So Close, Yet So Far 

We should add “Wiffleball” to this sign.

Fightin’ in a Basement

PRESTON SAHABU, Seattle Wiffle Media

Purple Haze 13 || 68ers 1

Nathan Aebi took the hill for the Haze and spun a one run gem, earning ten strikeouts to only four walks and four hits. His counterpart Brian Arnold had a much rougher go of things, surrendering 13 walks, but he did limit the damage to four hits and one home run. Nathan helped his own cause by hitting that one home run and driving in four, while Josh Herrero drove in three. The game was called after four innings by the mercy rule.

Purple Haze 21 || 68ers 6

This one got ugly, and it never stopped. The Haze got to starter Chris Moore early and often in this one, forcing him out with five runs before he could record an out. Reliever Jay McFarland did not fare much better, and when all was said in done, the Haze had pushed across 17 by the end of the first inning.

The 68ers were able to push back a little bit against starter Herrero, scratching out six in the top of the second, but then McFarland allowed another 4 runs and the game was called for time and mercy. Continuing the Purple Haze trend of starting pitchers doing the offensive lifting, Herrero drove in 8, including a home run and a triple.

Inescapably oppressive heat throughout a merciless sweep

ALISON RUTH, Sons of Pitches

Sons of Pitches 3 || Walks With Four Balls 2

The Pitches came ready to swing, quickly scoring two runs before moving on to the second inning of the thrilling match. Johnny Shepherd made a fabulous catch in center field to rob WWFB of what was likely going to be a second home run.

Although Dan wasn’t present to witness it, I’m sure a single tear came to his eye as he sensed his precious outfield fence being demolished by Johnny’s ruthless pursuit. Since Johnny comes dangerously close to impaling himself on the fenceposts on a weekly basis, we all know that it’s only a matter of time until he's actually skewered by the cruelly enchanting siren of the outfield fence. We are hoping that he’ll postpone that sacrifice until we secure a comfortable lead against Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles next Sunday.

Sons of Pitches had the bases loaded with two outs in the third inning when confusion broke out at home plate. The batter was hit by a pitch and the ball bounced back out onto the field, appearing to be in play, and pitcher Greg Nyssen bolted in to make a tag as all the runners were frozen at their bases, unsure of where to run. But a welt on my forearm was presented as evidence to reset the play and continue the inning. The hitter battled valiantly for the remainder of the count, but ultimately struck out. (I was the hitter.)

The Pitches took the field once again. The SoPs made two fly catches, including a dramatic backhanded snag in left field, and pitcher Spencer Minder delivered a devastating strikeout to end the top of the fourth inning.

The final innings of game were swift, bringing a few successful popup catches in left field and several other defensive plays. The second baseman and right fielder were beaten down by the scorching sun, resulting in a couple of dropped fly balls and a shift in defensive strategy. Fortunately, the game ended in a 3-2 win for the Pitches before any of the fielders were permanently blinded.

Members of the West Coast Washout, ever the fashionistas, look on as Walks With Four Balls takes the field. The Sons of Pitches note these upcoming hot trends, soon to be featured in New York Fashion Week, September 2018.

Sons of Pitches 11 || Walks With Four Balls 8

Jonathan Stevens approached the mound as the starting pitcher for game two, immediately demonstrating that his skills were not to be underestimated after delivering a ~*flawless*~ warmup routine.

The Pitches earned a few runs in their first at-bats, then WWFB’s Will Sparks managed to hit a double under the fence to bring the score to 2-2 going into the second inning. SoP’s Alison hit a line drive double to center field, which was swiftly followed by a double hit by Jonathan and a grounding single by Johnny.

The next inning brought with it a few challenging plays, but the Pitches nevertheless persevered, undaunted in their thirst for total annihilation. A fly ball with considerable topspin glanced off the hand of the left fielder, but fortunately Jonathan was still able to make the play at 3rd base (as the runner desperately attempted to evade the tag). A couple of walks and an additional double brought the score to an even 4-4 to close the inning.

The Pitches relentlessly pressed on to gain a 6-run lead before the end of the 4th. An out of the park home run hit by yours truly brought three batters home. I would've had a grand slam if not for Jonathan’s aggressive baserunning during the previous play. Damn! (Ed. note: This is the first home run hit by a female player in the history of the league. Congrats to Alison! -PS)

Spencer quickly followed suit with a second homer, bringing the score to 10-4. Fist bumps were shared by all amid the raucous dugout celebrations. The Pitches earned six hits in a row in an spectacular offensive streak, but their luck ultimately came to an end after popping up two fly balls and suffering an embarrassing pick-off from Jonathan’s overzealous rounding of 2nd. However, Jonathan more than made up for his errant baserunning by throwing several blistering pitches and striking out three batters in a row.

Although the game was cut short to only five innings, the Pitches were admittedly relieved to not have another round of fielding after WWFB appeared to be making a daring comeback. Jonathan was able to pitch two strikeouts before encountering a rough patch, with WWFB coming frighteningly close to tying the game. Particularly noteworthy was an upset in center field when Johnny had a ball glance off his hand and over the fence, just out of reach. Fortunately, Johnny caught the last out for some sweet, sweet redemption and brought the Pitches to a decisive 11-8 victory.

Dan is clearly still recovering from SoP's humiliating slaughter of his team last Sunday. Okay, okay, that might be a ‘stretch' of the imagination...

O Captain, My Captain: Cannonball, Washout split

ERIC SANFORD, Cannonball Coming

Sup WiffleNerds, it’s ya boi Eric from Cannonball Coming, back on the recap grind. After a couple bye weeks, the Crafty Dads (and Mom) of Cannonball Coming were back in action again to take on the Commish’s squad, West Coast Washout.

Cannonball Coming 9 || West Coast Washout 1

Game one featured our veteran hurler Paul Rogers on the mound versus Max from the Washouts. Paul started off strong and barely gave up any hard contact all day, save for a solo shot by Max that hugged that foul pole and stayed fair. Max had some nasty stuff, but ran into walk trouble as the Cannonballs plated two runs via bases loaded walks. Veteran slugger Karl Koch would later absolutely crush a three run donger over the left field fence to put the game in hand for the Cannonballs.

The Commish working on his Flying Crane position.

West Coast Washout 17 || Cannonball Coming 0

On to game two! Our intrepid manager and grizzled ace Patrick Meagher missed his first game in forever while traipsing around Europe, so that meant it was time for some fresh meat on the mound. Michael Tarantino answered the call and pitched his first game in the Seattle Wiffeball league. Michael had some nasty stuff working early on, but ran into walk issues after the first inning. His defense didn’t do him many favors either (*makes obnoxious THIS GUY gesture*).

Commish Dan Rish took the mound for the Washouts and was absolutely lights out, mixing rising pitches, drop shots, and brutal inside cross-up pitches to righties. The Washouts kicked their offense into high gear and scored a buttload of runs, eventually invoking the mercy rule in the fourth inning. Whoopsadoodle.

Well, we’ll take the one win, at least. And hey, I cranked a single in the first game, so it’s all gravy for me. See y’all next time.

Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game!

PRESTON SAHABU, Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles

RBI Steaks 19 || Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles 5

Captain Matt Pearson started the Chickens offense with a bang, taking Mitch Barham deep for a two-run home run. Grant Costa had his own “home run” on a single with some abstract defense, and things were looking up for the team in pursuit of the second wild card. Then Pearson took the hill for the Chickens, his shaky defense took their positions behind him, and things started going downhill.

Steven McGinley crushed both a three-run dinger and a grand slam in the bottom of the first, driving in seven of eight runs for the Steaks and giving Barham some runs to work with. The Chickens had a lot of difficulty picking up the soft-tossing lefty, whose unusual movement led to six strikeouts, four walks, and ten hits on the day

The Steaks would play add on in the next few innings with the long ball, with McGinley picking up another one, Captain Jimmy Froio picking up two, and latecomer Nick Winn getting a moonshot of his own. Winn was also a solid wall on the left side of the infield, robbing at least two sure hits while on patrol, and Froio had a nice play of his own, making an acrobatic catch to save some runs. When all was said and done, the Chickens were wrung after four.

The defense looked like this, but worse.

RBI Steaks 13 || Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles 2

Things didn’t go much better for the Chickens in the second game. Costa, fresh off his victorious duel against Epo Olivarez of 100% Real Juice, was looking to take out another ace in Winn. Unfortunately his defense did not show up in this one, with a lazy liner bobbled by yours truly, contributing to five runs in the first frame.

Despite the early deficit, the Chickens liked their odds against power pitcher Winn, as he had more natural movement despite his high velocity. They were able to scrape off nine hits, four of them doubles, but they were poorly clustered, and matched with only one walk and 12 strikeouts. The glimmer of last week’s miracle faded with each passing at-bat.

While Costa struck out the side in the second, he also walked five batters to force in two runs. His offense could not come to his aid, with only Munro and Costa himself driving in runs. Then the wheels fell off in a brutal fifth as seven walks, two hits, and some more bad defense led to six more for the Steaks.

Despite out hitting the Steaks nine to five, the Chickens were out walked twenty to one, and that proved to be the difference. Chicken ‘n’ Wiffles was mercied after five innings, putting the Steaks in position to move up in the standings while pressing the Chickens against the wall.