| Jim_the_Ump
September 14, 2008
2:34:31 PM
Entry #: 2906604
| As the playoffs start, and everything gets all serious, I thought a chuckle would be in order. So, a la David Letterman, below are the top 10 umpire wise-cracks heard this past year around the league:
10. Hey Umpy, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!
9. Why don't you get your seeing eye dog to call it for you?
8. Come on, Bell Canada doesn't make that many bad calls!
7. Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?
6. I've gotten better calls from my ex-wife!
5. Is that your final answer? You sure you don't want to phone a friend?
4. Flip over the mat and read the directions.
3. This must be your cell phone, Umpy. It says “two missed calls”.
2. If I wanted to get yelled at, I would have stayed home with my wife.
1. (My personal fav) Try not to suck.
A word of caution though. These lines (and many others in your arsenal that, no doubt, most umpires have already heard countless times) can be hilarious if delivered at the right time, in a light-hearted manner, and with a big smile on your face. These same lines, spoken in a derogatory fashion, in a mean-spirited way, or with confrontational gestures, can be perceived by officials as challenging. Know the right time and place, OK?
On behalf or Dave, Don and Calvin, I want to wish everyone a terrific week and weekend. Play hard, play safe, have fun, and always (always) show good sportsmanship.
Good luck to all,
Jim
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