs on the day. Finally the top of the order all produced in the same game. Many guys contributed, but all of that was forgotten when Ginger Flash Imbo stole home for the 13th and final run of the day. After lollygagging earlier in the game Imbo decided he had heard enough guff from the bench. He reached 3rd with 1 out in the 7th and tested the pitcher. He ran about half way down the line on the first two pitches and figured it was time. On the next pitch he broke for home. With his + speed and a sly "don't swing Ivan" he beat the catcher and slide through the Grand Canyon that was the RH batters box. The runners on 1st and 2nd were so shocked that they didnt even advance on the play. After taking a seat and receiving oxygen Imbo was able to bask in the glow of his accomplishment. Rod Carew, Jackie Robinson, Ty Cobb and now Nick Imbody. Many may attempt it again, but nobody will ever be the first Diablo to do it. Good on ya.

 If you were anywhere near Crocker park last Sunday you witnessed the ugliest 16-6 victory in the history of organized baseball. Did your Diablos get the win? Sure. Was it a slog of epic proportion? YOU BET! It was so ugly even Swami Fredo (pictured above) was short of any positives other than "Hey...ya know..a win is a win". On to the recap. Pre-game was as eventful as it gets. Red Dot Rob reminded Nieves not to leave him out of the lineup by peeling out the length of Geneva Avenue(Man his tires must hate him). Warm-up circle was treated to tasteful tales of coitus and debauchery. Nieves shelled out some bread for a new soft toss screen (sans huge flapping holes) and we still hit the fence behind it more than the screen. Bravo Diablos. Starting on the hill was Bird Nielsen. It was clear he left his good stuff in the bullpen while the 3-Run BIZZ-OMB soared over Fredo's head (Props for not injuring himself on a jack). Of course in true Diablo fashion his defense didn't help him one iota. After working his way thru 3 innings he gave way to Yeti Pacheco(To thunderous applause from the Pacheco cheering section, Happy Birthday Mama!). He routinely shut down the Black Sox bats like a true 5-starter. On offense the Diablos got off to a quick start scoring 7 runs in the first inning. But much like a teenager on prom night that didn't last long. Fortunately the Diablos gathered themselves and scored some runs in the late innings to end things early. Jeff "Meow-Meow" Ramirez found his stroke and slashed 4 hits on the day. Ginger Flash Imbody decided to put the running game on the shelf this week much to the fans disappointment. Ivan "Fuck that hurts!" Hidalgo survived another game and scored 3 times. He looks like Hector Sanchez more and more each week. Niko "Top spin" Vukasin had his best day as a Diablo showing off some warning track power. He also stole "The shirt" from Brooksy at the very last moment. A thousand thank you's. PR Sainz showed great patience at the plate walking 3 times and stole something like 200 bases. He also tried to make some magic happen on the bases, but it didn't happen. Save it for the bedroom my man. The Post-game was well attended and damn if the female to male ratio was almost even. The Diablos will play next Sunday 1230pm @ Crocker 1. As always bring a friend....Hell bring two of 'em.

 

Separated at birth?

Another Sunday in the city. Another mercy rule victory. A 10-0 win over Yucatan makes it four in a row for your Diablos. The boys definitely gave a team effort on a day when they were missing 2/3's of the starting outfield, the third baseman and the 1B/team pharmacist. With Brother confused during lineup creation this situation called for reinforcements. In stepped Yeti to declare himself starter at four different positions. No seriously. He was going to play LF, CF, 1B and 3B at the same time. After throwing him some tree bark to calm him down he settled on LF. That didn't stop Yeti from trying to hit the ball "clear over them mountains". With the opposing OF playing about 390' away the results were typical. Brooksy settled in to play the hot corner saying "If Red Dot can play here how hard can it actually be." He then proceeded to go out and flash more leather than the Exotic Erotic Ball. His agent is negotiating an extension as we speak. Making his infield debut at 2B was none other than Greybush DeLaCruz. Turning double plays...He can handle. Throwing around the horn....not so much. We'll work on it. He also contributed to the 5th inning rally that started the scoring. Making his Diablo debut in RF was Aasdin Mistry. He hit a screaming 8 hopper back to the pitcher AND attempted a Kevin Mitchell barehand play in the outfield. Lou "Porn Stache" Gardella climbed the hill and pitched to contact. The results were a quick, dominant shut-out that was masterful. Of course he added a few roid rage yells and a hit to "Up the OBP". Bird Nielsen rolled into Balboa doing his best Long Duck Dong impersonation. The over/under for pass balls was set at 10. He only had 3. Pretty sure Kemo wished he only had 2 since the last one broke whatever toe he still has left. Niko "You have no idea how to say it" Vukasin finished the game with a "laser beam" oppo hit. He also had a sweet pick at 1B which he immediately sat down to admire. Meow Meow Ramirez had a fine day at the plate until he decided to go up left handed. The results were exactly what Brooksy expected....shitty. His range up the middle showed shades of Omar Vizquel. That should come in handy during the playoffs. Somewhere around the 3rd inning Ivan Hidalgo Armstrong rolled up to the game. With his Schwinn in one hand and his pud in the other he wasted no time making a diving catch in CF. He also showed a little on offense scoring twice. Hopefully he doesn't get bit by a rattlesnake on the Oregon trail next week. Finally we get to Ginger Flash Imbody. This guy fought long and hard for CF only to be moved to RF in the 4th inning. Either way it wasn't his defense that all 16 fans will be talking about for years to come. It will be his SECOND steal of home this season. Was it a balk? TECHINICALLY. Was he still safe even though the other pitcher is a cheaterface? UMM HELL YEAH! Also if any of you know a good chiropractor please forward that information to Imbo. His body bounced in a most unnatural manor thru the RH batters box. The Diablos also broke a streak of three games without fines by collecting $5(Thanks Kemo). Next week the regular season wraps up with a 1230pm game @ Crocker Park. Come one, Come all.

Pictured above is a what not to do while putting a tarp on a field. The Diablos 11-10 victory on Sunday was just as ugly. A win is a win I guess, but hot damn it was ugly. It was Sloth from Goonies ugly. There were physical errors. There were mental errors. There were tons of runners left on base. At several points during the afternoon the Diablos didn't know the inning or how many outs there were. I mean Chelsea Clinton ugly. The good things from the game were....uhhhh....Nico hit his first jack as a Diablo.....annnnd......The 1-2 hitters scored seven runs between them.....annnnd.....let me think.......Joe got a million walks(possible exaggeration)......and finally nobody got hurt. Like I said ugly. The Diablos finished the season 11-3 in second place. As we all know second place is the first loser. This position has the Diablos playing this Sunday 1230pm at Balboa Park. They will face the winner of the morning game between somebody we just mercy ruled a few weeks back and a team we have yet to give up a run against in 2014. Come on out and support your Diablos as they continue their journey towards a repeat.

...this Sunday is the final game of the season. A championship will be decided. Possibly by the players. Possibly by outside factors beyond our control. Find a way to make it out to Crocker Park @ 10am. It promises to be a spirited contest with lots of emotion.

Pictured above is Alan. No not the umpire who decided to take matters into his own hands last week. Surprisingly the Alan above is more competent. Yeah I know he drugs his friends, does bumps with Chow and kills giraffes. He is still a better umpire than what we had last week.

I really don't remember this part of the evening

Brother spouting wisdom and useful techniques for lineup creation

How this guy didn't get shot on Mission Street is beyond me

Brother covering all the times Imbo got out, Imbo not giving a damn and the trophy hovering above them

The recaps on these scorecards were the absolute best. Someday we'll have a reunion just to read those again.

The only word that comes to mind is sex

Marcus reminding us all why we play this game

Pacheco Bumgarner....nuff said

FACT: Never have so many balloons been used as make shift penises

I don't know how, but that hat made it home with Brooksy

Oldie but goodie titled Deal with the Devil

 

We should all strive to have as much fun playing the game as he did.

This past Sunday your ass to ass defending champion Diablos got back to it. With cartilage cracking and hamstrings almost popping the boys attempted to knock the rust off. In most cases the score of an exhibition game does not matter and this time was no exception. As the calendar has flipped to a new year some things have stayed the same. Lou is still as prejudiced as ever when he climbs the hill, Yeti's battle cry is still "I'm cool if anyone wants to pitch in my place", and Ivan became the first Diablo EVER to create a kangaroo court fee and have to pay it on the same day. Bravo, sir. Welcome back Diablo faithful. Keep your eyes peeled for updates on our schedule and where Diablo public appearances will be this season.

 

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLets get ready to rumble!!! The word has come from the mountain top that the season starts this week. Sunday 9am your Diablos will face Mexico at Crocker Park. Bring your friends. Bring a neighbor. Bring some random hottie you met at the club. A good time will be had by all. 

"I have firm penis can you use it?" This was a text response from our fearless leader to the question of someone needing a new arm. Yes we are already in mid-season form.

This past Sunday your Diablos began their title defense in the same fashion as the previous two seasons....With a loss. Was it ugly? Yes. Is the sky falling? Not likely! This squad is as battled scarred as any this scribe has ever followed. This loss will only stick with the team until Brooks' knee returns to regular size. Bastards! Toeing the slab for what felt like his 27th Opening Day start for the Diablos was none other than Lou "Quisenberry" Gardella. Believe me he tried to have someone else do it, but Yeti hadn't returned from his hibernation on the Matterhorn. Like death and taxes Lou tried his best to hit someone every 0-2 count he had. A little run support and solid defense could've helped him overcome that submarine delivery. On offense the Diablos had it all. Liberty Court base running...check. Shitty first pitch swings...check. A solo homerun from PR Sainz...che...Wait WTF! Yes the power stroke from our resident left hander seemed to have rolled out of bed with him. He says it was the shades. Meow-Meow says it was his pre at-bat advice. I think it was the fierce 3 mph wind blowing out to RF. All of this is unconfirmed. One thing I do know in 5 years (possibly 5 months) it will turn into an Opening Day Grand Salami that drove in 7 RBI's. The Diablos are off to observe the Easter holiday(Yeah right. These heathens) this weekend so look for an updated schedule to appear within the next week. 

The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here! Well not really. The schedule has been brought down from the mountain top. Okay more like etched on a cocktail napkin. The road to glory has been set. Come join the Diablos on their quest for A2A2M. Oh and click on the schedule link to the left for the uh ya know schedule.

 

This past Sunday your Diablos took the field looking to break into the win column for the first time this season. Did they happen to bring their hitting sticks? You bet! Did any of their bombs happen to bring rain? Hell no. It is good to know that although the Diablos cannot end the drought they could definitely supply power to NorCal if rolling blackouts returned. Brother tweaked the lineup ever so slightly and the rout was on. This week featured the return of the Yeti Pacheco. After a spring sojourn to the highest peaks of Camelback mountain he found his way back to the cleanup spot and still hasn't made an out. His purchase of new lumber produced the first back breaking grand slam of the day. The presence of his mom probably didn't hurt(Thanks Mama!). He even managed to not tear anything after stretching at 1B. Next up we had Fredo extending his home run streak to two games. Vegas had his next longball coming somewhere in his late 40's. We were all pleasantly surprised. Only a left hander would attribute his new found power stroke to his sunglasses. I say it's the coffee his mom keeps bringing(Thanks Mama!). Capping off the laser show was a grand slam from Marcus. His power may come from his healthy diet and overall hotness. I believe he was just trying to show a little strength so that crane in the outfield wouldn't swallow him too(poor groundhog). Either way it was an impressive show of power. Meow Meow Ramirez overcame a spiking at second to chip in some loud contact and rap out four hits. Imbo survived a dangerous soft toss incident involving age and gravity to rip a few hits including a double thru the CF fence. Joltin Joe Chaika decided to use the sun ball to dropping a double. Hitting it over an outfielder is overrated as hell. Climbing the hill was Gluten Free Gardella. He got the W with incompetent field engineering and solid control. His heat was hotter. The Angels didn't really have a chance once he started letting out his Monica Seles grunts after every inning. The post game spread didn't really have a chance once he started eating luke warm hotdogs. Making their Diablo debuts were Andrew Pelzl and Michael Cereghino. Pez worked hard behind the plate and learned how to speak Lou in no time flat. Michael pinch hit and showed veteran poise moving a runner over. Come join us next week as the Diablos play their first afternoon game of the season. 

This past Sunday your Diablos found themselves in a dog fight with Veracruz. In the end they triumphed with a 9th inning explosion that carried them to victory. Was it a pretty win? Umm no. Will we take it? YOU BET. Climbing the hill (a regulation mound this time) was none other than Lou "Workmans Comp" Gardella. His offseason plan of scaling back his innings workload is failing miserably. The union does not approve. He tossed his usual 9 innings of what we like to call Lou-ball. Dominate one inning. Start screwing around with his arm slot the next. Either way he would have had an easier day if it wasn't for a defense that resembled a wet fart. Bright spots on the day were Michael doing his best Smalls impression and locking down RF to start the game. Marcus told Father Time "No, No, No" and hosed a runner at home to help end a rally. Props to Pelzlzlzlzlz for using his face when his glove didn't work behind the dish. Concussion protocols weren't followed and he stayed in the game. On offense Meow Meow Ramirez and David Bobby continued to rip with four hits a piece. The two game home run streak for the Diablos ended on Sunday. Obviously the wind was blowing in. With the new uniforms touting our A2A championships the reasons for every team to hate us just keep piling up. Man I love this squad. Next up is a 9am game Sunday at the field of science aka Crocker 2. 

This past Sunday your Diablos won their third game in a row. Did the game start out ugly? If you call 6 errors in the first 2 innings ugly than YES. Did they manage to rise above their opponents bush league tactics? YOU BET. Much like your older brothers 1972 Pontiac the Diablo offense took a while to warm up. The early offense was easily forgotten behind an absolute circus on defense. It's possible a secret blood pact was made to welcome Yeti's return to the hill with a bloopers reel for the ages. My calls to confirm have not been returned. We had awful throws to first. We had ill advised throws into the dugouts. We had grounders avoiding leather by all means possible. We had Rube Bakeresque throws back to the pitcher. We even had a warm-up ball grabbed and used during a play. Basically it would have been a bonanza if we had been playing error card bingo. Despite all that Yeti managed to claw his way thru two excruciating innings. Keeping his pitch count in the low 200's he was quoted as saying "Raawwrrr". Eloquent as always. Picking up where Yeti left off was "Bee Keeper" Gardella. His hotter heat was sweet as honey striking out the side in his first inning. A certain buzz grew in the opponents dugout when they realized they may not get another base runner. The sting of reality was that they did end up getting on base, but never scored another run. See what I did there. On offense the three stars were PR Sainz with his 3rd homer of the season, "Abby" Hidalgo knocking his first homerun since tee ball(and knocking Yeti into 4th place) and Marcus "It's a family affair" Reed continuing his march towards the 3000 hit club. The Diablos remain undefeated on the season when scoring double digits. Obviously Brother has done a fine job tinkering with the lineup. Your Diablos next game is Sunday @ 1230 and is guaranteed to have more fans in attendance than today's Orioles-White Sox game. Today's picture is titled "How to remove Ebola from your bat". It's a simple process that Yeti can explain in three grunts or less.

Not much to say on this one. The Diablos pitched Johnny Wholestaff to get the win. MeowMeow hit a bomb for his mom. Bird continued his torrid hitting stretch(The move to San Mateo has paid dividends). The defense continues to throw and kick the ball all around the yard. Your Diablos are on pace for 276 errors for the season. Obviously Brother isn't burning enough peeps at practice. 

This past Sunday your Diablos extended their winning streak to 5. Did they make former Diablos look like Superstars? Lou definitely obliged. Was it as dominant as the score indicated? Hell No. In keeping with the recent tradition of Knoblauching the ball all over the diamond the Diablos started their day off with multiple errors in the 1st inning. With Yeti's yoga skills tested and the Liberty Court connection not ya know connecting the Black Sox held the lead for the first three innings. Another strong pitching performance was turned in by the Bee Keeper. After giving up some "laser beams" in the first inning he settled down and locked it down for his 4th win of the season. Pez made his Diablo debut with 2 shutout innings. The offense was it's usual take your time, let the pills kick in self. I can only equate the 2015 Diablo offense to your uncle's 1984 Dodge Rampage. It took a while to warm up, but once it got going you were able to cruise the avenue for babes all night long. It started at the top with David Bobby Bering Straits continued his race to 200 hits. He also added a dive in the outfield(unsuccessful) and a superman sprawl(successful) on the infield. Thank you Myrow. Meow-Meow continued to prove he was "Championship MVP" by lacing the ball around the yard. Next time maybe you hit it over the fence and not to it. Yeti was able to make a few outs and not toss his bat into the Crocker 2 ooze so that's an improvement. Bird continued his white hot streak with the bat. Tweet tweet! Joltin' Joe was bent over by Kemo once again. It's almost becoming so regular I question their relationship status. Niko found out what it's like to bat for Brooksy when he wore a pitch in his first AB. The march to A2A2M continues next week with a 1230 game against the Titans.

This past Sunday your Diablos wrapped up the first half of the season with a 3-0 victory against the Titans. The weather was ugly and the offense was even uglier. Late scratches for a Yeti, a ginger and kid with two first names had Brother scrambling to re-create his ultimate lineup. No seriously he showed me the lineup he wrote the night before including all those guys. Was I concerned that his first lineup was written with no clothes on? Thats why I didn't touch it. Should every Diablo lineup be written this way? YOU BET! In scoring 3 WHOLE runs you can imagine their were many heroes on this day. Their was Brooksy trying to actual make solid contact resulting in outs every time. He will now return to hitting Brooksy specials just over the infield. You had Joltin Joe flashing his deceptive speed on the base paths which equaled zero runs scored. Marcus decided to bring the Trader Joes/Sexy Time/Oil change strikeout shirt back to the park and promptly made his claim to keep it. Abby then just as promptly "earned" the shirt from him while trying to impress a female. He would later drive in a run, but said female took her talents elsewhere. Niko padded the resume with a couple of knocks, but spent most of the day chasing errant snowballs at 1B. Meow-Meow got stolen bases 636 and 637 on the season. His blinding speed continued through the parking lot to his car and home that we couldn't get a post-game quote. If we had gotten one it would have gone like this "We've been pretty fortunate with our start times. The Earth is tilting downhill when I reach base so the catcher really has no chance. Science Fool!" Bird continued his assault on Dimaggio's hitting streak. The move to San Mateo is still proving to be the best type of batting practice. On the mound was Bee-Keeper Gardella. Making his final start at Crocker E=MC2 field he was planning on using it to his advantage. Boy did he. With the Diablos reaching their 2 error minimum early in the contest he battled through spreading out his HBP's and walks so no runners could cross the plate. Striking out 13 Titans definitely helped his cause. Also aiding his cause was hitting pre-game grounders to Brooksy. Through a field of acorns, used needles, secret ooze and pot holes that would make Mayor Lee proud he prepared his 2B for a game of anything but routine grounders. Reaching the 9th inning with a 3-0 lead only about 23% of the people in attendance not wearing Titans uniforms knew he was tossing a no-hitter. With 1 out the dream was shattered with a pinch hit single laced up the middle. In true Diablo fashion Marcus sandbagged the runner into attempting to stretch it into a double. After he hosed the runner I am positive I saw him holster his cannon. Much discussion was had in the parking lot as to what went wrong. The number of karmic flat tires Lou has performed led us to believe there was no way it was going to happen on this day. We have now reached the All-Star break so Diablo fans can recharge their batteries for what will surely be an epic second half push.

This past Sunday your Diablos returned from a ridiculously long All-Star break to defeat their old nemesis Mexico 6-5 in 10 innings. Did the layoff help recharge the Diablo offense? All signs point to no. Will the Diablos take the win despite looking like Little Caesers leftovers? YOU BETCHA! Bee Keeper Gardella kept his pitch count to the low 200's and tossed all 10 innings while resembling Captain America. Not the dude tearing up Nazi's and carrying a shield. More like Cap before he took the juice and got ripped. Seriously he's wasting away before our eyes. Yeti continued his assault on the 3rd base coaching box. He made Brother use that bionic hip more than he does in the tryout container at the Port of Oakland. Propping the fathead up when Yeti bats is not being taken off the table. David Bobby Bering Strait enjoyed another few firsts in his baseball career: 1)An actual shit show in the home team dugout and B)5-0 having to remove a hobo from the field. He also hosed a dude at 3B from RF. He actually only gets half an assist for that one because Brooksy whispering "Hose him" was the most important part of that play. He may have just come up and ate it without that fine piece of advice. Meow-Meow Ramirez showed all five tools on Sunday. The one that stood out was his speed. He didn't add to his planet leading stolen base total, but he did outrun the shit out of a pop up to the shallow outfield. I've only seen Superman do something like that. Truly awe inspiring. PR Sainz showed that the Tour of California and Bottle Rock didn't dull his hitting eye as management had feared. In fact I think the time off helped hone his BS skills because he had Mistry keeping book in his favor all damn day. Other than not being able to rob a homer ten feet over the fence he had a quality day. He also rocked the long sleeve that resembled something your aunt might wear to her work softball game. Finally we get to Robbie Trejo. I call him that only because the game ended with Nieves claiming him as his son for the 76th time. If he had gotten rung up by Brendan Farley then he would have been disowned. Robbie showed a solid game all around. He used the bat, his glove and his nogging. Seriously I hope Tiff didn't let him go to sleep after the post-game. Dude was concussed. Robbie ended up getting the routine bases loaded walk-off walk. It was a fitting end to a typical battle between these familiar foes. Next week the Diablos play a late game against the Angels. Like Matthews on top of the hill used to say "Bring a freind, get a bike!"

This weekend your Diablos win streak ended against the Angels in a 16-9 loss. Some good things happened and several bad things happened. Here is a recount of all the notable events...Abby the human caught, batted lead-off and didn't injure himself, well we haven't heard the results of his flag football game so we'll go with caught and batted lead-off...Yeti played the field without incident after graciously offering to DH...Imbo hit the cut-off TWICE...Niko made a beautiful diving catch in RF that was reminiscent of when the statue of Saddam Hussein was toppled in Iraq...PR Sainz walked almost every time he batted, He lobbied for hits on the other ones with no luck...Michael almost had his eyes pop out when told he was starting at 2B...He then proceeded to field more balls than he didn't and shit talked Brooksy all the way back to the dugout...Bee Keeper sucked it up and took the hit for all 9 innings on the bump...Mistry officially joined the Diablos with his first Kangaroo Court fine...All in all it was only super ugly at the end. The Diablos look to get back on the winning side next Sunday in their first game of the season at Balboa Park. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where were you on 06/28/15? A question many Diablo fans will ask themselves in the coming decades. It is a date to be remembered much like the day Kennedy was assassinated or the first time you heard the Backstreet Boys. After a two game slide which saw your beloved Diablos start contemplating wearing lingerie (The rose goes in the front?) something had to be done. A statement needed to be made. Well the call to the baseball gods was answered in the form of a 15-2 shellacking of Altegracia. Did the game start out with errors and the Diablos falling behind? YOU BET. Could SCOTUS have stopped the Diablos offense? HELL NO. On a weekend where pride seemed to be the theme your Diablos dug deep and showed a little. Starting the laser show was none other than Abby "Where da white women at?" Hidalgo. He continued his power surge hitting a homer for the second consecutive game. Don't cut that hair! He also pulled into a tie for the team lead, but Fredo quickly took that back with a jack of his own. PR sprinkled in a triple as well. The week off from work really helped. We got a look at old skool Marcus when he flashed his muscle for a homer and showed his speed on the bases. In fact he was so fast he rounded third, laid down for a nap, went back to chat with Nieves and then scored after stealing 2B. Almost all of that last sentence is truth. The real power display was in the 4th inning when Niko, Robbie and Jeff went BACK to BACK to BACK. Niko padded his resume with a start behind the plate and was rewarded for his efforts. Robbie cowboy'd up by embarrassing the cut off man and ignoring Nieves at 3B. Meow Meow followed it all up by using the California drought to his advantage. Imbo missed the chance for a fourth jack in true Diablo fashion by hitting it directly at the winded and slightly defeated RF. All in all it was a great day for the bats. Nieves had pure gold flowing from his pen when he wrote the lineup. At least I think it was gold. Bird took the hill for his first start of the season and didn't disappoint. Obviously his getting to bed early and having a balanced nutritious breakfast before the game had him in fine form. His only blip was dropping a pop up on infield, but hey at least he didn't wear it off his forehead. Great job fellas. Let's get this train rolling so come playoff time we make a few more teams quit. Happy 4th of July!

This past Sunday your Diablos showed up. No seriously they SHOWED UP. Whether it was the looseness brought on by completing warm ups before the other team even showed up or the dedication of the win to fighting sickle cell anemia. The 15-0 victory over Batahola was highlighted by the fact that it was over before anyone could wake up for the afternoon game. As one Diablo pointed out "We were 3 beers deep in the parking lot before anyone even showed up for the 12:30 games". Unofficially(Because that time we told homeboys team to step because he only had 8 in the playoffs is still a better story) this stands as the fastest game in Diablo history at 1 hour 25 minutes. Pitching the "chickenhawk" complete game was none other than the Bee Killer Gardella. Whether it's the biking through Guadalupe Canyon or hunger strikes for world peace it seems that Stella indeed has his groove back on the mound. Yeti added to his impressive 1.26667 batting average with a few more bloops into the outfield. He also has been named in a copyright lawsuit for hogging all the "Brooksy Specials". Dick move, bro. Joltin Joe Chaika showed up to the park not ready. In fact he wasn't ready when his ride fetched him from the gutter before the game. He still managed to knock in a run and get a part-time job at Trader Joe's. Enjoy the shirt. Imbo started off the game with a catch in RF only Sully Sullenberger could love. He was quoted after the game saying "Well it's easier than doing soft toss". Indeed. PR Sainz put some good wood on the ball AND showed how to put a lot of leather on the ball at 1B. I believe the Amazon Prime Day did have a solid sale on the Tom Emansky VHS collection. Hopefully Fredo made the wait list. Meow Meow Ramirez had himself a day. He had three hits on three pitched balls. Maybe it was two pitches. I don't know. The line drives he sprayed around the park were impressive. Afterwards in the parking lot it was like a scene out of Hollywood. A wayward scout was lost and his car broke down. He catches the ball game at Crocker and witnesses Meow Meows greatness. While in the parking lot he comes over and offers him a deal to play for the Rancho Cucamonga CrackaKillas. During the tense negotiations he overhears that Meow Meow's bats are using performance enhancers. The deal was pulled off the table and his car magically started up. Better luck next time.

This past Sunday your Diablos hung on to defeat the Black Sox 14-11. The game was played on the surface of the sun. This was the first time in Diablo history where the “Save the ice for the beer” rule came back to bite us in the ass. By the 5^th inning or 17^th hour of this game every water had either been consumed or heated to 97 degrees. On the field was a much different story. Neither team was what you would consider hot. Unless bleeders over the infielders heads are what you dig. Making his Diablo debut on the mound was Niko. He had prepared for this start by bashing Croatian rocks into the nearest lake. Not encouraged by Tom Emansky. His effort was futile as the defense continued it’s season long letdown. Meow Meow Ramirez did his best Yusmeiro Petit impression and hung on for the victory in relief. On the offense the usual suspects did their thing. David Bobby continued his march toward 200 hits spending most of the day on base. Meow Meow hit another jack(Pushing Yeti further down the leaderboard) and swiped his league leading 724^th stolen base. Robbie moseyed around the bases scoring at will. Brooksy saw something like 63 pitches in his 4 at-bats. Showing the youngins how to work a count. Joltin’ Joe showed up ready this week and promptly had Kemo bend him over. This seems to be a weekly occurrence. The remainder of this recap will be dedicated to the memory of Imbo’s .998 Fielding%. It had a solid run. Imbo made sure to remind us of it semi-regularly and it was never seriously challenged UNTIL GreyBush stepped to the plate. The laser beam that he sent Imbo’s way had Uh-Oh written all over it. The swiftness with which it was played into a Little League Homerun (Single-3 base error) was in true Diablo fashion. It doesn’t have the same ring to it, but here’s to Imbo’s new shiny .910 fielding%. Congratulate him the next time you find yourself at the yard.

Well, well, well another season of Diablos baseball has begun. In true Diablo fashion the records are already being broken. This time it was attendance for a Winter Meeting. Pictured above you can see there were 1, 2, 3.....like 27 people there. The beer flowed, shots were poured and baseball was discussed. It's looking like the same cast of characters will be taking the field for Brother (Of course everyone and their mom has a guy who can pitch 200 innings or hit 20 homers with a gold glove if only they can get off the couch....HA friggin liars). The off-season saw many changes for your Diablos. Some got engaged, some joined pyramid schemes and some had kids. The most important news from the meeting is that a bounty has been raised for this seasons homerun leader. The pot is already up to $160. Can't wait to watch the overweight guys round 3rd with dollar signs in their eyes and irregular heartbeats in their chests. Spring training officially starts Feb 21st, 1pm at Balboa Park. 

Diablos first and only practice game of the season is this Sunday 4/3 at Tennyson park in Hayward. First pitch is at 1pm and we need to be in full uniform. Team picture and ID pictures will be taken. A prize will be awarded to gnarliest facial hair for the ID picture. Think serial killer or toothless hobo.

**UPDATE** 

Field has been changed for this weeks game to Sunset High School. Directions have been added to the schedule. Now you can invite your loved ones to the game.

This past Sunday your Diablos ventured into new territory. Now playing in the Bay Area Bay Bridge Baysball league in Hayward/Fremont/Union City/Oakland they were forced with ceremonies and pageantry they hadn't seen in years. The above picture is how we presented ourselves. We put our best pair of youth pants forward(Thanks Fredo) and told the league we're here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. The breakdown of the day went like this...

The Opening Day ceremony:

The announcement was for teams to arrive 0830 SHARP. When the ceremony started promptly around 915ish all Diablos were present and accounted for. Unfortunately, what we had to stand through was an abomination highlighted by the desecration of the American Flag. Letting a child drag it through the dirt and essentially wipe his ass with it was enough to make this players blood boil. Everything else that transpired was on par with that. Luckily this only lasted 20-25 mins.

The Game:

After traveling along 880 we arrived at McConnell field. Whomever McConnell pissed off in his life to have this placed named after him is still holding a grudge. I guess the only positive is that you can get a great deal on some Axe Body Spray from the locals. Yeti didn't make the purchase. With the faint pops of gunshots your Diablos put forth a textbook ass whoopin. Skinny Lou made the declaration he was "Going 9 today" and didn't disappoint. Tossing a 1-hit shutout en route to a 7-0 victory. He also swung the bat well enough to earn a (insert middle finger) OBP. The early leader for the Homerun bounty is the ageless wonder Marcus Reed. His 1st inning jack would be described by Jon Miller as "Soaring and Majestic" He also ran the bases like a madman so he definitely slept good last night. PR Sainz (and his aforementioned pants) was a Sac Fly machine. He also added a few knocks and was done dry by the base umpire. Fortunately he didn't have to field anything or else he would've wanted the league MVP trophy right then and there. Cowboy Robbie Rodriguez played some solid 3B and wore a pitch off his metal ass. Yes you had to be there. Brooksy flashed some leather like a stud and ran back to the dugout with his head down. They don't make them like this anymore ladies and gentlemen. The only thing missing was Brother telling him "You still got it, Brother!". All in all a solid debut which will get word around the league that we aren't messing around. PLUS we all made it home safe and didn't become "collateral damage". The Diablos play at the same park next week so fans please don't come.

A win is a win is a win. This is what all Diablos players, fans and front office personnel went home muttering to themselves. After utter domination in Week 1 the baseball gods humbled the Diablos in countless ways. Whether it was making Brooksy do the Candlestick pop up dance (At Yeti's request) or the floating strike zone that ended more than a few players AB's. In the end it didn't matter because their intestinal fortitude and solid relief pitching sealed the 9-7 victory. Climbing the hill for his first start (in a decade?) was “Oil Can” Lary. With the confidence of Satchel Paige and the mechanics of Bartolo Colon he gutted his way thru 4 innings. Luckily he was well versed in the leagues hit batters policy so he kept his totals just under the ejection threshold. Another mound debut was made by Bird Nielsen. World leaders could take lessons from him on composure. The numerous pitches down the dick that were called balls would have made Ghandi start shooting. His patience paid off and his relief stint led to a chicken hawk victory. Coming in for the Bruce Sutter 3-inning save was Lou “95mph” Gardella. With his combination of 95mph fastballs and 95mph off speed pitches he made quick work of the Orioles. He also failed to mention his OBP even once during postgame. Breaking his own Ripkenesque streak. The offense was once again a solid team effort. What I’m most proud of his the SEVEN 2-out runs scored on Sunday. No inning was conceded. Starting things at the top was Marcus scoring 2 runs and showing the wheels. PR Sainz once again put on a clinic going the other way with authority and a lob wedge. One of his hits looked foul as a mutha, but the only person who mattered called it fair. He also skinned his knee. Jeff “Hunter Pance” Ramirez showed some hustle on the base paths taking anything the defense would give him. He also showed a fine ability to take the bat out of Niko’s hands and should never, ever be called out in the postgame circle. He no likey. Yeti Pacheco murdered a bat, but got 2 rbis in the process. He also had an impressive streak of calling out the wrong fielder every time a ball went in the air. He lives 10 miles away from Brooksy, but I’m positive I just heard Yeti call for him to grab the fork that is falling off his kitchen table. This was Yeti’s last game for a while. Too many stump removals and chasing hikers off the mountain has landed him on the DL. Good luck, Brother. Freddie Yadi Rodriguez Sierra got his first hit as a Diablo and promptly enrolled in the Liberty Court base runners skool. Well done. You may now have your own name. Imbo made his season debut in RF and didn’t disappoint at the plate. His stealing of Brooksy oppo hits was pre-approved and always enjoyed. Also getting into the action was Courtney and Ally from the bleachers. Homeboy from the Orioles was about an hour and half late on a pitch and fouled it directly at them. Like a cat Ally leaned 2 inches to her left and Courtney just screamed in the general direction of the field. All were ok, but we’ve petitioned the league to have extra netting put around all our fans. We’ll see what they say. Next week the Diablos have an early one against Veracruz. Bring a friend!

**Pictured below is Lou showing the proper Union posture for a 15 minute break**

 

This past Sunday your Diablos played their first morning game in Fremont. It was a rather forgettable 7-6 loss to Veracruz. Did they get out to an early 5-0 lead? Yes. Would they eventually cough it up in Buckneresque fashion? YOU BET! All in all there wasn’t much to write home about.  9-5 Gardella had a solid start, but the new bat may not be a great purchase. Imbo and Rob returned from their trip to Pleasure Cove ready to hit and talk about each others “ribs”. Yeah I think it was code too.  Bird Nielsen continued his cycle of steroids and rapped three more hits. Nobody talk to him about it. Seriously you’ll get him out of the zone. Niko had his first Sac Fly of the season AND helped attend to an injured fan after the game. Another line added to his loaded resume. Atta boy. Huddy Brooks made his first appearance and got to see us puke all over ourselves. He felt right at home. Other than that it didn’t feel like Diablo baseball. Hopefully this first loss will be the wake up call these guys need. Let’s get back to backing each other up and playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back.

This Sunday your San Francisco Diablos returned to Northgate Park for a match with EL Rockies of 

somewhere south of the border. “Oil Can” Lary took the start for the Diablos and proceeded to dart the

strike zone with a variety of pitches, all with sprinkles on top. The Diablo defense showed up ready to

field anything that came their way, including a grounder to Bird at second that took a Hayward hop off

his head, but with cat like reflexes David Bobby was there to scoop it, fling right past the rattled head of

Bird to get the runner at first. After which time was called to evaluate the endangered Bird through the

league’s concussion protocol, with a few simple nods & guesses he was cleared by the medical staff.

The Diablo offense came ready, from the 1 st inning baseballs were being peppered around the yard.

“Skeet Shooter” Robbie lined a couple hits, “Ageless” Marcus Reed performed a clinic on how to hit line drives

into the other team’s gloves, finally getting one to fall later in the game, “Herbal Joe”, continued to

show off his slim physique and swung the bat well. As the game progressed the Diablos continued to

steal bases, score runs and take full advantage of the snowball fights EL Rockies produced. “PR” Sainz

tossed his hat into the home run race with a towering blast down the right field line, which for once

didn’t hook foul. The Diablos cruised into the 7 th inning up 8-1, and then the CURSED inning reared its

ugly head. A couple of walks, grounders through the wickets and you know the rest… with body

sacrificing diving catch in left to save a potential base clearing play, the Diablos went to the pen and

called “Browns Hat” Boylan who came in and got the elusive final out. In the top of the 8 th , the

determined Diablos came out swinging, getting runners on 1 st & 2 nd , a timely double steal from David

Bobby and “Skeet Shooter” Robbie put runners in scoring position. For 2 nd game in a row, PR Sainz was

intentionally walked to bring up the Bird. The concussed Bird man made El Rockies pay for their

decision with a laser that scored 2 runs. With runners on 1 st & 3 rd , PR Sainz screwed Freddy Molina out

of an RBI with poor reflexes and bad tires on a fly to left. Downshifting and revving high, PR Sainz

scurried down to home on a pass ball and slid into home to add another run for the Diablos (the umpire

would later call a “perfect slide”). Bird climbed the hill in the 8 th and shut down EL Rockies, and in the

bottom of the 9th to close the game, Concussed Bird made bird feed out of EL Rockies line up. He got

some nice help from Nico in right on a line drive that required the big man to use all 14’ 3” of his wing

span to snatch it out of the sky. Hats off to the Diablos for playing hard all 9 innings and more

importantly, playing for the name on the front of the jersey. Honorable mention to the right side of the

defense for being stuck soooooo close the mariachi band that jammed all fucking game…

This past Sunday your Diablos played a game for the ages. All those in attendance saw a tense battle filled with excellent pitching and timely hitting. In the end the good guys pulled it out 3-2 in 11 innings. The heroics were too numerous to chronicle so I’m going to break down each players day. I guess the best place to start would be with Mullet Gardella. His 11 inning gem was a throwback to the days of Christy Matthewson, Juan Marichal and Jack Morris. He also showed super human speed when smelling a win on the base paths. It could’ve just been his arms were flailing faster than normal, but damn white boy was burning around the bases. He also rounded out his day by creating a new Kangaroo Court fine for being yelling across the diamond like a twat. Don’t do that. David Bobby flashed some leather in LF and left the Toros with a Berning sensation when he hit the game deciding rbi triple in the 11^th inning. He also was able to navigate B2B traffic in under 6 hours. I still blame him for all traffic in the area. PR Sainz continued his torrid hitting gathering two more hits. He even legged out a double on his run flats. His day also included telling a knee brace to take a hike. Jeff allowed the 330’ sign to creep into his head until he came up with a clutch hit in the 9^th inning. Robbie Trejo came up with a game tying hit in the 9^th inning. He also scored the go ahead run by looking directly into the catchers eyes and glamouring the ball out of his glove. Seriously, he was out by 20 feet. He probably tries that on Tiff at home and she sees right thru his BS. Imbo broke his own personal record and possibly the world record for put outs by a RF. All that work out there probably affected him at the plate since he finally got the K-shirt. A shirt he said he would NEVER earn. This is a good lesson for the kiddies. Never say never. Marcus had a rare quiet day at the plate, but his outfield fundamentals were on full display. His angle and cut off of a ball in the gap turned a surefire double into a single. The degree of difficulty was high since the outfield didn’t have a flat spot anywhere. Freddie performed his usual magic blocking everything and handling the staff (Lou). He also worked a couple big walks that factored in the final score. His public relations game needed a little help since the home plate umpire decided to stick his hand down his pants instead of ring up homeboy for the final out. It’s not fair but that’s on you HA. Bird came in as a pinch runner for possibly the first time in his life. He didn’t disappoint. HerbaJoe came up with the game on the line and predictably ripped a double that started the 9^th inning rally. It was a huge turning point and can only be chalked up to meal replacement. He also had his pants high and looks skinny as hell. Basically all the single ladies in the Bay Area have been served notice. Brooksy pulled off the amazing feat of not using his bat for 4 AB’s. Luckily he brought his leather and flashed it accordingly. He and Lou also picked off their 273^rd runner off second base. Shit was surgical. Brother put together a lineup that found a way to win despite 14 strikeouts. He also showed us his “special” money. Next week the game is at 1pm so y’all have no excuse to miss it.

 

This past Sunday your Diablos clubbed Nayarit into submission with a 14-7 victory. Clubbed actually may be too light a word. How about pummeled? Yeah that seems right for a team that produced 19 hits. Some of them went far(Marcus and Imbo). Some went only a few feet(Brooksy). Either way they all added up to a convincing victory for the good guys. Leading the way was Cowboy Rodriguez and Super Mario Jeff with 4 hits apiece. Jeff didn’t lose his hat once on the field which was an amazing feat in itself. Marcus regained the lead for the homerun bounty with a 2-run bomb in the 5^th. His bat and CF range almost make up for his allergic reaction to keeping book. Almost. Imbo decided to toss his hat in the ring for the bounty as well with 3-run tater in the 7^th. It’s towering trajectory was lessened by his watching in from the batters box. His postgame comments of “I thought it was going foul” were quickly and correctly called bullshit. PR Sainz quietly kept his hitting streak going and also found another team willingly to pitch around him. His reputation spans both sides of the Bay. On the other side of the diamond the heroics were plentiful. You had DavidBobby making a great catch in LF while eating the fence. I believe they made plans to get drinks this week. You had Imbo wandering in from the cornfield to settle down the game from the mound. He gives enough pitching advice from out in RF that it was good to see him put it to good use. You had Freddy throwing out three runners trying to steal second. I believe he spent the final three innings with his nuts hanging out just because he could.  You had Brooksy flashing leather and barehand all over 2B. If he had a scouting report it would definitely say “In lieu of athleticism he has a high motor”. The Diablos ended up using 4 pitchers on the day. Possibly a record since the original Diablo Constitution simply states that you ride the starting pitcher until he can't wipe his ass properly or he gives up 14 earned runs. Whichever comes first.  Yeti made an appearance while still on the DL. He looked good other than the terrible backpack, but hey those severed heads of wayward hikers aren’t gonna carry themselves. He also provided the pictures of the game. Well done. Another notable occurrence was the lack of Kangaroo Court fines. Probably a good thing since this season has seen a record number of IOUs. Cough up your bucks ya cheap bastards. Postgame BBQ was well attended and well stocked. This week your Diablos are off for Memorial Day. We’ll be back on 6/5 @ 1pm.

This past Sunday your Diablos were challenged and came out on top. It wasn't a yellow challenge flag. It wasn't a challenge call to New York. It wasn't even a Double Dare physical challenge. It was the challenge of not falling into a trap with the Bandits coach. More on that in a bit. It was the easiest lineup Brother has had to make all season. Nine showed up so nine names was all he had to write. The offense was led by Meow Meow Ramirez who got himself on the board for the Homerun bounty. He also showed off his cheetah speed in stealing bases at will. DavidBobby also showed some speed around the base paths until he tore his hose(pictured above with his train riding hobo hand). He also missed the post game festivities at the Diablo Den so he will be taking a wonderful whiff of Brooksy cup this week. Avoid the public hairs. Imbo knocked the ball around the yard and introduced Liberty Court base running to the new league. It's not often the CF can pick you off after the age of 10. Kemo knocked a couple hits and even showed off a grave digger while swiping second. He also took offense to his range being called out as "old" by the opposing coach. You know how this looks right? Fredo got a kneeoctomy south of the border and looked pretty much the same. HerbaJoe added a hit so the carpool wouldn't go 0-fer. Always the team player. Niko strapped on the tools of ignorance and didn't disappoint. He gunned down a would be base stealer AND scored a sweet Diablo smelling shirt for the week. Charlie Sheen would call that Winning. Pin Dropper Gardella took the mound after his "week off" and pitched a solid game. He kept his pitch count under 200 so he was able to notch another complete game. The only problem was he didn't challenge enough hitters or so the opposing coach chirped in the 9th inning. It was quite the exchange after Louseefus punched out the final batter of the game to hear a losing coach whine about the pitcher being good at what he does. I believe his philosophy falls in line with Donald Drumpf in that he wants to "Make everyone throw fastballs again". Pin Dropper later challenged my back fence and won so the day wasn't a total failure for him. Either way the better team won and the Diablos have pushed their record to 6-1. The first half of the season wraps up this Sunday and you should be there. Bring a friend or a complete stranger.

 

update to follow...

This Sunday your Diablos won an extra inning thriller 5-4 over the Koras. Save your ticket stubs so you can tell your grand kids all about this one. There were numerous heroics and it seemed like everyone had a hand in the victory. It all started at the top with Brother putting pen to paper and constructing a line-up that would creak out just enough runs to win it. He also showed some eerie fortune telling skills when he called the bottom half getting the tie and top getting the win in the 10^th inning. I would tell him to head to Vegas with his new found abilities but then who would bring the tequila. Gerald David Bobby Berning sensation showed up to the yard dressed like a beach bum. The sandals worked since the other team underestimated his hitting abilities and he got the walk-off hit. Let’s hope he saved some fireworks for his family visit next Sunday. Cowboy Rob finally returned from his hiatus and didn’t disappoint. He knocked the ball all over the yard. He also threw it all over the yard as well. He actually tested the fence height behind 1B so we all now know how high we can miss without giving the other team an extra base. Meow-Meow Ramirez showed up talking a big game and then he went out and backed it up. The list of his accomplishments is endless. He played solid D. He ripped a oppo homerun. He stole a base on a rifle armed catcher. He got in and out of a pickle while simultaneously arguing with the umpire. He popped his hip out/in on a pickoff attempt. He showed the kids on the bball court how to dunk. I’m almost positive I saw him on the drive home carrying people from a burning building. PR Sainz didn’t have his usual day at the plate. He fielded as many balls in LF(1) as times he dropped his bat at the plate(1 very sad time). Luckily he won’t go cutting his ear off just yet. He told the squad to “be impressive” and while it didn’t seem like it during the game it was evident after. The team was damn impressive in getting this victory. Marcus had his usual steady day on the diamond. Knocked a couple hits. Made his plays in CF. He also chewed out/comforted Meow Meow on one play and it was awesome. It was apparent he missed Imbo in RF to rap about Lou’s pitch selection. Hurry back, Nick. HerbaJoe is okay for all those concerned. His attempt at fielding a pop-up in the sun with nothing but his face ended exactly how you would expect it to. The chipped tooth will have zero effect on his love life. Brooksy did a little of everything on Sunday. He looked completely over matched at the plate until the team absolutely needed a hit, lost a pop up in the sun(Did not attempt the face catch)and shoulder shivered a bigger dude to the ground on a pickoff attempt. Bird showed up squawking about how the shoulder would perform. He then went out and caught a solid game and gunned down the only guy silly enough to attempt a steal. His oppo approach at the plate looked good and his hustle from home to first was appreciated. Pin Drop Gardella once again proved to be the Diablo horse. Still feeling the All-Star game sting he went the distance tossing 10 innings. It looked like he would be the tough luck loser, but the Diablos reached deep and pulled a win straight from their arse for him. He was also involved in 13 strikeouts on the day. Scooby Raul Noyes made his season debut and got to score the winning run. He also found out that giving your jersey to adoring fans does have a price. Finally we come to Kemo who was a sorcerer on Sunday. What he displayed in the 10^th inning rally could only be described as Black Magic. Let me set the scene for you. Zero outs, runner on 1^st, down by one. Kemo sneaks a single into RF and we’re now sitting 1^st and 3^rd. He creeps off first and breaks for 2^nd. The pitcher shits his pants, steps off the mound and looks the runner on 3^rd back. Kemo grave diggers into 2^nd and the entire park can’t believe what they saw. Next Bird grounds to SS on a drawn in infield. Normally an easy 6-3 put out, but Kemo conjures up one more spell and the SS hears the footsteps. His little dance number caught the SS attention and he turned with no chance to make a play on Kemo. It was just enough for Bird to beat the throw to 1^st. He would later score the winning run in true Al Bundy fashion on the walk off. That trip around the bases will be a story I tell my son someday. The fan turnout was excellent and everyone in the post game circle had not downloaded Pokemon Go so there is still hope for humanity.

 

 

 

This past Sunday your Diablos busted out the hitting sticks and got themselves a mercy rule 11-1 victory over the Vacqueros.

Once again Lou dropped a pin in any discussions as to who the best pitcher in the league happens to be. Chicken hawking his 6^th complete game did have a few speed bumps. Like beaning the same guy for the 73^rd and 74^th times in his career. What a dick.

Gerald David Bobby gave out VIP passes to Pa, Ma and Lil Sis Berning and didn’t disappoint. He played a slick short, got on base all day, scored the winning run and even cleaned his apartment(The second day!) for their visit. Afterwards the fam got to postgame with the squad and I’m pretty sure they’ll be back.

Niko padded the old resume with a three hit afternoon. Pre-game talk of the merits of West Sunset obviously got the juices flowing. He also scraped up the final remnants of last week’s black magic and turned a pickle into an extra base.

Marcus continued his torrid hitting driving in 3 runs and locking down CF. His punishment for his late arrival was parking in the danger zone by the field. He sweated out a few foul balls, but ultimately his whip was safe. Brother and Lou's vehicles weren't so lucky.

Joe Mac made his Diablo debut in RF and didn’t disappoint. He got on base all damn day and even had enough speed to carry Brooksy’s ass on a double steal. Brother even showed his excitement for his debut by leaving some stains on his jersey. Seriously, it looked like a crime scene.

 Robbie didn’t have his usual day at the plate since his focus is more on veil purchasing and seating charts. You think Tiff would be on top of this, but she’s only planning which tux makes Rob’s ass pop.

Bird gunned down another runner and threw so well another guy tucked tail and ran back to first. PR ended his All Star hangover at the plate and sacrificed his wood to the Gods. Walk-off glory is the best glory.

All in all a solid day for the bad guys who now claim sole possession of first place. HA the league must hate us. Don’t forget to make it out next week when your favorite group of degenerates takes the diamond against the Rays. Another plus on the day was the number of Diablo faithful who wandered the park searching for Pokemon.....ZERO.

 

Today’s picture is titled “You know how this looks”. Kemo was replaying the game in his head while chatting up the league president. Good relations with league management is the hallmark of this classy bunch. He’s also showing what we did to the other team.

Where were you? Where the hell were you this past Sunday? Your Diablos slogged their way through the UGLIEST mercy win of all-time and you missed it. Want to know how I know it was the ugliest? Because it took nearly three hours to finish! Let me put this into perspective. It only took the jury 4(!) hours to find OJ Simpson not guilty.  Now you can see what we were dealing with. Maybe if you had been there we wouldn’t have made 17 errors. Maybe your presence would’ve helped kick the offense into gear BEFORE the 6^th inning. What I’m trying to say is you’re needed. So get out there this weekend and cheer on the greatest group of degenerates to carry around bats since the Baseball Furies(google it). On to the recap.

Making his season debut on the mound was Scooby Noyes “Rodriguez”, fresh off his pilgrimage of handing out jerseys to young children around the world. The time away luckily rested his arm since the defense was spotty at best behind him.  The three infield fly rules called during the game has to be a record of some sort. Not sure we’ve seen that many called in a single season before. Either way he gutted it out for his first win of the season. Atta babe, Scoob. Bird swooped in to finish the game off and put the cherry on top. He created one of the nastiest pieces of firewood on a come backer to the mound. Said come backer also turned Bird into a grinning 6’ tall erection while throwing to 1B.

The Diablo offense decided to pull the 73’ Chevy routine and took a while to warm up. Gerald David Bobby was all over the place. Diving head first for everything (including the post game chip bag) and announcing his candidacy for the Home run Bounty. His dinger narrowly missed hitting a spectator relieving himself in RF. Meow Meow Jeff strapped on the catchers gear and also chipped in another fine day at the plate. His throws down to 2B were effectively wild since the Rays didn’t run much on the day. PR Sainz showed how to corral balls foul in LF and extended his team leading HBP total to 5. Brooksy has happily passed the HBP crown to him for the season. Speaking of Brooksy he hit his first triple since Bill Clinton was Prez. He wasn’t available for comment since he’s still taking oxygen. Imbo returned to the lineup with promises of beard sacrifice and RBI’s. At least one of those things happened. The beard sacrifice was a tad overblown. Yeti attempted to rip the ball clear over them mountains and the Rays LF had him played perfectly both times. His homecoming trip to Yosemite obviously didn’t help his power stroke. Marcus has made it a regular thing to drop in well timed Brooksy Special’s each week. For those that don’t know a “Brooksy Special” is a hit that usually drops just past the infield using anything but the sweet spot on the bat. It’s all skill and there is absolutely zero luck involved. Niko continued his hitting barrage. The mention of West Sunset has stirred some kind of beast inside him. HerbaJoe ended the game with a dirty ass pick at 1B. We would've made the ESPN highlight sound but who the hell watches ESPN anymore. Brother showed up with a red umbrella for the dugout. Besides providing wonderful shade it brought back memories of previous Diablo shenanigans that got someone fired. Celebrating previous employment mishaps is a great Diablo tradition.

This Sunday the Diablos play the Braves 1pm at Northgate Park. All signs point to this game being one of the better contests of the season. Come on out and support the Diablos. A BBQ/adult beverage social will immediately follow the game.

 

Hello friends. It’s been a while. Grab a seat because the Diablos have been busy. It’s been almost a month since the last update and so much has happened. Hudson has turned one, Donald Drumpf turned up naked on a corner in SF, Hillary still understands email security as well as your grandma, A Diablo contracted the kissing disease, Another Diablo tied the knot, And yet another Diablo blew up on GoFundMe and the Giants still can’t get out of their own way. One thing that hasn’t happened is a Diablos loss. 13 straight wins and counting. Just how you want to roll into the playoffs. This update will cover the past four games.

The first game was against the Braves. A game foreshadowed during the opening day ceremonies by having our teams stand next to each other. We were the new guys trying to show how disinterested we were in the festivities. They played the part of the team telling us they talk a lot of shit. Fast forward to game day and who knew these guys could get so flustered over dugout assignment. You can imagine how the game went after their representative had a hissy fit and called us bitches for taking the 1B dugout. Seriously the only thing missing was feet stomping. The Diablos put up 4 runs in the 1^st inning and the game was never in doubt. Pretty shocking result considering they scouted almost every game we played up to the point. How they didn’t know what junk Lou was going to toss up there is mind blowing.  A final score of 6-1 was properly celebrated by about 20 Diablos fans. Signs were made and adult beverages were consumed. The Diablos dominated on and off the field. The league has been put on notice.

The second game was against Rieleros. I will now sit back and let Hudson do the recap of that game…

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That about sums up the game. It turned out to be a forfeit win for the Diablos. Their second such victory of the season. Sure forfeits are the absolute worst, but the hangover count was considerably high so it wasn’t too upsetting for the team.

The third game was against the Tomateros. Not sure there is anything that pisses off the Diablos more than a team that warms up on the infield. On the friggin infield! Who does that? It’s like opening the cooler and only getting yourself a beer or masturbating on an airplane. You just don’t do it. Either way your Diablos turned that faux pas into the motivation needed for a 12-2 mercy win. Notable highlights from the game involved Imbo not talking shit to the pitcher from RF since he was the pitcher. Brooksy inventing a new hat trick (1B RBI, BB RBI, HBP RBI). The HBP happened to be a walk-off too. So lame. Kemo gave some amazing stank eye to Bird when he didn’t lay out for a jam shot. Veteran stank eye. The defense turned 5 double plays in 8 innings. Most definitely a Diablos record. The defense also had like 13 errors. Jeff showed no ill effects from saying “I Do” and kept his pre-marriage swing. Atta babe.

The fourth game was this past weekend against El Valle. On 5 previous occasions the Diablos have said “This is the team we played in preseason”. All those statements were false. THIS was the team we scrimmaged against and they looked surprisingly different. Not sure if it was their lack of albinoness (Thanks Imbo) or their pay for play team concept. Either way the game turned out to be real gem. Lou found a way to go all nine with less than his A stuff. Meow Meow Ramirez used his Buster bat and smacked the ball around the yard. Brother took his rare chance to ride Imbo about his glove in RF. HerbaJoe refused to take a walk. Bird found a way to keep the shirt. Fredo ripped a triple and didn’t need oxygen. Having his understudy in LF helped with that. All of these things added up to a solid 3-2 win that pushed the Diablos winning streak to 13. The Diablos wrap up the regular season this Sunday with a 10am game against the Indians. Clear your schedule and find a way to Northgate Park.

The Diablos playoff effort explained in four pictures...

1) Leftover post game beers. Sad.

2) Sad resting spot for the beers

3) Cooler magically flings itself across the yard

4) Kemo reflecting on our poor playoff showing

 

It's finally here! The baseball season has arrived to cleanse our souls. No more talk of the Falcons choking. Or about how the country is now run by a pint of orange sherbet. Just good ol' baseball talk. If you are somewhere that faintly smells of Ben-gay and cigarette smoke a Diablo must be near. Some new faces have been brought on board to try and lower the average age and up the athletic ability. Also PR got a wild hair up his nose so when you go looking for your favorite local squad they may look a little different. The word from headquarters is that Opening Day ceremonies will commence at 9am this Sunday 4/9/17 Northgate Park in Fremont. Brother has been assured we play a morning game after the festivities. Don't know who. Don't know where. Basically it's business as usual for this band of ruffians. So dust off your Diablo hat. Rinse the mold out of the coolers. Diablos baseball is back!

This past Sunday your Diablos opened the season with an emphatic thud. You know the kind of thud I'm talking about. The one where you get quiet and ask someone in the other room "Everything okay in there?". Yeah that was the kind of day the Diablos had. Everyone's favorite abominable snowman got the Opening Day nod and didn't disappoint. Yeti tossed 5 solid innings and could've gotten a win. Of course he tried to tamp down everyone's expectations during pre-game by stating "Not sure how long I can go" and "Haven't done this in 3 years". Yeah we know Yeti. We heard all this last week. He also battled the slight hypothermia that comes with wintering in the Himalayas. Thankfully the foot can be saved. After that I'm not sure there was much to speak of. The lack of baseball awareness was in full effect. Hopefully it was just the fellas giving up their Baseball IQ's for Lent. From not remembering basic rules of the game to absolute garbage effort in running the bases. Even Buttermaker was rolling over in his grave watching the Liberty Court display. To the Diablos credit they were in position to win this game late, but the baseball gods usually have a way of evening out all things. Luckily the season is long and there is always next week. 

The above picture accurately captures the scene on Easter Sunday. The only afternoon game that got started during a rain storm. Did we need to start the game? No. Was it old fashioned greed? YOU BET! Either way the umpires got paid and we now have a game to complete sometime between now and the day we all hang up our spikes. Shout out to the Sierra Clan for providing shelter during the deluge. Some things found out on Sunday were 1)Fredo's hamstring seems quite pliable for his advanced age 2)Rain or shine Lou is a straight dick with his HBP's 3)Any situation can be immediately improved by yelling "Hey Bobby" with your hands cupped around your mouth. Tune in next week as the Diablos triumphantly return to Balboa Park. Roxie's anyone?

 This past Sunday your Diablos returned to their old stomping grounds at Balboa Park. Visions of a conquering army returning to parades and adoring women danced through the players heads. It was not a warm welcome home. The offensive struggles continued and they lost in walk-off fashion 4-3 to Los Rojos. Even with an intimidating 27 players suited up for the Diablos they couldn't muster any momentum. PR Sainz did his best Lou Brown impression, but he may have gone one too many times to the "Stay Loose" well. Not many highlights can be recalled from the game. David "Hey Bobbo" Berning did his best Tsuyoshi Shinjo impression in the outfield. Every catch had a hop, prance or dive. it was a sight to behold. Newest Diablo Kyle Say Hay spent most of the day on base and even gave Brooksy room to make a play in the field. Atta babe. Other than that the day on the field can only be described as a shart. The Diablos now stand at 0-2 and I can't recall if that's every happened. This Sunday they get back at it in Hayward at 1pm. Bring a friend and possibly some runs.

This past Sunday your Diablos FINALLY got their first win of the season with a 14-4 victory over Piaxtla. Did it take too long for them to break into the win column? Yes. Was Fredo’s threat of loss nudity the main factor? YOU BET!

Climbing the hill for his first start of the season was Bird Nielsen. This guy was in control from the minute he pulled up in his mom mobile. Whether it was hitting the outside corner so many times the umpire had to call it a strike or pitching through the circus tent extravaganza that was the Diablos 3rd inning defense(Hey Bobby!). He showed up with ice water in his veins and earned the victory. His only false move was pulling a Lou after the game and trying to search the book for his K stats. Bad Bird!

Even with such a stellar start from the starter the day belonged to the offense.  8-run first innings tend to overshadow everything. Especially since that eclipsed the Diablos season total of runs scored by a comfortable margin. Brother called in a few favors and had PR Jim Leyland help out with coaching. Through his cloud of Newport smoke good ol’ Jim declared “This is best lineup we’ve ever put together.” Not sure that was the truth, but the offensive explosion couldn’t have come at a better time. Kyle Say Hay continued his solid hitting, but we here at Diablos headquarters are more worried about his keister. An errant throw was a bullseye on the brown eye. His postgame football form wasn’t effected so the prognosis seems ok. David Gerald Bobby III had himself one helluva day. He smacked the ball around the yard from the box and kicked it around from the diamond. It all made sense once we found out he had a fellow San Diegan in the stands. Quit showing off. Imbo made his triumphant return from saying yes to the dress. His fashion choices and swing are still in top form. Kemo tried like hell to strong arm walks from the umpire all day. This no doubt led to his first official earning of the K-shirt.  Mauna Abby Maui Hidalgo, who is an official Lyft driver, spent the morning trying to hitch a ride. The fact that he drove himself didn’t hinder his ability to get on base. His postgame make out session/wrestling match with Leyland was as sexy as it sounds. Welcome back buddy. All in all a solid day for the squad. Your Diablos attempt to make it two in a row next Sunday. Come out and enjoy an adult beverage. Bring a friend.

This past Sunday your Diablos finally found their way back to .500 with a 12-3 win over the Rockies. Today’s recap will go over each player’s contribution to the victory.  The battery of Lou and Bird did a fine job limiting the Rockies death by a thousand bunts offense. What I’m most proud of is their recognition that fastballs with any pop made the umpire blink and call it a ball. They sloooooooooowed the pitches down to a crawl and began getting the calls. David Bobby Gerald Berning III continued his assault on the all-time OBP record. His unofficially OBP stands at 1.257. Someone check the math. He also earned the Imbo player of the week award(pictured above).  As we expected Rob took Tiff’s name last year and his jersey now says Rodriruez. The change has not been kind to his batting eye. When asked Brother will file the paperwork to get your name back. Just gotta ask.  Kyle Say Hay found himself owing his first kangaroo court fee for a called 3^rd strike. He would’ve been the lucky recipient of the K-shirt, but Niko stepped in and saved the day in 9^th getting his own backwards K. That's teamwork. Niko later had some trouble with the cooler, but win beers taste the same whether they’ve been shaken or stirred.  Mr Sarabia continued his streak of HBP’s. Only 10 more to break the Diablos record.  He also signed autographs for the kids and told them all they too could be Diablos someday. Their mother shook her head accordingly. PR Sainz pulled double duty as player/coach ala Frank Robinson. The intentional walks are where the similarities end between those two. Imbo brought his hitting stick, a huge American flag and his CF cleats. All three were helpful. Abby Mauna Maui Hidalgo got the start in LF and didn’t disappoint. He caught nothing with two hands and even pulled the old “Knock my hat off while I chase a ball so I look fast AF, but tell everyone it’s because I needed to try and make an over the shoulder catch.” That endeavor ended exactly how you would expect…….A 2B for the Rockies. Nick Lee made his Diablo debut by trying on several uniforms much like Goldilocks until he found one that was JUUUUUST RIGHT. Kemo did it all on Sunday. He marked the RBI’s in the book like a vet, worked a count to get an RBI FC and even pimped a slow baby bouncer to second. Nobody makes it look more effortless when a grounder slowly nestles itself in the bread basket than Kemo. Most importantly Brooksy was the ATM that got the umpires to stay and try their hardest. At 2-2 the Diablos have been very underwhelming this season, but all signs are pointing up. Tell yo wife, tell yo kids the Diablos playin’ Toros Gold this Sunday.

The Diablos defeated Toros Gold 8-3 this past Sunday. Yours truly was "on assignment" so I got the news over the wire. Will add details as they come in.

No I will not give you a recap of what happened! Poor lineup card management, trying to impress a chick and man periods all summarize the garbage that was on Sunday. If you were there I apologize for what you had to see. Refunds will be offered at a future date. A few fans were willing to go on record and this is what they had to say "I've never seen so many men on the rag before." Obviously these guys have been in close contact so much lately they are all on the same cycle. The roller coaster season continues for the Diablos who now sit at 3-3. Enjoy Memorial Day weekend.

This past Sunday your Diablos played their most complete game of the season in beating the Black Sox 4-0. Did they leave a small village of runners on base? You know it. Did it still feel like they won 17-0? YOU BET! The contributions were far and wide. It honestly felt like the first “team” win in a while. It all started with Brooksy dropping a “Miracle” inspired speech about who the Diablos are and exactly what they can do. If this game were made into a movie that speech would be delivered by a bald eagle clutching a war torn American flag while the ghost of James Brown belted out “Living In America” just off to the side. Yeah you missed some shit. Louis G took the words to heart and pitched one his most efficient games in a Diablos uniform. He pitched to contact and let his defense work for him. He also had 5 less hit batters than last week. Yeti made an appearance and had an immediate impact. His launch angle left something to be desired but damn if he isn’t embracing the millennial lifestyle and counting his steps to and from the OF. Somewhere Clint Eastwood just grumbled “Get off my lawn”. Tomahawk Jesse showed some veteran poise in psyching out a baserunner for a double play. It was some David Blaine Street Magic shit. Honestly he may be part vampire. Yeah he put on a laser show from the batters box, but defense makes me go from 6 to 12. Bird had himself a day behind the plate and at it. Called a solid game despite having an umpire who couldn’t call a strike within 30 seconds of seeing it hit the glove. I’ve seen people come to terms with the infield fly rule faster than this guy could call a pitch. Kemo graced us with his presence after first pitch. His tale of phone battery life, white people in Brisbane and scared housewives was truly worth the price of admission. His “senior moment” on a double play grounder can be overlooked after his whirlwind adventure getting to the ball park. Brother unveiled a new tequila bag and all was right with the world for one Sunday afternoon. Join the Diablos next week as they take the field at Balboa Park. Bring a friend. Bring a stranger.

Hello friends. It’s been a minute since our last Diablos update and I apologize. I was on assignment covering pygmy races in the Philippines. During my absence the Diablos have put together a nice little 3 game winning streak.

Two weeks back the Diablos defeated the TJ Bandits 3-1. Louis G had the quietest 18 strikeout game ever. No seriously nobody knew it happened. The number of K’s was so stealth Lou didn’t even mention them during the postgame festivities.  I actually had to count the scorebook thrice because my recollection of the game did not match what I was reading. The offense was led by Marcus “Watch and learn” Reed scorching a double and triple.  Did he feel all that running the next day? I’ll never ask. Is it pretty watching him float around the bases? YOU BET! Also adding a 2-out RBI was PR Sainz. He went the other way(Something he excels at on and off the field) with 2 strikes and added a much needed insurance run.  Matt “1 to 10” Lewis got his first RBI as a Diablo. His pop-up dance left something to be desired but I believe management will get him on the correct PED regimen before he fields another ball. Yeti Pacheco spent his birthday manning 1B and getting himself an On Base Percentage. His launch angle is still garbage but I’m sure he isn’t sweating it while he gets ripped off on a Gondola in Venice. Lucky bastard! Overall it was a solid win over a much improved opponent.

This past Sunday your Diablos played a Father’s Day game on the surface of the sun. I’m not kidding. We had several players look like they were going to toss their cookies. One even got snitched out by a kid on a bike when he did. A huge shout out to all the fans who made an appearance. On to the recap.

 

The numbers weren’t looking too good for Jarochos about 30 mins before game time. That didn’t deter the Diablos from putting in a half assed stretching session while awaiting a clown car full of players to show up. Alas no clown car appearance and the game went on as scheduled.  Robbie Pardilla put together a complete game with the bat and glove. His diving snag of a line drive wasn’t enough to get Tiff to look up from her Fabio romance novel, but it sure got my juices flowing. Bird was ready to start breaking in the new catcher’s glove and then work called. Can’t believe someone needed AC work when it was 1000 degrees outside.  HerbaJoe Chaika strapped on the tools of ignorance and added a solid RBI single. His day went downhill from there as Louis G hit every spot in front of home plate with a pitch. Dick move, Bro. Speaking of Louis G he tossed another complete game gem. Naturally he was upset because his OBP went down. David Gerald Bobby Berning III came back after a week off with tales of finding himself in the wilderness. The time off must of charged his batteries. Seriously I was worn out just watching this guy run around like a wild man. Kyle Say Hay must’ve mistaken Father’s Day for Halloween because damn if he didn’t look exactly like Patrick Bateman. The perfect hair and Raybans were a nice touch. All he needed was a Walkman and a knife. Brooksy hosed a dude at first from Right Field. Naturally he’ll be challenging Marcus for Centerfield next game HA. The final score was 4-1 which pushed the Diablos to 6-3 at the All-Star break. 

This past Sunday your Diablos returned from the All-Star break and picked up right where they left off. The 5-0 victory over Pericos was the typical effort the sons of Satan have given this season. Just enough offense while Louis G shuts that ass down. Before we get to the recap a few league notes must be passed on. In order to participate in the playoffs you must have played in a minimum of 8 games during the season. Since the league is more concerned with its rule book than finding decent fields to play on please make every effort to get out to the yard. On to the game…

It started like any other Sunday for the Diablos. Brother got lost trying to find the field, Cigarettes were lit after the tape was applied and footballs were used to warm up instead of baseballs. Team attendance was unusually high for a 4^th of July weekend game. One of the quotes during postgame was “You can only fish so many weekends in a row”.  Also adding to the holiday weekend were the random fellas enjoying a couple of 10am 40’s in the park. To say the Diablos felt at home would be an understatement.

Brother made the announcement before the game he was going with his 10^th different lineup in 10 games. We didn’t have the heart to tell him he just couldn’t remember the previous weeks lineups. Either way it was a winner. Robbie continues to hold off the inevitable decline in play caused by marriage. He stroked a solid triple that his better half witnessed this week. No Sudoku for you, Tiff! David Gerald Bobby Berning III showed up with a friggin surfboard riding shotgun. I shit you not. He may or may not believe it helps with getting access to the carpool lane.  Ivan Lyftdalgo complained about nobody responding to his late night booty call texts. Obviously we won’t answer him this week either because he knocked the ball all around the yard. Imbo performed his usual pregame banter with the umpire. He even held back a few zingers which is really unlike him. What he didn’t hold back on was RBI’s and telling people to use two hands on pop ups.  I haven’t heard how Brooksy is doing after being bent over TWICE in the batters box by Liberty Court base running. I guess it hurts less when it’s done by a loved one(s). Kemo earned the shirt, once again, by trying to strong arm another walk. One of these days he’ll learn not to trust Mark McGwire’s dad when he umps our games.

 

On the other side of the field we had another stellar start from Louis G. He is approaching Orel Hershiser territory with his current streak he’s on. I won’t jinx it here so look it up. It didn’t hurt that the one guy who kept getting on base has a strange desire to get picked off and thrown out regularly. Freddie Cox-Sierra coming off his first ejection from a little league game came out firing. He hosed two runners with the same heat he gave that shitty ump who was screwing up his kids softball game. You tell ‘em! Overall the Diablos looked strong coming off the break and now sit at 7-3. 

This past Sunday your Diablos defeated Los Orioles 10-1. Was the infield covered in evil vines from The Ruins? The jury is still out. Did the Diablos offense take as long as your uncles ’87 Iroc to warm up? YOU BET! Brother announced it was his 12^th different lineup on the season. Since it was only our 11^th game the early confused AB’s can be blamed on the Diablos trying to do math.

This week we’ll list notable accomplishments in order. Louis G kept his streak alive on the mound. You would be wrong if you guessed it’s the streak for most batters hit before getting ejected. He also trended his OBP in the right direction. Freddie Cox Sierra absolutely embarrassed the O’s running game. Two attempts with nobody getting close enough to slide….Ouch. He also found the best possible right fielder to hit a triple past. Coach Sainz spent most of his day running around the bases and knocking in runs. He also tried to argue that he wasn’t hit by a pitch. The ump and his ass hairs beg to differ. Mr Sarabia had the unique chance to get RBI’s with his bat and his body. Team player I tell ya. Ivan Lyftdalgo got his first start at SS and only disappointed Imbo. He also consulted Jobu for his final few AB’s and laid off the curveball. Bird had himself a day by Diablos standards. He used the Bermuda triangle infield to get a hit, He pitched a solid inning of relief and he snatched the K shirt from Imbo at the last possible moment. What  a guy. Imbo finally tied Brooksy in outfield assists for the season. He also danced an amazing irish jig to try and avoid a pitch at the plate. It didn’t work.

 

Your Diablos now sit at 8-3 and can’t wait to see the field conditions for their next contest. Check the schedule and come out to cheer on your favorite local baseball club.

 

"...And tonight I think he might be able to use that aching old arm one more time to push the sun back up in the sky and give us one more day of summer."

- Vin Scully

This past Sunday your Diablos earned a hard fought victory over the Rays 11-6. Did Brother use his 13^th different lineup in 12 games? Yes. Did it include using the oldest starting pitcher in Diablos history? YOU BET! With summer in full swing and players out of town Kemmith “Oil Can” Lary answered the bell and toed the slab. Read below to find out how the Diablos backed him for his first victory since the invention of the wheel.

There were many contributions up and down the lineup. David Gerald Bobby IV came back from his SoCal sabbatical rested and ready to scoot around the bases. His usual tweaker style of play got a few runs scored, but the question remains…Where is the pink bat bag? Answer the question! HerbaJoe Chaika exploited a start by bringing his stud nephew JJ to the game. He then went and stroked the ball all around the park. He also manned the hot corner and never got a single bullet while Ol’ number 11 was pitching. PR Sainz continued his second half surge and also pleaded with the book keepers on a coupe questionable calls. Obviously Louis G’s stat whoring is rubbing off. Ya know they have pills for that. Mr Sarabia had a 5-hit game all lined up and then got a pitch square off his foot. He also covered both 1B and 2B and looked damn good doin’ it. Nick Lee got the start in CF and it lasted all of 3 innings before he made a dive for a fly ball that ended up popping his shoulder out. The bright side is he did it before President Drumpf found a way to charge him $50k for an ER visit. Get well soon. Kyle Say Hay made his triumphant return from the birth of his daughter(picture below) and swung the bat like the father of a new born. Tired, tired, tired. Luckily he consulted Brooksy and dropped in a texas leaguer for 2 RBI’s. Imbo had a fine day with the bat. He squared everything up. Even his outs were loud. Then he dropped in some Liberty Court baserunning to even everything out. His day got even worse when Bird knocked him down the outfield assist leaderboard with 9-3 putout. Not to be outdone Brooksy hosed a runner at first in the 9^th inning and reclaimed his team lead in outfield assists. Imbo now unofficially sits in 6^th place for assists. Ivan Lyftdalgo donned the tools of ignorance and scored three runs. He didn’t disappoint hosing opposing baserunners and blocking ball in the dirt.

 

The real hero of the day was Kemo. His veteran presence is always there to calm any of these kids who need it. He’s always ready to ask someone “Why you talkin’ bout old shit?” when their head gets a little big. His extensive knowledge of medicinal remedies from years of watching Greys Anatomy is always appreciated by the creaking joints of the over 30 players. All of these factors helped him toss 5 needed innings on Sunday. Never getting too high or low during his start enabled him to get the decision. You could almost see him actually smelling a “W” while pitching thru the 5^th. He also strong armed a walk and added another hit at the plate. Saying that he was Doin’ it all on Sunday is an understatement. Enjoy the win, kid. You earned it.

This past Sunday your Diablos beat Veracruz 13-3. Making his 1^st start of the season was Nick Imbody. Did Imbo make it past his self-imposed 3 inning limit? Blew right by it. Did Imbo upset yet another umpire in 2017 season? YOU BET! The pregame stretch circle produced some interesting nuggets. Fredo now has an OSHA recordable on his permanent record. Niko got a new helmet and goddamn if it didn’t have some big hits in it. After Kemo’s gutsy start last week he has been recruited to join a tournament team. Of course he is holding out for more per diem. Oil Can was once ranked out for not being drafted, but after witnessing this take place I now believe it’s more impressive. On to the game.

Brother has now stuck with a constant top of the lineup and it is paying dividends. Robbie Trejo is finding his stroke and getting on base at an impressive clip. Ivan Lyftdalgo has settled into the 2-spot and has obviously found his hook. Mr. Sarabia made his Diablos debut on the mound and immediately got called John Rocker. No he didn’t spew ignorant comments about BART passengers. He isn’t even left-handed.  It’s solely based on the fact that TBS sucked him in when he was younger and he enjoys the tomahawk chop. Either way his 2 innings of relief impressive. Kyle Say Hay showed he got a little more sleep this week and rambled around the bases for his team leading third triple of the season. Marcus called down the baseball gods and was immediately reminded that is not a good idea. Ask him what he did. Niko got his aforementioned helmet and knocked the ball around the yard. He had a couple of YUGE 2-out RBI’s when the game wasn’t a laugher and then showed mercy with the final hit of the day. Brother has now put a new helmet on order for the remainder of the season. Freddie had the toughest job of the day, but he earned his “Ginger Whisperer” merit badge. His work in keeping Imbo in the game to pitch 6 innings was nothing short of miraculous. Also not losing his mind while dealing with the floating strike zone was impressive considering his track record of not being able to finish his kid’s softball games. He also dropped in a few hits, but those paled in comparison.

 

The gold star goes to Imbo on this day. After being scolded for his social media habits during the week he came out and showed his appreciation for knowing the remainder of the schedule. Yeah he was kind of a pusspuss saying he only had 3 innings in him. With all his pitching advice from RF during the season (Believe me it all goes over my head towards the mound) he had to climb the bump and show us all how to do it. Imbo didn’t compromise at all. He still showed the umpire his dissatisfaction with every close call that was missed and even got the threat of ejection. After the past two weeks the Diablos rotation is a three headed monster and it’s not clear who is number 1.  

This past Sunday your Diablos won a game in the Twilight Zone. Seriously. All normal rules were subject to possible enforcement at any given time. The pace of play was a total slog. Ask anyone that was there. Umpires had committee meetings as often as possible. Both teams yapped way too much from the dugout.  The contest reached peak surrealism when Brother took over in RF and ended the day with a .500 OBP. To say you missed a lot is an understatement.  

We’re just going to wing it with the game notes. Too much crazy shit happened to go in order. We had an umpire call a strike from behind the plate and then ask for help which turned out to be the field ump saying no swing. It was reminiscent of the replacement refs fouling up the hail mary in Green Bay a few years back. We had our own catcher call time to try and help the umpire give the other team a HBP. We had Kyle Say Hay get his team leading 153^rd triple taken away because he hit it too far. Yeti returned from asking big questions in other countries and got himself a batting average. Niko continued his torrid love affair with his new batting helmet. Like the stock market his average is going up, up, up. David Gerald Bobby III made a YUGE diving grab to kill a rally and knocked in three runs on the day. It almost makes up for him not bringing his pink bag for the past month. Marcus had the spring in his step for stealing bases. Unfortunately he didn’t tell anyone so he kept having to walk back after foul balls. Sorry Dude. Mr Sarabia started his day off with a hit and then spent the remainder of the day with his pants half down on the bench. His lovely wife Amy was in the stands making sure no funny business happened without approval. Kemo returned to the diamond and showed the after effects of his losing battle vs Guacamole last week. I believe management has ordered him the complete set of Tae Bo w/ Billy Blanks DVD’s to get him back in shape, but for the time being he can play 2B because anyone can do that. Louis G returned from his various skiing trips and didn’t have his good stuff. His 46-inning streak of not giving up an earned run ended because of a leadoff walk. Shocking.

 

The real hero on the day was Nieves “Brother” Trejo. I’ve had the pleasure of spending the past 15 years playing baseball on Sundays with this guy. Does he have two working hips? Debatable. Does he still got it after all these years? YOU BET! He stepped in to man RF when injuries and work schedules left him the only body left on the bench. His first AB he battled off some tough pitches, but ultimately struck out. His wisdom to the bench after was stuff of legend. Something about playing alongside Cy Young and coaching with Connie Mack. He also blamed these new-fangled balls for being made from leather instead of the tobacco juice and human skin like the olden days. After working a walk in his second AB he proceeded to show true Liberty Court base running skills. Although during postgame he cleared up the confusion that when he learned it they called it the road base running skills because they only had one in his town. Out in RF he showed all the range of a broken sprinkler head. What he lacked in range he made up in pure instincts to know when a ball is fair or foul off the bat. Either way the effort was amazing and I’m sure getting out of bed on Monday was a challenge. I love this man and you should too.

Hello old friends. It’s been a while since we chatted and a lot has happened. Nuclear war has been threatened, Hurricane Harvey has been a real dicknose and your Diablos limped into the playoffs. It wasn’t one of those” Damn I stepped on a Lego” 2 minute limps either. It was a full on “Who put that curb there?” fell into the street and narrowly avoided being hit by a bus job. Somehow after all the shenanigans the Diablos pulled this year they still ended up as the #3 seed in the league (Also gave up the least amount of runs as pointed out by our resident stat whore). The threat of a Division II playoff birth woke these guys up just in time to win their final game of the season and finish 12-5. This led to a first round, best of 3 series against the Vaqueros. You remember those guys, right? They couldn’t show an ounce of sportsmanship and let us finish our regular season game way back in May. Well like a group of degenerate elephants the Diablos never forget. This led to one epic doubleheader this past Sunday.

The smell of hobo piss and broken glass in the parking lot only meant one thing….The Diablos were home. Playing their first games at Crocker Park in a while conjured up Diablos memories of yesteryear. Pictures of Kemo and Marcus tearing shit up in the dead ball era and Fredo being called a “Cholo” by past league commissioners couldn’t help but set a tone that would carry the squad to victory. Also watching the other squad warm up on the dragged and lined infield like a bunch of beer league softball players helped focus the Diablos. Taking the mound for Game 1 was none other than Yeti Pacheco. Did he sell himself short and call a 3 inning performance? Of course. Did he nut up like an engaged wildebeest and give a savage performance? YOU BET! After a first inning hiccup..(cough) 5 runs(cough) he righted the ship and found his way thru seven strong. He also motored around the bases and was the only player to find a pile of elk shit to slide head first through. Impressive. David Gerald Bobby Berning III knocked in some key runs and also attempted rearrange his face via the Crocker hop at SS. Checking in with him on Monday he said he felt fine and still had all his teeth. No doubt he’s a spitting image of Al Pacino in Cliffhanger. Kyle Say Hay showed up doing his best Monkey from Outbreak impression and still couldn’t keep himself from hitting. I’m positive this dude could rip with both hands tied behind his back. In keeping with the left handed theme PR Sainz kept up his end of the bargain and drove in a couple runs. He also kept the team up from the bench and has finally changed up his chatter from the bench.  Bird Nielsen was true to his name and chickenhawked the W with some stellar late inning relief. He was nails in shutting down the Vaqueros long enough for old #19 to walk it off. Let’s talk about Brooksy for a minute. I have been told he has submitted a legal document to change the name of the Tom Emanski instructional videos to Brooksy shows you how it’s done. Backhanded diving plays to save a run. CHECK. Not getting doubled off while running the bases. CHECK. Dropping in bleeders for hits in front of the outfield. CHECK. Laying down bunts on a field with more potholes than 101 after a rainstorm. CHECK. Walking shit off after the other squad intentionally walks the batter in front of you for the 3^rd time. CHECK. Game……blouses.

After winning in comeback fashion you figure the second game is money in the bank. We had LOUIS G on the hill and that spelled bad news for the Vaqueros. It all went that way for 3.5 innings. The Diablos spotted themselves a 12-0 lead. Mr Sarabia heard the final bell, locked the door and gave a lesson on driving in runs. It’s the same curriculum he’s taught all year, but it never gets old. Freddie laced balls all over the yard for both games and was able to speak Yeti, tweet tweet and Lou all in one day. All impressive feats only topped by his Scorsese/Duane Kuiper skills behind the camera. Mama Sierra has been quoted as saying “F that! Get him back behind the dish.” Will do! After several changes from Brother the tide turned and the Diablos found themselves tied up 12-12 and entering extra innings. Was it the pizza grease from Bravo? Did the entire Diablos squad walk under a ladder between games? Nobody knows for sure. What did happen was LOUIS G righted his ship and found a way to have the best 12-run outing any pitcher has had since the 1890’s and the Diablos didn’t join the “Blew a 12 run lead” club. Niko didn’t allow his glaucoma to write off his entire Sunday and he drove in the final run of the day to finish on a good note. If his day didn’t show you how baseball can giveth and taketh away then I suggest you stop watching and take up golf or something.

 

As for the Diablos they have earned a Labor Day bye week and will be back at it on 091017 in Union City against Aztecas. A pregame exorcism will be performed to remove the bad juju from Kitiyama field. Bring a friend and enjoy some good to mediocre baseball.

Welcome back Diablos fans! It's been a loooooooooooooong time since we did this(Eat shit, Covid). Rumors of a worldwide pandemic ending the Diablos franchise were greatly exaggerated. Having only gotten in two practices in 2020 the preseason outlook for the ball club was bleak. Local merchants were salivating over how many bats they would sell to a bunch of weekend warriors who hadn't swung it for a calendar year. Alas, the local economy has not been revived with a Diablos firewood sale. The boys look surprisingly spry for a year of a different sort of house arrest than they're used to. An infusion of new blood has also put a little pep in Brothers squad. I guess this is the long way of saying WELCOME BACK. You haven't been missed due to our strict drinking and drug regimen, but it's great to have you anyways. On to the games.

We jump right into Week 3 since our social distancing protocols included me and my computer. Your Diablos have started the campaign 2-1. An opening week loss hasn't soured their quest to win some hardware and do godawful things to it. This past week the boys answered the call against Los Tapatios. It was just the match-up the offense needed. Also Brother was out of town so Fredo got to make up 67% of the lineup. Leading the offense was Good old Hay with an absolute BOMB and a couple other hits. Monchak followed that up with a few lasers of his own. I'm pretty sure his OPS starts with a 2. Freddy served up a couple of knocks and provided his always valuable pitcher whispering skills. It was the first breakout game for the offense this season. It won't be the last. Toeing the slab was none other than Louis Gardella looking for his first W since 2019. As per usual he tossed a complete game victory, BUT there weren't any 0-2 beanballs. The fuck?! Are we witnessing a rebirth? An evolution perhaps? Only time will tell before another pin drops. All in all a great team win for the bad guys. Just what the near record crowd deserved to see on a Sunday morning.

 

Hello Diablos faithful. Hot enough for ya? Hopefully you find yourself taking in this recap with a frosty beverage in hand and AC blowing in your face. Let's dive in. After the debacle in Week 5, which we shall refer to as "Shit on a shingle" from here on out, your Diablos were looking to get back to their winning ways. With Brother taking a well deserved vacation the coaching duties were left to Brooksy. Let's just say he stepped up to the challenge and wrote a helluva lineup. A feat that loses it's luster when you realize only 9 players had shown up by first pitch. Climbing the hill for the Sons of Satan was none other than Rob Monchak. He pitched his ass off and left it all on the field. He also added a couple of lasers to help his cause. All around it was his day and he needed it. Stay strong brother. As per usual the defense could only be described as shaky. If the squad isn't shooting itself in the foot on defense we wouldn't recognize this team. They ended up making just enough plays behind their stud hurler to head into the bottom of the 9th tied 10-10. THIS is where the lineup construction came through (Chefs kiss) beautifully. With two quick outs and a dumb time limit being called it was now or never to snatch victory from the jaws of a tie. Up stepped Brooksy who got a single to start the rally. Next up Eddy ripped another base hit the 3rd baseman couldn't handle and the winning run was in scoring position. Striding to the plate was Freddy Sierra who is coming out of a faux retirement and hitting the shit out of the ball. His AB was gritty as hell and he worked a walk to load them up for Hay. 10 years from now nobody will believe it, but the Jarochos pitcher actually telegraphed his defeat to Hay before the at-bat. With the game on the line and the bags loaded the Diablos 3-hitter knew he only had one job to do and GOD-DAMN did he do it. The drive he hit to RF may still be traveling as I type this. Definitely a homerun in 30 out of 30 ballparks including Yellowstone and Yosemite. The umpire signaled homerun and the squad kept from blowing a 10-1 lead to defeated Jarochos 14-10. If you missed it I don't know what to tell you. Show up next week for a Fathers Day battle at Kitiyama Field.

 

 

Happy Fathers Day! This past Sunday your Diablos gathered at Kitiyama to take on TJs in their first afternoon game in a while. Apparently, letting these degenerates sleep in does wonders for the offense. Lou graciously took a break from his extensive vacation calendar and toed the slab. It was a vintage performance(pictured) that included 12K's, hitting players that used to wear the Diablos on their chest and talk of his exercise schedule. Never change Lou. For the second week in a row the bats showed up and scored double digits. Leading the charge was Netto Solano having the most disappointing 4 for 4 of his young career. He came up in the 5th inning a double short of the cycle and slashed a ball past the 3rd baseman. The LF sensed the historic moment and moved like he hadn't all day and charged hard to make a play at 2nd. Now yours truly had a front row seat from the on-deck circle and watched the entire play unfold. I was immediately reminded of Jeremy Giambi in '01 playoffs when he helped build Jeter's legacy by NOT SLIDING into home plate on the backhand shuffle play. Netto cruised into second without a slide(pictured) either fearing getting his pants dirty or just wanting to look fast for the camera. The 2B applied the tag and the ump called him out. I'm pretty sure he motioned for the crew to call NY for a replay, but Covid shrunk the leagues budget so the call would stand. Helluva day young man even without the slide. Monchak continued his laser show with a jack of his own. The Huesso brothers continued their battle for the batting crown(Seriously, look at these kids numbers). Aaron Early got a late HBP and then was immediately hit in the dugout by a foul ball two batters later. Heads up, BIG GUY. Livaly also had himself a day for completely different reasons. Did he ask and receive the loudest pair of spikes at the sporting goods store? YES! Did he scout four other teams in the league by initially going to the wrong field? YOU BET! Those two things alone would've made his day memorable, but in the bottom of the 6th he decided to perform a slide that doesn't even have a name. I guess it could be called a "Reverse Taco" when you plant your face square in the dirt and roll your body up to make a U in the wrong direction. There was a moment, probably half a second, where everyone held their breath to see if he was going to get up. Then the laughs came and goddamn if Liv's smile didn't shine through all that mud. It's probably one of the best damn pictures to ever headline one of these recaps. Also etching himself in the record books was Kyle Hay for becoming the first left-handed SS to ever take the field for the Diablos franchise. As is usually the case with putting a guy somewhere new he immediately had the ball hit his way. His two chances were handled beautifully and Brooksy immediately regretted giving him his shot on the infield because he's never going to shut up about it from the outfield. All in all it was an excellent Father's Day win for the bad guys. Come on out next week and bring a friend.

Welcome back Diablo Faithful. This past Sunday your squad put a hurting on the Black Sox which could only be described as demoralizing. When Brother gets carried around the postgame BBQ like a conquering hero (pictured) you know things must’ve gone well. As has been the case for most games this year the offense did work. After a rough first pass through the lineup the fellas figured things out and had a 7-0 lead thru 4 innings. Rob continued his torrid pace at the plate and smacked a 3-run BOMB that set the tone early. Eddy got things going from the top of the lineup and did one helluva job being the “Lou Whisperer” this week. JR made his return from the DL and sprayed lasers all over the yard. He also live-streamed the game so become his interwebs buddy and you’ll never miss the action. Newcomer Scotty Brooks had himself a solid day at the plate and scored three runs. He also won the “Whitest name at the ballpark” award too. Have a day, Scotty! On the other hand this was by far the best defensive game the Diablos have had this season. Lou turned in his usual workhorse performance and earned his, shit I don’t know let’s say 50^th shutout of his Diablos career. He set down the Black Sox in order every shutdown inning opportunity and still had some of their lineup stuck in his facial hair after the game (pictured). A huge help to getting Lou his totally real and not at all made up milestone was the 4 (FOUR!) double plays turned by the infield. Defensive positioning and strong arms in the outfield helped keep the Black Sox off the scoreboard. It was the most complete game for the Diablos this season and only point to good things come playoff time. The squad has one more game next week before the All-Star break. So pull out your Diablos game checklist and get out to the yard. Camping chairs X  Cooler full of adult beverages X Remember to bring pants XBring a friend X

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Rob Monchak is the 2021 Homerun Derby Champion. Update to follow...

   

Welcome back Diablos faithful. Been a minute since we last spoke. A lot has happened since you last visited. Your Diablos battled for damn near six months and earned the #1 seed for the playoffs. Little did they know this would lead to a shitload of “WHAT IFS” and schedule tomfoolery. So grab that milk crate over there and cozy up to the trash can fire. Let us regale ourselves on how this merry band of misfits found themselves knocking on the championship door.

 The final weekend of the regular season found the Diablos having to play a split doubleheader in 2 different locations. A first in Diablos history. The kicker was if we won both games we got the 1 seed and a first round bye. No problem for this team of studs except we were light a pitcher due to him being a slave to the almighty dollar. The morning game was against our eventual playoff opponent the Altenos. Climbing the hill was HR Derby champ Rob Monchak. Did he have his best stuff that day? Reader he did not. Did he bring his large huevos and his hitting stick? You bet your ass he did! Rob dealt with an umpire who apparently didn’t know the basic rules of baseball and the usual Diablos bend and almost break defense. His CG win was cool, but the 4 rbi’s he knocked in are what his lady comes out to watch. Also contributing on offense were Netto with a couple of run scoring doubles and JR doing his usual thing of being on base errr goddamn time he steps to the plate. Seriously, the league is going to outlaw him next season. Eddy kept his awesome season from the leadoff spot going with 3 runs scored, but lost a bit of diamond credit complaining that Brooksy doesn’t throw the ball to his chest hard enough. Rule #37 No excuses, play like a champion! All that amounted to a 14-9 victory. This led us to pack up our shit and drive to the next game. The squad all put their heads together (Covid be damned) and came up with the Game 2 starter. Kyle Hay sauntered in from the corn field and took the pill. The thought was he could give us a few innings and then Johnny Wholestaff would piece together the remaining outs. Following in the greatness of other real estate champions like Stanley Lo or Buddy “The King” Kane he said I got this and closed the deal his damn self. It was a sight to behold. His 10K’s were possibly a league record for a lefty. I KNOW his 8 walks were a league record. His effective wildness and constant game of catch with the backstop had the Lobos weary of digging in the box. He also borrowed liberally from the Jim Brown trick of “Always get up slow so they never know when you’re hurt”. It may end up being the highlight of the 2021 campaign. The result was a 10-5 win over the Lobos and the #1 seed heading into the playoffs. The Diablos 22 day wait to start the playoffs began.

 When the first round of the playoffs mercifully ended it was going to be a best of three pitting the Diablos against Altenos. Did your favorite squad come out and lay a big wet fart? YOU BET! We looked like a team that had taken a 3 week vacation. Rob took the hill and admirably ate innings for a team that couldn’t score any runs for him. The squad was uninspired and couldn’t put a rally together. It was going to be a tough pill to swallow until the Altenos decided to light the fire that would eventually lead to their exit and a long, long winter. While leading 8-0 in the 9^th inning they decided that stealing bases was necessary. Now I’m all for getting what you can when your opponent is down, but giving another team some bulletin board material when it’s not needed is just dumb. From that inning on the Diablos outscored Altenos 20-4 and are 2 wins from the ‘ship. Game 2 saw the return of our world traveler Lou Gardella and he wasn’t about to let anyone get between him and a trophy. The Diablos showed up with a nice sense of urgency and a taped reminder to “Never Forget” what happened at the end of Game 1. Well that shit worked my friend. The Diablos put up 6 runs in the top of the first and never really looked back. Hitters 1 thru 4 all scored 2 runs a piece and the final score was Diablos 10, Altenos 4. Lou had promised victory and he delivered. Of course, the scheduling shenanigans that were trying to help the other team avoid doubleheaders with a thin pitching staff ended up screwing them because Lou was rested and ready for Game 3. This past Sunday your favorite squad showed up early and ready to kill something per Brothers request. Did the other squad whine that we took their dugout? Of course. Did we tell them to pound sand and take the dugout that didn’t have any runs in it? OH HELL YEAH. Not even a 2 mins before the game team picture request was going to break this teams focus. Brooksy waved everyone in and said Lets Fucking Go. Some highlights from the 10-0 ass whoopin’ were JR disintegrating a bat and still getting an RBI hit. This fuckin’ guy. Kyle still recovering from his day on the hill knocked in 4 runs from the DH spot and also did some veteran rundown trickery that rivaled anything Benny The Jet ever did. Eddy continued to set the table and scored 3 runs from the leadoff spot. Robbie locked down 3B like he was 10 years younger and Brother has reclaimed him as own. Marcus ran down everything in CF and still saved some juice to terrorize the basepaths. Fred locked in his “Lou whisperer” talent early and helped guide our horse to victory. Lou was sharp but didn’t have his best stuff since he finally gave up a hit in the last inning. WTH?

 Well there it is. The stage is set for the Diablos to hoist some hardware in the coming weeks against the Red Toros. Mother nature has decided to give CA some rain so the games won’t be until Halloween. So tell a friend or a complete stranger to grab some frosty beverages and come out to cheer the most entertaining team around. Always remember “We win some, we lose some, we outdrink them all.”