😃  In (9):  Mike, Joe, Rob, Jocelyn, Nancy, Eric, Jae, Ron, Nate.

🤔  Maybe:  

😢  Out:  Angela, Erienne, Jeff, Caleb, Fausto.

[Editor's note:  I screwed up the lineup this week, batting not one, but two left-handed hitters immediately after Jocelyn, who has repeatedly requested over the years that I not do that.  Whoops, sorry, Bubbles!  So here's my peace offering -- read only the highlighted words for the lyrics to Richard Marx's 1989 #1 hit song, "Right Here Waiting," which we were discussing prior to the game!]

Whew!  It was a hot week!  Oceans of sweat were pouring off both the Empty Pitchers and The Dream Team on Wednesday afternoon, as even high-90s temperatures and steamy levels of humidity couldn't keep the two teams apart for their rematch.  Day after day, the weather had been brutal, and I wasn't sure we'd be able to play, but as we all slowly gathered at the Bloomfield Recreation Department softball field, I knew we were a go for the game.  I mean, it would be insane to waste this sunny evening and late sunset, right?

I hear what you're saying, "Maybe we shouldn't have played and risked heat-stroke," and your voice matters, but the EPs were on a mission to avenge their 17-14 loss on this same field just five weeks earlier.  And we were willing to put it all on the line to do it.

As the visiting team, the EPs stepped to the plate first, and we've been pretty successful in 1st innings so far this season.  But it doesn't just happen -- we have to earn our runs.  The Dream Team thought they could stop us when they retired two of our first three hitters on flyouts to right-centerfield, sandwiched around a single by Nate.  But Jocelyn and Erienne were clutch as they brought the pain with back-to-back singles to drive Nate home with the game's first run.  And if that were it, I might be a little worried.  But Jeff and Rob said, "We see your pair of singles, and raise you two more."  Each of their hits brought in a run, extending the EP lead to 3-0 after a half-inning.

Unfortunately, The Dream Team is stocked with good hitters, and they answered right back and then some, plating four runs to jump out in front 4-3.

The next inning saw the EPs respond, albeit with a little help from the opposing shortstop.  Following two quick outs in the top of the 2nd, Tino smacked a double to try to spark a rally.  Never let it be said that he can't swing it!  Eric's grounder up the middle was booted by the shortstop for an error, and then Nate pressed the repeat button, as the shortstop fumbled his grounder as well, with Tino coming home to score on the play, tying the game at 4-4.  How can we take advantage of those gift errors?  Well, say, if Joe were to knock a ball into forever, scoring both Doc and Nate for a 2-run double and a 6-4 EP advantage!  Sweet!  Opponents beware -- wherever you go, whatever you do, the Empty Pitchers will relentlessly keep coming after ya!

I will be honest with you, though -- The Dream Team kept coming after us, as well.  In the bottom of the 2nd, they piled up seven huge runs, retaking the lead, 11-6.  I'm sorry, that's not right, man.  Here we were, waiting for them to wilt in the heat, and they sucker-punched us, you know?

Okay, so time for another EP comeback, whatever it takes.  Who would do it in the top of the 3rd?  How about Erienne, who reached first when her bouncer was misplayed by the second baseman for an error?  Or how about Rob, who doubled one out later to put runners at second and third?  My own single into the heart of centerfield drove both of them home, cutting our deficit to 11-8.  Alas, we couldn't score any more that inning.  Them's the breaks, I guess.

EP starting pitcher Eric now imposed his will on TDT, holding them scoreless.  It began to feel as though all would be right with the game, here in the 3rd frame.  And beyond, too, as if the EPs were just waiting to explode for a big inning.

It would only be natural, then, for you to get excited, as Tino opened the top of the 4th with a single.  One out later, I took for granted that Nate would get a hit, and he did, singling Tino to second.  I mean, I can't even count all the times Nate has come through with the bat over the years!  That I thought our rally would last until we scored at least a few runs somehow may have been a tad presumptuous, however.  A groundout moved the runners up to second and third, but we couldn't get 'em home.  Hang a zero for us in the 4th. 

The bottom of the inning didn't work out so well, either.  In the last of the 4th, TDT broke out for three runs, padding their lead to 14-8.  Yeah, I hear the laughter coming from their dugout, and I taste the tears of humiliation as they scored each run.  But I can't accept that the EPs would ever give up fighting!

It would be tough to get near enough runs to come all the way back in one inning, but you know a couple of runs per inning would really help, now.  But, oh no, the EP batters went down in order in the top of the 5th!  1-2-3.  I can't believe it.  You see it too, right?  If we don't hit, we won't win this baby.  You've got to score runs!

The EP pitching and defense did it's part in the botom of the 5th, keeping TDT off the board for the second time this game.  

Still down 14-8, Mike led off the 6th with a single.  Ron knocked a grounder to third, but the throw across to first went right past the first baseman and out of play, so Ron took second, with me goin' to third.  That was the fourth error of the game by TDT.  Crazy, right?  Maybe their infielders should (refrain) from trying to throw us out.  Anyway, one out later, Tino blasted a drive to left-center.  It was caught, but it was plenty deep to allow Mike to tag up and score on the sacrifice fly, getting us to 14-9.  I wonder how many runs we could have scored if the ball had gone over the fielder's head instead of just being a can o' corn.

So TDT managed to survive our attempt at a rally in this 6th inning.  And like the villains in a really bad comedy or romance movie, they continued to twirl their figurative moustaches, tacking on another three runs in the bottom of the frame, this time off relief pitcher Franchise.  That put them comfortably in front, 17-9, with only one inning to go.

Daunting, sure, but the EPs didn't quit.  In the 7th, Nate led off with a single, and Joe followed with a double.  Jocelyn, not ready for the game to end, singled Nate home and chased Joe to third, if I'm reading the scorebook correctly.  With runners at the corners and nobody out, Erienne bounced into a fielder's choice with a grounder to short, and you know Joe was coming in to score on that play, making it 17-11.  Just six runs down, I'll take it.  Jeff was next, and he looped a would-be single into short right-center;  but the left-centerfielder charged in, fielded the ball on a hop, and fired to second for the forceout on Erienne.  Two outs.  The chance of us completing a comeback was fading.  Oh, can't you see it, Rob belting a six-run homer to tie it?  Baby, that would be awesome if it were possible!  He didn't homer, but he did keep the line moving with a single to push Jeff to second.  And now you've got me coming up next, goin' 2-for-3 so far.  But I flew out to left-center to end this crazy game.  Rats.  I'll try to (refrain) from crying this week, but it won't be easy.

The 17-11 loss drops our 2025 record to 4-6.  We are now 1-3 at home, 3-3 on the road.

If you're waiting for the naming of our offensive player of the game, you need wait no longer.  It was Erienne, who went 1-for-5 with 2 runs scored and 2 rbi.  Other hitters of note included Nate (3-for-4 with 3 runs scored), Joe (2-for-4 with 2 doubles, a run scored and 2 rbi), and Mike (2-for-4 with a run scored and 2 rbi).  Defensively, the play of the game came in the bottom of the 3rd inning when, with a runner at first, the TDT batter blooped a ball behind first base.  It fell in for a hit, and the runner advanced to second.  But the runner never looked to see where the ball was, and when the TDT bench yelled, "Go to third!" he thought the ball had gone out of play, and began to slowly stroll toward third base.  First baseman Joe fired the ball to shortstop Tino, who ran the runner toward third, before tossing to third baseman Mike for the easy tag.

Notes & Numbers

• Take ten:  With this contest, we have now played 10 games this 2025 season, to a 4-6 record.  So how does that compare to past seasons?  Here are our yearly records after the first 10 games (and our final records in parentheses): 
  • • 2024: 4-6 (9-14)
    • 2023: 4-6 (8-15)
    • 2022: 7-3 (14-9)
    • 2021: 5-5 (10-14)
    • 2020: 4-6 (7-8)
    • 2019: 3-6-1 (10-12-1)
    • 2018: 3-7 (8-15)
    • 2017: 3-7 (11-13)
    • 2016: 4-6 (12-12)
    • 2015: 3-6-1 (6-12-2)
    • 2014: 1-9 (4-11)
• Milestones (since 2015):  Joe's 2nd-inning double was his 350th career at-bat (8th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Rob's 3rd-inning double was our team's 25th double of the season.  Joe picked up our team's 100th rbi of the year with his 2nd-inning double.

👀◀️5️⃣   A look back at EP-nation, 5 years ago:   

2020-02:  Oddballs' Dead Balls, Plus EPs' Stumble in 1st, Lead to First Loss of Season

July 02, 2020

Q:  So what do you get when you combine a couple of soccer players with zero hitting ability but a ton of speed, with a softball with the consistency of a pair of balled-up socks?

A:  Weak swinging-bunt hits, a whole mess of them, even an infield homerun, and weird outfield hits that drop in front of outfielders then bounce oddly past them.

Q:  And what do you get when there are no strikeouts, no walks, no reason to swing a bat until you see the perfect pitch, and no limit to how many times you can swing and miss and swing and miss and swing and miss and . . . ?

A:  A game with interminably long at-bats, taking what could have been a really fun game and reducing it to an utter slog.

Well, that's what the Empty Pitchers encountered on Thursday evening, as we travelled to a new venue, Weatogue Park in Simsbury, to take on The Oddballs for the first time ever.  To be fair, our opponents were a jovial young team, friendly and accommodating, but the combination of bad game balls, no strike mat, and the lack of a fourth outfielder due to a shortage of female players really hurt the EPs, at least until adjustments were made after a disastrous first inning.

The game began anticlimactically, as the EPs managed a pair of singles by Jon and Nancy in the top of the 1st, but failed to produce any runs.  But the bottom of the frame was an absolute horror show, as The Oddballs dribbled weak 15-foot grounders and lobbed soft outfield hits that bounced oddly past outfielders, to the ungodly tune of 13 runs and putting the EPs solidly in the hole (13-0).

Tino and Nate got the ball rolling in the top of the 2nd with a single and double, respectively.  Jocelyn's groundout to short plated our first run of the game, before Rob singled.  Demetrio and Mike B. both followed with rbi-singles and we had cut the deficit to 13-3.  But The Oddballs struck back with three runs of their own to make it a disheartening 16-3.

The EPs crept closer again in the top of the 3rd, when Mike N. led off with a hit, moved to third on Josh's base hit, and scored on a single by Ron.  Jonathan banged a grounder to short, but in attempting to get the force-out, the shortstop threw the ball past the third-baseman, allowing Josh to scamper home.  Ron later scored on a single by Jon to cut the lead to ten, at 16-6.

After The Oddballs plated one run in the bottom of the 3rd (17-6), both teams were held scoreless in the 4th inning.

In the top of the 5th, Rob singled to lead off and one out later, came all the way around to score on Mike B.'s double.  Mike B. then moved to third on a ground out and came home on Mike N.'s single under the third-baseman's glove (17-8).

The comeback really got going in the 6th when, with two outs and nobody on, Jonathan and Eric had back-to-back singles.  Jon then blasted a 3-run homer over the left-fielder to close the gap to only 17-11.  But the EP excitement was short-lived, as The Oddballs rallied for a 6-spot in the home-half of the 6th, stretching their lead back out to 23-11.

The Empty Pitchers went back to work in the top of the 7th, when Alan led off with a single.  But a pair of fielder's choice plays left Nate on first with two outs.  Jocelyn singled.  Rob singled, scoring Nate.  Demetrio singled, and suddenly we had the bases juiced (23-12).  But our rally fizzled there.

The Oddballs squeezed out an insurance run in the bottom of the 7th, and the EPs went down in order in the 8th to end the ballgame at 24-12.

The loss evens our 2020 record at 1-1.

The offensive player of the game was Jon, who went 3-for-3 with a homerun, run scored and 4 rbi.  Rob gets an honorable mention (3-for-3, with 2 runs and an rbi), as does Mike B. (2-for-3, with a double, run and 2 rbi).

Notes & Numbers:

• Going Streaking [um, phrasing . . . ]:  Going back to last season, Rob has now had hits in 8 consecutive plate appearances.
• Sharing the Rubber [hey, phrasing!]:  Chris, Mike B. and Ron all pitched in Thursday's game.  Only once in 27 games last season did we use as many as three pitchers in the same game -- when Chris, Alana and Ron combined for a 10-8 victory over Acid Reign on August 29, 2019.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Mike N.'s 5th-inning single was his 300th career at-bat (2nd all-time).  Nancy took her 50th career at-bat in the 2nd inning (22nd all-time).  Nancy also picked up her 10th career hit with her 1st-inning single (31st all-time).  When Jon crossed the plate following his 6th-inning homerun, it was his 75th career run scored (6th all-time).  Josh scored for the 30th time in his EP career in the 3rd inning (tied 14th all-time).  Jon also drove in his 75th career rbi with his homerun (4th all-time).

[Editor's note:  It's Travelers Championship Week in Connecticut, and while I personally don't give an Arnold Palmer fart about golf, it seems an appropriate theme for this week's softball game recap.  I've worked in the names of the top-25 finishers in this year's tournament.  Alas, if only the EPs used golf scoring, where the team with fewer runs wins . . . we'd be awesome,  Davis Thompson !]

 Great  Scottie Scheffler !  Wake the kids!  Call your neighbors!  Our archrivals are coming!

The Fighting Plankton From Hell invaded Cove Park/DMV this week.  They've long been our closest talent-match in the league, as we had gone 12-10 all-time against them coming into the game, and we could clearly expect another tough-fought battle on Thursday evening.  But the Empty Pitchers were coming off a  Wyndham Clark  in each of their last two softball games, and were looking to extend the streak!

Under hot, humid conditions, with the threat of thunderstorms looming all  Jason Day , the Plankton wasted no time getting to pitcher Eric and the EP defense.  They struck immediately, and were able to  Russell Henley  up five big runs in the top of the 1st, including a long 3-run homerun.  Whatever.  No problem.  There was still plenty of game left for an EP comeback.  Unfortunately,  Ben Griffin  the bottom of the frame, the only batter to reach base was Rob, whose grounder to third was fielded cleanly into the  Lucas Glover  of the defender, but the first baseman dropped the ensuing throw for an error.  No hits, no runs for the EPs.  Nuts.

The Plankton were kept off the scoreboard in the top of the 2nd, and the EPs gladly took the opportunity to respond, albeit with a bit of help from our opponents.  Nancy led off with a grounder that the shortstop threw away for an error, advancing to second on the overthrow.  One out later, Mike did the same, grounding to third and taking second when the throw sailed past the first baseman.  Nancy scored on the play, getting the still-hitless EPs off the schneid at 5-1.  Thanks, Plankton!  Erienne then blooped a ball between the pitcher and first baseman with just enough  Harris English  on it to reach with an infield single, before Tino mashed a double into the gap, plating Mike with our second run.  Ron followed with a single that drove E home, and it was 5-3.  An around-the-horn 5-4-3 double play killed the rally at that point, but at least we had made it a close game.  Staying in striking distance would be  Keegan Bradley .  [See what I did there?  IRL, Bradley stayed in striking distance all tournament long, and won the Travelers with his final putt over Fleetwood.]

Did I  Bud Cauley  this a close game?  Because the Plankton erupted for another 5-run inning in the top of the 3rd, including another 3-run dinger, this one to right field.  [Sigh]  10-3 Plankton.  Okay, back to work.  The first two EPs were retired in the home-half of the inning, but then Eric singled, and Nate blasted a fly to right that ticked off the fielder's glove and kept on going.  Doc and Nate kept on going, as well, showing just how  Tommy Fleetwood  of foot they are!  Both runners came all the way around to score on Nate's 2-run homerun (1st season, 9th career), cutting our deficit to 10-5.  Hear the crowd  Rory McIlroy !  Rob followed with a booming triple, but we were unable to get him in.  Phooey!

Both teams traded zeroes in the 4th inning, although Fausto had a single for the EPs and was stranded.   Brian Harman , we could use a couple o' hits!

The Plankton squeezed out  Justin Thomas  a single run in the top of the 5th, increasing their lead to 11-5, but the door was still open for an epic comeback, if the EPs could  Harry Hall  the Plankton pitcher for a few more runs right here.  But the EPs demurred, quietly going down in order in the bottom of the frame.   Kevin Yu  gotta be kidding me.

The score continued to hold at 11-5, as neither team was able to break through in the 6th inning.  Franchise came on to pitch in relief and, sly as a  Ryan Fox , blanked the Plankton.  Caleb led off the last of the 6th with a triple, but the next three EP batters were tragically retired on a short groundout and a pair of pop-ups.  Ugh.  Too bad we  Patrick Cantlay  down a squeeze bunt in this league.

To the final inning, where the Plankton tacked on one final insurance  Aaron Rai  to go up 12-5.  Would the EPs mount a last-ditch comeback,  Nick Taylor  would they fold and accept the loss?  Nancy lined a two-out single over second base, but that failed to  J.J. Spaun  a rally of any kind.  All in all, a weak offensive showing by the home team, and a 12-5 final score.  Boy, it really  Sam Burns  me to lose to the Plankton!  Time to go cry in my  Denny McCarthy .   Byeong Hun An  for this week!

The loss drops our 2025 record to 4-5.  We are a disappointing 1-3 at home, but an encouraging 3-2 on the road.

There was little to celebrate offensively this  Robert MacIntyre  game, as not one EP hitter had multiple hits on the day.  Still, the player of the game was Nate, who went 1-for-3 with a homerun, run scored and 2 rbi.   Maverick McNealy  before him!  Pitching-wise, Eric takes the loss, falling to 2-2 for the season.

Notes & Numbers

• Weak sauce:  The EPs went 9-for-32 on Thursday, for a team batting average of only .281.  That represents our worst team BA of the season, including that 2-0 loss to DRS.  The last time we hit even worse?  Our 4-for-28 (.143) showing in our 14-1 loss to The Dream Team on 06/12/24.
• Three is a magic number:  On Thursday, Caleb tripled for the third consecutive game.  The last EP to accomplish this feat was Joe, who tripled in our 23-13 loss to inDRStructible on 07/11/24;  in our 15-6 win over Caught Lookin' on 07/18/24; and in our 19-3 win over the Line Drivers on 07/24/24.
• Left behind:  Don't you hate it when you're the on-deck hitter when the ballgame ends?  You feel cheated out of an at-bat!  Here's who's been shorted an AB that way, and left standing on the  Matt Fitzpatrick  so far this season:  Nancy (games 1, 2); Dax (game 3); Jocelyn (game 4); Mike (games 5, 6, 9); Ron (game 7); Eric (game 8).  
• Apparently, we need more Yoda!:  I got to thinking, the EPs are now 4-5 as a team so far in 2025, but not everybody has played in every game.  So here is a list of every EP to appear in a game this season, and our record when they are in the lineup:  Jocelyn (4-4); Jonathan (2-1); Dax (0-1); Angela (0-3); Tino (1-3); Caleb (4-4); Justin (0-1); Carlos (0-1); Rob (3-4); Ron (3-5); Josh (0-1); Eric (4-5); Jaden (1-0); Jae (4-3); Erienne (2-2); Jeff (2-2); Mike (4-5); Fausto (2-3); Yaidy (1-0); Nate (3-4); Joe (4-4); Nancy (3-3).
• Milestones (since 2015):  Tino's 2nd-inning double was the 50th 2-bagger of his career (6th-most all-time).  Mike scored his 200th career run in the 2nd inning (5th-most all-time).  Tino picked up his 250th career rbi in the 2nd inning (2nd-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Jeff's flyout in the 1st inning was our team's 300th plate appearance of the season.  Fausto's groundout in the 2nd inning was our team's 300th at-bat of 2025.  Caleb's 6th-inning triple was the 10th 3-bagger of the year for the EPs.

[Editor's note:  In case you missed our last episode, this an Empty Pitchers' parody of The Daily Show's parody of ESPN-style sportstalk shows, where two or more sports "experts" yell at each other about . . . duh, sports.]

S ⚽ P 🏀 O 🏈 R ⚾ T 🥎 S     W 💣 A 🔫 R

Chieng:  What's up, morons?  I'm Ronny Chieng . . . 

Klepper:  . . . and I'm Jordan Klepper.  This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.  For example, if I say that Ronny Chieng doesn't suck . . . 

Chieng:  Well then, I have to disagree with you, Jordan!  Everybody knows I'm a bad son and a selfish lover.

Klepper:  Yes!  You also left out that you're rude to service workers.  Alright, let's get started with the biggest story in sports today: "The Great Buffalo Hunt" . . . 

Chieng:  . . . "The Thrilla at the DMVila" . . . 

Klepper:  . . . "The Shove at the Cove"!

Chieng:  No, dude, that sucks.  It's supposed to rhyme.  

Klepper:  Yeah, but it looks like it should rhyme, right?  I mean, . . . okay, how about, "The Big Deal in Wethersfiel(d)"?

Chieng:  . . . Meh.  

Klepper:  Okay, whatever.  Anyway, the Empty Pitchers hosted the Bisons at Cove Park/DMV on Thursday, the EP's first true home game of the 2025 season.  Which was bad news for the Bisons, I guess, as the EPs have won 14 of the last 16 times they've played each other.  I mean, total domination!  So everyone expected tonight's game to be an absolute blowout, right?

Chieng:  Wrong, Jordan!  Due to scheduling conflicts in 2024, these two teams hadn't seen each other in almost two years!  Who knew how revamped the Bisons roster would be?  They might have recruited a bunch of ringers.  Heck, they might have the entire cast of the Fast & Furious franchise playing for them!  Y'know, Diesel, Momoa, the Rock . . . 

Klepper:  You've got rocks in your head, Ronny!  I don't want to hear nomoa from you!  The EPs had Franchise pitching, a strong lineup including four female players, a roaring crowd in the stands . . . 

Chieng:  Roaring crowd?  

Klepper:  Maddy and Jaden and Angela were all there.  Okay, maybe not roaring, per se, but I'm sure they were rooting for the EPs . . . softly . . . on the inside.

Chieng:  . . . and stands?  There weren't even any benches for the teams to sit on!

Klepper:  Touche.  That was kinda weird.  The Bisons ended up sitting under the trees, half a mile away from the plate for some reason.

Chieng:  Anyway, the Bisons struck first, managing a two-out rbi-double in the top of the 1st inning after a leadoff single and back-to-back fielder's choice grounders to third.  That's right, it's the Bisons with a quick jab to the face to actually take the lead!

Klepper:  Ohhhhh, throw the flag!  Send 'em to The Hague!  C'mon!  The Empty Pitchers were clearly getting bullied and I'm sick of it!  You can't just push people around in sports.  Unless it's football, or hockey, or basketball, or the Little League World Series, or . . . being Drunk Dad at the Little League World Series.

Chieng:  Well, I hope one of those dads shoves you into traffic, Jordan, because you couldn't be more wrong!  As a lifelong parks & rec level, co-ed softball fan ever since we first covered an EP game four weeks ago, I can say with absolute certainty that that single run barely constituted a threat!  Hey!  The Empty Pitchers need to get harder if they want me, their target demographic, to keep watching.  Okay?  You hear that, EPs?  Just because a softball team doesn't have a penis doesn't mean you can't get hard.  Just ask Jordan.

Klepper:  [looks confused]  Umm, are you saying my penis is soft, or non-existent?

Chieng:  [pauses]  Whichever hurts your feelings more.

Klepper:  Ha, ha!  Jokes on you, Ronny, I'm dead inside!  Look, I relate to the EPs.  A superstar team, at the top of their game, surrounded by jealous peers.  EPs, I see you.  I am you.  And we're not going to let bottom-feeders like Ronny Chieng push us around.  Which brings us to J.Klep's Can't Lose Bet of the Week:

"What's the source of Ronny Chieng's crippling inferiority complex?"

1. Father . . . +110
2. Height . . . +240
3. Legitimately inferior . . . +580

Brought to you by GAMBLING.  "Gambling -- You Can Only Lose If You Stop."

Chieng:  Okay, okay, whatever, . . . moving on, the EPs did indeed get hard, as they struck right back in the bottom of the 1st.  Eric singled, Nate doubled, and one out later, Rob drove 'em both home with a single to put the EPs out in front, 2-1.  Huh, that was surprisingly easy.  Nancy replaced Rob on the basepaths due to a fielder's choice, and then came all the way around to score on Caleb's booming triple.  Fausto singled Caleb in, and just like that, the EPs had a sweet 4-1 lead.  But it was still so early in the game.  Could the EPs hold that lead?

Klepper:  Oh, with ease.  With ease!  Between Franchise's pitching and the tight EP defense, the Bisons were as impotent as Ronny Chieng on a date.  And just like Ronny on a date, they failed to score. They got nothing at all from the 2nd through the 5th innings.  Meanwhile, the EPs tacked on here and there.  Both Mike and Ron singled to open the home-half of the 2nd, but a pair of grounders and a flyout kept them off the board.  In the 3rd, Nate, Joe and Rob all singled consecutively before an out was recorded, Rob's hit driving home Nate to make it 5-1.  Rob himself crossed the plate on a one-out single by Caleb to get it to 6-1.  The last-half of the 4th saw leadoff hits by Jae and Mike, but a couple of groundouts, including a 5-5-3 double play, killed the rally.  And in the bottom of the 5th, Eric and Nate singled with one out, before Eric trotted home on Joe's rbi-groundout to second, upping the EP lead to 7-1.  Rob also singled in the inning, but no further runs scored.

Chieng:  I hate to break your momentum there, Jordan, but I think it's time we address the Empty-phant in the room.  There's just too much nepotism on this EP team!  I mean, let's just look at tonight's lineup:  Eric's wife and sister-in-law both played for the EPs years ago; Nate's girlfriend played; Joe's fiance plays; Rob's wife played; Nancy's ex-husband and her son have played; one of Ron's daughters played; Jocelyn's husband plays, and her step-daughter played; Yaidy's daughter played, and her son even gets into this game later on!  It's too much!  Yo, there's zero chance that all of these relatives can live up to the legacy of the current EPs!  Go do something else, like being awesome dentists, or awesome architects, or medium World's Most Awesome People.  Quit while you're not ahead!

Klepper:  Oh yeah?  That's good advice, Ronny.  You should take it.  Of course these people should play with the EPs!  The children of great people are always great themselves!  Don, . . . Junior.  RFK, . . . Junior.  Carl's, . . . Jr.  All great men, right?  Okay, bad examples.  The point is, the only pressure here is on the OG EPs.  If their sperm or eggs can't produce a .500-ish softball team that single-handedly reinvigorates the local pizza economy, then I say the Empty Pitchers are overrated!

Chieng:  Overrated?  That's just what your mom said to me last night!  Ha, ha!

Klepper:  [confused]  So . . . so you made love to my mother . . . poorly?

Chieng:  [pauses]  Like I said, Jordan, I'm a selfish lover.  Which brings us to Ronny's Slam Dunk Bet of the Night:

"Who will be a greater disappointment to their father:"

1. EP nepo-babies . . . -110
2. Jordan Klepper . . . +240

As always, brought to you by GAMBLING.  "Gambling -- It's Like Taking Candy From a Baby, But the Candy Is Money."

Klepper:  Let's get back to the game.  Doc came in from left-centerfield to take over the pitching duties for the EPs in the top of the 6th inning.  The Bisons did break through, but only barely, scratching out another lone run to close the deficit to 7-2.  But no worries, as the Bisons helpfully aided the EP response.  Caleb got things started in the bottom of the 6th when his fly to left popped out of the glove of the fielder for an error.  One out later, Jae's grounder to shortstop was booted for another miscue.  With two on and two out, Ron singled to load the bases for Jocelyn, who ripped a clutch single over the shortstop's leaping reach to plate both Caleb and Jae, and the lead had ballooned to 9-2.  Great job!

Chieng:  Don't get too cocky, Jordan.  As they say, "It ain't over until the fat lady has a bird in her hand or two birds in her bush," or something like that.  

Klepper:  What the hell are you talking about, Ronny?  Anyway, going to the final inning and now up by a touchdown, the EPs made a shocking announcement regarding the retirement of a sports legend.  Longtime EP outfielder Rob Fayle was stepping down . . . as tonight's right fielder, and the EPs were promoting Yaidy's son Jaden to the big league squad to play a half-inning of defense.  A bold move, indeed.  But would the tiny bit of experience for young Jaden be worth the risk?

Chieng:  It was absolutely worth it, okay, Jordan?  Jaden gets to play in the game, as well as softball immortality right here on this website, while Rob gets to rest for a half-inning.  It's a win-win!  I mean, Rob is a legend, not to mention, he's Asian!  Shout out Asian athletes!  That's right, I've only gotten to say that, like, four times my entire life.  And shame on you, Jordan, for not supporting the work of one of our greatest Asian athletes!

Klepper:  Wrong!  You're wrong, Ronny!  I fully support his decision to step away from the game at the tail end of a blowout victory, but I am 100% positive that Rob is not from Asia, unless the U.S. sold Massachusetts to Mongolia when I wasn't looking.  Which brings us to our Double-Down Bet of the Night:  

"Which Asian that hosts this program will retire next:"

1. Ronny . . . +120
2. R. Chieng . . . +260
3. Ronny C. . . . +520

Brought to you by GAMBLING.  "Have You Lost the Ability to Experience Sensation?  Try Gambling.  See How Worse It Can Get."

Chieng:  The EPs have had a bit of trouble closing out games this season, and tonight was no exception.  The Bisons started knocking hits all over the field, tallying three comeback runs before the final out could be recorded.  Yes, the EPs hung on, barely, winning the ballgame 9-5.  And sorry, Jordan, I'm not retiring.

Klepper:  Too late, Ronny, the fans have spoken!  Join us next time on Sports War, we'll be debating Pickleball:  Better With Guns?  See ya!

Chieng:  Bye!

The win evens our 2025 record at 4-4.  We are now 1-2 at home, 3-2 on the road.

The offensive players of the game were Rob (3-for-3 with a run scored and 3 rbi) and Caleb (2-for-3 with a triple, 2 runs scored and 2 rbi).  On the defensive side, the most impressive play of the game was actually made by the Bisons' female left-centerfielder.  In the bottom of the 3rd inning, the EPs had runners at first and second with one out.  Fausto blasted a drive into center that seemed destined for extra-bases, but the fielder made a great, lunging catch at a full run for the second out, then spun and fired to second to double Nancy off the bag to complete the double play and end the inning.  For the EPs, Jaden may have preserved the EP lead in the top of the 7th when he gloved a hard liner to rightfield on one hop and got the ball back into the infield;  if that hit had gotten by, it would probably have been a 3-run homerun, cutting the game to 9-8.

Notes & Numbers

• Not exactly a blowout:  The last time the EPs scored fewer than 10 runs and still won the ballgame?  35 games ago, in our 9-6 victory over Pretty Reckless on August 17, 2023.  Ron was also the starter and winning pitcher that day.
• Still smokin':  Nate has hits in 7 consecutive at-bats (3b, 1b, 1b, 2b, 2b, 1b, 1b), and 12 of his last 13 plate appearances.
• Third's the charm:  Caleb has now tripled in back-to-back games.  The last EP to collect 3-baggers in successive ballgames was . . . DO YOU REALLY THINK I HAVE THE TIME TO LOOK THIS KIND OF THING UP?  Just kidding.  It was Joe, who tripled in our 15-6 win over Caught Lookin on July 18, 2024; then tripled the following week (07/24/24) in our 19-3 pasting of the Line Drivers.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Caleb has now played in 100 career games for the EPs (10th-most all-time).  Yaidy's 5th-inning groundout was her 100th career at-bat (21st-most all-time).  Caleb smashed his 20th career triple in the 1st inning (6th-most all-time).  Ron has now won 20 career games as a pitcher for the EPs (2nd-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Rob scored the 100th run of the season for the EPs when he crossed the plate in the 3rd inning.  Mike collected our team's 150th hit of the year with his 4th-inning single.  Eric's 5th-inning single was our team's 200th total base of 2025.

Yeah, it's a dad joke, but it's Father's Day! 

[Editor's note:  While dining at Bloomfield Village Pizza after the game, Taylor Swift's name came up in conversation, and I realized that I've never used her music in a writeup.  Shame on me!  Time to rectify that.]

Coming into this week's softball game, we could have been forgiven for feeling a little glum.  The Empty Pitchers had lost two straight games (17-14 to The Dream Team and 8-4 versus Acid Reign) over the past fortnight.  Our overall 2025 record sat at a discouraging 2-4.  It seems that we have been dodging precipitation and below-average temperatures every single week (it's been a wet Spring -- will we have a cruel Summer as well?).  And, perhaps saddest of all, we have been Tino-less for a month now. 

But on Thursday evening, we took a big step toward a karma correction.  No, we were still without Mr. Maybe, but we did have sunny skies (no midnight rain); temps around 90-degrees (too warm for a cardigan); a dry, puddle-free playing field at Bloomfield High School; and an opponent (E.coli Happens) against whom we've historically been pretty solid (10-5-2 all-time, although there's no bad blood between our squads).  Oh, and our opponents even had 10 players, so we didn't have to lend assistance on defense this time (with the exception of our young Justin catching for them for one inning, as one E.coli player was late due to traffic -- the highway don't care about softball).  All in all, not too shabby, and in the end, today was a fairytale.

Tonight's EP softball love story started off a little slowly, as we scored only one run in the top of the 1st inning, when Nate made sparks fly with a triple to left with one out, and immediately scored on an rbi-single by Joe.  But hey, a delicate 1-0 lead is still a lead.  Unfortunately, it didn't last long, as E.coli's newly-revamped, younger roster jumped on starting pitcher Eric for a pair of 1st-inning runs to go out in front, 2-1.

In the 2nd, the EPs threatened with back-to-back singles by Jonathan and Jae, but we failed to push any runs across.  Meanwhile, our opponents squeezed out one run in their half of the frame to increase their advantage to 3-1.

Should we be worried?  Nah.  Shake it off . . . there will be no teardrops on my guitar today!  As we go to the 3rd, everything has changed.  Jocelyn, Eric and Nate all singled off stalwart E.coli pitcher Barb to load the bases for Joe, who smashed a single of his own off the glove of the shortstop and into the outfield.  Bubbles and Doc both touched the plate, and when the left-centerfielder uncorked an errant throw in the, let's say, general direction of home, Nate took third and Joe advanced to second.  3-3, tie ballgame!  But we weren't finished!  Nancy's groundout to third allowed Nate to come home to give us a 4-3 lead, a lead we would never relinquish.  Our score and E.coli's score?  We are never ever getting back together.  And then Joe scored when Caleb's grounder to short was misplayed for an error.  5-3 EPs!  Fausto also singled in the inning, although we failed to add any more runs.  In the home-half of the 3rd, Eric bore down on the E.coli lineup, and with the help of a smooth 1-6-3 double-play (two is better than one), our opponents were kept off the scoreboard entirely.

The EPs had regained the lead  in the 3rd, but it was here in the 4th where they blew the game open.  Mike jump-started the action with his red-handled bat with a line-drive down the leftfield line for a double, and took an extra base when the left fielder underthrew to third, drawing the third baseman away from the bag and leaving the base unguarded.  Look what you made me do!  Mike scored when Ron ground out to short, making it 6-3.  For the second straight inning, Jocelyn, Eric and Nate all singled in succession, Nate's drive bringing Jocelyn around to score [7-3].  Awesome!  One out later, Nancy ripped a single that brought Eric across [8-3], and then Caleb tripled to bring in both Nate and Nancy [10-3]!  Yes!  Fausto's grounder to short was booted for an error, allowing Caleb to touch the dish, and the EPs had completed a 6-run outburst, upping their lead to 11-3!  Amazing!  (Hey, it's still early, Mike, you need to calm down.)  E.coli's response?  A blank space.  A big ol' nothin'-burger in the bottom of the 4th.

Jae led off the top of the 5th with style as she lined a single over the third baseman, but the next three EP batters were retired uneventfully.  Franchise now came on to pitch the bottom of the 5th, and in 1-2-3 fashion disposed of the E.coli hitters, hanging a third straight zero on their scoreboard line.

Not content with our 11-3 lead, the EPs would begin again in the 6th, as Nate blooped a double into left-centerfield, tagged up and moved to third on Joe's deep flyout, and Nancy plated him with a two-out single [12-3].  Then came one of the strangest plays of the day, as Caleb stroked a single into right-center.  Nancy easily went from first to second, then noticed that the third baseman had abandoned his position to cover the bag at second.  So she took off for third, and when someone yelled, "no one's covering third," the right-centerfielder must have misheard, because he flung the ball to nobody at all and past the empty third base area.  Nancy then made the turn and scored without a throw, with Caleb taking second, thanks to the error [13-3].  Fausto made 'em pay for that, becoming E.coli's anti-hero, with his single chasing home Caleb to make it 14-3.  Another pair of singles from Jonathan and Jae scored Fausto, and we went to the bottom of the 6th now comfortably in front fifteen-3.  Could E.coli Happens mount a comeback?  The EPs know about comeback walkoffs all too well this season.  After having been held scoreless since the 2nd inning, they finally found their offensive swings in the 6th, putting together a mini-rally worth three runs, before a liner up the middle ended it when the ball caromed off the E.coli runner from second base.  E.coli was still down bad, at 15-6.

At this point, E.coli manager Richie waived the white flag, calling the game.  We were having fun, and there was still some daylight left, what with the lavender haze of sunset in the west, so I should've said no, but whatever.  Is it over now?  The day was ours as the EPs win, 15-6!

The victory improves our 2025 record to . . . ready for it?  3-4.  We are now 0-2 as the home team, 3-2 as the visitors.

The offensive players of the game were Nate (4-for-4 with a double, triple, 4 runs scored and an rbi) and Nancy (2-for-4 with 2 runs scored and 3 rbi).  On defense, second baseman Jocelyn made a fearless stop of a hard-lined one-hopper, flipping to Caleb to get a forceout at second.  Catcher Ron had his eyes open as he yelled, "mine!" and made a difficult grab of a pop-up just down the firstbase line.  And of course, our pitchers Eric and Ron were playing our song, holding E.coli to only 6 runs in 6 innings.  Sweet!

Notes & Numbers (cuz I'm a stats lover)

• Ladies night:  The three female players in tonight's lineup went a combined 7-for-11 (Nancy 2-for-4; Jae 3-for-4; Jocelyn 2-for-3), with 4 runs scored and 4 rbi.
• Who's hot?:  Nate has hits in 9 of his last 10 plate appearances (1b, 1b, 1b, 1b, 1b, 1-3 groundout, 3b, 1b, 1b, 2b).  I couldn't do that in my wildest dreams.
• Who's not?:  The only three EPs to have played in every game this season (Eric, Joe and Mike) were a combined 5-for-12 with 4 runs scored and 3 rbi.  Does this mean that somebody needs some time off?  I don't know, maybe.  
• How many hits did the EPs get tonight?:  22.  That's not unusual or anything.  I just wanted to get that song title in there.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Nancy has now played in 75 career games (14th-most all-time).  Jocelyn has now taken 550 career at-bats (4th-most all-time).  Jae has now taken 250 career at-bats (12th-most all-time).  Nate picked up his 50th career double in the 6th inning (5th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  When Ron lined out to third in the 5th inning, it was our 250th team plate appearance of 2025.  When Eric lined out to third in the 6th inning, it was our 250th team at-bat of the season.  Nate's 6th inning double was the EPs' 20th two-bagger of the year.

As the Empty Pitchers' 2025 softball season approaches the end of May, one of the themes that jumps out so far has clearly been the strong offense the EPs have displayed.  In Game #1 versus Acid Reign, we scored 16 runs;  topped that with 26 runs against the Line Drivers in Game #2;  pounded E.coli Happens with 19 runs in Game #4;  and even plated 14 in a close loss to The Dream Team in Game #5.  In fact, the only time this season that we've failed to reach double figures in runs was in Game #3, which was severely shortened to just a pair of innings by rain -- given a full 7 innings, the offense probably would have rumbled to life.

So it was that, going into our Game #6 rematch with Acid Reign on Thursday evening in Colt Park in Hartford, the EPs had to be feeling pretty confident.  Would we pull off the win?  Who knows, but it definitely seemed a given that we would represent offensively and make a competitive game of it.

Franchise took the mound to pitch for the EPs, who played as the home team despite being on our opponents' field.  Under cloudy, but rainless skies, Acid Reign drew first blood with three quick runs in the top of the 1st.  No biggie . . . now it was our turn to respond!  Joe singled with one out in the bottom of the frame, but the EPs otherwise went down quietly.  Huh.  Oh well, we'll get 'em next inning.

In the 2nd, the EP pitching and defense held serve, as Acid Reign went scoreless.  And in the home-half, Jocelyn and Caleb opened the action with back-to-back singles to start our big rally.  One out later, Fausto reached to load the bases when his grounder to third caromed off the glove of the third baseman for an error.  Here we go!  But a pop-up and a fielder's choice ended the threat with no runs across.  Dang.  After a pair of innings, still 3-0 Acid Reign.

Our opponents added a pair of runs in the top of the 3rd to extend their lead to 5-0.  Okay, time to answer, EPs!  With one out, Mike reached first when his grounder to third was fielded, but the throw drew the first baseman well off the bag for a miscue.  Eric followed with a single to put runners at first and second, but then a pop-out and a fly ball killed the momentum.  Hmmm, we just weren't getting that one big hit.

To the 4th, where Acid Reign was again kept off the board, keeping the game at 5-0.  Caleb stroked a two-out single in the bottom of the inning, but that was the extent of our offense, thanks to a pop-out, a groundout and a flyout.  Hey!  Where did all of our awesome hitting go?

Doc came on to pitch the 5th inning, and surrendered a deuce, upping the Acid Reign advantage to 7-0.  No problem, though, because here comes the pain!  Fausto led off the last-half of the 5th with a single . . . and then three straight fielder's choice grounders ensued, as the EP bats remained asleep.    Ugh.

Acid Reign tacked on one additional insurance run in the top of the 6th, now going up 8-0.  It would be a tough climb, but c'mon, the EPs were still not out of this.  Really, we weren't!  With one out in the bottom of the 6th, the bats finally showed a glimmer of life.  Eric and Joe both singled in succession, and after a fly to left for the second out, Jeff singled to load the bags for Bubbles.  She bounced one back toward the mound, where the pitcher fielded it, spun, and threw the ball past the first baseman and out of play for a big ol' 2-run error!  Eric and Joe had crossed the dish, and we were finally on the board at 8-2!  Now with runners at second and third, Caleb stroked a double to drive home both Jeff and Jocelyn, and the deficit had been cut in half, at 8-4!  Erienne kept the party going with a single to move Caleb over to third, but a fly to left ended the rally right there.  Still, the EPs had awoken, with one inning left to play!

Acid Reign could do no damage in their half of the 7th inning, so we went into our final at-bats chasing four runs.  Could we put together another rally and walk this one off?  Ron singled to open the threat!  Yes!  But then disaster . . . a quick double-play grounder to shortstop, followed by a weak grounder to third, and that was it.  An 8-4 loss and heartbreak.

The defeat drops our 2025 record to 2-4.  We are now 0-2 as the home team, and 2-2 on the road.

The offensive player of the game was Caleb, who went 3-for-3 with two rbi.  He also had our only extra-base hit with a double.  Defensively, our tandem of pitchers, Ron and Eric, did a truly fine job of holding our opponents to only 8 runs over 7 innings, against a team that has scored 54 runs against us in our previous 3 meetings (an average of 18 runs per game).

Notes & Numbers

• Disregarding our 2-inning game in Week #3 this season, the last time we scored as few as 8 runs in a ballgame was on August 29, 2024, when we lost 15-8 to Caught Lookin' at Newington High School.
• Milestones (since 2015):  none.
• Team milestones:  When Jocelyn ground out to third in the 4th inning, it was our 200th team plate appearance of the season.  When Erienne flew out to right in the 4th inning, it was our 200th team at-bat of 2025.  When Mike reached on an error in the 3rd inning, it was the 10th time this year that an EP had done so.  When Angela ground into an unassisted fielder's choice to shortstop to end the 5th inning, it was the 20th fielder's choice hit into by an EP this season.  Joe's single in the 6th inning was our team's 150th total base of the year.

[Editor's note:  I'm not telling you what this week's theme is.  Let's see if you can game it out!]

Ay, diablo!  It feels like it's been raining for a fortnite!  I worry that our civilization might drown, so much water falls from the skyrim!  But y'know, with even more heavy rains predicted for Thursday this past week, the Empty Pitchers actually lucked out, as the schedule serendipitously had us making a journey to the borderlands of Bloomfield on Wednesday evening to take on The Dream Team for the first time in 2025.  Sure, it was cool and overcast, but the precipitation held off just long enough for us to get a game in. 

The Dream Team have historically been a very tough match-up along the gauntlet that is this GHISL league of legends, winning 11 of the 14 times these two teams have met prior to this season.  On the plus side, however, the EPs did pull off a stunning 24-23 victory at Cove Park in our last mortal kombat on August 15, 2024.

The EPs roster was looking a little thin, as often happens on off-Thursday games, but we were bolstered by the additions of Angela (making her first start in over a year) and Fausto (making his EP debut after entering the transfer portal from kickball).  So, let's [Nintendo] switch up the lineup, step into the batter's [X]box, and Play[station] some ball!  Wii!

The bats were singing to open the game, with our super smash bros. Eric and Nate both singling to set the stage for Joe, who lofted a deep fly to left.  It looked catchable, but zork!  The ball doinked off the fielder's glove, allowing Doc to race home with the game's first run [1-0 EPs].  Caleb took advantage of his goldeneye at the plate to smash a base hit to score Nate [2-0 EPs], before Jocelyn singled to load the bases, still with no one out.  Following a forceout at the plate on a comebacker to the mound, Mike dropped a single into right-centerfield to plate Caleb [3-0 EPs].  Jonathan just myst his pitch, as his bouncer to short forced Angela at third, but happy damage was still done when Jocelyn scored on the play [4-0 EPs].  And then Fausto came through in his first EP at-bat with an rbi single to bring Mike around from second, an animal crossing the dish and giving the EPs a sweet 5-0 advantage after a half-inning of play!

From our splinter cell of pitchers, Franchise got the nod to start on that silent hill called the pitching mound for the EPs tonight, and held those dark souls of the Dream Team lineup to just a pair of runs [5-2 EPs].

The EPs added to their control of the game in the 2nd, when Eric and Nate once more both singled, and Joe again plated Doc, this time with a solid single of his own [6-2 EPs].  And the deja vu continued as Caleb answered the call of duty and drove home Nate with a single [7-2 EPs], Joe taking third on the play.  Jocelyn's grounder to short resulted in a forceout at second, but Joe came in to make it 8-2.  Things were looking great for our heroes.

And then, the patented "One Bad Inning" struck.  In the bottom of the 2nd, the EP defense became porous, committing several errors and allowing The Dream Team to rumble around the bases to the tune of 11 huge runs.  Eleven!  The mass effect of their rally put TDT out in front, 13-8, after two innings, and the system shock could have thoroughly demoralized the EPs.  We could have been left 4 dead.

But EPs don't fold that easily!  We would not be dishonored!  In the top of the 3rd, Mike's infield pop-up fell in untouched for a single, and one out later, Fausto singled.  With two outs, Ron's single loaded 'em up for Eric, who knocked a 2-run single to drive home Angela and Fausto, pushing the EPs to double digits at 13-10.  Nate reloaded the bags with a hit, and then mega man Joe unloaded them, plowing a shot into the uncharted regions of rightfield for a 3-run triple, with Ron, Eric and Nate all having gone home to knot the game at 13-13!  What a great counter-strike!  But we weren't quite done yet!  Caleb's pop-up behind the second baseman was earthbound, kicking off their glove for an error, and Joe scored, completing a 6-run inning and giving us the lead once again [14-13 EPs]!  It's not a fable -- we did this!

Just as nice, the EP pitching and defense had settled down, holding TDT scoreless inside the home-half of the 3rd, and allowing us to hang a big, round halo on the scoreboard.

But the EPs' great play seems to have had a half-life, and here's where the game truly changed.  For whatever reason, the EPs went nearly silent from here on out.  Mike singled with one out in the 4th, but we did nothing more.  Eric picked up a two-out double dragon in the 5th, but we couldn't get him in.  And Caleb singled with one out in the top of the 6th, but that was it.  A total burnout of the offense, as we were shut out for three consecutive frames.  What a kick in the asteroids!  Ugh.

Meanwhile, TDT managed to plate three runs in their half of the 4th inning, retaking the lead at 16-14.  And they squeezed out a lone insurance run in the bottom of the 5th, extending their advantage to 17-14 and sealing our doom.  But it was enough, as the growing twilight forced the game to be called, following the last of us EPs' fruitless at-bats in the 6th.

The fallout from this 17-14 loss?  Our 2025 season record drops to 2-3.  We are 0-1 as the home team, 2-2 on the road.  Oh, well.  We'll move past tonight's grim fandango and look for some red dead redemption next week, I guess.

From my overwatch of the scorebook, the offensive players of the game were Eric (4-for-4 with a double, 3 runs scored and 2 rbi) and Joe (2-for-4 with a triple, 2 runs scored and 4 rbi).  They both truly showed their starcraft at the plate!  On the glove-side of the ball, shortstop Caleb made a Superman-like, leaping grab of a hard line drive over his head.  He was also involved in a well-executed rundown play, where third baseman Mike charged and fielded a grounder on the infield grass, but had no play at second or first; noticing the runner from second rounding third at speed and trying to sneak home like a thief, he fired to catcher Fausto, who tossed to Caleb on the third base line, who ran the runner toward the plate; tossing back to Fausto, the catcher easily slapped the tag on the runner for the final out of the inning.

Notes & Numbers

• Punching early:  Through 5 games this season, the EPs have scored 20 1st-inning runs;  16 2nd-inning runs;  15 3rd-inning runs;  6 4th-inning runs;  7 5th-inning runs;  6 6th-inning runs;  and 5 7th-inning runs.
• Choking late:  The EPs failed to score in the 4th, 5th and 6th innings.  That's the first time we've gone scoreless in three consecutive innings since our 14-7 loss to the Fighting Plankton last August 22 (a span of 10 games).  Coincidentally, that dead space shutout streak was also in the 4th, 5th and 6th innings.  Going forward, let's try to avoid that particular pitfall!
• Milestones (since 2015):  Eric led off the game with his 375th career hit (most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Jonathan took our 150th team at-bat of 2025 when he batted in the 1st inning.  When Joe scored in the 3rd inning, it was our 75th team run of the season.  Joe's 3rd-inning triple was the EPs 100th hit of the year.

[Editor's note:  In order to avoid copyright infringement, I am probably legally obligated to inform you that this is an Empty Pitchers parody of The Daily Show's parody of ESPN-style sportstalk shows, where two or more sports "experts" yell at each other about . . . well, duh, . . . sports.]

S ⚽ P 🏀 O 🏈 R ⚾ T 🥎 S     W 💣 A 🔫 R

Chieng:  What's up, lame brains?  I'm Ronny Chieng . . . 

Klepper:  . . . and I'm Jordan Klepper.  Welcome to Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.

Chieng:  That's right, . . . I mean that's, . . . that's wrong!

Klepper:  Yeah, no, you're wrong!  For example, if I say that the Empty Pitchers' yellow-and-green shirts are the coolest uniforms in the league . . . 

Chieng:  . . . then I have to say that they look like a banana is being violently humped by a much younger, unripe banana.

Klepper:  Ooh, Ronny, how dare you?

Chieng:  Hey, no offense, no offense, I love bananas! 

Klepper:  Yeah, then why don't you go marry one, huh?  Huh?  Anyway, let's get to the big story of the day.  The Empty Pitchers softball team travelled to Bloomfield on Thursday to take on E.coli Happens.  Despite off-and-on drizzle all day, the field conditions at Bloomfield High School were pretty decent.  The problem, as it so often has been in the past, was E.coli's lack of a team.  At game time, they had two, two players!  So we waited until a couple more arrived.  And we waited, and we waited some more.  Eventually, we were approaching 6:30, and they still only had 6 players.  C'mon, man!  This game was scheduled in March!  It's your team's opening day!  How can you not have a full roster ready and raring to go?

Chieng:  You are so wrong, Jordan!  This was brilliant strategy on the part of the E.coli manager, Richie!  First, you make your opponents wait, stewing in their anxiousness to play, tiring themselves out warming up for an hour and a half.  Then you ask to "borrow" a couple of their best players, improving your lineup while weakening theirs.  And best of all, if you win, then you can boast that you crushed your enemy;  if you lose, you can play the victim and claim that the borrowed players must have thrown the game.  It's Sun Tzu 101, you cretin!

Klepper:  More like Curly Sue 101, you moron!  And thankfully,  the Empty Pitchers weren't falling for it!  Instead of just giving E.coli their players, the EPs decided to fill in the gaps defensively for their opponents, but only while on defense -- each team's players would hit for their own team.

Chieng:  That, that's actually not a bad idea.

Klepper: I know, right?  It works.  And stop agreeing with me!  Anyway, the EPs got off to a great start when Eric led off the game with a ringing single.  And after a couple of fielder's choice plays left Joe at first with two outs, the rally began in earnest when Rob and Jae singled back-to-back, scoring Joe with the game's first run.  Jeff ripped a double to plate Rob, and Caleb's single drove home both Jae and Jeff, and it was 4-0!  Wow!  Unfortunately, Erienne's grounder was handled by the shortstop to end the 1st-inning party with a fielder's choice.

Chieng:  Sorry, feminists!  Erienne ended the rally with a groundout?  I've seen enough, man.  That's just not good enough!  She ended all the fun?  She's like the Jordan Klepper of the Empty Pitchers!

Klepper:   Ronny, Ronny, Ronny, I'm gonna hit you . . . with my car and leave the scene.  Let's look at the stats here, Ronny.  Look at these things, she reached base three out of four times in this game!  She drove in a run.  She's got the highest qualifying career batting average of any female EP ever!  Ever!

Chieng:  Stats?  You want stats?  I've got a stat right here for you.  It says, "Jordan Klepper didn't lose his virginity until he was 38 years old!"

Klepper:  Okaaay, okaaay.

Chieng:  Man, you're the G.O.A.T. of whatever that is.

Klepper:  Okay, you know what?  [holds up a sheet of paper]  Here's your stat right here, "Eat me!", okay?  Moving on, Eric got the nod to start for the EPs tonight, and he did not disappoint.  E.coli Happens managed to squeak out only a pair of runs in the bottom of the 1st, closing the gap to 4-2.  And then the EP bats went back to work in the top of the 2nd.  With one out, Jocelyn and Mike singled consecutively, before Doc doubled to bring Bubbles home.  Mike scored when Nate's grounder to short was bobbled, and Joe drove Eric in with a single to make it 7-2.  But the EPs weren't done yet!  Rob's rbi-single allowed Nate to touch the dish, while Jae singled again to load the bases for Jeff.  He unloaded a titanic drive to right, but Jocelyn (defending out in rightfield) made the catch moving toward the line, limiting the EPs to a sacrifice fly, as Joe tagged and scored easily.  Next, Caleb reached on an error by the shortstop to reload the bags, and Erienne made 'em pay with a single to bring home Rob, pushing the EPs into double digits at 10-2!

Chieng:  Meanwhile, E.coli Happens could only add another measly couple of runs in the home-half of the 2nd, making it 10-4.  But the EP offensive onslaught would not relent!  Jocelyn, Mike, Eric and Nate all singled to open the 3rd frame, with Nate's drive plating Bubbles for an 11-4 lead.  Joe doubled Mike and Eric in, then Rob followed with a two-bagger of his own to chase home Nate and Joe, and just like that, it was 15-4, guys!  Our opponents were quickly finding themselves in deep doody!  

Klepper:  Speaking of doody, Ronny, why do you think they named their team "E.coli Happens"?  I mean, that is gross!  If athletes want to pick up a disease, it should be done the old-fashioned way -- unprotected sex in the Olympic village!  It's the only way to do it!

Chieng:  Wrong as usual, Jordan!  I think softball needs more E.coli, okay?  Because if you're going to call yourself a world-class softball player, then prove it by hitting a homerun with active diarrhea!

Klepper:  Oh, you love, you love, you loooove E.coli!

Chieng:  I love it?

Klepper:  You love it!  The last time I came to your house for a barbecue, you were sprinkling E.coli on chicken kebabs like Salt Bae, y'know?  Your hospitality was for the birds, Ronny!  Two stars, I was puking all night!

Chieng:  Yeah, well I puke just from looking at your oblong face!

Klepper:  Well, the point is, just like the Fourth of July at Ronny's house, this softball game was rife with E.coli!  Which brings us to J. Klep's Bet of the Week, where you can pick,

"Which EP will mercilessly retire E.coli pitcher Barb when she puts the ball in play?" 

Your options are: 

1. Caleb will field a grounder to short, step on second for a forceout, step off the bag, pause, see that Barb is still only a third of the way to first, then reluctantly lob a soft throw to Joe at first to complete what has got to be the slowest doubleplay in softball history . . . -110
2. After Barb grounds one back to the mound, Eric throws to first for the out.  First baseman Rob then apologizes to Barb for getting her out, to which she responds, "You must be Irish Catholic, apologizing like that!" . . . +180
3. When the ball is popped up on the infield, Ronny will run onto the field, yell "I got it!" and miss the ball as it smacks him right in the eye.  Luckily, it will ricochet directly to first for the out . . . +220

Brought to you by GAMBLING.  "Gambling -- Start spending now.  You'll probably eventually win something.  Probably."

Chieng:  Oh, and don't forget to claim your 20% bonus boost by entering the promo code:  KLEPPERSUCKS.  All caps.

Klepper:  No, . . . no.  I told you, I don't like that code.

Chieng:  It's not you, okay?  It's a different Klepper.

Klepper:  Oh, okay, then.  That's fine.

Chieng:  Nope, just kidding!  It's you, because you suck!

Klepper:  I suck?  I suck?  You blow!  Who cares?  We're all dead inside, get over it!  Let's talk about sports!

Chieng:  Alright, getting back to the game, Eric's pitching and the EP defense really tightened things up in the bottom of the 3rd and 4th innings, holding E.coli scoreless in both frames.  Unfortunately, the EP defense also tightened up when the EPs were batting as well.  In the top of the 4th, despite a one-out single from Jonathan, the EPs were kept off the scoreboard for the first time all evening thanks to grounders to EP gloves at second and short, and a liner to Rob in right-centerfield to end the inning.

Klepper:  Ouch.  Being retired by your own teammates, that's kind of emasculating.

Chieng:  Hey, what's so bad about that?  Someone needs to speak up for emasculated men like you.  Congratulations, Jordan, for the first time in your life, there's someone on an athletic field you can relate to!  You don't have to wear that fake varsity jacket anymore.

Klepper:  F*** you, Ronny!  I told you that in confidence!  Moving to a new school was difficult!  It was a natural way to make friends!  Ha-ha-ha!  Anyway, this raises a much larger problem.  Why are we using softball gloves at all?  Basketball, football, professional bowling, . . . Americans handle balls with our hands, . . . like Ronny's mom did to me last night, you know? [pantomimes a grabbing motion]

Chieng:  That is so wrong, Jordan!  You are useless!  Which brings us to our Bet Everything Wager of the Evening,

"Which useless position player will be next to wade into the culture war?"

1. Backup catcher . . . +130
2. Front-middle guy in bobsled . . . +220
3. Mike . . . +340

As always, brought to you by GAMBLING.  "Gambling -- It will fix everything.  Trust us."

Klepper:  Speaking of gambling, let's move on to the end of the game.  With the sun beginning to set, the teams gambled that they could fit one more inning in before it got darker than Pete Hegseth's soul.  With the top of the order due up in the 5th, Eric and Nate opened the action with singles, before Joe knocked a sacrifice fly to left to get Doc in for the 16-4 EP advantage.  Rob singled to put runners at first and second, and following a fielder's choice play at third for the second out, Jeff pummelled a pitch into deep rightfield for a three-run homer (1st season, 19th career), staking the EPs to a commanding 19-4 lead.  But could they hold on?

Chieng:  C'mon, Jordan, it is statistically impossible to blow a 15-run advantage.  Fact.  (Not that the EPs didn't try.)  E.coli Happens found their swings in the bottom of the 5th, banging out enough hits to tally four runs, before shortstop (?) Nate charged in and made a play on a weak dribbler to end the inning and the game.  The EPs win, 19-8!

Klepper:  Hard disagree!  They stole that game, Ronny!  They had, like, twice as many players!  And a scoreboard!  That's not fair!

Chieng:  Then E.coli should recruit some more players!  Dude, it's a problem of numbers!

Klepper:  Numbers?  No, it's a problem of languages!  There should only be one.  I suggest English.

Chieng:  Ohhh, big surprise!  Of course you suggest English.  That's the only language your tiny brain can handle.  The biggest head -- the smallest brain!

Klepper:  English!  English is gonna be the dominant global language for at least the next, uh, three more years!  Look, I'm speaking the Major League language here.  Why would I go back to Triple-A and learn . . . I don't know, Finnish?

Chieng:  What?  Finnish?  That's not even a real language, you dumbass!

Klepper:  It is so!  It's what they speak in Canada, Ronny!  Read a book, alright?  But do it on your own time, because we are on to the Big Bet of the Night. 

"Is this poll question yet another sign that America's normalization of gambling is corroding society?"

1. Yes . . . -110
2. No . . . +440

Brought to you by GAMBLING.  Remember, "Gambling -- Bet now.  Live forever."

Klepper:  Well, we're out of time.  Join us next time on Sports War, when we'll be debating Composite Bats versus Juiced Softballs: Which is more likely to put a hole in a pitcher's abdomen?

Chieng:  Good night, America!

This victory evens our season record at 2-2.  We are now 0-1 as the home team, and 2-1 on the road.

The offensive player of the game was Jeff (2-for-3 with a double, homerun, 2 runs scored and 5 rbi).  Also of note were Eric (4-for-4 with a double, 3 runs scored and an rbi), Joe (2-for-3 with a double, 3 runs scored and 4 rbi), and Rob (4-for-4 with a double, 3 runs scored and 3 rbi).

Notes & Numbers

Rollin' O:  Through four games here in 2025, the Empty Pitchers have now scored 16, 26, 0 and 19 runs, for an average of 15.25 runs per game.  Ignoring that abbreviated 2-inning shutout in game #3, that average jumps to 20.33 runs per game.  Hard to lose many games when scoring over twenty per!  Keep it up, EPs!

Milestones (since 2015):  Eric has now taken 650 career at-bats (1st-most all-time).  Caleb took his 300th career at-bat in the 3rd inning (10th-most all-time).  Jocelyn scored for the 100th time in her career in the 2nd inning (10th-most all-time).

Team milestones:  Nate scored our team's 50th run of the year in the 2nd inning.  Joe picked up our 50th team rbi of 2025 in the 3rd inning.  Eric grabbed our team's 100th total base of the season with his 2nd-inning double.

On Thursday evening, the skies were mostly cloudy, the temperature comfortably in the lower 70s, and despite a week of rainy weather, the fields at Colt Park in Hartford were in great condition for softball.  There were storms predicted, but they seemed to be staying far enough to the west that we would be unaffected.  For a time, at least.  ⛅⛅⛅

And so we decided to risk playing our game versus inDRStructible, our first "home" game of the 2025 campaign.  Our opponents were woefully undermanned (or should I say, under-womanned), being able to field only 8 male players.  After some discussion, it was agreed that they would play with the following stipulation -- every fifth spot in their lineup would be an automatic out.  A harsh penalty, but necessary to balance the talent disparity.  

Franchise took to the mound to pitch the top of the 1st inning, skillfully allowing only 2 runs.  

In the home-half of the 1st, Nate stroked a one-out double, but was left stranded at second, as dark clouds began to gather overhead.  ☁️☁️☁️

Thanks in large part to a pair of automatic outs in the frame, DRS went scoreless in the top of the 2nd.  Lightning began to be seen just to the west.  ⚡⚡⚡

The first two EP batters were quietly retired in the bottom of the 2nd, but then Ron sparked a potential rally with a single.  Jae knocked an infield single toward third base, and when the third baseman threw the ball past the first baseman for an error, both runners advanced.  Rob then blasted a drive to left-center, but the fielder was able to make a nice running catch in the gap to end our scoring threat.  Meanwhile, the rumbles of thunder crept closer.  🌩🌩🌩

So we went to the 3rd inning, trailing 2-0.  The leadoff hitter for DRS was retired on a flyout, and then the winds arrived.  Strong gusts tore across the park, and a light drizzle began to fall.  Um, . . . obviously, time to call it.  As Charlie Brown would say, "Rats."  💨💨💨

By the time we were in our cars and pulling out of the parking lot, the skies had opened up.   ☔☔☔

The 2-0 loss drops our 2025 record to 1-2.  We are now 0-1 as the home team, 1-1 on the road.

The EP player of the "game" was Nate, who went 1-for-1 with a double.  Apologies to Dax and Justin, neither of whom even got a chance to come to the plate.

Notes & Numbers

• This counts?:  You might ask why we'd even consider this rain-abridged contest an actual game in our records.  Well, way back on July 14, 2016, we took on the Alaskan Brothers at Cove Park/DMV.  After both teams went scoreless in the 1st inning, our opponents squeezed out a lone run in the top of the 2nd off of starting pitcher Chris.  We responded in the bottom of the 2nd with a one-out single by Demetrio and a two-out, two-run homerun by Hulk to go up 2-1.  Then a hard rain began to fall, and the game was called.  We've always considered that a valid victory, so it would be difficult to argue that this week's game should not similarly qualify.  A tough loss to take, sure, but a loss nonetheless.  Should we have called this a forfeit win, regardless of the on-field outcome?  Perhaps, but inDRStructible did not borrow any of our players (although we did provide a non-fielding catcher), and there was the whole double auto-out thing we agreed to, so perhaps not.  I don't know . . . to call it a forfeit win just feels nit-picky.
• Heroes to zeroes:  After scoring 26 runs last week, the EPs this week suffered our first shutout loss of all time (or at least as far back as our records go).  Yes, we only played two innings, but through the first two games of 2025, we've averaged 9 runs by the end of the 2nd frame.
• Good news/bad news:  Nate has now had a base hit in 10 consecutive plate appearances going back to last season.  On the other hand, Rob's 2nd-inning flyout ended his consecutive hit streak of 11 straight plate appearances, again going back to the 2024 season.
• Milestones (since 2015):  This was Joe's 100th career game as an Empty Pitcher (9th-most all-time).  Ron's single in the 2nd-inning was the 250th hit of his career (6th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Ron's single was also our team's 100th plate appearance and 100th at-bat of the 2025 season.

[Editor's note:  I was thinking of doing a "song titles" recap this week.  Our opponents were the Line Drivers, a team composed of employees from the CT Department of Transportation.  Soooooo, . . . . what could be more appropriate than The Cars?]

Hello again!     

Last week's walk-off loss to Acid Reign, 17-16, got the Empty Pitchers' 2025 campaign off to a rocky start.  So, how to shake it up and rebound?  How about a matchup with the Line Drivers?  They were a brand new team in our league in 2024, and the EPs were a perfect 2-0 against them, winning 19-3 in July, and 16-8 in September.  Sure, one should never take an opponent for granted, but this should have been an easy matchup, right?   Right?  

Ummm, yeah, pretty much.  Turns out, they were just what I needed!

Playing on Field #7 at Colt Park in Hartford under ideal conditions (mostly sunny, low 70s, with a breeze blowing straight out to centerfield), the EPs went to bat first as the visiting squad.  Joe got things rolling with a solid single to left with one out.  Singles by Rob and Jeff followed, the latter driving Joe across the plate with the game's first run.  Nancy, you are the girl who kept the singles party going with an rbi hit that brought Rob in, and like magic, it was 2-0.  Erienne reached as Nancy was erased on a fielder's choice grounder to second, before Tino chased both Mellens home with a booming triple to left.  What's more, the relay from the outfield was mis-thrown, allowing Tino to cross the dish as well, completing a 5-run top of the 1st.  Let's go, EPs!

Franchise was making his 2025 mound debut, and looked solid as the Line Drivers squeezed out only one measly run in the home-half of the frame, cutting the score to 5-1.  Oh, shutout, why can't I have you?

[Sniff, sniff]  Do you smell a fire?  Don't worry, it's just the EP's smoking hot bats!  Moving in stereo, Mike, Jocelyn and Jae all singled to open the top of the 2nd, loading the bases with nobody out.  And Caleb proceeded to empty 'em, blasting a double that brought in a pair of runs (Jae was pegged at the plate in a very close, touch and go kind of play) that upped our lead to 7-1.  Eric knocked Caleb home with a single -- 8-1.  Joe got Eric in with a triple -- 9-1.  And bye bye love, Rob destroyed a pitch for a 2-run homerun (1st season, 39th career) -- 11-1.  But the hits just kept on coming.  Jeff singled, and with two outs, scored on a single by Erienne.  We might have had even more, as Tino singled to right, but E was thrown out at home to end the rally.  Bad news?  Two runners thrown out at the plate in the same inning.  Good news?  A 7-run outburst and a 12-1 advantage!

Even better news?  Ron and the EP defense completely shut down our opponents in the bottom of the 2nd.  That's as sweet as my best friend's girl!

After all of that circling of the bases in the first 2 innings, the EPs took a metaphorical breather in the top of the 3rd, failing to score despite a one-out single by Mike.  Don't blame me -- I'm not the one who made the outs that inning!

The Line Drivers picked up a couple of runs in their half of the 3rd, closing the score to 12-3.

The top of the 4th saw Eric and Joe hit back-to-back doubles with one out, putting runners at second and third, as Doc had to hold up to see if Joe's drive would be caught.  Rob's single scored Eric for one run, and Jeff's drive for our third double of the inning plated both Joe and Rob to make it 15-3.  

The team from the DoT again managed only two runs in the bottom of the 4th, so heading to the 5th, the EPs held a commanding 15-5 lead.  It's all I can do to contain my excitement!

With one out in the 5th, the EPs got consecutive singles by Tino, Ron and Mike, with Mike's line drive up the middle allowing Tino to come home with our 16th run.

But the Line Drivers answered with a lone run of their own in the bottom of the 5th, and it was 16-6.

Okay, okay, enough of the small innings.  Time to get back to blasting!  In the top of the 6th, Caleb and Eric led off with a pair of singles, before Joe, a really dangerous type of batter, unleashed a 3-run tater (1st season, 38th career).  Hey softball, since you're gone, can we start another rally?  Rob doubled, then scored when Jeff's fly down the right field line was dropped for an error, taking it to 20-6.  And still no outs!  Nancy reached when the second baseman booted her grounder, moving Jeff over to third, and then he was able to come in on Erienne's 4-4-3 double play bouncer -- 21-6.  Tino also singled in the inning, but we couldn't score any more.  For now.

You might think we'd just coast from here on out, but c'mon!  You knew it wasn't going to be that easy, right?  Right?  

It rarely is.  Our opponents finally figured out Franchise in the bottom of the 6th, pounding out a barrage of hits, including two deep homers, to tack on 7 runs and cut their deficit to 21-13.  Still a sweet lead for the EPs, sure, but maybe just a little bit worrisome.

Turns out, not a problem.  Mike led off the top of the 7th with a single and was replaced on the basepaths on Bubbles' fielder's choice.  With two outs, Caleb singled her to second.  And Jocelyn?  Tonight she comes in when Eric doubled -- 22-13.  Joe singled to push Caleb and Eric across the plate -- 24-13.  Let the good times roll!  And the cherry on top?  Rob mashed his second 4-bagger of the night (2nd season, 40th career), another 2-run shot, to supply us with all the insurance runs we'd need at 26-13.  26 runs -- you're all I've got tonight, and it's more than enough!

Mike came in to pitch the bottom of the 7th, allowing one meaningless run.  After that, a pop to Tino at third base, a liner back to the mound, and a bouncer to the pitcher ended things neatly, as the Empty Pitchers closed out a strong 26-14 victory!

The win evens our 2025 record at 1-1.

The players of the game were Joe (5-for-5 with a double, triple, homerun, 5 runs scored and 6 rbi) and Rob (5-for-5 with a double, 2 homeruns, 5 runs scored and 5 rbi).  Just monster games by both players!  Also perfect at the plate were Tino (4-for-4 with a triple, 2 runs scored and 2 rbi) and Mike (4-for-4 with a run scored and an rbi).  On the defensive side, the play of the game occurred in the bottom of the 4th, when leftfielder Rob charged in and made a spectacular diving, rolling catch of a dying fly ball, hanging onto the ball for the out.

Notes & Numbers

• Cycling:  With 2 singles, a double, a triple and a homerun tonight, Joe successfully hit for the cycle!  He becomes the first EP to hit for the cycle since Hulk did it way back on October 4, 2020, when Jon went 4-for-6 with 5 runs scored and 7 rbi in our 36-23 victory over Jim Chakulski's Pick-up Team at Charter Oak Park in Manchester.  Incidently, since then, Rob has twice gone 3-for-3 with a double, triple and homer, but never got a 4th at-bat in either game.  Also, in May of 2022, Nate went 4-for-4 with a single, 2 triples, and a homer versus Pretty Reckless, bringing up the old debate about holding second for the double, or taking third when you've got it (personally, I think you made the right decision, Nate).
• Striking early:  The EPs scored 6 runs in the 1st inning of our 1st game this season.  We scored 5 runs in the 1st inning tonight.  Let's keep that momentum going!
• Stroking it:  With 33 hits in 52 at-bats tonight, the EPs had a team batting average of .635 -- that's our best offensive showing since our 29-11 win over The Regulators on August 1 of last season, when we hit .691 (38-for-55).  That was also the last time we scored at least 26 runs in a game.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Ron and Tino have both now played in 175 career ballgames (tied for 3rd-most all-time).  When Rob homered in the 2nd-inning, it was his 500th career at-bat (6th-most all-time).  Caleb scored for the 100th time in his EP career in the 2nd inning (9th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Eric's single in the top of the 6th inning was our 50th team hit of the season.  When Rob doubled in the 6th, it was our team's 10th double of the year.

[Editor's note:  As you may have heard around these parts, the University of Connecticut women's basketball team won the NCAA National Championship this year.  And so, a little tribute . . . ]

  As the song says, "It's the moooooost wonderful tiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeeeear!"  No, not Christmas.  Not even the day the kids go back to school after summer vacation (although I imagine that one is pretty sweet for you parents out there).  It's Opening Day!!!  The day we finally shake off those winter blues and take to the softball field once again.  And this year, it was even better than usual.  April softball games are usually played in chilly 50-degree temperatures under cloudy skies, on outfields unmown and infields bespotted with mud puddles, and a sunset that seems to drop by the middle of the 2nd inning.  Some years, there might even be snow and  Ice Brady !  But miracle of miracles, the temps on Thursday were in the mid-70s, the sun was in it's full glory, the fields were bone-dry, and we almost, almost got the whole game in before the sun went down.  A most wonderful time, indeed!

The Empty Pitchers' final game of the 2024 season was an 18-11 loss to Acid Reign on Field #1 at Colt Park in Hartford.  So it felt appropriate that here we were facing the same team, on the same field, to open the 2025 campaign.  An opportunity right up our  Allie Ziebell .  A chance at redemption, perhaps?

Well, it certainly looked like the EPs were itching to avenge last year's disappointment, as the lineup came out of the chute firing on all cylinders!  Eric opened the action in the top of the 1st inning with a sharp single.  He then came all the way around to score when Nate ripped a triple.  Joe followed with an rbi-double, and it was 2-0.  Carlos picked up a single, chasing Joe to the plate with our third run, before Nancy singled as well.  You want  Morgan Cheli ?  Okay, let's get more!  Rob's double scored Carlos to make it 4-0 and put runners on second and third.  Mike then lined a single over third to plate the pair, and our lead had ballooned to a half-dozen.  Uh-huh, that's right!   Azzi Fudd  around and find out!  It was as if no one wanted to make the first out of the season.  Unfortunately, the magic ended there, as Caleb lasered a liner right at the shortstop, and a pair of groundouts staunched the bleeding for the Acid Reign pitcher.  Still, it was a  Sarah Strong  start to the season, and hopefully a harbinger of great things to come.

What's more, Eric took the mound in the bottom of the frame, and he and the EP defense held our opponents scoreless.  6-0 EPs after an inning, and feeling confident -- this was not just the same  K.K. Arnold  sad opening day story!

 Aubrey Griffin  the top of the 2nd, the EPs enjoyed singles by Josh and Ron, but a lineout/throwout double play to the second baseman quickly erased that threat.

The momentum continued to shift in the home-half of the 2nd, when Acid Reign began to find their stride at the plate, and scored 4 times to close the deficit to 6-4.  

Okay, so we took a hard shot to our collective  Kaitlyn Chen , but rather than get knocked down, the EPs fired right back in the 3rd with a 4-run rally of our own.  Nate got us rolling with a leadoff double, then moved to third on Joe's single.  Carlos drove a base hit into the gap, with Nate scoring easily and Joe motoring all the way home from first, increasing our advantage to 8-4.  Consecutive hits by Nancy and Rob loaded the bags, and there were still no outs!  But a foulout and a fielder's choice play to the plate followed, and the Acid Reign pitcher almost wriggled out of the jam.  Almost.  Bubbles singled, scoring Nancy, and Rob came home when the third baseman threw wildly to the plate for  Jana El Alfy  error and a 10-4 EP lead.

A.R. could only squeeze out a single run in the bottom of the 3rd, so we headed to the 4th, up 10-5.

After the first two EP batters were retired to open the 4th inning, Eric and Nate singled back-to-back, and when Nate's hit glanced off the left-centerfielder's glove and past him for an error, the runners moved up to second and third.  Joe promptly cleaned those bags off with a 2-run double, then trotted home on yet another single by Carlos, upping our lead to a seemingly comfortable 13-5.  All was right with the world.

And then it began to crumble, just a bit.  Acid Reign put on their hitting shoes again, and took advantage of a few EP defensive lapses, to plate 5 big runs in their half of the 4th, closing the gap to 13-10, and making a game of it once more.

The Empty Pitchers were desperately in need of some insurance runs, and we got 'em right away when Rob led off the 5th with a single and scored on a double to center by Mike.  He then scored off a hard single by Caleb, and just like that, we had extended our lead to 15-10.  Cue the Neil Diamond, because Sweet  Caroline Ducharme , this was fun!  We might have had even more, as Jae and Ron both singled with two outs in the inning, but Tino was gunned down at the plate on a heads-up play by the A.R. defense, ending the threat.

Doc continued to throw  Ashlynn Shade  at our opponents from the mound, as they could only manage one lone run in the bottom of the 5th, making it 15-11.

All in all, the EPs were in a pretty fine position at this point.  Up four runs after 5 innings; the sun beginning to dip below the horizon; the top of our order due up in the 6th.  One good half-inning right here could really salt this thing away!  Alas, it was not to be.  Nate tripled with one out in the top of the frame, then crossed the dish on a groundout by Joe to get the score to 16-11, but that was all we could muster.  We didn't exactly put it away.  Our rhythm and  Qadence Samuels  were a tad off.  Acid Reign still had a chance . . . 

And  Ayanna Patterson , did they make use of it!  Batter after batter reached in the near-darkness of the bottom of the 6th, as Acid Reign piled on a relentless boatload of runs.  Finally, with still only one out recorded, it was decided that it was too dark to safely continue, so we waved the white flag.  That meant that the score was rolled back to whenever Acid Reign took a 17-16 lead, and left the Empty Pitchers with the opening day loss.  Rats.  

The defeat puts our 2025 record at 0-1.  We are 0-1 on the road, and yet to play at home.  Hopefully, we can turn the  Paige Bueckers  and win next week!

The players of the game were Nate (4-for-4 with a double, 2 triples, 4 runs scored and an rbi) and Joe (3-for-4 with 2 doubles, 3 runs scored and 4 rbi).  Also of note were Carlos (3-for-4 with a run scored and 4 rbi) and Rob (3-for-3 with a double, 3 runs scored and an rbi).  Defensively, second baseman Jocelyn and shortstop Caleb both made great snags of linedrives.

Notes & Numbers

• First things first:  Eric had the first base hit of the season.  Eric scored the first run of the year.  Nate picked up the first rbi of 2025.  Joe had the first double of the season.  Nate had the first triple of the year.  We are still waiting for our first homerun by an EP batter, and first strikeout and first win for an EP pitcher.
• Startin' early:  April 24 is the earliest in the year the Empty Pitchers have ever started a season.  Our previous record was in 2019, when we played the Hartford Stars on April 25 to open that year's slate.
• Startin' slow:  Since 2015, the EPs are now 4-7 on Opening Day.  And two of those wins were by forfeit, so . . . ugh.  We have now lost three consecutive season openers (18-17 to Pretty Reckless;  24-17 to Throwin' Shade;  and 17-16 to Acid Reign).
• Who's (still) hot?:  Going back to last season, Nate now has hits in 9 consecutive plate appearances (1b, 1b, 1b, 3b, 1b, 3b, 2b, 1b, 3b).  Rob has hits in each of his last 6 plate appearances (1b, 1b, Hr, 2b, 1b, 1b).
• Milestones (since 2015):  Ron has now taken 500 career at-bats (5th-most all-time).  Joe now has 325 career at-bats (8th-most all-time).  Joe's 4th-inning double was his 225th career base hit (7th-most all-time).  Joe's 1st-inning double was the 50th 2-bagger of his career (3rd-most all-time).  With this start, Eric became only the 3rd EP pitcher to cross the 150-career innings-pitched threshhold.