Forfeits and Upsets and Heatstroke, Oh My!

staying cool, so cool, Joe cool

Out of Juice: Chickens scratch a win from 100%

PRESTON SAHABU, Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles

100% Real Juice 15 || Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles 0

Captain Matt Pearson took the hill against “El Cazador” Aaron Hunter just after high noon on a brutally hot day. The first inning and a half was relatively quiet, with both sides trading strikeouts and scattering a few hits. Then the Juice offense woke up in the bottom of the second, stringing together some walks, base hits, and a two-run home run from Matt Morris to put up a five spot, but the game still felt within reach.

Hunter did not let it feel that way for long, slamming the door in the top of the third and earning eight strikeouts on the day to only two walks and one hit. The bottom of the third began auspiciously enough, with two quick outs and only a solo shot from Epo Olivares. Then the madness began, with a barrage of walks and groundball singles to the third base side baking the defense to a crisp under the sun’s furnace.

Eventually those singles gave way to extra base hits, as El Cazador struck with a home run of his own, and then Matt Morris smacked another one to walk the game off by mercy rule.

Epo Olivares destroying souls, as usual

Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles 1 || 100% Real Juice 0

As time moves forward, teams accumulate a history, with hilariously mundane events like their drunken formation, and painful events like a failed comeback. But a handful are so incredible that they take on a life of their own, enshrining themselves into lore. For Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles, this game will forever be known for The Shutout and The Double.

Grant Costa took the mound, sun bearing down, and proceeded to walk the bases full. It was not an ideal start against one of the most feared lineups in the league, a lineup that had helped power 100% Real Juice to perfection. Costa’s defense was winded from the game before, forced out of the shade to chase the ball for 15 runs. But they were not going to get less tired, and opposing starter Epo Olivares stood waiting in the batter’s box. It was time to relax, and to throw.

The soft grounder squirted to Costa. Scooping it as quick as he could, he lobbed it at the strike zone. It bounced in the dirt, then struck the bottom edge. One out. Two strikeouts later, a zero was up on the board.

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Olivares is, without a doubt, one of the best starters in the league. His velocity is as high as his arsenal is deep, and backed by an athletic defense, it is hard not to be intimidated. He surrendered two walks in his first inning, but it did not feel like he would surrender a run. He didn’t.

Costa, on the other hand, throws primarily one pitch. But it is one hell of a pitch: the Juice had trouble pinning it down, defensively fouling and flailing while sometimes staring at strikes. The dueling pitchers repeated their early innings by racking up strikeouts, sprinkling in walks, and sweating bullets. Olivares continued doing most of the work himself, striking out the side several times. Costa’s high wire act was spotted by great defense, with Andy Siegel making a galloping catch over his shoulder as Captain Pearson’s psychic shifts turned hits into outs.

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Scoreless in the top of the sixth, two Juice singles threatened to break the tie and continue the march to one hundred percent perfection. Costa snagged a force out to stem the bleeding, then struck out two more.

A leadoff walk from the hurler himself would put the winning run on first. After a soft popout, Captain Pearson stepped in -- he had the only hit for the Chickens. He would get another.

A shot fired into right field against the shift of the defense. Chaos erupted. Grant pumped on dead legs with the bench willing him to score while Epo ran to the plate bracing for a furious play as the Commissioner and the Deputy held their breath in the stands when Pearson slid into second trying to draw a throw that never came because El Cazador finally reached the ball at the base of the fence and hurled it home, but not before a small bobble.

Grant rounded third.

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Dust soared into the summer air. A ball sat beside home plate, rejected. The Double had sealed The Shutout.

Grant Costa's Randy Johnson impression

Stepsons of Pitches step in, wily Washout wipe them out

ALISON RUTH, Sons of Pitches

Panic struck Saturday night as I found out that three of our players were not able to attend our much-anticipated face-off against the infamous West Coast Washout… But at the last minute, hero Jonathan Stevens swept in and saved the day by bringing three new players to substitute! We were thrilled to have been joined by friends Ozo, Eric, and Kevin this week, who pulled through in the nick of time to give us a full team.

Pitcher Mike Byrnes throws a blistering 102 mph fastball for his 26th strikeout of the game. The pitch blew a hole straight through the backstop, which was hastily repaired by our grounds crew.

West Coast Washout 11 || Sons of Pitches 6 

Game 1 got off to a bit of a late start, with Mike Byrnes swooping in to kick off the game as starting pitcher for the SoPs just as we were taking the field in the bottom of the first inning. The blistering 87 degree weather had players hiding out in the shade to avoid heatstroke (and ghastly farmer tans). Despite the intense heat, MVP Jonathan Stevens could be seen sprinting across the infield to snag line drives and peg baserunners. He made a fantastic diving out at 3rd after fielding a ground ball and crawling to tag the bag before the runner could leap over him!

Despite our excellent defense, the batter’s box was pretty dead for the SoPs, with a few foul balls serving as the only contact made for the team. Halfway through the game, newcomer Ozo hit a high fly ball to deep right field— we held our breaths, eyes brimming with hopeful tears, as we watched the ball sail towards home run territory… only to watch it be caught by the Washout with a sensational bounding catch that ended in a stunningly graceful leap over the outfield fence. Our hopes may have been temporarily dashed, but it was hard not to be impressed after witnessing such an outstanding play! League managers are currently trying to find room in the budget to install a jumbotron for instant replay viewings.  

Dan Rish of the WCW threw an excellent game, throwing consistent 70 mph pitches for a no-hitter (he did allow a few walks, but we can give him this one…). He found his groove in the fifth inning, striking out three batters in a row (including yours truly, how embarrassing!) to end the time-shortened game.

An unidentified WCW player digs a grave for yet another teammate who has succumbed to the sweltering 87-degree heat. Vultures circle overhead, waiting for outfielders to collapse from exhaustion. EMTs are standing by.

West Coast Washout 9 || Sons of Pitches 3

The SoP's no-hit slog was finally broken when Mike Byrnes saved the day with a line drive into deep center field. It was quickly followed by a double from myself, but unfortunately our luck ran out soon afterward and our offense flagged.

Jonathan stepped up to the plate (or should I say the mound?) to serve as pitcher for the second game, which the SoPs were quite grateful for, seeing as our two main pitchers were unable to join us this weekend. Newcomer Kevin very nearly impaled himself on an outfield fence post chasing after a high fly ball… twice! Thankfully Dan’s beloved fence was quickly patched up and play was resumed both times. Great to see such commitment despite the “high stakes”, ha!

The team up a good fight, but ultimately went down. An embarrassing upset for the Sons of Pitches, who had been slated to win the league championship. We were so appreciative that Ozo, Eric, and Kevin were able to fill in this week, and we hope they’ll be able to play with us again next Sunday!

The Commissioner Speaks 

“You are unfortunately correct. Those series share the ignominious distinction of being the first forfeits of 2018.”

-- Commissioner Dan Rish

Purple Haze FORFEIT to RBI Steaks

68ers FORFEIT to Walks With Four Balls