(14) Ulsan Massive
In case you’ve been wondering just what exactly a vertical stack is, don’t ask the Ulsan Massive. We don’t need such antiquated concepts like “strategy” and “organization” to fuel our run of righteous vindication. Founded on the principals of Spirit, forged in fires of completely ironical Arrogance, and crafted into the scimitar of Justice that will rain judgment upon all discs equally, we are a more than a name, more than an idea, more than hollow rhetoric (although we’re really good at that too). We are the monster living under your bed. We are the shadow that haunts your dreams. We are the ass of your 40-ounce bottle of malt liquor. Ignore this declaration at your own risk: We are coming.
So, maybe we can’t really throw the disc, like, at all. Maybe we don’t really know what we’re trying to accomplish when we step onto the Ultimate field. Maybe we run in circles because we’re seriously, and lethally, confused. But we don’t feed off our faults. We are fueled by a much stronger potion.
Our engine runs on vapors emanating from Jonathan’s furious and astoundingly Massive PELOTAS. And when David’s Massive LOVE arouses Kevin’s Massive NIPPLES all hope will be lost for our opponents. But when it’s too cold to get it up, Kristi’s Massive ACTION will ignite Diana’s Massive DIANAMITE, freezing the opposition’s defense in terror just long enough for Lauren’s Massive AWESOME to pop John’s Massive JALAPENO out of Garrett’s Massive GG while Josh’s Massive TARDIS calmly catches the disc Marc’s Massive NIEZEN threw for the score on universe point (read that again a few times, it actually does make sense). And when that largely incoherent plan falls to crap, Toni’s Massive STUDFLY will mount Meg’s Massive MANGLER to terrorize the stack into complete chaos, allowing Jason’s Massive KREITZER to force the disc into Dylan’s Massive GROOVY clutches for the Callahan (and they are Massive Groovy clutches, ladies, no doubt).
You might not fear us yet, but soon, you will. We didn’t come to dodge to get lit up and puke out tacos. We came here to rock the ROK. And when we rock, we rock Massive. Dig that.
Pre-Season Ranking: 15 / 18
Final Ranking: 14 / 18
So, maybe we can’t really throw the disc, like, at all. Maybe we don’t really know what we’re trying to accomplish when we step onto the Ultimate field. Maybe we run in circles because we’re seriously, and lethally, confused. But we don’t feed off our faults. We are fueled by a much stronger potion.
Our engine runs on vapors emanating from Jonathan’s furious and astoundingly Massive PELOTAS. And when David’s Massive LOVE arouses Kevin’s Massive NIPPLES all hope will be lost for our opponents. But when it’s too cold to get it up, Kristi’s Massive ACTION will ignite Diana’s Massive DIANAMITE, freezing the opposition’s defense in terror just long enough for Lauren’s Massive AWESOME to pop John’s Massive JALAPENO out of Garrett’s Massive GG while Josh’s Massive TARDIS calmly catches the disc Marc’s Massive NIEZEN threw for the score on universe point (read that again a few times, it actually does make sense). And when that largely incoherent plan falls to crap, Toni’s Massive STUDFLY will mount Meg’s Massive MANGLER to terrorize the stack into complete chaos, allowing Jason’s Massive KREITZER to force the disc into Dylan’s Massive GROOVY clutches for the Callahan (and they are Massive Groovy clutches, ladies, no doubt).
You might not fear us yet, but soon, you will. We didn’t come to dodge to get lit up and puke out tacos. We came here to rock the ROK. And when we rock, we rock Massive. Dig that.
Pre-Season Ranking: 15 / 18
Final Ranking: 14 / 18
| # | Player Name | Games | Goals | Assists | Points | GWG | GWA | GWP | Hat | Big | PPG |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 00 | John Aguirre | 15 | 37 | 0 | 37 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 7 | 5 | 2.47 |
| Jason Kreitzer | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.00 | |
| 3 | Jonathan Hermida | 10 | 4 | 4 | 8 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 0.80 |
| 4 | Diana Penuela | 15 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0.07 |
| 5 | Lauren Kubik | 13 | 10 | 1 | 11 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0.85 |
| 7 | Kristi Benson | 17 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0.24 |
| 8 | Garrett Greer | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.00 |
| 12 | Megan Sheppard | 17 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.00 |
| 16 | Kevin Mayerchak | 13 | 2 | 20 | 22 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 1.69 |
| 19 | Marc Niezen | 14 | 1 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0.57 |
| 21 | Antonya Wallace | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0.00 |
| 33 | David Jeong | 17 | 10 | 6 | 16 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 0.94 |
| 53 | Joshua Hanlin | 15 | 8 | 1 | 9 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0.60 |
| 54 | Brian Kelly | 17 | 17 | 3 | 20 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 1.17 |
| 93 | Dylan Falcone | 17 | 0 | 56 | 56 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 8 | 3.29 |
