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TOPIC: wanted to share |
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| Guvna14
April 13, 2010
3:23:25 PM
Entry #: 3442113
| A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours."
The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said," About three hours."
The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.
"A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes from laughter and said, "Your house."
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| LB4LB.
April 14, 2010
7:24:58 PM
Entry #: 3443532
| waiiiit a minute....when you typed " guy" you meant dutilly. When you typed " barber" you meant Big Ern. I get it I get it. Very clever MM. Very clever.
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| Guvna14
April 15, 2010
12:18:04 PM
Entry #: 3444244
| you see right through me....here's another goody
Short Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl
'Will you marry me?' The girl said,'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and whiskey and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END
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| Guvna14
April 15, 2010
12:24:42 PM
Entry #: 3444253
| And another for now....
Three buddies: lb4lb, Artie and Ernie were getting very drunk at a bar one afternoon while visiting the crowe bar in Coventry, RI.
After going out for " just one quick drink " as Ernie told his wife, " we'll be right back to take you out with us! "
The beers and shots started to flow...
Suddenly, (after about 8 hours of heavy drinking) Ernie throws up all over himself. "Oh Shit!... my wife is going to kill me!"
lb4lb quickly says, "Don't worry buddy, just tuck a twenty in your shirt
pocket and tell her that someone else threw up on you and gave you
twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
Artie nodded his approval with this Idea and Ernie was sold, figuring that surely his wife would understand that.
So they all decided to finish their drinks and head home as soon as possible so not to make a bad situation even worse for Ernie.
Four hours later out the door they went.
Eventually Ernie stumbles home and is instantly confronted by his angry wife.
She immediately starts yelling at him and giving him a hard time.
"You reek of alcohol!!! You never came home for me and you've puked all over yourself!!! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Ernie says
"Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha yew think. I
only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me...he
had one too many! And he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said hes
was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"
Ernie’s wife, not believing a word of this, looks in the shirt pocket and says
"Then why are there two twenty dollar bills in your pocket!"
"Oh, yeah.. I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."
Good times'
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| OSS
April 15, 2010
2:33:47 PM
Entry #: 3444371
| EEEEEWWW what do you think ? this last joke sounds very very familiar .... minus you shitting yourself of cousre .... but very familiar
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| KD
April 15, 2010
4:39:58 PM
Entry #: 3444524
| Riley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, EW and Dutilly. The three men had always done EVERYTHING together.
Dutilly arrived first, and when Mr. Iannotti pulled back the sheet, Dutilly said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'
Mr. Iannotti rolled him over and Dutilly said, 'Nope, ain't Riley '
Mr. Iannotti thought this was rather strange.
So he brought EW in to confirm the identity of the body. EW looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over..'
Mr. Iannotti rolled him over and EW said, 'No, it ain't Riles. Mr. Iannotti asked, 'How can you tell?'
EW said, 'Well, Riley had two assholes.'
'What? He had two assholes?' asked Mr. Iannotti.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: 'There's Riley with them two assholes.'
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| E W 3 3
April 15, 2010
9:26:53 PM
Entry #: 3444790
| KD and Artie u guys can say whatever u want. Guvna I have no clue who you the fuck you are. So that being the case you can get your face raped by an angry bull.
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| Guvna14
April 15, 2010
10:05:10 PM
Entry #: 3444830
| Jeesh! That's pretty harsh...it was just a story.
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| OSS
April 15, 2010
10:11:07 PM
Entry #: 3444840
| i dont know what kd is talking about but i do remember dropping you off to your wife after you puked all over yourself , my car and half of west warwick. we are the only 2 jerks i know that ever got shut off at bills pizza. "im sorry you dont seem that drunk but you guys have gone through a bottle and half of grey goose" does that help you remember ? what was the name of that cheesy energy drink they had ?
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| tuck00
April 16, 2010
12:08:01 AM
Entry #: 3444928
| I actually thought it sounded like something Dean would do, including the shitting himself part
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| E W 3 3
April 16, 2010
1:50:57 AM
Entry #: 3444977
| I would have to bet that Dean has done that. I never shit myself but I have puked all over myself more than once. The night Artie is talking about ended with my wife making stay outside until i was sober enough to make it up the stairs to our apartment. Then she gave up, hosed me down with the garden hose outside, and then tried to lug me up the stairs before giving up and leaving me on the ground outside after she dropped me twice.
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| Ryno34
April 16, 2010
8:54:23 AM
Entry #: 3445092
| Your wife is brave to even attempt to lug your big ass around.
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| KD
April 16, 2010
9:39:29 AM
Entry #: 3445136
| Mine was just a joke I recently heard and just changed the names! Anyway, don't worry guvna but EW has been face raped before by an angry bull (or was it an angry "RYNO"?) so he's a little sensitive!
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| Lags
April 16, 2010
12:35:13 PM
Entry #: 3445320
| I have access to some bulls if anyone wants to get there face fu*ked...
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| iWitch-hunt
April 16, 2010
1:26:03 PM
Entry #: 3445366
| EW...classic, face raping by raging bulls is just wrong
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| Gopher
April 16, 2010
8:26:41 PM
Entry #: 3445736
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HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The
shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to
go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit
the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the
first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign
reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking
and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous,
> Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where
the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives
store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like
beer
THE THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH AND SIXTH FLOORS HAVE NEVER BEEN VISITED..
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| kenfo69
April 16, 2010
11:00:35 PM
Entry #: 3445848
| Mike went over to his friend Jerry's house one night to play cards with some friends.
Mike ended up sitting directly across Jerry's wife.
Mike dropped a card on the floor and leaned over to pick it up. As he glanced across he saw that Jerry's wife had her legs open with no panties on. He sat up and was a bit flushed.
Mike got up and went to the kitchen for a glass of water.
To his surprise, she followed him into the kitchen and said in a low seductive tone... "Did you like what you saw?".
Mike said "Yes I did".
She replied , "Well you can get more than that if you'd like but it will cost you $500.00".
After Mike thought briefly about this financial situation for a moment and accepted the offer, She said "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Jerry will be at work then".
Mike said "I'll see you then".
The next day Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her and left.
Later, Jerry gets home and asks "Did Mike stop by today "?
Being caught off guard and thinking fast in the back her mind, she said "why yes he did, as a matter of fact".
"Oh Good" Jerry said.
with her heart and mind still racing she said "Good"?
Jerry replied," Yes,can you believe that fool ?... Comes by my job today and says he's in a real pinch and asks to borrow $500.00 till this evening and that he would make sure to drop it off to you on his way home.
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