Strike 1 (Swing the Bat)

Strike 2 (Keep your eye on it)

Strike 3 (You are better than this)

Strike 4 (I need more from you)

Strike 5 (You are never going to amount to anything)

Strike 6 (I have taught you better than this)

Strike 7 (You are letting your whole team down)

Strike 8 (I can’t believe you are this bad)

Strike 9 (I am so embarrassed)

My daughter recently had a game that every athlete endures in their career: one to forget and to forget immediately. Above are the 9 strikes my daughter either stood and watched or swung and missed out during a game on Sunday morning that her team won. All the remarks in parenthesis are comments I have heard from parents this year while sitting at the park watching my 10U daughter play. As I begin to read these comments over and over, I begin to understand how much pressure our kids are under to perform at such a high level.

I was challenged the week prior to this tournament to hug my daughter when she has that bad game and tell her I love her and just love watching her play. Wow; I was in this position 4 days later as my daughter strolled over to me with emotions of being happy because her team had done well but sad because she just had a game that she really wanted to forget. I could either tell her what she was doing wrong and how to fix it and encourage her to do better next game, or I could just hug my daughter, tell her how much I loved her and how much I just loved watching her play softball. I chose the latter, and she smiled and said, “But Daddy” and I said, “How about we go get a drink from the concession stand?” We proceeded to talk about our dinner plans and where she wanted to eat after the tournament. The next game she hit three ropes and had four RBI’s and had her best game ever at the plate since she has started playing ball.

I don’t write this story to make me look good or to brag on my daughter (but that is fun to do) but to write about what I learned that day. I learned the power of encouragement and the power of love. I learned that she already knew she had a bad game and already knew what she was doing wrong for the most part and what she really needed was her daddy. Some might say, “But you won the game and if you didn’t win and would have lost by one run that your reaction would have been different.” To be honest, prior to this moment, maybe that would have been true, but after seeing the results of encouraging words and not words that tear someone down, I would hope I am never seen as a parent that is embarrassed by my child’s performance.

I touch on this word, performance, because everything we do in life is based on performance and how well we do it. The pressure is put on by society to be the very best at everything we do. There is so much truth to go all in or give 100%, but at what sacrifice? Is it worth the sacrifice of your relationship with your child? We are seeing parents and kids not having fun with youth sports because we see our children smiling after a strike out and interpret that as not caring enough or committed enough. But what if your kid knew it was okay to strike out and have the confidence they would get them next time? What if the error in the field where he/she pulled her head on the hot shot, they just smiled and knew they would get them next time? Instead, too many times we hear from coaches and parents everything that player is doing wrong, and it puts the pressure on them to always perform at such an unreachable high level.

You go to work during the day and most of the day is spent with criticizing remarks on everything you did wrong, and more needed to be expected from you. You come home from work to a marriage that is condemned with comments that are anything but encouraging. Your kids that you love dearly many times are hearing only the negative and everything they could do better. Thinking long and hard about this, I feel 99% of parents want nothing but the very best for their child, but many times this is defined by performance based attributes instead of their character. We live in a society where our ability to parent, by many we believe, is judged on how well our child performs at their activities. The passed ball by the catcher, I see the mom squirm as the other team scored a run because of this passed ball. The strike out with bases loaded in the last inning down by one and it’s your kid; how do you react?

I write all this because we are at that time of year where so many are unhappy. The season is long and roster changes are in abundance; many for good reasons and others simply because the season or the game is not about these kids but about us as parents. This is the time of year that every player that puts their time in wants to play. You have State and World events that should be about the team aspect of the bonding and the overall experience, not the wins or losses of these events. These kids will not remember the World Series win this year, that I promise, but they will remember the hotel swim parties and the times with kids their age playing something they love. I beg coaches and parents to make this July about nothing but the kids and the experience. I personally believe winning will be a byproduct of the kids playing loose and having fun. And even if they don’t equate into the number of wins you think they should, enjoy the journey with them this July.

A recent surveyed showed that 70% of kids are done playing the sport or activity they truly love by age 14 because of adults, because of coaches and parents making it about them and not these kids. We have great coaches and parents investing into these kids and loving them and my prayer is this becomes more the norm. I truly believe that many of you reading this right now don’t think this article had much to do with your style of coaching or parenting, and I hope that is the case. I just ask that we all really dig deep in these areas. I know I am speaking to myself when I say that also. Nobody is perfect and there are so many traps for each of us to fall into daily, but we all are only given today to live to the highest and fullest potential. None of us know what tomorrow might bring.

In closing, you might ask why the title of “Don’t Try So Hard.” For me, life here on earth is very short and I don’t want or need my days to be all about growing a company or having the nicest things in life. For the first 33 years of my life it was about pleasing parents and people around me, being business minded, and chasing things of monetary value. Recently, I have found my peace and rest in just investing into people and taking what each day throws at me. I think too many times we all get caught up on the next best thing or next best team or the next best job, or the next best whatever. Instead, just go home tonight and find the rest that we all need and just love your family and your kids. Tell each of them how much you love them, and if you are going to try really hard at something then make that investing into your family.

A song that resonated with me recently: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfGvXfe9LK8

Jeremy McDowell

USSSA KS Fastpitch State Director

Midwest Sports Production

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