How to Keep From Striking Out as a Softball Parent

Hitting that bright yellow softball is not as easy as it looks. Any softball player will tell you that there is more to hitting that just swinging away. With proper mechanics, a player can improve her batting average and hopefully minimize strike-outs.
Being a good sports parent is not as easy as it looks either. It takes more than just cheering on the sidelines. There are certain “mechanics” that can help you avoid striking out as a sports parent.
My husband, who’s coached softball for 10 years, gives his players 3 tips to help them when they step up to bat, tips that he hopes will help them get on base and not strike out.
Those same tips can also help you avoid sports parenting strike-outs.
First, he tells his girls, “Have a ritual to relax”.
In sports, the mental game is huge.
Most great athletes have a ritual that helps them focus. A tennis player may adjust racquet strings in between shots even though the strings don’t need adjusting. A football kicker may take a deep breath and stretch his neck side to side before the snap. A batter might swing a heavy bat. A softball hitter may tap the base.
Rituals provide a sense of stability and help us stay focused on our goals.
Do you have “rituals” to help you relax as a sports parent? Give it a try. It might help you relax and focus on what is important. Bring a water bottle, sit in the same location, chew on sunflower seeds. Say a prayer. Familiar habits that will help you relax.
When we relax, we are less likely to get uptight about bad calls, coaching issues, and our child’s performance.
Next, he instructs them, “Say yes, yes, yes”.
The Stanford softball coach tells his hitters to think, “yes, yes, yes.” As they watch the ball leave the pitcher’s hand, they should assume that every ball is a strike.
In life, that’s called assuming the best or thinking positive.
I’m not very good at thinking positive. I’m often too quick to think the worst and cloak my negativity with the excuse that “I’m being realistic.”
Have you ever dreaded going to your kid’s game because you expected the worst to happen, after the last game when things didn’t go well? How often are you quick to point out mistakes made by the team instead of the good stuff? Do you ever start a season with a negative opinion of the coach before you’ve given him a chance?
It’s time for sports parents to start saying yes, yes, yes and be positive-thinking examples for our kids. It could be contagious.
Last, he tells them, “Be ready to adjust”.
Even as hitters are thinking yes, they are prepared to say no. In the 1.4 seconds it takes for the softball to travel from the pitcher’s hand to home plate, they must watch the ball until the last instant and be ready to not swing if it is a ball. That’s major mind adjustment.
In the same way that athletes learn to quickly adjust during a game, sports parents can also learn to adjust, because everything won’t always go the way you think it should.
Maybe the coach asked your child to play a new position this year, when you were counting on the old one. Perhaps your kid is not getting the playing time you were hoping for. Or at the last minute, your child decides they don’t want to play the sport you love to watch them play.
One of our parenting jobs is learning to adjust to the curve balls of life, and at the same time helping our kids grow stronger as they adjust.
Sports provides an excellent opportunity for our kids and us to grow in character. And when your child ends the season victorious in character, you will know that you not only avoided striking out, you got yourself a sports parenting home run.

Enjoy It While You Can

Maybe it's the impending holidays (especially the coming New Year) that has me thinking this way. Or maybe it's that I was just going through ASA's cumbersome online registration process.
In any case, today's topic is a thought I've seen shared by many experienced softball parents. It's something we pass along to those who are just getting into it, just as our predecessors did for us. The basic message is "enjoy it while you can, because while the days can be long, the years are short."
In our society winning and succeeding are very important. When it doesn't happen right away, we as parents can become impatient. We watch our children struggle, or fail, and we long for the days when their performance will improve.
Yet while we're waiting for that day, we could be missing a lot of good days in-between. That's something you don't want to do.
I personally have three kids, three girls. All three played sports through high school. I enjoyed watching their games, even though running from one field to another seemed like an endless journey. Most weekends, by the end of the day Sunday I was almost looking forward to going to work just so I could be in one place for more than a couple of hours.
But the journey wasn't endless. Slowly, one by one, my kids stopped playing sports. So I no longer have the pleasure of watching them participate, struggle, overcome and succeed. Honestly, I miss those days of running around madly.
Not just for the sports, either. As any experienced parent of a young athlete can tell you it isn't the games that are the best part. It's the time between games, whether that's hanging around a park or driving in the car to a tournament or a practice or a lesson. Your non-driver is forced to spend some quality time with you, and it becomes a great opportunity to learn what's going on in his/her life and find out what sort of person he/she is becoming.
Yes, the days at a tournament can be very long, especially if you're doing well. And it's easy to get caught up in hectic schedule of a season.
But every now and then, take a little time to look around and appreciate the opportunity you have to enjoy this time. Because no matter how it seems, before you know it all you'll have left is a few photos, a few videos, and/or a few memories. And you'll wish you could go back just one more time and cheer for your child — win or lose.
Anyway, that's the way I see it.

Softball Father-Daughter/Player Relationship

Life in the Fastpitch Lane blog

You see it at any softball park: the dynamics between fathers and the softball playing daughters. While it mostly applies to coaches, it probably really extends to any father who is involved at any level in his daughter's playing career.
This is something I have first-hand knowledge of. I coached three daughters through their softball careers. Each experience was different, yet there were also some similarities. First, understand that I was probably more into the game than either of them. In fact, they don't get why I have continued to coach once their careers were over, but have more or less come to accept it.
What that meant, though, was that I would often want to talk about a particular game, or the team, or a technique or skill and they wouldn't. It could be frustrating on both sides.
Yet when it came down to it, both were actually happy that their father coached them. It's a complex dynamic to be sure, and more than a little difficult to explain unless you've experienced it.
For the daughters, there are two basic effects of having Dad as the coach. Either you get all the privileges — automatic entry onto the All Star team, favored spot in the batting order, play the position you want, etc. — or you get screwed.
In the latter scenario, you end up sitting out a little more because it's easier to sit you out than someone else's kid, or you're held to a higher standard of conduct that anyone else on the team, or you receive no special favors — even though all the other kids on the team seem to get them. About the best you can hope for is first choice of uniform numbers. And oh yeah, it seems like you always wind up carrying equipment while the others scatter after a tournament.
Still, there is something special about sharing that experience. Fathers who coach their daughters have something to talk about. They're in the team pictures together. More importantly, they share the triumphs, the heartaches of close losses, and memories that last a lifetime.
For many of us who have coached our daughters, it's hard to imagine NOT doing it. I am always surprised when a team or league has difficulty finding a parent willing to do it. It never occurred to me not to do it.
No doubt some are intimidated by the prospect because they feel unqualified. But more probably just don't know where to start. Which is interesting, especially at the younger ages, because how much do you really need to know? You can learn on the job. You just have to know a little more than your players. And stay ahead of them!
While it wasn't always easy for my daughters, I do know from talking to them that they never wanted to play summer ball for anyone else. The times we shared were special — even when I was ranting in the car after some horrible loss. My hope is if they learned nothing else from me, they learned to approach whatever they do with passion. Because if you can't be passionate about it, and you don't absolutely have to do it, you probably shouldn't do it.

So let's hear it for all those dads who spend their days at hot, dusty ballparks instead of on the golf course or on their boat or at their summer homes. Let's applaud those guys who pass on the opportunity for a promotion by leaving work on time instead of working extra hours so they can run a practice or coach a game. They may never become rich or famous, but they've definitely affected lives. Not just of their own daughters, either, but the daughters of many people.
Anyway, that's the way I see it.

10 Tips for Being a Great Softball Parent


As a softball parent, you only want the best for your daughter. So what can you do to help your daughter become the best she can be on the field? Here are 10 Tips to Help You Be a Great Softball Parent!
1. Focus on reinforcing your daughter's correct technique, mechanics, and good performance.
2. Don't dwell on your daughter's mistakes.
3. Value your daughter's "intangible strengths" - determination, mental toughness, positive attitude, confidence, commitment, etc.
4. Be a good example. Your children learn from you. Model the behavior and attitude you want your children to develop.
5. Show your daughter you see her progress and are proud of her for the effort and improvement she is making.
6. Allow and provide for taking a break - no school, no sports, just time to relax and enjoy family and friends.
7. Don't specialize too early in sport or in position.
8. Encourage the same commitment and passion toward school as you do toward softball.
9. Remember that there is no short cut to success. Expensive equipment it and of itself won't solve all problems, it still requires dedication, skill, and technique for maximum success.
10. Provide your daughter with the ultimate reward: your time, your attention, your approval, and the chance to hang out with you doing and sharing something she loves.
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