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Author TOPIC: HEADLINES... kind of
PRESS

June 1, 2011
9:49:53 AM

Entry #: 3737378
THE CARDINALS ARE READY FOR SERVICE THIS SUNDAY, 50-50's TO BE COLLECTED IN BASKETS

90 MILE AN HOUR FASTBALLS EXPECTED SATURDAY, WITH A 80 PERCENT CHANCE OF HAILING BASEBALLS, ISLANDERS RECOMMENDED TO EVACUATE

Beat Reporter

June 1, 2011
4:03:10 PM

Entry #: 3737662
Swirling winds also expected Saturday after most 90 MPH fastballs.

WARNING!!! These winds may turn wooden objects into dangerous projectiles. Children and small animals should wear protective eyewear as a precaution adults and medium-large animals should consume large quantities of alcohol to reduce the risk of shock from said projectiles.

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