[Editor's note:  Sorry about the delay, folks.  I'm only a week late with this recap!  🙄  Anyway, I've had the song "American Pie" by Don McLean stuck in my head for some reason, and thought maybe I could exorcise it by doing a song parody as the recap.  Unfortunately, I can't seem to get past the opening -- damn writer's block!  But I don't want to delay this any longer, so . . . ]

A long 2024 season ago,  🎵

I can still remember how our new schedule

Used to make me smile.  😄

And I knew if we had the chance  🎲

The EPs would make those baserunners dance,  💃🕺

And maybe we'd be scoring runs for a while;  ⏰

And game by game, the EPs made me shiver  🥶

Each and ev'ry batter, they'd deliver.  📦

Good news in the dugout,  

I wanted to jump and scream and shout!  🤩

But I can't remember if I felt pain  ⚡

When I read we were playing Acid Reign,  🌂

One final contest for our side, 

The day our season died.  😱

So, bye-bye, that hit's deep and it's high,  

EP's are gunnin' for a run in and I'm tellin' you why,  🔫

Cuz' they don't want to lose, and they don't want a damn tie,  👔

Singin', "This'll be the day we win, guy!  🥇

This'll be the day we win, guy!"  🥎

On Saturday morning, the EPs travelled to Colt Park in Hartford for what has seemingly become our annual final softball game versus Acid Reign.  Although this was also the final day of summer, the weather was decidedly fall-like, featuring mostly cloudy skies and temps around 70 degrees.  Thankfully, there was no rain (acid or otherwise) to hamper the field conditions.

The EPs were out in full force for this contest, sporting a lineup 14 players deep, and that's not even counting Kevin, who was there in reserve if needed.  But that is counting Josh, playing in his first game for the EPs since a one-plate appearance stint in Game #2 on May 9th versus Pretty Reckless on this very field.

In the top of the 1st, the first two batters were retired quietly, but Joe broke up the no-hitter with a booming double.  Rob followed with an rbi-single, and the EPs drew first blood with a 1-0 lead.  Franchise drew the start for the EPs, and surrendered 3 runs in the home-half of the inning to give Acid Reign a 3-1 advantage after one frame.

The EPs struck right back in the 2nd, however.  Tino knocked a two-bagger with one out, and with two down, Mike moved him over to third with an infield hit.  Josh pounded a liner to right-center, and while the fielder had it lined up, the ball caromed off her glove for a two-base error, allowing Tino to trot home and get it to 3-2.  Jocelyn singled Mike in to knot the score at 3-3, and Jonathan's single plated Josh, and just like that, the EPs retook the lead, 4-3.  Unfortunately, Acid Reign responded with a 6-run outburst, claiming a 9-4 lead heading to the 3rd inning.

The 3rd saw Caleb, taking his final at-bat of the season, crush his first homerun of the campaign (1st season, 13th career), a solo blast with one out that cut the deficit to 9-5.  Joe and Rob followed with consecutive singles, but we couldn't push any more runs across.  But Acid Reign answered again, coming up with a single run of their own, moving into double digits, at 10-5.

Refusing to give up, here came the EPs again in the top of the 4th!  With one out, Tino singled, then advanced to second when Erienne's grounder to second was booted for an error.  Mike dropped an opposite-field bloop single into right, and Tino crossed the dish for the second time in as many at-bats to make it 10-6.  Not bad . . . we were still in it!  But not for much longer.  In the bottom of the frame, a series of Acid Reign hits and Empty Pitchers errors allowed our opponents to put together a monster 8-run barrage, as they extended their lead to a now-daunting 18-6.

Things didn't exactly get any better in the 5th, as the EPs went down in 1-2-3 fashion.  On the plus side, Franchise and the EP defense held Acid Reign scoreless as well in their half of the 5th, so the score held.

With one out in the 6th, Eric doubled to right, and with two down, Rob destroyed a pitch to center for a 2-run homer (5th season, 38th career), inching us a little closer, at 18-8.  Jeff ripped a double down the rightfield line, but was left stranded.  Needing to keep Acid Reign right where they were, Eric came out of the bullpen to pitch the bottom of the 6th, and for the second straight inning, Acid Reign failed to score.

So we headed to the 7th with the EPs trailing by 10 and looking for a big-time rally.  Tino got things started in style with a single, but was immediately erased on a double-play popout/throw-to-first.  Dang.  So let's start another rally!  Mike lined a single to left, and Josh brought him all the way around to score with a double.  18-9.  Then Jocelyn singled, putting runners at the corners.  Jonathan was up next, and he pounded the ball deep;  Josh scored easily from third, Jocelyn motored all the way home from first, but as Jonathan rounded third and headed for the plate, the throw in was on target, and he was nailed at home.  Inning over . . . game over . . . season over.  EPs lose, 18-11.

The loss cements our final 2024 record at a disappointing 9-14.  We finish with a winning record at home (6-5), but certainly left room for improvement on the road (3-9).  Oh well, we'll get 'em next year!

Our last player of the game this year was Rob, who went 3-for-3 with a homerun, run scored and 3 rbi.  Also going 3-for-3 at the plate were Tino and Mike.  Ron takes the pitching loss, falling to 3-7 on the season.  Both Ron and Eric had one strikeout while pitching.

Notes & Numbers

• Perfect Attendance Award:  For the 5th time in his career, Mike has appeared in 23 games in a season.  No EP has ever played in 24 or more games in one year.  Also playing at least 20 games this season were Jocelyn (21), Ron (21), Eric (20) and Rob (20).
• Stepping to the plate:  Eric finishes the season with 76 at-bats, just 2 at-bats short of the record of 78 he set back in 2017.
• He's so average:  Mike finishes 2024 with 51 base hits, breaking Tino's former record of 50 hits in a season.
• Double trouble:  Tino finishes the year with 11 doubles, just 2 doubles short of the record of 13 hit by Joe in 2020.
• Bringing 'em home:  Joe finishes the season with 42 rbi, just 3 rbi short of the record of 45 rbi by Tino in 2021.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Eric's 6th-inning double was the 50th double of his career (3rd-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  When Eric grounded out to second in the 3nd inning, it was our team's 900th plate appearance of the season.  When Jonathan lined out to shortstop in the 5th inning, it was our 900th at-bat of the year.  Caleb's 3rd-inning homerun was our 20th team round-tripper of 2024.

[Editor's note:  Later this week, the Hartford Yard Goats will participate in their first postseason series ever!  In tribute, I've worked in the names of every member of their 2024 roster, including the coaching staff.

As noted softball fan Chucky Dickens famously wrote, "It was the best of games; it was the worst of games."  He was referring, of course, to Thursday evening's battle royale betwixt the Empty Pitchers and their hosts, Throwin' Shade,  Kyle Datres  Weatogue Park in Simsbury.  Under  Mason Albright  and  Warming Bernabel  September skies, the EPs came out playing with confidence and skill, pounding out hit after hit, driving up the score to amass a substantial lead through 2-1/2 innings.  It felt like we were going to absolutely run away with this one!  And then . . . Bah, humbug!  It all fell apart, as defensive miscues and lazy glovework let Throwin' Shade right back into the game.  But I'm getting ahead of myself here . . . let's not hem and  Evan Shawver  and just get to the action!   

The game opened sweet as  Jarrod Cande  with Eric and Nate stroking back-to-back singles to put runners  Chris McMahon  the corners for Joe, who popped a pitch all the way to the fence for a 2-run triple, and the EPs were off and running!  Rob doubled Joe in to make it 3-0, and one out later, Jonathan singled, moving Rob over to third.  Jocelyn picked up Rob with an rbi-groundout to short for our fourth run, and Mike punctuated the inning with a triple to right-center that would  Chase Dollander  Jonathan home.  Just like that, Team  Mason Green  was staked to a quick 5-0 lead!  Outstanding!

Throwin' Shade had already won our first two meetings this year, and were sporting a 6-game winning streak versus the EPs dating back to the 2022 season, so they were not to be taken lightly.  With Eric taking the ball for the starting mound assignment, T.S. struck back with three runs, closing the gap to 5-3 after  Juan Mejia  inning of play.

No matter, as the EP bats remained hot . . . not to mention we got a  Braxton Fulford  of help from our opponents' less-than-stellar defense.  Ron led off, and reached when [whoops!] his grounder to third was thrown past the first baseman for an error (the setting sun was right in line with any throw from the third base area, effectively blinding the first basemen).  And the EPs made them pay for that mistake, as Tino and Eric followed with singles to load 'em up for Nate, who knocked in two with a base hit.  7-3 EPs, and still  Zach Agnos  outs!  A flyout later, Rob reached base when his grounder to third  Antonio Senzatela  up the defender [whoopsie!], allowing Eric to  Alec Barger  his way home, with Nate taking second.  8-3.  Nancy replaced Nate on the bases via her fielder's choice grounder to third, but that still left runners at first and second with two outs for Jonathan.  He lined a clutch single into the outfield, and when the shortstop's relay throw got by all of the infielders for another error [triple whoops!], everybody moved up a base, with Rob scoring to make it 9-3.  Jocelyn then bounced a pitch to short, what looked like an inning-ending out, but that one was fielded and thrown past first for Throwin' Shade's fourth error of the inning!  Nancy came in on the play, with Jonathan moving to third, and Bubbles to second.  That got us to double digits at 10-3, but we weren't done yet!  Mike singled into right-center, driving in Jonathan with our sixth run of the frame, and we went to the bottom of the 2nd now in front by a  Brendan Hardy  11-3!  

Throwin' Shade put together another 3-run rally in the home-half of the 2nd to  Luis Lopez  a few more runs off the deficit, 11-6.

Again, no worries.  In the top of the 3rd,  Ronaiker Palma  singled to get things started.  And although he was promptly replaced by Tino thanks to a 4-6 fielder's choice play, the fireworks were just beginning!  Eric doubled to put runners at second and third with one out, and Nate blasted a triple to clear 'em both, boosting our lead to 13-6!  Joe brought Nate in with a sharp single, then came all the way around to score  Benny Montgomery  a double by Rob, and it was 15-6!  And with two outs, Jonathan again came through big with an rbi-single to plate Rob, upping the advantage to 16-6!  That's a 10-run lead, a veritable  Sean Sullivan  of runs!  Wave the white flag,  Tevin Tucker  your tail between your legs and go home, Throwin' Shade!  This  Braiden Ward  is over!

Hmph.  My  Dan Meyer  it was.

The patented "One Bad Inning" chose this moment to rear its ugly head.   Zach Osborne  out of a plethora of errors (both physical and mental) by the EP defense in the bottom of the 3rd inning, Throwin' Shade exploded for an 8-run rally, as they made a game of it once again, at 16-14.  So much for our blowout win.

Okay, time to respond.  The 4th inning saw Jae and Ron single in succession with one out, and Tino's grounder to second was misplayed for  Juan Guerrero  error, loading the bags for Eric.  Doc grounded into a 6-4 fielder's choice, but it was enough to push Jae in for the 17-14 lead.  And Nate then laced one up the middle that deflected off the pitcher's glove, then eluded the shortstop for  Bryce McGowan  infield hit, as Ron raced home, increasing the EP's advantage to 18-14!  Unfortunately, we were unable to further pad our lead in the inning,  Connor Van Scoyoc  would we score again in the game.

Tightening our defense, we held Throwin' Shade to just a pair of runs in the last of the 4th, their lowest output in any inning in the game.  That made it a two-run game again, at 18-16.

With the onset of darkness, it was decided that the 5th would be our final frame of the night.  Last call for runs!  Last  Anderson Bido  to pad the lead with some insurance!  Aaaaaaand, the EPs went down in 1-2-3 fashion.  Nuts.

Throwin' Shade showed no mercy in the bottom of the 5th, hitting and running with abandon, and taking extra bases seemingly at will.  They plated three runs without any out being made, the  Adam McKillican  shot coming on a single to right-center with a runner at third, as they walked it off 19-18.  No, I  Nic Kent  say that I'm  Adael Amador  -- just disappointed.  I think I need to go home, make a mug of hot  Zach Kokoska , and get some  Bladimir Restituyo .

The loss drops our 2024 record to 9-13.  We are now 6-5 at home, and 3-8 on the road.  In any  Case Williams , we have one game remaining in the season.

The offensive player of the game was Nate, who went 4-for-4 with a triple, 2 runs scored and 5 rbi.  Also having strong nights were Joe (2-for-4 with a triple, 2 runs and 3 rbi) and Rob (2-for-4 with 2 doubles, 3 runs scored and 2 rbi).  On defense, shortstop Tino and second baseman Nancy hooked up on a solid 6-4 fielder's choice in the bottom of the 2nd, with Tino smoothly gloving a tough short-hop on the play; and leftfielder Nate made  Blake Adams  fine running catch of a dying-quail in the 4th.  Eric (2-3) pitched a complete game in taking the loss, though he pitched with  Collin Baumgartner  and skill.

Notes & Numbers

• Deja vu:  We got walked off, 19-18, to Throwin' Shade on Thursday.  Just 5 weeks ago, on August 8th, we got walked off by No Glove, No Love by the score of . . . 19-18.  Those are the only walk-off wins or losses we've had this season.
• It's a team effort:  Every EP in our  Brayan Castillo  tonight had at least one rbi or run scored.  That last happened on August 1st, when we downed the Regulators 29-11 (although in that game,  Bobby Meacham  and every EP had both an rbi and a run scored).  We also accomplished the feat twice more this season:  in our June 27th victory over the Fighting Plankton, 18-14;  and on May 30th, when we beat E.coli Happens 28-11.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Jae has now appeared  Sterlin Thompson  75 career games for the EPs (13th-most all-time).  Jocelyn has now taken 525 career at-bats (4th-most all-time).  Jonathan has now taken 150 career at-bats (18th-most all-time).  Nate's 2nd-inning single was his 300th career hit (5th-most all-time).  Rob has now scored 200 times in his career (4th-most all-time).  Ron has now scored 100 times in his career (9th-most all-time).  When Jonathan scored in the 1st inning,  Ryan Ritter  was his 50th career run scored (13th-most all-time).  Joe's 1st-inning triple drove in his 200th career rbi (3rd-most all-time).  Jocelyn picked up her 75th career rbi in the 1st inning (11th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Joe scored our team's 300th run of the season in the 3rd inning.  Jae's 4th-inning single was our 450th base hit of 2024.  Nate's 4th-inning single was our 650th total base of the year.
• All-time single-season records in jeopardy (with one game remaining):  With one more game played, EP  Carson Skipper  Mike will tie the record for games played of 23, set by Mike in 2017 and repeated in 2019, 2022 and 2023.  Eric needs 5 more at-bats to tie the record for at-bats of 78, set by Eric in 2017.  The record for hits is 50, set by Tino in 2021;  Mike is currently at 48 hits, while both Eric and Nate are at 47.  Tino needs 3 doubles to tie the record of 13 doubles set by Joe in 2020.  Joe is 3 rbi short of tying the record of 45 rbi set by Tino in 2021.

[Editor's note:  I hear there's a professional sport that's opening their season this weekend.  You may have heard of it.  🏈]  

As we enter September and the stretch run of our 2024 season, true softball purists and  PATRIOTS  know it's time to take stock.  Every warm, sunny evening becomes extra special; every game becomes a fine wine to be savored; every win a precious gem to be cherished.  Already, the kids are drifting back to school; the leaves will be soon be changing from common greens to brilliant yellows and reds and eventually drab  BROWNS  ; and this very weekend, the crack of summer baseball bats will be forced to compete with the grunting of autumn football.  Thankfully, there are still a couple of softball games left to play, so I'll try not to get too maudlin just yet.  I think I'll save that for October.  🎃

On Thursday, the Empty Pitchers hosted the Line Drivers (of the State of Connecticut Department of Transportation) at Cove Park for the second time this season under dry, sunny skies.  Back in July, the EPs rolled to an easy 19-3 victory over these opponents, largely because they were a new team in our league, and had not played together before, with the exception of a single scrimmage against inDRStructible.  This time, however, the Line Drivers came in with a season's worth of experience under their collective belts (albeit only 6 total games), so it was of  CARDINAL  importance that they not be underestimated.  

With a full complement of players available this week, the EPs took the field, Eric taking the game ball for the pitching start.  The Line Drivers actually acquitted themselves well in the top of the 1st, taking advantage of a couple of rough EP errors and banging out just enough offense to plate a pair of runs.  BTW, that 2-0 lead after a half-inning of play was their first-ever lead over the EPs (they never led at any point in our first meeting).  And hopefully, they they took enjoyment in that lead, because it sure was short-lived!  In the home-half of the 1st, Eric led off with an oppo taco, slapping a deep drive down the rightfield line and flying around the bases like an  EAGLE  or a  FALCON  or a  RAVEN  or even a  SEAHAWK  (sorry, but there are a lot of birds in the NFL) for a solo homerun (1st season, 13th career) to get the EPs on the board at 2-1.  Joe was next, and he blasted a  GIANT  shot to the port-o-potty in rightfield (4th season, 36th career) that knotted the game at 2-2.  After a scorching lineout for the first out of the inning, Jeff singled, and then Rob mashed a bomb to deep centerfield for a two-run dinger (4th season, 37th career), making it 4-2 after only five EP batters!  Wow!  But we weren't done yet.  Erienne singled (Hey, Officer,  CHARGER  with assault on that softball!), and was replaced on the bases by Caleb's fielder's choice grounder, before Mike's double to right-center allowed Caleb to gallop like a  BRONCO   COLT  all the way around to touch the plate for a 5-2 EP advantage after one frame.

Then the EP pitching and defense settled down and went to work, holding the Line Drivers scoreless in the top of the 2nd.  Meanwhile, like a  TEXAN   COWBOY  with a scorpion in his bedroll, the EP offense kept on dancin' like crazy!  In the bottom of the 2nd, Tino led off with a single, and one out later, circled the bases when Jonathan belted a triple to right-centerfield.  And during the play, the throw to the plate was wild, sailing past the catcher for an error, allowing Jonathan to  JET  home as well, increasing our lead to 7-2.  With two down, Eric dropped a single over the infield, and Joe continued the onslaught with a crushing two-run homer (5th season, 37th career), putting the EPs in front 9-2!

For the second straight inning, our opponents were flummoxed in the top of the 3rd, failing to score anything.  And for the second straight inning, the Empty Pitchers' bats added a four-spot to our total in the last of the 3rd.  It began with a single by Jeff, who sprinted to second like a  PANTHER  when the rightfielder fumbled the ball for an error.  Then Rob singled to left, and when the leftfielder similarly couldn't handle it cleanly, Rob took second like a  JAGUAR , as Jeff scored easily to put us into double digits at 10-2.  A groundout and a double by Caleb put runners at second and third with one out for Mike, who proceeded to  RAM   a grounder up the middle to score Rob and make it 11-2.  Jocelyn's single into left-center plated Caleb, and one out later, Ron's single chased Mike home.  Just like that, the EP lead had ballooned to 13-2.  The game looked like a laugher!  Feel the wrath of these EP  TITANS !

Not so fast, though!  Belay that order,  COMMANDER !  The LDs finally showed some life against Eric's pitching in the top of the 4th, rallying for four runs of their own and closing the deficit to 13-6.  Uh-oh!  Was our market turning from bull to  BEAR ?  The EPs needed to answer, and it almost looked like we wouldn't, or couldn't.  The first two hitters went down quietly, and doubts began to creep in that the Line Drivers might stage a comeback.  No worries, though.  Joe and Nate popped consecutive singles to set the table, and then that  VIKING   RAIDER  Jeff cleaned that table off with a monster three-run homerun (4th season, 18th career) to reassert our lead at 16-6!  Rob also doubled in the inning, although we failed to add any more insurance runs.

Due to the growing dusk, it was agreed that the 5th would be our final inning.  Franchise came out of the bullpen to close the game, and while the Line Drivers managed to plate two final runs, it was far too little to make much of a difference before the final out was recorded.  Game over!  Time to pay the  BILL ,  CHIEF !

The 16-8 victory improves our 2024 record to 9-12.  We are now a solid 6-5 at home, and a disappointing 3-7 on the road.  We have two games remaining.  And I ain't  LION !

The offensive players of the game were Joe (3-for-3 with 2 homeruns, 3 runs scored and 3 rbi) and Jeff (3-for-3 with a homerun, 3 runs scored and 3 rbi).  Defensively, shortstop Tino made a great play when, with runners at first and second, the Line Driver batter hit a sharp grounder between third and short;  third baseman Mike lunged, just knicking the ball but failing to glove it; Tino was cutting behind him, slickly scooping up the ball and outracing the runner from second like a  BENGAL  tiger to the thirdbase bag for the forceout.  Eric (2-2) picks up the pitching win, striking out 2 in the process.

Notes & Numbers:

• Power display #1:  The EPs hit 5 homeruns in this game.  The last time we hit at least five 4-baggers in one game was back on D-day, June 6, 2024, when we hit 6 dingers in our 17-5 victory over the Regulators.  In that game, Joe homered twice, while Rob, Tino, Colin and Jeff all went yard.   SAINTS  be praised, that's a lot of power!
• Power display #2:  Eric and Joe hit back-to-back homeruns to open the bottom of the 1st.  The last time the EPs hit successive homers was in the 06/06/24 game referenced above.  Joe and Rob homered consecutively with two outs in the 2nd inning in that game.
• Power display #3:  We hit 3 homeruns in the 1st inning tonight.  The last time we hit three homers in one inning?  You guessed it -- our 06/06/24 game with the Regulators, in which Jeff, Joe and Rob all went deep as  DOLPHINS  in the Atlantic in the 2nd inning.
•  49ER :  When Jonathan tripled and scored on an error in the bottom of the 2nd inning, it was the 49th time he has scored in his EP career.
• Dad joke alert:  If the Wethersfield Farmer's Market sells corn at 10 for $10, what is the unit price?  A  BUCCANEER !
•  STEELER  and  PACKER ? I barely know her!:  Our three female players tonight (Erienne/Jocelyn/Yaidy) went a combined 2-for-7 with an rbi tonight.  That's not particularly noteworthy, but I needed to fit Pittsburgh and Green Bay in there somehow.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Jeff's single to lead-off the 3rd inning was his 200th career at-bat (16th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Jonathan's 2nd-inning triple included our team's 600th total base of the season.

[Editor's note:  This game recap is a parody of the YouTube channel called "Pitch Meeting", in which host Ryan George plays a Hollywood screenwriter guy comedically pitching real movies to a producer guy, also played by George.  If you are unfamiliar with it, you should probably check out an episode or two (just search "YouTube Pitch Meeting"), as the jokes will land much better.]

Editor Guy:  So, you've got a new Empty Pitchers softball game recap for me?

Sportswriter Guy:  Yes, sir, I do!

E.G.:  Amazing!  Y'know, it's been over a year since we last covered one of these games, and I'm really interested in hearing how the EPs fared this time out against Pretty Reckless.

S.G.:  Caught Lookin'.

E.G.:  What?  Noooooo, . . . I was just checking out your belt buckle, I swear!  I know your eyes are up here . . . 

S.G.:  (confused)  What?

E.G.:  (embarrassed)  What?

S.G.:  The Empty Pitchers played a team called Caught Lookin' this week.

E.G.:  That makes more sense.  But I thought we only cover games against Pretty Reckless?

S.G.:  We used to, but their team went defunct.

E.G.:  Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . language!  And it's really none of our business what they went off to do . . . 

S.G.:  No, it means they don't play anymore.  But we've got to cover some game, so this time, we're covering the EPs versus Caught Lookin'.

E.G.:  Gotcha.

S.G.:  So the game was played at Newington High School . . . 

E.G.:  And where is that located?

S.G.:  In Newington.

E.G.:  Oh, a very convenient location!  What are the odds that the town would have the same name as the school?

S.G.:  72.3%.

E.G.:  Wow!  That's a very specific number.

S.G.:  Well, it's a very specific school.  

E.G.:  I guess that makes sense.

S.G.:  It does.  So the game got off to a pretty good start for the Empty Pitchers, with Nate doubling with one out in the top of the 1st inning, and Joe moving him over to third with a single.  That brought up Jeff, and he destroyed a pitch deep into rightfield for a three-run homerun!  It was his 3rd homer of the season, and the 17th of his career.  

E.G.:  Sick!  That was some mighty timely hitting by Jeff!

S.G.:  Yep, I guess the power was inside him all along . . . 

E.G.:  (makes vomiting sound) Uunngghh!

S.G.:  Oh, are you okay?

E.G.:   (cough, cough) I don't know what that was . . . I think I might be allergic to cliches.

S.G.:  Oh, sorry about that.  Anyway, Rob followed that up with a base hit, but the EPs couldn't push anything more across.  So they carried a 3-0 lead to the bottom of the 1st.

E.G.:  Sweet!  So who was pitching for the EPs this week?

S.G.:  Franchise.  Ron pitched a complete game the last time these two teams met, with the EPs winning the game, 15-6, back in mid-July.  

E.G.:  That's a good choice, then.  So how'd he fare this time?

S.G.:  Not quite as well.  But it wasn't all his fault.  The Empty Pitchers made a ton of errors in the inning, and when the dust settled, Caught Lookin' had scored a half-dozen times to leapfrog out in front, 6-3.

E.G.:  Oooh, plot twist!  Well, I have faith that the Empty Pitchers will come back.  The top of the 2nd is when they explode for a huge rally, right?

S.G.:  Nope.  It's not time for that yet.  The EPs actually got blanked in 1-2-3 fashion in the 2nd.

E.G.:  Oh, fashionable blanking is tight!

S.G.:  If you say so . . . anyhow, Caught Lookin' added three more runs in the home-half of the 2nd inning, increasing their advantage to 9-3.

E.G.:  Oh, a very inconsiderate opponent!

S.G.:  I'll say.  The first two EP batters in the top of the 3rd went down quietly, but Eric got a rally jump-started with a single, and Nate doubled for the second time in the game, putting runners at second and third with two down.

E.G.:  Nice!

S.G.:  Joe ripped a single, scoring both Eric and Nate, and the EPs crept a bit closer at 9-5!

E.G.:  Clutch!

S.G.:  Unfortunately, their opponents responded in kind, notching a pair of runs in the bottom of the 3rd to go into double digits at 11-5.  

E.G.:  Dang it.  So, we're now going to the top of the 4th.  Oh boy, here comes the big EP comeback, right?

S.G.:  Nope.  It's still not time for that to happen yet.  But the EPs did make another dent in the scoreboard, as Rob singled to lead off the frame, and after Erienne replaced Rob on the basepaths via a fielder's choice grounder, Caleb smashed a triple to bring her all the way around to touch the plate.  Tino's groundout to third base was enough to score Caleb from third, and the lead was trimmed again, to 11-7.  

E.G.:  Wow, wow, wow . . . . . . . . . wow!

S.G.:  Well, don't get too excited, because in the bottom of the 4th, Caught Lookin' kept on lookin' strong at the plate.  They got more hits, took advantage of more EP errors . . . 

E.G.:  Whoops!

S.G.:  Whoopsie!  . . . and scored another three runs to open up the score yet again, at 14-7.

E.G.:  Ouch!  

S.G.:  And it gets worse.  In the top of the 5th inning, Yaidy singled with two outs, but that was the only piece of hitting the EPs could muster.

E.G.:  Did you just say pizza?  It's almost lunchtime, you know.

S.G.:  No, I said "piece of".  Although I do enjoy a delicious chicken pesto pizza from the fine people at Village Pizza, conveniently located at 233 Main Street in Wethersfield, CT.  

E.G.:  Oh, that's extremely specific.  Are the people at Village Pizza paying you or something?

S.G.:  Not at all.  I just think it's a fantastic product, featuring all-white-meat chicken, fresh sliced tomatoes, a scrumptious green basil pesto, gooey mozzarella . . . 

E.G.:  (points)  There's some money sticking out of your papers there . . . 

S.G.:  (nervously)  Oh?  Whoops, sorry.  Don't worry about that.  That's just some of my completely non-pizza money, which I got for reasons wholly unrelated to pizza.  

E.G.:  Oh, very suspicious!

S.G.:  Hey-shut-up-so-anyway, Eric came on to pitch in relief in the bottom of the 5th inning, with the EPs still down a touchdown, 14-7.  And Caught Lookin'  wouldn't be denied, tacking on one insurance run to make it 15-7.  By now, the sun was setting and the shadows were getting long, so it was agreed that the 6th inning would be the final one.

E.G.:  Uh-oh!  Well, heeere we go!  Last chance for the Empty Pitchers.  This has to be time for the big EP comeback push!

S.G.:  (nods up and down, then shakes head)  Yeeeeaaaaaaa-nope.

E.G.:  Ohh, you got me.  I kinda thought you were going to say something else there.

S.G.:  Okay, well, in fairness, some things did happen in the top of the 6th . . . 

E.G.:  Oh, some things are tight!

S.G.:  Sometimes, maybe, kinda.  Joe singled with one out, and Jeff's hard grounder right at the second baseman went straight through the wickets for an error.  Then, Rob doubled, scoring Joe to cut the deficit to 15-8, and leaving runners at second and third with still only one out.

E.G.:  I knew it!  Here comes the big rally!  There's no way Caught Lookin' can hold the EPs back!

S.G.:  Actually, it was gonna be super easy, barely an inconvenience!

E.G.:  Oh, really?

S.G.:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Erienne lined a bullet to right-centerfield, but the outfielder charged, caught the ball on the run and fired a strike to second, doubling Rob off the bag.  A double play.  Game over, baby.

E.G.:  What?!  Just like that?  No comeback?  Are you sure you're reading your papers correctly?

S.G.:  (ruffles stack of notes)  It's all written right here in . . . uh, streaky black and white . . . oh, whoops, I guess my printer's running out of ink.

E.G.:  So the EPs lost the game, 15-8, huh?  Dang.  Well, at least it's nice to be back here doing these recaps again.  I'm really looking forward to a long, long season of softball ahead . . . 

EMPTY PITCHERS REMAINING SCHEDULE:

• Thursday, September 5 vs. Line Drivers
• Thursday, September 12 vs. Throwin' Shade
• Saturday, September 21 vs. Acid Reign

This loss drops our 2024 record to 8-12.  We are 5-5 at home, and 3-7 on the road.

The offensive stars of the game were Joe (3-for-3 with 2 runs scored and 2 rbi) and Jeff (1-for-3 with a homerun, run scored and 3 rbi).  Also, Rob went 3-for-3 with a double.  On defense, starting pitcher Ron ended the bottom of the 3rd inning when he snagged a smoked line-drive right back to the mound.  And left-centerfielder Eric made a sweet running catch of a dying-quail flyball in the bottom of the 4th.

Notes & Numbers:

• Touchin' the dish, a lot:  With his two runs scored tonight, Nate has now scored 39 times this season, setting a new record for the most runs scored in a single season.  The previous record of 37 runs had been held by Eric (2017) and Jon H. (2019).  And there're still three games remaining to be played this year!
• Late lineup futility:  The bottom 5 batters in the EP lineup went a combined 1-for-10 on Thursday, with the lone hit being Yaidy's infield single in the 5th inning.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Eric's 3rd-inning single was his 625th career at-bat (most all-time).  Nate's 3rd-inning double was his 450th career at-bat (7th-most all-time).  Erienne's 1st-inning groundout was her 200th career at-bat (15th-most all-time).  Nate scored for the 225th time in his career in the 1st inning (2nd-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  When Jeff ground out to end the 3rd inning, it was the 800th plate appearance of the season for the EP team.  Joe's 6th-inning single was the 800th at-bat of 2024 for the EP team.  Nate's double in the 3rd inning was our 60th two-bagger of the year.  Tino picked up our 250th rbi of the season with his 4th-inning groundout.

[Editor's note:  I saw Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga this week.  Hence the following.]

And so our see-saw season continues.  

After improbably winning four straight games in July, the Empty Pitchers then did a 180 and dropped four in a row, including a three-game sweep in the Thunderdome known as the Cove Cup Tournament.  Then we rebounded, narrowly edging The Dream Team last week, 24-23, with hopes of starting a new winning streak.  And why not?  This week, we'd be facing the Fighting Plankton, a team against whom we came into the game with a 12-9 all-time record.  A team we had already beaten 18-14 back in June.  Why wouldn't we feel some level of confidence? 

"Oh, what a day . . . what a lovely day!"

So it was that the EPs hit the Fury Road with our war rigs on Thursday for a road tilt with the Plankton at a brand-new venue, L.P. Wilson Community Center in the Wasteland known as Windsor.  Under partly cloudy skies and temps in the 70s, we were featuring a full roster -- 13 players, including three female EPs.  The Plankton, on the other hand, were short by one woman, but we magnanimously allowed them to play with four outfielders, as long as neither Vuvalini acted as catcher.  In retrospect, perhaps a mistake. 

"Hmm, questioning my bossority!"

Anyway, let's get to the action. 

"Lady and Gentlemens, start your engines!  Today, we dance to Darwin!"

As he often does, Eric kicked off the game with a single, but was immediately replaced on the bases due to Nate's fielder's choice grounder to short.  No problem, though, as Immortan Joe singled Nate over to third, and then Jeff blasted a 2-run double to initiate the scoring, and it was quickly 2-0 EPs.  Caleb followed that up with a run-scoring single, and Jeff crossed the dish to make it 3-0.  Erienne also singled in the inning, but we failed to push any more runs across thanks to Mike's 6-4-3 double-play grounder.  Still, a 3-run top of the 1st inning felt like a nice opening salvo. 

"So shiny, Piss Boy!  So chrome!"

And then the world kinda turned upside-down.  Kevin took the mound for the start, but the Plankton were more than ready.  They pounded out six runs on a slew of hits, a bunch of EP errors and 2 walks, before an unfortunate tumble led to Kevin's exit with only one out recorded.  Rob volunteered to make his pitching debut at this point, getting out of the inning with one additional run coming home, leaving the Plankton ahead, 7-3, after one frame.  Oof.

That's fine.  There's plenty of game left, right?  The top of the 2nd saw the EP batters go down in order on a flyout and a pair of groundouts.  The Plankton, meanwhile, added two runs to their total, increasing their advantage to 9-3.  Nux.

Okay, now the EPs were going to turn it on.  Kevin led off the top of the 3rd with a single, but back-to-back fielder's choices left Jonathan at first with two outs.  Eric bombed a bommyknocker double to bring Jonathan all the way around to score, and took third base on the throw home.  Yes!  Here comes our big rally!  Ahh, nope. A flyout to right-centerfield ended the threat, and left us trailing 9-4.  In response, the Plankton tallied 3 more runs, pouring guzzolene on the fire and extending their lead to 12-4.  Rats. 

"You make me the Dark Dementus."

Alright, the 4th will be our inning . . . you'll see.  With one out, Jeff ripped a grounder to second that the fielder booted for an error.  But popouts to shortstop and firstbase prevented us from taking any advantage of the miscue.  And the Plankton just kept piling it on in the bottom of the frame, tacking on another pair of runs to go up by double digits, 14-4.  Phooey. 

"Where were you going, so full of hope?  There is no hope!"

So, okay, as we entered the 5th inning, it began to feel like it was now time for our big comeback.  Here we go.  Aaaaand, we went down in 1-2-3 fashion, on a couple of flyouts and a groundout.  OMG, what's happened to our offense?  Franchise now came out of the bullpen to pitch the home-half of the 5th, and he held our opponents in check, the first time all game that the Plankton failed to score.  So, the 14-4 score was left unchanged.  Umm, moral victory?

To the 6th, where it was definitely time to break out the rally-caps.  Let's go!  Two groundouts and a lineout later, we had gone down in order yet again, the fourth inning out of five in which we had failed to record any kind of hit.  Crap.  On the plus side, Ron continued to exert his will upon the Plankton hitters, handing them a second-straight goose-egg. 

"So gullible!  I hold them profoundly in contempt!"

So the Empty Pitchers headed to their final at-bats, still trailing 14-4.  And finally, at long last, we showed a glimmer of life at the plate.  Jonathan got things started with an infield single up the middle, and came around to score on Eric's second double of the game.  14-5.  Nate crushed a triple to plate Eric, and we had closed to 14-6.  Joe kept the line moving with an rbi-single to bring in Nate, and it was 14-7.  And still nobody out!  Here comes the pain!  Jeff mashed a deep drive to right, but . . . the right-fielder broke our collective hearts with a surprising catch for the first out.  Successive groundouts then put an end to our thoughts of comeback, and we came crashing back to earth with a underwhelming 14-7 loss.  %!#&?*@.  

The loss drops our 2024 record to 8-11.  We are now 5-5 at home (the Green Place), and 3-6 on the road.  Road warriors, we are not.

The offensive player of the game was War Boy Eric, who went a perfect 3-for-3 with two doubles, a run scored and 2 rbi.  He is awaited in Valhalla!  On the glove side, the EP defense turned a smooth 6-4-3 double-play in the bottom of the 3rd, with shortstop Caleb fielding the ball, second baseman Furiosa, I mean Jocelyn, making the turn, and first baseman Joe completing the twin-killing.  Also, Praetorian Ron pitched two scoreless innings in relief.  Kevin takes the pitching loss, his record falling to 2-2.

The History Man, signing off.

 Notes & Numbers:

• Milestones (since 2015):  Kevin's 3rd-inning single was his 25th career at-bat (39th-most all-time).  Nate's rbi in the 7th inning was the 150th of his career (5th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  When Jocelyn ground out in the 2nd inning, it was the 750th at-bat of the season for the team.  Joe's single in the 7th inning was our team's 400th base hit of 2024.

[Editor's note:  I had planned to do a write-up with the usual frills, but dream on!  This awesome game deserves to stand on its own.]

Oh, the vagaries of fortune!  Less than two weeks ago, I was writing about how the Empty Pitchers were soaring, riding high on a four-game winning streak after victories over Caught Lookin', the Line Drivers, E.coli Happens and the Regulators.  It felt like we could beat all comers, and might never lose again.  WE ARE INVINCIBLE!  Then the Cove Cup Tournament happened, where the EPs dropped consecutive games to E.coli Happens, inDRStructible and No Glove, No Love.  We then followed up that 0-3 debacle with a second loss to NGNL last week, sending us firmly into the tailspin of a four-game losing streak.  Suddenly, it felt like we couldn't beat anyone, and might never win again.  WE ARE PATHETIC!  Well, get ready, because the pendulum seems to be swinging back in our favor . . . 

On Thursday evening, the Empty Pitchers hosted The Dream Team at Cove Park in Wetherfield.  Yeah, the same Dream Team that crushed us 14-1 up in Bloomfield back on June 12, limiting our offense to four measly hits in the process.  The same Dream Team against whom we came into this game with an all-time record of 2-11.  In short, they tend to dominate us, so a continuation of our losing streak seemed inevitable.  On the plus side, the EPs had a full lineup, including three female players, for the first time in what feels like ages.  And although the skies were cloudy, there was no rain or mud to contend with, unlike last week's slop-fest.

As expected, The Dream Team came out strong, plating a pair of runs in the top of the 1st inning off of starting pitcher Ron.  But the EPs struck right back, albeit with a little help from the Dream Team defense.  Eric got us started with a single, and was replaced on the basepaths due to Nate's fielder's choice grounder to second.  Joe singled to put two runners on, and with two outs, Tino drove a pitch deep to left-center.  The fielder went back, reached out, and then dropped the ball for a two-base error, allowing both Nate and Joe to score, tying the game at 2-2.  Caleb followed that up with an rbi single to bring Tino in, and the EPs took their first lead of the game, at 3-2.  Nancy also singled in the inning, although we failed to add any more runs.  But remember, the last time we faced these guys, we finished with four hits -- this time around, we had four hits in the 1st inning!

TDT added a lone run in the visitor's half of the 2nd, knotting the game at 3-3, but once again, the EPs had an answer.  Mike, Ron and Jocelyn all singled to load the bases with nobody out in the bottom of the 2nd, and then Kevin's fielder's choice grounder to short chased Mike home with the go-ahead run, 4-3, and left runners at the corners.  Jonathan singled to bring in Ron, and it was 5-3.  Eric's base hit reloaded the bags for Nate, whose single kept the line moving, scoring Kevin.  6-3 EPs.  But Joe said, "Let's bust this one open," as he blasted a double over the outfielders.  Jonathan scored, Eric scored, and thanks to a wild throw-in by the left-centerfielder, Nate scored as well, leaving Joe on third with one out, and the EPs now ahead 9-3.  A triple by Jeff brought Joe in, and one out later, Caleb's double plated Jeff, completing an 8-run 2nd inning, and putting the EPs comfortably in front at 11-3.

  Well, maybe not that comfortable, given the potency our our opponents.  TDT managed a four-run outburst in the top of the 3rd to close the gap to 11-7.  And in the home-half of the frame, we could only respond with one, as Mike singled to right with one out; and with two down, Jocelyn and Kevin hit back-to-back singles to score Mike, leaving the EPs ahead 12-7 after 3 innings.

After the Dream Team crept a little closer with a single run in the top of the 4th, the EPs got it back two-fold in the bottom of the inning when Nate reached on a misplayed grounder to second, and then came around when Jeff destroyed a pitch into rightfield for a 2-run homerun (2nd season, 16th career), upping our advantage to 14-8.  Tino and Caleb also picked up base hits in the inning, but we could not extend the rally.

To the 5th, where Kevin came out of the bullpen to take over from Franchise.  Unfortunately, The Dream Team bats were warming up, and they banged out a 6-run comeback, tying the game once again, this time at 14-14.  The EP answer?  A leadoff triple to right-center by Mike, who trotted home when the throw to third base sailed away for The Dream Team's sixth error of the ballgame, and a 15-14 EP lead.  The inning also featured singles by Ron and Kevin, but both were left stranded.

So we headed to the 6th inning, leading by just one run.  We had played really well to this point, but there was a sense of doom rising, the feeling that The Dream Team was just toying with us, just waiting to strike.  And strike they did, as they rained hit after hit down upon us in the 6th, and when the dust had settled, seven runners had crossed the dish, giving our opponents their largest lead of the game at 21-15.  It was a devastating blow, and we could be forgiven if we just gave up and faded away, thoroughly demoralized. 

But this isn't that kind of EP team . . .    

Nate ripped a deep drive for a solo homerun (1st season, 8th career) to inch us closer, at 21-16.  Joe blasted one to right-center, but this time, the fielder was ready for it, and made the catch.  With two outs, Tino and Caleb had consecutive singles to make TDT nervous, but the third baseman handled Nancy's hard grounder to limit the damage to just the leadoff homer.  Dang.

With the onset of dusk, it was agreed that we would "flip" the 7th inning for the sake of expediency, with the EPs batting in the top of the inning and TDT getting last ups, if necessary.  And, oh boy, was it necessary!  Erienne and Mike opened the frame with successive singles, and Ron's grounder to third was booted, loading the bases with no outs and the EPs chasing 5.  Jocelyn bounced one back toward the mound, and the pitcher sagely took the sure out at first, allowing Erienne to score and Mike and Ron to move up to second and third.  21-17.  Kevin singled, allowing Mike to cross.  21-18.  Jonathan ripped a liner, but the shortstop snagged it for the second out.  So now the EPs were down to their final out, runners on the corners, still trailing by 3.  The situation looked bleak.  Eric knocked a grounder to third, the third baseman gloved it, and then, like a miracle from above, threw the ball away!  Ron scored, cutting it to 21-19, with Kevin going to third and Eric taking second.  Again, down to our last out, and Nate singled!  Both Kevin and Eric touched home, and we were tied!  21-21!  Then Joe singled.  Then Jeff singled, with Nate scoring, to somehow, some way give the EPs the lead once more, at 22-21!  Unbelievable!  Then Tino singled, driving in Joe!  23-21!  Then Caleb singled, chasing in Jeff!  24-21!  The huge, two-out rally only ended when Nancy's liner to short was gloved.  But WOW!  8 runs in the 7th!  What an inning . . . what a comeback!  

Of course, the game wasn't over, and The Dream Team wasn't going to quit without a fight.  They battled right back in the bottom of the 7th, scoring two runs to make it a one-run game at 24-23.  They had the tying run at second base, the winning run at first with two outs, when the batter crushed a ball to left-centerfield.  And the relief as the ball settled into Eric's glove was palpable!  Okay, . . . exhale!  The EPs wiiiiiiiinnnn!

The victory improves our 2024 record to 8-10.  We are now 5-5 at home, and 3-5 on the road.  We have 5 games remaining.

With this much offense, there were numerous batting heroes tonight.  But the player of the game was Nate, who went 3-for-5 with a homerun, 5 runs scored and 4 rbi.  Also of note were Jeff (3-for-5 with a triple, homerun, 3 runs scored and 4 rbi); Joe (3-for-5 with a double, 3 runs scored and 2 rbi); and Kevin (3-for-4 with 2 runs scored and 3 rbi).  Caleb was a perfect 5-for-5, while Mike went 4-for-4.  Defensively, the play of the game was Jonathan's diving/tumbling/falling-with-style catch of a sinking flyball to right-centerfield;  I think he made three rotations, and held onto the ball for the out -- Simone Biles couldn't have done better.  Kevin picks up the pitching victory, improving his record to 2-1 on the year.

Notes & Numbers

• That was close!:  Win or lose, this has been a season of blowouts.  Prior to last week's game, our closest final score of the season was our 13-10 loss to Pretty Reckless on May 9th.  But last week versus NGNL, we lost 19-18, and this week, we won 24-23.  Take note, oddsmakers!
• Swingin' the lumber:  The 24 runs we amassed in this game represent only our third-best output of the season.  On August 1, we crushed the Regulators 29-11;  and on May 30, we took down E.coli Happens 28-11.
• Swingin' the lumber II:  Both teams scored at least one run in every inning tonight.  The last time that happened was in our 2024 season-opening loss, 24-17, to Throwin' Shade on May 2nd.  In that game, we scored 2 in the 1st; 3 in the 2nd; 6 in the 3rd; 5 in the 4th; and 1 in the 5th (due to encroaching darkness, that game only lasted 4^1/2 innings before being called.)  The last time we played at least 6^1/2 innings with runs scored in every half-inning?  May 31, 2017, when we lost 24-22 to these very same Dream Team opponents!  The EPs scored 5 in the 1st; 2 in the 2nd; 6 in the 3rd; 4 in the 4th; 1 in the 5th; 3 in the 6th; and 1 in the 7th.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Mike's 2nd-inning single was his 350th career hit (2nd-most all-time).  Jeff's triple in the 2nd inning was his 125th career hit (12th-most all-time).  Jonathan's 2nd-inning single was his 75th career hit (16th-most all-time).  Caleb's double in the 2nd inning was the 25th two-bagger of his career (8th-most all-time).  Joe scored for the 150th time in his career in the 2nd inning (6th-most all-time).  Jeff scored for the 75th time in his career in the 2nd inning (12th-most all-time).  Wow, we passed a lot of milestones in the 2nd inning!
• Team milestones:  Tino's 7th-inning single was our team's 750th plate appearance of the season.  Kevin scored our 250th run of 2024 in the 7th inning.

[Editor's note:  Racka-fracka-#&!@-sommina-bastages-&@?%-mother-of-ASS!  Sorry, please pardon my French.  I didn't mean to  Kevin Durant .  This was a tough game result to accept, and I'm still a little  Paige Madden .  The highlighted names in this write-up are just some of the U.S. medal-winners this summer.]

  Bonjour, mes amis!  Et bienvenue au récapitulatif du softball de cette semaine!  No, this isn't Paris, but since the 2024 Olympic Games are currently ongoing, this seems like a good time to French-up this recap.  Oui, oui!

The Empty Pitchers hopped in their  Chris Carlson , or their other  Caroline Marks , or their other other  Sha'Carri Richardson , or even their  Hailey van Lith , and gathered at Sage Park in Berlin on Thursday, to essentially play game 2 of a home-and-home series with No Glove, No Love.  Last Saturday, as part of the Cove Cup Tournament, the always tough NGNL team easily  Audrey Kwon  over the EPs, 21-4.  As a result, the EPs were probably approaching this game with some measure of trepidation, especially when you consider that we'd gone 0-8 against these particular opponents since the beginning of the 2015 season.  As has been the case recently, there was yet another shortage of EP personnel, as we could manage only 11 players, including only two female EPs (Jocelyn and Yaidy) and newest EP Ty.  Luckily, NGNL did not require that we play with only three outfielders, as they did in our last meeting.  To make matters even worse, there was no  Sunisa Lee  to be had, as it had drizzled all day long (and continued to rain off and on throughout the game), leading to speculation that we might not even play at all.  But play we did,  Jacqueline Dubrovich , through the mist, the mud and the muck -- and somehow played surprisingly well!

So, let's get to the on-field  Anthony Edwards !  With one out in the top of the 1st inning, Nate and Joe singled to put runners at the corners.  And with two down, Yaidy dropped a swinging bunt in front of the plate.  The catcher pounced (well, given the mud, more like lumbered) on the ball, but had a poor angle and threw the ball past the first baseman for an error.  Nate dashed home, and the EPs had a quick 1-0 lead!  Do you want  Jasmine Moore ?  Caleb crushed a double that scored Joe to make it 2-0, and Tino followed that up with a clutch 2-run single to plate both Yaidy and Caleb.  Ty also picked up a base hit in the frame, but we failed to push any further runs across.  Still, after a half-inning, the Empty Pitchers  Katie Ledecky , 4-0!  In the bottom of the 1st, Kevin got the start for the EPs, and his very first pitch was ripped hard to short.  No problem, as Tino snared it at his shoe-level for the slick out.  NGNL did rally for three runs, but that left the EPs in front 4-3 after one.  Results:  Gold - Tino; Silver - Caleb; Bronze - Nate.

Jonathan singled to lead off the EP 2nd, but NGNL didn't  Jade Carey , as a flyout and a pair of fielder's choice groundouts put a swift end to our offense.  But great defense, including a  Austen Jewell Smith  of an outstanding over-the-shoulder catch by right-centerfielder Caleb on the warning track in center hung a zero on NGNL as well, so after two, the score remained 4-3 EPs.  Unfortunately, this would be the only inning in which we held the NGNL bats at  Bam Adebayo .  Results:  Gold - Jonathan; Silver - Caleb; Bronze - Kevin.

The Empty Pitchers hitters  Annette Nneka Echikunwoke  right back up, as Nate's leadoff single in the top of the 3rd got us started, and Jocelyn singled with one out to put two runners on.  Much like the 1st inning, the NGNL defense helped us out when, with two out, Caleb smashed the ball to short.  The shortstop booted it for an error, allowing Caleb to reach as Nate  Kieran Smith  around third and came home with our fifth run of the game.  Tino's double drove in both Jocelyn and Caleb, and it was 7-3!  And Ty did Tino one base better with a booming triple, upping our advantage to 8-3!  In response, NGNL managed a pair of runs in their half of the inning, cutting the deficit to 8-5.  Results:  Gold - Ty; Silver - Tino; Bronze - Jocelyn.

To the 4th inning, where the EPs loaded the bases with one out on singles by Jonathan, Yaidy and Eric.  Nate's fielder's choice grounder to second brought Jonathan home, and Joe knocked an rbi-single to plate Yaidy and put the EPs into double digits at  Haley Batten -5.  Nate would then  Nick Rusher  home when Jocelyn's grounder was mishandled by the first baseman for yet another error, and our lead was  Hunter Armstrong  at 11-5!  [Just as a point of interest -- NGNL made three errors in the game, and Nate scored on every one of them!]  But the NGNL offense just kept on coming.  They tallied four runs in the bottom of the 4th to stay close at 11-9.  Results:  Gold - Joe; Silver - Eric; Bronze - Yaidy.

Caleb tore a single into the outfield to open the top of the 5th, but that was about it for our heroes.  A 6-4-3 double-play and a flyout to left put an end to any thoughts of insurance runs.  Our bats looked a  Amit Elor   Bryce Deadmon  in that frame.  In the bottom of the 5th, Ty came on to pitch in relief, allowing a lone run that halved the EP lead to one, at 11-10.  Results:  Gold - Caleb; Silver - Ty; Bronze - Yaidy (just for spending the evening in the worst of the muck behind home plate.  Don't  Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone , it got sloppy at catcher!).

Alright, we're getting into the late innings now, with the EPs up by only a run.  Alert the  Scottie Scheffler  -- it's time for the EP bats to  Karl Cook !  With one out in the top of the 6th, Jonathan, Mike and Jocelyn all singled to load the bags, and just as the bottom of the order did it's part by setting the table, the top of the order cleaned it off!  Eric singled to bring Jonathan in (Mike would have scored as well, but he wiped-out as he  Grant Fisher  past third base).  Then Nate singled, plating both Mike and Jocelyn, and it was 14-10.  Joe capped the rally with a  Spencer Richard Lee  base hit that chased Eric across the dish, and the EPs would now  Carson Foster  a 15-10 lead.  C’est magnifique!  NGNL tried to answer in the last-half of the 6th, as they produced two runs to cut the score to 15-12, and had the bases loaded with only one out.  But the batter drove a grounder right at third baseman Mike, who scooped it up, raced to third for the force there, and fired across the diamond to Joe, who made a nice stretch at first to complete the twin killing and get us out of that  LeBron James .  Results:  Gold - Mike; Silver - Nate; Bronze - Joe.

By now, the drizzly cloud-cover and growing dusk were making it difficult to see, but we pressed forward to try to finish this game.  Caleb, Tino and Ty  Kristina Teachout  singled in succession to begin the top of the 7th, Ty's driving in Caleb to make it 16-12.  And following two quick outs that moved the runners up to second and third, Mike smacked a liner right back through the box and into centerfield, bringing home Tino and Ty and giving the EPs an apparently comfortable 18-12 advantage.  Could it be?  Were we actually on the precipice of being the  B-boy Victor  tonight?  Uhh,  Noah Lyles .  Turns out, our lead was made of  Kate Douglass .  It's painful to recount, and I can taste the  Simone Biles  rising in my throat, but NGNL ripped off hit after hit into the darkness, rounding the bases with multiple extra-base drives, and scored 7 runs in the bottom of the 7th, walking it off and leaving the EPs with a painful 19-18 loss.  I may  Gretchen Walsh  just thinking about it.  Merde!  Results:  I think we failed to medal in this inning.

This loss drops our 2024 record to 7-10.  We are now 4-5 at home, and 3-5 on the road.

The offensive players of the game were Nate (3-for-4 with 3 runs scored and 3 rbi) and Tino (3-for-4 with a double, 2 runs scored and 4 rbi).  On defense, we made several great plays, as detailed above;  but the  Justin Best , most consistent glove tonight was Jocelyn, who handled numerous groundouts to second and at least one pop-up with nary an error to  Omari Jones  her day.  Ty takes the pitching loss, falling to 0-1 in his EP career.

And that's the  Sam Kendricks .  I'm  Crystal Dunn .  I'm off to find a baguette and some soft  Gabrielle Thomas .  Maybe a nice  Yared Nuguse  wine to go with it.  Au revoir!

Notes & Numbers

• Painful loss:  What  Brook Raboutou  this game hurt more than other losses?  It was not only the walk-off nature of the ending;  it was also because we played so well and lost anyway.  The last time we scored as many as 18 runs in a game and lost?  Our 21-20 loss to Throwin' Shade at the Cigna Campus back on May 11, 2023.  That one was also by a walk-off.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Jocelyn has now played in 150 career games (6th-most all-time).  Jonathan has now played in 50 career games (18th-most all-time).  When Mike flew out in the 4th inning, it was his 600th career at-bat (2nd-most all-time).  Tino's 1st-inning single was his 550th career at-bat (3rd-most all-time).  Joe's 6th-inning single was his 300th career at-bat (9th-most all-time).  Caleb's 5th-inning single was his 275th career at-bat (10th-most all-time).  Jocelyn's 3rd-inning single was her 150th career hit (10th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Eric's single in the 6th inning was our team's 350th hit of the season.  Caleb's double in the 1st inning was our 200th team rbi of 2024.  Mike's 7th-inning single was our 500th team total base of the year.

  Now 0-2 on the day in the 2024 Cove Cup Tournament, things were looking bleak for the Empty Pitchers.  In game 3, we would be facing No Glove, No Love, the perennial powerhouse that took first place in eight consecutive Cove Cup Tournaments prior to last year, when DRS finally broke their streak of dominance.  Furthermore, we would now be without Eric, although Tino arrived after the first inning to provide an energy boost to the lineup.  Due to our ongoing lack of female players, NGNL asked the women (Jocelyn and Erienne) to bat alternating in a third slot in the order, and forced us to play with only three outfielders.  With no Joe, no Hulk, no Rob, no Doc, no Nancy, no Jae, etc., this wasn't gonna be easy.

Once again playing as the home team, Franchise took the proverbial mound to start the game in this one, and NGNL wasted no time in blowing things up.  They exploded for a 7-run rally to jump out in front after a half-inning.  In response, the EPs opened with a quick strike, as Nate doubled and Caleb tripled to swiftly get us on the board at 7-1.  One out later, Ron drove a sacrifice fly out to right to plate Caleb, and it was 7-2.  Erienne and Angel followed with back-to-back singles, but we were unable to push anything more across.  Okay, this was still doable.

The 2nd inning saw NGNL answer with a pair of scores to pad their lead to 9-2.  Meanwhile, despite leadoff hits by Mike and Jonathan, the EPs got blanked due to a flyout and a double-play.  Alright, let's just chalk that up to bad luck . . . we're still in this.

NGNL tacked on three more runs in the 3rd, now reaching double figures at 12-2.  And it could have been worse, but for a sparkling defensive play in which third baseman Angel backhanded a hard shot down the line, leapt, and fired a bullet to second baseman Jocelyn for the forceout on the baserunner.  It was a pretty play on both ends!  In the home-half of the 3rd, the EPs took advantage of some sloppiness on the part of the NGNL defense, as Nate reached when the second baseman booted his grounder.  Caleb's single put two on, and Nate was able to score when Erienne's bouncer to short was thrown wide of first for an error.  That's all we could scrape together, though, leaving it at a kinda-still-manageable 12-3.

All hope was dashed in the top of the 4th, however, when NGNL busted the game open with another 7-spot, ballooning their lead to 19-3.  And in response, the EP offense completely vanished.  We went down in 1-2-3 fashion, on a lineout, groundout and flyout.

We actually held NGNL in check in the top of the 5th, in no small part thanks to leftfielder Nate's sweet, lunging, over-the-shoulder catch of a deep drive.  But in the bottom of the frame, we were again retired in order, this time on a groundout and a pair of flyouts.  Ugh.  In fact, from no outs in the 3rd inning through one out in the 6th, all 11 EP batters failed to get a hit of any kind.  Double ugh.

Kevin came out of the bullpen to pitch the top of the 6th, and NGNL grabbed two more insurance runs, making it 21-3.  The EPs tried to make something happen in the bottom of the 6th, as Jeff doubled with one out, then scored on a single by Ron, cutting it to 21-4.  Angel added a two-out single, but the big hit continued to elude us.

For the second time in three innings, we hung a goose-egg on our opponents in the top of the 7th, giving ourselves one last chance at a big comeback.  And with one out in the bottom of the 7th, Jonathan doubled and Erienne singled to put runners on the corners.  But yet another double-play, our fourth in the last two games, killed the rally and brought the contest to a merciful close.

The 21-4 loss drops our 2024 record to 7-9.  We are now 4-5 at home, and 3-4 on the road.  We are 96-129-3 since 2014.

In another anemic showing by the EP offense, the offensive player of the game was Caleb, who went 2-for-3 with a triple, a run scored and an rbi.  Erienne (2-for-5), Angel (2-for-3), and Jonathan (2-for-3) were the other EPs with multiple hits in the game.  Franchise takes the loss on the pitching side, falling to 3-5 on the season.

Notes & Numbers

• Cove Cup Wrap-up:  The Empty Pitchers finished the tournament with a record of 0-3, and were awarded the 4th-place trophy.  Our 2024 EP tournament MVP was Angel, who went 5-for-9 (.555) with a double, triple, 4 runs scored, an rbi and 8 total bases in 3 games.  Our pitching MVP was Kevin, who went 0-1 with a 12.00 ERA in 2 appearances.
• In case you're interested, you statistical masochists, here's how everyone else did offensively:  Caleb (4-for-9 with a double, triple, 3 runs and an rbi);  Dave (1-for-3 with a triple, run and an rbi);  Eric (3-for-7);  Erienne (3-for-11 with 2 rbi);  Jeff (4-for-7 with a double and a run);  Jocelyn (0-for-13);  Jonathan (2-for-5 with a double and an rbi);  Kevin (0-for-3 with an rbi);  Mike (4-for-8 with 2 doubles, 2 runs and 2 rbi);  Nate (6-for-10 with a double and 2 runs);  Rob (0-for-3);  Ron (5-for-7 with 4 rbi);  Tino (0-for-3).
• And here's how our other pitchers fared:  Eric (0-1, 14.14 ERA in 1 appearance);  Ron (0-1, 34.20 ERA in 1 appearance).
• For the entirety of the 2024 season so far, here's how many runs the EPs have scored by inning -- 1st inning: 46 runs in 16 innings, for an average of 2.9 runs per inning;  2nd inning: 50 runs in 16 innings, for an average of 3.1 runs per inning;  3rd inning: 28 runs in 16 innings, for an average of 1.8 runs per inning;  4th inning: 34 runs in 16 innings, for an average of 2.1 runs per inning;  5th inning: 20 runs in 16 innings, for an average of 1.3 runs per inning;  6th inning: 19 runs in 14 innings, for an average of 1.4 runs per inning;  7th inning: 15 runs in 8 innings, for an average of 1.9 runs per inning.  [The reason we play fewer 6th and 7th innings is due to the early sunsets in May, having a lead as the home team after 6-1/2 innings, or when we "flip" the 7th inning as the road team in order to expedite the game.]
• To date, we have scored 212 total runs, for an average of 13.3 runs per game.  We have allowed our opponents to score 222 runs, for an average of 13.9 runs per game.  That's a run differential of only -10, over 16 games -- or less than one run per game!  We are so close to being perfectly mediocre!  😉
• Milestones (since 2015):  Mike has now played in 200 career games with the EPs (most all-time).  Caleb's 3rd-inning single was his 150th career hit (9th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Jeff's 6th-inning double was the 50th two-bagger of the season for the team.  Ron picked up our team's 200th rbi of 2024 with his 1st-inning sacrifice fly.

Having lost game 1 of the Cove Cup Tournament, the Empty Pitchers found themselves facing inDRStructible in game 2 on the street-side field of Cove Park in Wethersfield.  And just as in game 1, our opponents elected to play as the road team.  Odd, but whatever.  For this second game, we would be losing the services of outfielder Dave, and slugger Rob was unable to hit at all due to injury (although he continued to adroitly handle firstbase duties defensively).  On the plus side, we were gaining Erienne and Jeff for the outfield, and Jonathan B. would make his season debut as a designated hitter.  Now sporting two female players, the only penalty assessed upon the EPs was having to bat the women in an alternating third spot in the order.

Eric drew the pitching start for the EPs in this one, limiting the powerful DRS lineup to a lone run in the top of the 1st inning.  In the home-half of the 1st, Nate and Jeff smacked back-to-back singles with one out, but nothing further came of that particular threat.

DRS squeezed out another single run in the top of the 2nd, going up 2-0.  But that was no problem, as the EPs stormed right back thanks to some sloppy defensive play.  With one out, Angel singled.  Mike followed with what could have been a double-play ball to short, but the shortstop muffed the flip to second, and everybody was safe -- first and second with one down.  Ron belted a single to load the bags, before Kevin bounced a dribbler back to the mound.  The pitcher made the play at first, but that allowed Angel to touch the plate for the first EP run of the game.  Erienne slapped one towards first, but the first baseman booted that one, as Mike crossed to knot the score at 2-2.

The 3rd inning saw both teams fail to produce.  DRS got nothing, and in the bottom of the frame, despite leadoff singles by Nate and Jeff, the EPs were denied thanks to a popout and a 6-6-3 twin-killing.

Doc continued to stymie the DRS bats in the top of the 4th, as they laid another goose-egg.  And things got exciting when Caleb opened the bottom of the 4th with a base hit.  Angel lofted a looper behind second base, and although the right-centerfielder got there, he dropped the ball for an error.  Mike cashed in with a double that plated Caleb, and the EPs had their first lead of the day at 3-2.  Ron stepped in next, and promptly singled Angel home to make it 4-2.  And then Jonathan B., taking his first at-bat of the season, pinch-hit for Kevin and picked up an rbi with a fielder's choice grounder to short, scoring Mike.  A double-play liner ended the rally, but the EPs had built a 5-2 lead after 4.

It was short-lived though . . . inDRStructible responded nicely, as three runners touched the dish in the top of the 5th, re-tying the game at 5-5.  The EPs tried to un-tie it in the last-half of the 5th, beginning the inning with the ol' Eric 'n' Nate Special, a pair of singles.  A deep flyout by Jeff allowed both runners to tag and advance to second and third, but then a popout and a groundout ended the threat.

To the fateful 6th.  With one out and a runner at first, the DRS batter hit a grounder to third baseman Mike.  Fielding it cleanly, he fired to Jocelyn at second for the forceout on the runner.  But the third base coach said he was blocked and couldn't make the call, while the first base coach called the runner safe, despite having no angle to see the play.  The questionable call stood, and DRS proceeded to explode for a 6-run 6th, turning a tie ballgame into a laugher at 11-5.  I'm just sayin' . . . that was the difference in the ballgame.  In the bottom of the 6th, after two quick outs, Mike and Ron singled consecutively, but no runs scored.

DRS was held scoreless in the top of the 7th, so we went to the final half-inning with the EPs trailing, 11-5.  Erienne started a potential rally with a leadoff single, and after a pair of flyouts, Jeff singled her to second.  But once again, we just couldn't get the big hit, and the game came to a close.

The 11-5 loss drops our 2024 season record to 7-8.  We are now 4-4 at home, and 3-4 on the road.  Since 2014, the EPs are 96-128-3.

In a sparse offensive showing by the EPs, the player of the game was Mike, I guess, who went 2-for-3 with a double (our only extra-base hit of the game), 2 runs scored and an rbi.  Ron was 3-for-3 with an rbi, while both Nate and Jeff went 3-for-4.  Eric pitched a complete game in taking the loss, which drops his record to 1-2 on the year.

Notes & Numbers

• Power outage:  We amassed 14 singles and one double in this game.  The last time we had as few as one extra-base hit in a game was on 06/12/24, when we managed just one double by Colin in our 14-1 loss to The Dream Team.  We had only 4 hits total in that game.  😬
• Milestones (since 2015):  When Jocelyn ground out in the 3rd inning, it was her 500th career at-bat (4th-most all-time).  Eric's 5th-inning single was his 350th career hit (1st-place all-time).
• Team milestones:  Jeff's flyout in the 5th inning was the 600th plate appearance of the season for the EPs as a team.  Nate's flyout in the 7th inning was the 600th at-bat of 2024 for the team.  Nate's single in the 5th inning was the 450th total base of the year for the EPs.

[Editor's note:  No fancy write-ups for the Cove Cup games.  Just the basic recap.]

It's the first Saturday of August, and that means it's time for the Cove Cup Tournament, the annual four-team round-robin tourney played at Cove Park in Wethersfield.  Featuring inDRStructible, No Glove No Love, E.coli Happens and the Empty Pitchers, it's an exciting day of three consecutive ballgames, meant to test the stamina of the even the hardiest of softball aficionados with 21 innings under the torrid August sun and sweltering humidity.  Luckily, the long-promised thunderstorms held off until the evening, leaving the morning and afternoon mostly sunny with feels-like temps in the high 90s.

The drawing to determine seeding went poorly, as the EPs drew the 4-seed, meaning that we would get no say in which field we played on, nor get to choose to be home or away in any of the day's games.  Oddly, it didn't hurt too much, as we would face E.coli on the street-side field (thanks to 1-seed NGNL's choosing to play on the cove-side field), and play (by E.coli's choice) as the home team.  The EPs were severely handcuffed due to personnel problems, as we had only 10 players available, and only one female player.  As a penalty, we would be forced to bat Jocelyn twice in the batting order, take the dreaded "automatic out" at the end of the lineup, and play with only three outfielders.  Oof.

Kevin took the game ball to pitch game 1, and held E.coli scoreless in the top of the 1st.  Helping the cause was a stellar play by leftfielder Nate when he raced to the corner to grab a deep flyball just foul of the line, then fired a long strike to Mike at third base, who slapped the glove on the E.coli baserunner attempting to tag from second and advance.  That's a double-play!  Things looked to be starting great for the EPs in the home-half of the 1st, as Eric 'n' Nate did what Eric 'n' Nate always seem to do -- back-to-back singles to put runners at first and second with nobody out!  But then, the next three batters all flew out to leftfield, and the rally was dead.

E.coli drew first blood in the top of the 2nd when they scraped together a lone run, going up 1-0.  But the EPs came right back when Angel found an outfield alley and tripled with one out, before Mike doubled him home to knot the score at 1-1.

The top of the 3rd saw E.coli put 4 big runs on the board, jumping out in front, 5-1.  Could the EPs respond?  Nope.  The automatic out, sandwiched by a pair of popouts, set us down in 1-2-3 fashion.

The EP pitching and defense shut down the E.coli offense in the top of the 4th, but in the last-half of the frame, another three straight flyouts to leftfield retired the EPs in order.  Um, let's try hitting it to someone else, shall we?

Things got worse in the top of the 5th, as E.coli broke through again, tacking on another 4 runs to increase their advantage to 9-1.  But this time, the EPs had something to say about it.  Caleb led off the bottom of the 5th with a double, and newest EP Dave tripled to the trees in left-center to bring him in, cutting the deficit to 9-2.  Angel's double plated Dave, and it was 9-3.  Following a groundout that moved Angel over to third, Ron continued his hot hitting with an rbi-single, as Angel crossed the plate to make it 9-4.  But that was the extent of our big rally.

Our opponents added an insurance run in the top of the 6th to go up 10-4.  In the bottom of the 6th, Eric and Nate again knocked successive singles with one out, but again, we couldn't make anything out of it, as a flyout and lineout ended our chances.

The 7th inning saw E.coli threaten, but their rally was killed by an amazing (and lucky!) play in which the batter ripped a liner between third and short.  Third baseman Angel lunged to his left, got leather on the ball, and deflected it higher into the air.  Meanwhile, shortstop Mike was lunging to his right, and was in the right place/right time to snatch the ball before it hit the ground.  It was to no avail, however, as the EPs meekly went down in order in the bottom of the 7th on three flyballs.  E.coli Happens won the ballgame, 10-4.

The loss drops our 2024 record to 7-7.  We are now 4-3 at home, and 3-4 on the road.  The EPs are now 96-127-3 since the beginning of the 2014 season (as far back as our records go).

The offensive player of the game was Angel, who went 2-for-3 with a double, triple, 2 runs scored and an rbi.  Kevin pitched a complete game in the loss, dropping his career record to 1-1.

Notes & Numbers

• Who's not hot?:  The automatic out is now hitless in 10 plate appearances this season for the EPs.  🥶
• Milestones (since 2015):  N/A.
• Team milestones:  When Angel scored in the 2nd inning, it was the 200th run scored of the season for the team.  Dave's triple in the 5th inning was the 300th base hit of the year for the EPs.

[Editor's note:  Andy said he was attending the Hootie and the Blowfish concert in Hartford on Thursday evening, so . . . ]

Things are really looking up in EP-nation!

Thursday's originally scheduled softball game was supposed to be against Throwin' Shade, a team against whom the Empty Pitchers are 0-2 already this season.  But due to having a plethora of players away on vacation, and a bunch more wishing to see some movie premiere involving a teammate, our opponents opted out, cancelling the game.  Their manager, Seth, did recommend, however, that we contact the Regulators as a possible replacement, as they reportedly had no upcoming game.  We did, they accepted, and so on Thursday evening, the EPs found themselves at Colt Park in Hartford to take on the Regulators, of the Connecticut Department of Insurance.  The EPs had beaten them, 17-5, in the first-ever matchup between these two squads, back on D-Day (06/06/24), so in my cracked rear view, this opponent-swap was definitely to the EPs favor!

Given the precipitation of the previous day, most of the dirt infields at the park were plagued with puddles, but Field #6 had been allowed to grass-over, making it completely playable.  Well, . . . almost completely.  There were two deep gopher holes near shortstop, making that particular area of the infield treacherous; thankfully, no injuries were accrued during the ensuing contest.

As for the game itself, this one was over in a flash.  Eric led off the top of the 1st with a deep drive to right, and speedily circled the bags.  Unfortunately, thirdbase coach Mike, worrying about Doc stepping in the aforementioned holes between second and third, neglected to hold him up in time, and he was gunned down at the plate on a nice relay by the shortstop.  Hey, hey, what can I do?  I screwed up.  It's alright, though.  Doc's imperfect circle of the bases wasn't the only hit we'd be getting.  Nate doubled, Jeff singled him in, and the EPs drew first blood at 1-0.  After Rob's double pushed Jeff to third, Erienne banged a big 2-run single to bring 'em both home and make it 3-0.  Jocelyn and Caleb knocked consecutive singles to load the bases for Mike, who also singled, driving in Erienne.  4-0.  Ron's base hit notched a pair of rbi, as Bubbles and Caleb both scored, and it was 6-0.  And finally, Kevin's groundout to third allowed Mike to scamper home with the EP's seventh run of the inning.  A 7-spot, before the other team even came to bat -- I only wanna be with you, EPs!

When they did grab their bats, the Regulators managed a couple of runs off of starting pitcher Ron, closing the gap to 7-2 after one frame.

Still too close of a game for comfort?  Well, don't worry, because the EPs put their hitting shoes on today, and never took 'em off!  Tino and Eric opened the top of the 2nd with back-to-back singles, before Nate replaced Eric on the basepaths due to a fielder's choice.  Jeff's single drove Tino home.  8-2.  Rob blasted a triple to chase both Nate and Jeff across the plate.  10-2.  Erienne brought Rob home with a single.  11-2.  After Jocelyn replaced E thanks to a fielder's choice, she came all the way around to score on a huge 3-bagger by Caleb.  12-2.  Mike said, "I'll have what he's having," and tripled as well, Caleb's run making it 13-2.  And then Ron singled, with Mike touching home to up the advantage to a whopping 14-2!  Oh, baby!  Time for the Regulators to wave the white flag!

The Empty Pitchers were looking pretty good on defense, as well.  In the bottom of the 2nd, the Regulators were blanked, and you could just feel that this game was in the bag.

Due to a paucity of players of the female persuasion (i.e. we only had two women), the EPs were asked to take the old, dreaded "Automatic Out" as a penalty.  That out led off the top of the 3rd inning, but even that couldn't slow the onslaught.  Tino singled and advanced all the way to third due to a throwing error by the left-centerfielder.  And with two outs, Nate brought Tino in with a single.  15-2.  Following Jeff's base hit, Rob picked up another rbi with a single, as Nate scored to make it 16-2.  Erienne loaded the bases with a hit, and goodbye girl, Jocelyn delivered with an rbi-single, increasing our lead to 17-2!

  In response, the Regulators did nothing in the bottom of the 3rd.  Can you find a more dominant effort by the EPs?  Go ahead, I will wait.

If you think this game was beginning to get out of control, . . . um, . . . look away now.  The top of the 4th got a little hard to watch, so hold my hand and I'll walk you through it.  Mike led off with a liner to right-center that the fielder just dropped for an error.  Ron singled cleanly, but then Kevin's grounder to second was booted for an error to load the bases with nobody out.  We took the automatic out, but then Tino moved the line along with a base hit to score Mike.  18-2.  Eric, Nate, Jeff and Rob all singled, with Eric's driving in Ron and Kevin, Jeff's bringing home Tino, and Rob's scoring Eric to balloon the EP lead up to 22-2.  Erienne's bouncer to second was misplayed for another error, allowing Nate to cross.  23-2.  Jocelyn's grounder to third was handled for the forceout there, but Jeff came across the dish.  24-2.  Caleb skied one to left, but the left fielder dropped the ball for the 4th Regulator error of the inning, and the bases were juiced once again.  Mike's single down the thirdbase line brought in Erienne and Jocelyn.  26-2.  And Ron punched his second hit of the inning, although no further runs scored.  Still, after tallying seven-run innings in the 1st and 2nd, this was a nine-run 4th inning, completely drowning the Regulators and putting the game out of reach!  Oddly, there were no extra-base hits in this frame, only lonely singles, and 4 costly defensive miscues.

For what it's worth, give credit to our opponents, as they refused to just give up and die.  The Regulators finally began to find their strokes in the bottom of the 4th, scoring 6 times to reduce their deficit to 26-8.

The EPs weren't too tired to hit, either, it seems.  In the top of the 5th, with two down and no one on base, Eric and Nate singled to set the table for Jeff, who took the pitcher deep for a two-run triple.  28-8.  Rob followed with an rbi-single, and it was 29-8.  Erienne also singled in the frame, but with no further scoring.

Eric came out of the bullpen to take over on the mound in the bottom of the 5th, limiting the Regulators to a pair of runs.  That put our opponents into double digits at 29-10, but I'm pretty sure we could hold on to a 19-run lead.

The top of the 6th saw singles by Caleb and Ron.  Unfortunately, they were sandwiched around a 6-4-3 double-play groundout by Mike, so any potential rally went unrecognized.  It was the only inning in which the EPs failed to score.

The Regulators, perhaps feeling gassed by this point, were handed a goose-egg in the bottom of the 6th inning.  In the interest of time, it was decided that we would "flip" the 7th inning, allowing our opponents to continue hitting.  They scratched out a single run in their half of the 7th, but their sad caper ended, mercifully, with the EPs on the winning side of a commanding 29-11 score!  I can only hope this crushing defeat does not break the innocence of this new-to-the-league opponent.

The win improves our 2024 season record to a sweet 7-6.  We are now 4-2 at home, and 3-4 on the road.

There was a ton of hitting by the EPs, and I go blind looking at all the offensive numbers we put up today.  The offensive player of the game was Jeff, who batted a perfect 5-for-5 with a triple, 5 runs scored and 5 rbi.  Also of note were Rob (5-for-5 with a double, triple, 2 runs and 5 rbi);  Mike (3-for-5 with a triple, 3 runs and 4 rbi);  Nate (4-for-5 with a double, 5 runs and an rbi);  and Erienne (4-for-6 with 2 runs and 4 rbi).  Franchise picks up the win, improving to 3-4 on the year.  Both Ron and Eric notched a strikeout in the game.

Notes & Numbers

• Contributing:  Every EP in the lineup had at least 1 run scored and 1 rbi in this game.  As a team, we hit 38-for-55, for a team batting average of .691.  That's our second-best tBA of the season, behind the .722 (39-for-54) we had in our 28-11 drubbing of E.coli Happens on 5/30/24 (game #5).
• Let her cry havoc:  Our two female EPs on this day, Erienne and Jocelyn, were awesome, combining to go 6-for-11 with 5 runs scored and 6 rbi.  Let slip the dogs of war!
• Still streaking:  With this victory, the EPs have won four consecutive games.  The last time we recorded four straight victories was in 2022, when we took a forfeit win versus E.coli Happens on 6/9 (although we lost the on-field game 18-6 after lending them 3 EP players);  beat Acid Reign 11-10 on 6/23 (we had played an EP Civil War game on 6/16 due to the lack of an opponent), downed the Bisons 24-11 on 7/7 (Scared Hitless had cancelled on us on 6/30 due to a covid outbreak on their team);  and took out the Fighting Plankton 25-19 on 7/14.  Way back in 2016, we beat the Plankton 25-17 on 8/4;  took a forfeit loss versus the New Britain Bar Association due to a lack of personnel, but then borrowed one of their players and won the scrimmage 19-8 on 8/10;  took down inDRStructible 19-18 on 8/17;  and defeated the Bisons 11-2 on 8/31.  As far as I can research (2014), the Empty Pitchers have never won 5 games in a row.  Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  Well, get out of my mind!  And yes, I'm thinking we can make EP history with a win in game 1 of the Cove Cup on Saturday!
• Who's hot?:  Ron has hits in 6 consecutive plate appearances (1b, 1b, 1b, 1b, 1b, 1b).  Rob has hits in 8 of his last 9 plate appearances (1b, 2b, 1b, fc, 2b, 3b, 1b, 1b, 1b).
• Milestones (since 2015):  Eric has played in 175 career games (2nd-most all-time).  When Eric tripled in the 1st inning, it was his 600th career at-bat (1st-place all-time).  Rob's 3rd-inning single was his 475th career at-bat (5th-most all-time).  Ron's 6th-inning single was his 475th career at-bat (6th-most all-time).  Nate's 4th-inning single was his 425th career at-bat (7th-most all-time).  Rob's 1st-inning double was his 300th career hit (4th-most all-time).  Rob's 2nd-inning triple was his 25th career three-bagger (2nd-most all-time).  When Eric scored in the 5th inning, it was his 250th career run scored (1st-place all-time).  Rob's 2nd-inning triple drove in his 250th career rbi (1st-place all-time).  Jeff's 5th-inning triple drove in his 75th career rbi (10th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Ron's 1st-inning single was the 500th plate appearance of the season for the EPs.  Caleb's 2nd-inning triple was the 500th at-bat of 2024 for the team.  Jeff's 5th-inning triple was the 25th team three-bagger of the year.  Nate's 3rd-inning single was the 400th total base of the season for the EPs.

[Editor's note:  As I was recently reminded, it's now been a whole year since we lost "00", our dear friend Chris.  In tribute to him, this recap features his beloved Mets' roster, who just this week completed a 4-game season sweep of my Yankees in the Subway Series.  And I'm sure he was relishing every minute of it!  🤩]

On Thursday evening, the Empty Pitchers travelled back  Mark Vientos  Bloomfield for a rematch with E.coli Happens.  The EPs already crushed them, 28-11, back on May 30th, and coming in riding a two-game winning streak, spirits were certainly soaring for the Pitchers!  We had sufficient players attending (11), a seeming rarity these days.  And even the weather was cooperating, as the high temperatures and humidity of the past week were on their way down to more comfortable levels.  

That  Luis Torrens  not to say there weren't issues.  Of the 11 EPs in the lineup, only two were of the female persuasion.   Jose Butto  E.coli also had only two women, so that issue was a wash.  A brief rain-burst earlier in the day left most of home plate and first base underwater, but Ross (of Acid Reign), who was there to augment E.coli's lineup, spent a good portion of his afternoon sweeping, raking, and dusting the infield, making it emminently playable, if still a touch mucky in places.  He did  Adam Ottavino  fine job!  And most egregious of all, E.coli managed to gather only 7 players for the  Ben Gamel  (including Ross).  That problem was dealt with by having EPs fill out the E.coli defense as needed, mostly in the outfield.  Also, EP Justin was kind enough to play catcher and bat for our opponents.

Once things finally got underway, it went . . . well, kind of how it's been going lately.  The EPs mashed early on to jump out to a big lead, and then, as the offense began to  David Peterson  out, coasted to a relatively easy victory.

 Luis Severino  the consummate spark plug, Eric started the party with a leadoff single, then came all the way around to score on Nate's double to draw first blood at 1-0.  Rob then singled Nate home, and it was 2-0 before an out had been recorded.  Unfortunately, the remainder of the top of the 1st was pretty quiet.  In answer, E.coli did nothing in the home-half of the 1st  Jose Iglesias  our newest EP, Kevin, made his pitching debut.

Things began to get away from E.coli and their pitcher Barb in the top of the 2nd, as the EPs put up a  Phil Maton  of runs.  Caleb led off with a double, and took third when the left-centerfielder threw the ball past third base.  Tino promptly knocked him in with a single, making it 3-0.  Following Tino's lead, the EPs then got consecutive singles from Mike, Ron (rbi), Kevin (rbi), Eric and Nate (rbi), increasing the EP lead to 6-0 and leaving the bases juiced.  Well,  Jake Diekman , Rob squeezed the juice out of 'em, clearing the bags with a 3-run double, and the score ballooned to 9-0.   Alex Young  want more?  Joe singled, and Rob crossed the dish to take it to double-digits at 10-0.  Jocelyn also singled in the inning, but the EPs did not score any further runs.  E.coli got on the board in the bottom of the 2nd with a single run, cutting it to 10-1.

The two teams traded solo runs in the 3rd inning, with the EP run coming on a one-out single by Mike,  Brandon Nimmo  two-out singles from Kevin and Eric (rbi).  

 Pete Alonso  we headed to the 4th with the EPs comfortably ahead, 11-2.  A leadoff single by Rob was wasted, as the EPs failed to score in the top of the frame, but E.coli rallied for a pair of runs in the bottom-half, closing to 11-4.  Should we be worried?  Nope, sorry, we'll have  Dedniel Nunez  of that!

The 5th inning saw the EPs tack on  Tyrone Taylor  run with a one-out double by Tino, and singles by Mike and Ron (rbi).  That made it 12-4.  Ron came out of the bullpen to pitch the bottom of the 5th, hanging a goose-egg on E.coli in the process.  

Looking for some insurance runs to salt this game away, Eric and Nate opened the top of the 6th with back-to-back singles.  Following a fielder's choice groundout that saw Rob replace Eric on the basepaths, Joe's bouncer to first was fielded, but thrown past second base for  Jose Quintana  error that loaded the bases with one out.  Nancy's fielder's choice at third scored Nate, and  Francisco Alvarez  the EP advantage to 13-4.  And then the EPs reloaded the bags when Jocelyn's hard grounder to first was booted for another error.  Caleb was clutch with a two-run single, plating Joe and Nancy, giving Gang-Green a sweet 15-4 lead.  Would it be enough,  Francisco Lindor  could our opponents mount a comeback?  E.coli scored only once in the bottom of the 6th, reducing their deficit to 15-5.  That one run was the only  D.J. Stewart  to  J.D. Martinez  Franchise's two innings of pitching.

In the interest of speeding the game along, it was decided that we would "flip" the 7th inning, with E.coli remaining at bat and the EPs staying in the field.  Doc took the mound to attempt to close it out, and succeeded, as E.coli added three runs, but nothing more before the final out was recorded.  EPs  Edwin Diaz  . . . theeeee EPs WIIIIIIIN!   Jeff McNeil  and say a prayer of thanks!

The 15-8 victory improves our 2024 record to 6-6 (we're back to .500, baby!).  We are now 4-2 at our own  Adrian Houser , and 2-4 on the road.  Kevin (1-0) picks up the win in his first pitching appearance.

The award for offensive player of the game is shared by Nate (3-for-4 with a double, 3 runs scored and 2 rbi) and Rob (3-for-4 with a double, run scored and 4 rbi).   Sean Manaea , they were good tonight!  Also of note were Eric (4-for-4) and Mike (3-for-3).  Defensively, the play of the game involved a deep drive to right.  Rightfielder Nancy retrieved the ball, hit her second base cutoff Jocelyn Beaulieu (nee  Harrison Bader ), who fired a strike to catcher Tino in plenty of time to gun down  Danny Young  Justin, who was attempting to score from first on the play.

Notes & Numbers

• Streaking:  This victory extends our current winning streak to three games.  Our last streak of at least three games occurred last season, when we beat No Hit, Sherlock 21-12 on 06/15/23;  took down the Fighting Plankton 14-5 on 06/22/23;  and outlasted the Bisons 18-15 on 06/29/23.
• Who's hot?:  Eric has hits in 10 of his last 11 at-bats (1b, 3b, 1b, 1b, 1b, 1b, P3, 1b, 1b, 1b, 1b).  🔥
• Milestones (since 2015):  Rob has now played in 150 career games for the EPs (5th-most all-time).
• Upcoming milestones:  Eric's next at-bat will be his career 600th.  Rob's next hit will be his career 300th.
• Team milestones:  Ron's single in the 2nd inning was the 450th team at-bat of the season for the EPs.  Rob's single to open the 4th inning was our 250th team base hit of 2024.  Caleb's double to open the 2nd inning was our team's 40th two-bagger of the year.  Kevin's single in the 2nd inning drove in our 150th team rbi of the season.
• Catch 'em all:  I'm proud to say I got every member of the New York Mets roster (at the time of this writing) into the recap.  That will probably change in the coming days, however, as the MLB trade deadline approaches next week and the ballclub looks to add a few  Carlos Mendoza . Oh, well.

[Editor's note:  Due to the quick turnaround time between tonight's game and tomorrow's, this will be a stripped-down recap, devoid of the usual faux dialogue and/or wordplay of usual recaps.  The management apologizes for the inconvenience.]

On Wednesday evening, the Empty Pitchers played host to the Line Drivers, a brand-new team formed from employees of the Connecticut Department of Transportation.  Originally scheduled for June 20, this contest was postponed at the request of the LDs due to the excessive heat and humidity on that date.  The reschedule was for Tuesday, July 23, but it turned out that the EPs would have had too few bodies available to play, and requested a second postponement.  So, after much wrangling, Wednesday was set for the date of battle.

Clad in blue jerseys, the Line Drivers had no female players available for this game.  However, that was mitigated by the fact that the EPs had only one (Jocelyn), so penalties were minimal -- the Line Drivers played with three outfielders.  The EPs also played with three outfielders, but that was due to having only nine players available overall.  And those nine included first-time EP appearances by Scott and Kevin, who graciously agreed to fill in.

The expected rain never materialized, although conditions remained warm, gray and extremely humid.  It felt like the Amazon, minus the piranhas.  

Scott made his EP debut as the starting pitcher and dominated the impatient Line Driver hitters in the top of the 1st.  The leadoff hitter swung at the first pitch, flying out to Nate in leftfield.  The second batter lined the next pitch to Mike at third base.  The third batter did take one pitch, and then lined a screamer right into shortstop Tino's glove to complete the four-pitch, 1-2-3 inning.  Quick and easy.  Not so much for the Line Driver pitcher in the bottom of the 1st, though.  Nate greeted him with a triple to right-center, and Rob followed up with a homerun blast (3rd season, 36th career) to put the EPs on the board at 2-0.  Joe, Tino and Jocelyn all singled in succession to load the bases for Mike, who ground a ball between third and short.  The shortstop fielded and flipped to third for the forceout on Tino, but Joe crossed the plate with our third run.  Scott then doubled to right, plating both Jocelyn and Mike, and it was 5-0.  One out later, Ron knocked his first double of the season to score Scott, and the EP lead was 6-0 after one frame.  Woo-hoo!

The Line Drivers were again flummoxed in the 2nd inning, going down meekly.  And once more, the EP hitters were rocking the lumber, or steel or aluminum or whatever.  Rob led off with a single, then came all the way around to score on Joe's booming triple to make it 7-0.  One out later, Jocelyn bounced one to short, and the shortstop whizzed the throw past the first baseman for an error, allowing Joe to cross the dish and increase our lead to 8-0.  Mike singled, before Scott mashed his second consecutive double, scoring Jocelyn, although Mike was gunned down at the plate on a fine throw by the LD second baseman.  That made it 9-0, but the EPs weren't done yet.  Kevin and Ron singled, loading the bags for Nate, whose single plated Scott and Kevin to up our advantage to 11-0.  Also, an errant throw by the second baseman alowed Ron to advance to third and Nate to second.  And then Rob's grounder to third was fielded and fired beyond the reach of the first baseman for yet another LD error, and both Ron and Nate came in, making it 13-0.  Joe followed with an rbi-double to score Rob, and through just two innings, the EPs were dominating, 14-0!

Nothing much changed for our opponents in the top of the 3rd, as they were held scoreless yet again.  In the home-half of the 3rd, Jocelyn and Mike got things started with back-to-back singles, and then Scott's fly to right was dropped for an error, with Bubbles motoring home on the play to get it to 15-0.  Mercifully for the Line Drivers, no further damage ensued.

The Line Driver bats woke up to a degree in the 4th, as they managed to squeeze out a pair of runs, disrupting the shutout at 15-2.  But the EPs responded in the last of the 4th when Rob led off with a two-bagger.  One out later, Tino's single advanced Rob to third base, and he then scored on Jocelyn's fielder's choice groundout to short.  Mike and Scott also singled in the inning, but the bases were left juiced when Kevin's hard liner was nabbed by the first baseman to end the rally.  The single run made it 16-2.

The EP pitching and defense continued to slam the door on the Line Driver hitters, holding them to a big, fat zero in the top of the 5th.  And for the only inning in the ballgame, the EP offense could not manufacture a run in the bottom of the 5th, despite a leadoff single by Ron and a two-out single by Joe.

To the 6th, where the LD bats got stymied again.  And the EPs put the finishing touches on their offensive onslaught with three insurance runs in the bottom of the frame, thanks to even more shaky glovework by our opponents.  Jocelyn led off and reached on an errant throw by the third baseman, taking second on the error.  Then Mike's grounder to short was similarly skipped past first for an error, allowing Mike to go to second, Jocelyn to third.  Scott's triple to right-center pushed both runners home to make it 18-2, and then Scott rumbled in on a groundout by Kevin, and it was an impressive 19-2.

The Line Drivers tallied a single run in the top of the 7th, not nearly enough of a rally to dent the thrill of the EPs 19-3 victory.

The win improves our 2024 record to 5-6.  We are now 4-2 at home, 1-4 on the road.

The offensive player of the game was Scott, who went 4-for-5 with 2 doubles, a triple, 3 runs scored and 5 rbi.  Also having outstanding games were Rob (3-for-6 with a double, homerun, 4 runs scored and 2 rbi) and Jocelyn (2-for-5 with 4 runs scored and 2 rbi).  On the defensive side, Scott pitched a complete game for his first win (1-0), including one strikeout;  catcher Ron made a nice play on a pop-up behind the plate;  Nate made his patented knee-sliding catch to end the ballgame; and there was generally great, solid defense played all-around.  

Notes & Numbers

• Talk about a winning streak:  We have now won two games in a row, 15-6 over Caught Lookin' and 19-3 over the Line Drivers.  We also had a two-game winning streak earlier this season, topping E.coli Happens 28-11 and following it up with a 17-5 victory over the Regulators.  
• Scoring with the ladies (um, wait . . . ):  The four runs scored by Jocelyn in this game are the most by any female EP this season.  Also, it ties the record held by Erienne, who scored 4 times in our 23-11 victory over The Grass Stains on 09/21/17;  and Jocelyn herself, who crossed the plate 4 times in our 38-14 pasting of the Diamondbacks way, way back on 07/23/15.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Tino's 4th-inning single was his 325th career base hit (3rd-most all-time);  Nate triple in the 6th inning was base hit #275 in his career (5th-most all-time);  Joe's 1st-inning single was the 200th hit of his EP career (7th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Rob's flyout to left to end the 6th inning was the 450th plate appearance of the season for the EP team.  Scott's double in the 1st inning was our 400th team at-bat of 2024.  Rob scored the 150th run of the year for the EPs in the 2nd inning.  Scott's 6th-inning triple was the 20th three-bagger of the season for the EPs.

It's now late July, and as we approach the hot, hazy and humid heart of summer, I'm looking for some help writing these recaps.  So here to give me a hand with this week's game is Saturday Night Live's City Correspondent, Stefon!  Hi, Stefon!  Welcome back!  I haven't seen you since the beginning of June -- so how've you been?

Stefon:  The same.  

Alright, then.  Well, the last time you were here, Stefon, I asked you to help me recap an Empty Pitchers softball game, but you kept adding in all kinds of really crazy stuff.  Nightmare fuel.  So this time, do you think you can tone it down a bit? 

Stefon:  Tone it down.  Mmm-hmm.  I can do that.

Okay, then, let's just get to it.  We're here to recap Thursday evening's softball game between the Empty Pitchers and Caught Lookin' at Cove Park in Wethersfield.  The weather was beautiful, mostly sunny and in the mid-80s, and the park was in good shape, even if the grass could have used a little mowing.  Y'know, Caught Lookin' has traditionally been stiff competition . . .

Stefon:  (whispers) Mmm-hmm, stiff.

. . . as the EPs come into this game with an all-time record of 4-12 versus Caught Lookin', including dropping all 3 games last season.  Oof!  And to make matters even worse, the EPs were going to be playing short-handed, with many of our regulars away on vacation and out-of-state.  With only nine EPs suiting up for the contest, we would have to play with just three outfielders.  We also only had two female players, but Caught Lookin' agreed to waive any penalties if they were also allowed to play with two (they had four available).

So, to begin the top of the 1st inning, starting pitcher Ron, the "Franchise", took the game ball in hand, and Stefon, why don't you tell us what happened next?

Stefon:  Yes, well, if you're here from Ohio, . . . or whatever, . . . look no further.  The Empty Pitchers' hottest inning was the 1st, nicknamed "BOUNCE".  Played in the middle of the Hockanum River, this inning had just everything!  Caught Lookin' got caught sleepin' in the top of the 1st, as they were held scoreless.  And the half-inning came to an end when EP catcher Yaidy made a fantastic catch of a foul pop behind the plate for the third out.  Then, in the bottom of the 1st, Eric, Rob and Joe all singled in succession, with Joe's base hit driving in Eric to draw first blood at 1-0.  One out later, Rob scampered home from third on Caleb's fielder's choice groundout between third and short to make it 2-0 EPs.  But that's not all!  The inning also featured a single by Tino, Cholos, puke-people, a sheepdog that looks like Bruce Vilanch, and an entire room of puppets doing karate.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Stefon, . . . why are puppets doing karate?

Stefon:  Because it's that thing of when someone calls Miss Piggy fat, and she goes, "HI-YAAH!" (does karate chop motion).

Oh, that.  Uh-huh.  Alright.  Well, that's still a little crazy.  What I'm looking for here, Stefon, is just normal sports reporting, you know, something more classic.  Can you do classic?

Stefon:  Yes.  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.  Okay, so if you want your softball to be classic, look no further.  The EPs hottest inning was the 2nd, called "UUUNTZ!"  Taking place on the lower, lower West side of the DMV, this inning is the creation of ballclub owner Tranderson Cooper.  And it finally answers the question, "Do I have to?!"  This inning had everything!  Caught Lookin' put a runner on in the top of the frame, but with one out, the batter ripped a line drive right into shortstop Tino's glove.  He caught it, then fired to Joe at first base to catch the runner off the base and complete the double play.  Once again, Caught Lookin' was unable to score anything!  And in the home-half of the 2nd, the EPs went hog-wild!  The inning opened with consecutive singles by Mike, Ron, Eric and Rob.  Mike came in on Eric's hit to increase the advantage to 3-0, and Rob's hit loaded the bases for Joe.  And Joe shot his load, mmm-hmm, with a 3-run double that doubled the EP lead to 6-0, and there were still no outs!  

(Scoldingly)  Stefon!  Really?!

Stefon:  Sorry, got a little excited there.  But wait, there's more!  One out later, Caleb tripled to score Joe, then Tino singled Caleb home, and it was 8-0!  With two outs, Mike lined a bouncer through the pitcher's legs and up the middle, allowing Tino to cross with the EPs' seventh run of the inning, and ninth of the game!  9-0!  There were also schitzos, kite-enthusiasts, and that's not all!  Look who just came into the game . . . it's Blingo!

Wait, wait, gotta stop you there.  I'm afraid to ask, but who's Blingo?

Stefon:  Black Ringo!

Ohh.  (sighs) Stefon, buddy, um, . . . okay.  I don't know how to say this, but I was brought up to respect people from all walks of life . . . 

Stefon:  (whispers) Tolerance.

Yeah.  Now, I'm glad you have a world you feel comfortable in . . . 

Stefon:  (whispers)  Dungeon culture . . . yes, yes.

But . . . but look buddy, I'm kind of an old-fashioned guy.  Y'know, born and raised in Connecticut.

Stefon:  (whispers)  Glimpse into Mike Nyez.

Okay, and ah, I just want to do a simple, old-fashioned recap of the game.

Stefon:  Hmm.  Yes.

So can you give me that?

Stefon:  Yes, yes.  If you're old, or into fashion, I guess, I've got the inning for you!  The Empty Pitchers' hottest inning was the 3rd, known as "BLITZEN", and right now, the EPs are having a classic Christmas-in-July dance party!  It had everything!  One of the Caught Lookin' hitters drove a flare into left field, but left-fielder Rob charged and made an outstanding lunging grab for the out.  And later, with two outs, their batter crushed a pitch into rightfield.  It went for a triple, but the hitter got greedy and made the turn towards home.  Rightfielder Caleb hit his cutoff, second baseman Nancy, who fired a one-hopper to thirdbaseman Mike, who turned and pegged pitcher Ron, who was covering the plate.  Ron slapped the tag on the runner for the out, despite getting taken out, to end the inning with a 9-4-5-1 sparkler of a play!  Yet again, Caught Lookin' was handed a goose-egg!  

Nice!

Stefon:  And in the bottom of the 3rd, the EPs just kept piling it on!  Eric and Rob got things started with back-to-back singles, before Joe tripled to knock 'em both in and up the lead to 11-0!  Nancy's grounder to third was thrown past the first baseman for an error, allowing Joe to trot in with another run.  12-0!  After singles by Tino and Yaidy loaded the bags, Mike dropped a blooper inside the leftfield line for an rbi-hit, and the EPs concluded the 3rd inning with an impressive 13-0 advantage!  

That's awesome, Stefon, but what about all that made it a Christmas-in-July party?

Stefon:  Well, in addition to all the run-scoring, there were also 12 jacked albinos, 11 Little Richards, 10 piercer babies, 9 Asian Balkis, 8 gay Aladdins, 7 psychos swearing, 6 Puerto Rican Screeches, 5 hooooomeless Elmos, 4 coked-up frogs, 3 French hens, Taylor Negron, and a human parking cone.

So . . . 

Stefon:  Lay it on me, my man.  What's your question?

Alright.  My question is, ah, what's a human parking cone?

Stefon:  Yes.  It's that thing of when two jacked little people paint themselves orange and you have to parallel park between them.

Oh.  Oh, it's that thing.  That totally common thing.

Stefon:  I've done it.

Stefon, (sighs) I'm gonna ask you a serious question.  Can't you just report on a normal softball game?

Stefon:  Well, I would, but no one ever invites Stefon to a normal softball game . . . (breaks fourth wall, looking for an "AWWW!" from the readers).

Who are you looking at, Stefon?  Oh, nevermind, let's just get back to the game.  So we went to the 4th inning, and we all knew that Caught Lookin' wasn't going to be shut out.  They'd break through eventually.  And they did it in the top of the 4th, plating 4 runs before their rally ran out of steam, closing the gap to 13-4.  Not to worry, however, as the EP hitting machine continued to rumble.  Stefon?

Stefon:  If you want to rumble, I have the perfect inning.  The Empty Pitchers' hottest inning was "BOOOOOOOOOF!", a.k.a. the bottom of the 4th.  Played in an abandoned orphanage under the surface of Wethersfield Cove, this round-the-clock puke party is the creation of narcoleptic ballclub owner Snoozin' Lucci.  This inning had everything!  Eric, Rob and Joe all singled to open the frame, Joe's hit driving in Doc to make it 14-4.  After a fielder's choice and a single by Caleb loaded the bases with one out, Tino smoked a screaming liner to short.  It was caught, but when the shortstop turned his attention to trying to catch Nancy off second, Joe tagged from third and scored another insurance run, upping the EP lead to 15-4.  Want more?  Because this inning featured pugs, geezers, doo-wop groups, a wise old turtle that looks like Quincy Jones, and you'll even have your own When Harry Met Sally moment when you share a special kiss with Gizblo, the coked-up gremlin.

What was the name of that inning again?

Stefon:  BOOOOOOOOOF!  With 9 o's.

Okay, so Stefon, maybe I should be more specific when I say "normal".  Um, take me for example.

Stefon:  (whispers) Gladly.

I work so much . . . 

Stefon:  (whispers) You gotta pay the bills.

. . . and I just want this recreational softball game to be relaxing and fun and special.  So can you give me a normal 5th inning?

Stefon:  Stefon to the rescue!  The EP's hottest inning was "ACHOO".  Played on a dare by 90-year-old ballclub promoter Fuji Houser, M.D., in a cardboard box under the highway, this inning had everything!  Caught Lookin' stumbled, bumbled and fumbled offensively, once again being held without a run.  The EPs managed a one-out single by Ron, but nothing more.  That was the first time all game that the EPs did not score a run.  But fear not!  The inning did have stun guns, mole people, freezing-cold air, and you can even lose yourself on the infield/dance floor surrounded by 12 dancing Jewpids.

Um, Jewpids?

Stefon:  Jewish Cupids.

Oh, cool.

Stefon:  They just want you to meet someone nice and settle down.

That makes sense.  Great job, Stefon, but I gotta be honest.  I don't think that happened.

Stefon:  It did.  It did.

So do you have a simple, non-psychotic softball inning for us?

Stefon:  Yes.  And if you want a great softball experience, you don't even need to leave the dugout.  Just use your human suitcase to . . . 

Wait, wait, what is a human suitcase?

Stefon:  It's that thing of when a little person on roller skates wears all of your clothes and then you pull them through an airport.

Stefon!  That's barbaric!  Do you expect people to actually use a human suitcase?  I mean, would you give your significant other one of these?

Stefon:  Oh, Stefon's single right now.  He doesn't have a significant other (breaks fourth wall, again looking for an "AWWW!" from the readers).

I walked right into that one, didn't I?  Okay, can we get to the 6th inning?

Stefon:  Yes.  If you want to have an inning of pure fun, look no further.  The EP's hottest inning was the 6th, called "SPLAT"!  Played in an enormous cat litterbox, this bi-curious beach party is the creation of Italian ballclub owner Baloney Danza, and this inning had everything!  In the top of the frame, Caught Lookin' squeezed out a pair of runs to reduce their deficit to 15-6, but the EP defense continued to shine.  With a runner on first, first baseman Joe gloved a hard grounder to his right and fired to shortstop Tino for the forceout.  And leftfielder Rob made another stunning catch, coming in hard on a dying quail.  The EP hitters went down in order in the bottom of the 6th, but enjoying a 9-run lead, who cares?  The inning also featured split kicks, Pachucos, pile after pile of expired Lunchables, a Hawaiian cleaning lady that looks like Smokey Robinson, and look who just walked in!  Is that Natalie Portman?  No!  It's an old Irish black man that we call Murphy Brown!  Plus, for one inning only, there was 2-year-old ultimate fighter Jookie Jackson!  He's got fists like little empanadas.  And he's my best friend.

Now I know you're just making this all up.

Stefon:  What?  He is!  

Stefon, c'mon.  I'm just looking for a wholesome softball recap.  You know, nice and relaxing.  Something your mother could read.

Stefon:  Yes.  Yes.  If you're looking for a place to relax with an old lady, look no further.  The Empty Pitchers' hottest inning was the 7th, called "SPICY".  Begun in 2017 in a dumpster behind an Arby's, this non-stop inning is the creation of ballclub owner/rabbi Jew Diamond Phillips.  This inning had everything!  Sandworms, geishas, rock-eaters, a 7-level course in adult education, and if you wanted to relax, you could have kicked back in your very own subway sleeping bag.

I know I'm going to regret this, but what is a subway sleeping bag?

Stefon:  It's that thing of when you're on the train and you sit between two guys in Fubu jackets.

Sorry I asked.  And was there any actual softball played in the 7th?

Stefon:  Oh, yeah.  The Caught Lookin' batters could do nothing in their final at-bats.  Ron's pitching and the EP defense held strong, and held on for the 15-6 victory.

The EPs won!  Awesome!  See, you did it!  You finished the recap!  Well, Stefon, do you think your mother will read this?

Stefon:  No, Stefon's mom is out of town.  I'm all alone (breaks fourth wall, looking for yet another "AWWW!" from the readers).

This win improves the EP's 2024 record to 4-6.  We are now 3-2 at home, and 1-4 on the road.

Okay, so we're done.  You know, I'm still not so sure about some of that stuff you mentioned, but I do know your heart is in the right place.  You still just want the EPs to have fun.  Thanks so much for helping out, Stefon! 

Stefon:  Yay, Stefon!!!

Notes & Numbers

Monster mashing:  The offensive star of the game was Joe, who went 4-for-5 with a double, triple, 3 runs scored and a whopping 7 rbi.  Also of note were Eric (4-for-5 with 4 runs scored and an rbi) and Rob (4-for-5 with 3 runs scored).  On the defensive side, there were numerous great plays, as mentioned in the text above.  Also, Ron pitched a complete game win, allowing only 6 runs over 7 innings, and improving his record to 2-4 on the season.

Anything you can do:  A full 10 games into the 2024 season, and Tino, Rob and Joe are all 21-for-32, for an identical batting average of .656.  Furthermore, Eric is hitting .657 (23-for-35), just 1 thousandth of a point ahead of them.

Milestones (since 2015):  Mike's second single in the 2nd inning was his 575th career at-bat (2nd-most all-time).  Caleb's 1st-inning fielder's choice was the 250th at-bat of his career (11th-most all-time).  Ron's single in the 2nd inning was his 225th career hit (6th-most all-time).  Joe's 3rd-inning triple was the 20th three-bagger of his career (4th-most all-time).  Mike now has 175 career rbi (4th-most all-time).  Caleb now has 100 career rbi (9th-most all-time).

Team milestones:  When Rob grounded into a fielder's choice to end the bottom of the 5th inning, it was the 400th team plate appearance of the season for the EPs.  Joe's 3rd-inning triple was our team's 200th hit of 2024.  Rob's 4th-inning single was the EP's 300th total base of the year.

[Editor's note:  As attentive readers will have noticed, I usually don't mention outs made by EPs.  I prefer to focus on our positive offensive actions instead.  However, this write-up makes particular mention of who made the final out of each inning.  Why?  Well, to promote Tino's new song parody, "50 Ways to Leave a Runner."  I'll attach the lyrics at the end of the write-up!  😎🎶]

The Empty Pitchers hosted inDRStructible on Thursday evening under partly cloudy skies that would eventually morph into a brilliant red/pink/orange sunset.  Historically, we've struggled against DRS, going 0-3 last season, and 6-14 all-time, and we knew it was going to be a tough fight.

So what if I told you that the EPs would score 13 runs on 21 hits in the game (for a .500 team batting average)?  What if I told you that every player in the EP lineup contributed with either a hit or a run or an rbi?  Or that we would knock 8 extra-base hits, including 4 doubles and 4 triples?  Or that we would outscore our opponents in 3 of the 7 innings, while they would outscore us in only 2 (we also tied in 2 frames)?  Or even that we would outscore DRS 7-5 over the first 2 innings, and 6-2 over the final 3 innings?

Sounds pretty good, huh?

Unfortunately, we have to include all 7 innings, and the 3rd and 4th absolutely killed us tonight.  But I'm getting ahead of myself here . . . 

The game opened shakily for the EPs, as DRS plated 5 early runs in the top of the 1st to leap out in front.  But undiscouraged, the EPs fought right back.  After Eric reached when the second baseman booted his hard groundball (whoops!), Rob replaced him on the basepaths thanks to a fielder's choice grounder to short.  A single by Joe chased Rob over to third, before cleanup hitter Erienne also reached on an error by the second baseman (also whoops!).  That allowed Rob to cross the plate with the first EP run, and it was 5-1.  Tino then mashed a deep drive that scored Joe easily, and despite a minor pickle that briefly featured both Erienne and Tino trapped near third, E successfully scored and Tino safely settled at third.  Caleb then singled Tino home, and suddenly, it was a one-run game at 5-4.  The DRS defense continued to bumble, however, when Jocelyn's bouncer to third was handled, but thrown past second for an error (also also whoops!) that moved our runners to first and third.  Jon swung and drove a pitch deep to right-centerfield, and although it was caught, Caleb tagged and scored to knot the game at 5-5.  Consecutive singles by Jeff and Ron loaded the bags, but all three runners were stranded when Yaidy grounded out to third, Willard.

EP starting pitcher Ron blanked DRS in the top of the second, so the EP's went to the home-half of the inning with a chance to take the lead.  The first two EP hitters went down quickly on flyballs, but Rob got a two-out rally started when he ripped a laser to left.  The ball fell in for a single, but then skipped off the leftfielder for yet another DRS error, allowing Rob to take second.  Joe was up next, and he squeezed a sharp liner just inside the rightfield line that would have gone all the way to the wall if we had one.  Rob trotted home, and when Joe rounded third and made for the plate, the first baseman took the relay and air-mailed the throw well over the catcher for DRS error #5.  Joe scored, and the EPs had the lead at 7-5!  Erienne and Tino both singled to continue the rally, but both were left on base when Caleb flew out to right, Dwight.

We had the lead!  Everything was going great!  And then . . . the one bad inning.  inDRStructible scored 9 (mostly unearned) runs in their half of the 3rd, putting the EPs down by a touchdown, 14-7.  In the bottom of the 3rd, the EPs managed only a two-out single by Jeff, but he was left on when Ron grounded out to third to end our chances, Francis.

The top of the 4th was little better, as the one bad inning struck again (Hey, I'm not sure that's fair!  😡).  DRS put up another 7 runs, now burying the EPs 21-7.  Our response?  Mike and Eric singled with one out, but both were stranded when Joe flew out to left on a deep drive, Clive.

Apparently exhausted by running around the bases so much, DRS was held scoreless in the 5th.  But the EPs failed to capitalize, getting only a two-out double by Caleb.  He was left on base when Jocelyn grounded out to second base, Chase.

Having completed five innings, Franchise gave way to the bullpen, with Jon coming on to pitch the 6th.  DRS did manage two insurance runs, increasing their lead to 23-7.  With just six outs left to play with, the EPs needed a huge rally, and Jon took over there, as well.  Hulk smashed a leadoff triple to get us rolling.  Jeff then drove a deep fly to right that drifted into foul territory, and although it was miraculously caught by the inexperienced right fielder, Jon was able to tag and cruise home to cut it to 23-8.  Ron singled, but was replaced on the bases by Yaidy's fielder's choice bouncer to the mound -- the pitcher threw to second for the force, but the relay was wild and went out of play for an error, and Yaidy took second.  Mike's bloop double to right brought Yaidy in to make it 23-9, and then Mike came home when Eric punched a triple to right-center, and it was now 23-10.  Just 60 feet from scoring another run, but Eric was left on base when Rob popped out to short, Mort.

DRS was held without a run in the top of the 7th, so the EPs went right back to work on our comeback attempt.  Joe opened the action with a single, then moved to second on a groundout.  Tino dropped a double into centerfield, with Joe holding up to make sure it fell in, and advancing only to third.  No matter, because he tagged and scored on Caleb's sacrifice fly to left-center, and the deficit was 23-11.  Jocelyn shot a single up the middle, driving in Tino, to make it 23-12.  And to cap it off, Jon blasted his second triple in as many innings to push Bubbles in.  That was all we got, though, dropping the game 23-13 when Jeff stranded Jon at third with a popout to the pitcher, um . . . Belly-itcher?  🤔

The loss drops our 2024 record to 3-6.  We are now 2-2 at home and 1-4 on the road.

The offensive players of the game were Joe (3-for-4 with a triple, 3 runs scored and an rbi) and Tino (3-for-4 with 2 doubles, 2 runs scored and 2 rbi).  Also of note was Jon, who went 2-for-3 with 2 triples, a run scored, 2 rbi and a sac fly.  Defensively, Rob made a spectacular reaching catch while going back on a blast towards left-centerfield; and Joe snagged a smoking linedrive to firstbase.

Notes & Numbers:

• Oddness I:  Eric, our all-time leader in runs scored, did not score a run in this game.  Rob, our all-time leader in runs batted in, did not drive in a run in this game.  
• Oddness II:  Over the last two games, we have hit 7 doubles and 8 triples, but zero homeruns.
• Milestones (since 2015):  Ron has now played in 160 career games (4th-most all-time);  Jeff has now played in 60 career games (15th-most all-time).  Erienne and Jeff have both now taken 175 career at-bats (tied-15th-most all-time).  Tino scored for the 200th time in his career in the 1st inning (3rd-most all-time);  Mike scored for the 175th time in his career in the 6th inning (5th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  Jeff's sacrifice foulout in the 6th inning was the 350th plate appearance of the season for the EPs.  Jocelyn's single in the 7th inning was our team's 350th at-bat of 2024.  Caleb's 5th-inning double was the 30th two-bagger of the year for the EPs.  Caleb's 7th-inning sacrifice fly was the 10th sac fly of the season for the team.  When on reached third on his triple in the 7th inning, it was the 275th total base of the EP's 2024 season.

Fifty Ways to Leave a Runner

By Paul “Bob” Simon

and Tino

   

[Editor's note:  It's been a few weeks since I did a music theme, and I decided to go with boy bands this time around.  EPs of a certain age may already know all of these ditties, but for the uninitiated, these song titles are color-coded as:  Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, and 98 Degrees.  Sorry, BTS fans, maybe another write-up.]

It was a beautiful afternoon on Wednesday, sunny and in the mid-80s, as the Empty Pitchers hosted Throwin' Shade at Cove Park in Wethersfield.  Why Wednesday?  Well, because Independence Day fell on Thursday this year, and it's the hardest thing to get people to show up on a holiday, what with cookouts and fireworks and vacations and such.  Why Throwin' Shade?  Well, because we for some reason scheduled them four times this season, and this was meeting number two (they outlasted the EPs 24-17 in game #1 at the Cigna Campus back on May 2nd).  Why softball?  Well, why the heck not?!  Pickleball may be all the rage, but it just ain't the same.

So, here we go!  As the visiting team, Throwin' Shade got first ups, and they proceeded to get down to business in a hurry, scoring three times off starting pitcher Ron to go out in front 3-0.  Not to worry, though.  Show 'em (what you're made of), EPs!  The plucky EPs struck right back in the home-half of the 1st, as Eric, Rob, Nancy and Jon all singled consecutively to score Eric and get us on the board at 3-1.  That's right -- we've got it going on!  With the bases still juiced, Caleb's grounder to short was flipped to third to get the force on Nancy for the first out, but Rob sprinted home on the play to cut it to 3-2.  One pop-up to short  later, Mike punched a single up the middle, allowing Jon to touch home with the tying run at 3-3.

A solid start for both teams, but the game changed in the 2nd when our opponents tallied 7 painful runs, capitalizing on several EP errors, to surge ahead at 10-3.  What happened to our glovework?  Was it something I didn't say?  And to add salt to our wounds, the EPs quietly went down in order in the bottom of the inning on a pair of groundouts and a flyout.

Things got even worse in the 3rd, as Throwin' Shade just kept coming.  They notched 4 more runs, and led 14-3 midway through the 3rd frame.  In the last of the 3rd, with nobody on and two out, it looked bleak.  But Eric pounded a big single, and then Rob bombed an even bigger triple to deep left-center to score him, making it 14-4.  Nancy then bounced one toward third, and when the third baseman fielded and threw the ball past the first baseman for an error, Rob took advantage of this gift to come in to cut it to 14-5, and Nancy advanced to second base.  Jon followed with a double to plate Nancy, and we now trailed 14-6 after 3.

To the 4th inning, where Throwin' Shade threw 3 runs of their own on the board, increasing the damage to 17-6.  Our chances were really beginning to dim.  The only answer the EPs could muster in their half of the 4th was a one-out double to right-center by Mike, and a clutch two-out single by Jae to knock him in, and it was 17-7.  

The top of the 5th inning saw Throwin' Shade tack on another pair of runs to balloon their advantage to 19-7.  The Empty Pitchers' response?  Just a single run, when Tino led off with a booming triple, then scampered home one out later on Claudette's bouncer back to the mound.  More than that we would not get.

Now trailing 19-8 heading to the 6th inning, the call was made to the bullpen, as relief pitcher Doc took the bump, replacing Franchise.  It was incumbent upon the EPs to quit playing games and hold the Throwin' Shade bats to as little offense as possible.  Unfortunately, the exact opposite occurred -- everybody in our opponents' lineup mashed their way to a 10-run outburst, featuring numerous fielding and throwing errors on the part of the EP defense, that effectively put the game out of reach at 29-8.  Ugh.  No, actually . . . ugh times 29!  It wasn't pretty, and now we were drowning.  To our credit, however, EPs never give up, this I promise you, so don't turn out the lights just yet!  More impossible things have happened than a 21-run comeback rally!  Right?  RIGHT?  Rob opened the bottom of the 6th with his second triple of the day, a long blast over the leftfielder's head.  After two straight groundouts to third, pinning Rob to his base, Caleb brought him in with a three-bagger of his own, the one run cutting our deficit to 29-9. 

Contrary to the embarrassment of the previous inning, Eric and the EP defense were outstanding in the top of the 7th, finally holding Throwin' Shade scoreless for a frame.  And in our final at-bats, the EPs at least managed to hit double digits, when Joe doubled with one out, held as Jae reached first on an infield single, moved to third on a base hit by Ron, and scored on a single by Tino to make it 29-10.  Not great, but it put us in a better place than not scoring at all.  Yaidy then hit a tapper to third, and when the third baseman fielded and fired a laser past the catcher for an error, Jae came home with our 11th and final run.  Just want you to know, it was a valiant try at a comeback, to be sure, but well short, given the hole into which we had dug ourselves.  That said, I still . . . think we can beat these guys, and we get to come together again for two more matches with them later this season.

The 29-11 loss leaves me inconsolable, and drops our 2024 season record to 3-5.  We are now 2-1 at home (there's no place like home), and 1-4 on the road.

The offensive star of the game was . . . it's gonna be me?  No, not quite.  It was Rob, who was larger than life, going 3-for-3 with a pair of triples, 3 runs scored and an rbi.  Also of note was Jon (2-for-3 with a double, run scored and 2 rbi).  Defensively, the player of the game was shortstop Caleb, who turned an unassisted double play when he snagged a linedrive to short, then outraced the runner from second back to the bag to complete the twin-killing.  When it comes to defensive wizardry, I want it that way!  And if that wasn't enough, Caleb almost had another gorgeous play when he fielded a smash up the middle, spun fully around, and fired a seed to first;  unfortunately, the runner just beat the throw, leaving the web-gem incomplete.  

Notes & Numbers:

• Extra! Extra!:  The Empty Pitchers had 17 base hits in this game.  Oddly, our first 6 hits (1st through 3rd innings) were all singles, then 7 of our next 8 hits (3rd through 7th innings) went for doubles (3) and triples (4), and then we finished the game with 3 more singles (7th inning).  Also, I'm very disappointed that we failed to register any homeruns, as it would have allowed me to use the songs gone and bye, bye, bye.
• Who's Hot?:  Rob has had hits in 5 consecutive plate appearances (Hr, 1b, 1b, 3b, 3b).  🔥
• Milestones (since 2015):  Tino has now taken 525 career at-bats (3rd-most all-time).  Jocelyn has now taken 475 career at-bats (4th-most all-time).  Jae has now taken 225 career at-bats (13th-most all-time).  Yaidy's 3rd-inning at-bat was the 75th of her career (25th-most all-time).  Jae's 4th-inning single was the 75th hit of her career (15th-most all-time).  Jon H. now has 125 career rbi (7th-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  When Ron grounded into a fielder's choice to end the 4th inning, it was the 300th plate appearance of the season for the EPs.  When Jon H. ground out to third in the 6th inning, it was the 300th team at-bat of 2024.  Jon H. scored our 100th run of the year when he crossed the plate in the 1st inning.  Nancy's 1st-inning single was our team's 150th base hit of the season.  Caleb's 6th-inning triple was our 10th team three-bagger of 2024.  When Claudette's groundout in the 5th inning drove Tino home, it was not only her 1st career rbi, but the 100th rbi of the year by an Empty Pitcher.  When Yaidy reached first on an error by the third baseman in the 7th inning, it was the 10th time this season that an EP batter has reached via error;  it was also the 25th time an EP has reached via a fielder's choice play in 2024.

[Editor's note:  Two weeks ago, the Boston Celtics won the NBA Championship, while this past week, the Florida Panthers won the NHL Championship.  Here's a little tribute to the both of them.]

YES!  Forget Yankees/Red Sox.  Forget Duke/North Carolina.  Forget Tyson/Holyfield!  It's time for the latest round of battle in the greatest rivalry in the Greater Hartford Independent Softball League -- the Fighting Plankton From Hell versus the Empty Pitchers!!!  ARE YOU READY TO RUMMMBBBLLLEEE?!

On Thursday evening, the EPs played host to the Plankton at Cove Park in Wethersfield (just south of the capital city of  Al Horford ), a renewal of their long rivalry which has seen the EPs grab a slight edge at 11-9 all-time, but has always provided close, exciting matchups.  The weather was a perfect 70 degrees under a mostly sunny  Sergei Bobrovsky , the field was green (surprisingly not dry and  Jaylen Brown  after the previous weeks' heat) and the outfield was occasionally strewn with little children spilling out from the nearby farmer's market.  The EPs were slightly undermanned this day, with only 10 players suiting up, and only 2 of them female.  But that problem was mitigated by the fact that the Plankton could manage only one woman, so she would have to bat twice in their lineup to compensate.  Them's the rules,  JD Davison !

Okay, enough preamble.  This ain't no  Jrue Holiday !  To the actual game!

Ron took the metaphorical mound to begin the game, and "Franchise" was dealing from the get-go, holding the Plankton to a single run in the top of the 1st.  Now, keep in mind that the EPs had been held to just one run total over the last two weeks, what with their being blown out 14-1 by The Dream Team two weeks ago, and having last week's game postponed due to the Line Drivers feeling too hot to play.  So could the EP hitters respond to being down so quickly?  Could somebody give us some offense, because I think a thief  Anthony Stolarz !  Well, no big deal, it turns out -- Eric and Nate led off with singles, before Joe mashed a 3-run homerun (3rd season, 35th career) to give the EPs a 3-1 lead before a single out was recorded.  Not content with that, Erienne singled with one out (So  Sam Hauser  batting average doing?), and with two down, the floodgates opened.  Jeff dropped a swinging-bunt single (falling on his  Rasmus Asplund  but getting up and legging it out anyway!), Tino doubled to plate Erienne, and then Mike dropped a bloop single into center to get Jeff home, making it 5-1 EPs.  Ron's grounder to third was fielded, but when the third baseman threw to second for the force, the ball skipped into rightfield for an error.  Tino trotted home on the play, and it was 6-1.  Rbi-singles by Eric and Nate followed, driving in Mike and Ron respectively, to complete our 8-run bottom of the 1st and allow the EPs to  Jaden Springer  out to an 8-1 advantage.   Neemias Queta  statement, EPs!

The Fighting Plankton scratched a bit closer when they managed 3 runs in their half of the 2nd inning, shrinking the EP lead to 8-4.  Oh,  Magnus Hellberg  -- the lead was cut to just  Gustav Forsling !  And things looked even worse when the EPs were retired in 1-2-3 fashion in the bottom of the 2nd on three consecutive weak grounders (one to shortstop and two to the pitcher).  Should we worry?  Speak up -- don't be  Baylor Scheierman !

Nope, no worries.  Franchise bore down in the 3rd and blanked the Plankton to hold the score at 8-4, and then the EP bats got loud again.  With one out, Tino,  Mike Benning  and Ron all singled, and when the Plankton shortstop threw the ball past the first baseman in his effort to retire Ron, Tino scored on the error to increase our lead to 9-4.  Softball  Nick Cousins  Eric, Nate and  Joe Mazzulla  continued the onslaught with singles of their own, each plating one run to push the tally to 12-4.  Then Jocelyn popped one up into shallow left-center, and although the shortstop made a fine over-the-shoulder catch, he tripped over the charging leftfielder and fell in a heap, allowing Nate to tag and score our 13th run.  That's a lucky 13 too,  Mackie Samoskevich !

 Kyle Okposo  we went to the 4th, and the Plankton  Drew Peterson  closer when they squeezed out a pair of runs, making it 13-6, but their offense continued to sputter overall.  And in the home-half of the inning, the EPs got one back when Rob led off with a mammoth drive into a  Kristaps Porzingis  little tree in left for a solo homerun (2nd season, 35th career), making it 14-6.  Man, I think that shot took some  Aleksander Barkov  that tree!  We threatened to add a few more when Jeff roped a single into right, but was thrown out trying to stretch it into a double.  Tino then singled, and advanced to third on Mike's double down the leftfield line.  But Ron's laser to third was caught, and Tino was caught off the bag, resulting in an unassisted doubleplay to end the frame.

Ron once again handed the Plankton a big ol'  Derrick White  goose-egg in the top of the 5th, and the EPs continued to add insurance runs in the last of the inning.  Eric led off with a single, before Nate popped one up behind first base that was dropped for an error -- it was no can of  Luke Kornet , but the ball was in the glove before popping out.  Joe's single brought Eric home, and it was 15-6.  Next was Jocelyn, and her grounder to short was fielded cleanly, but the shortstop proceeded to  Matthew Tkachuk  the ball past the first baseman for yet another error.  Nate scored on the grounder, Joe on the error, and it was now a laugher at 17-6.  One out later, Rob singled to put runners at the corners, but then Jeff's bullet liner toward first caught Rob in the ankle.  Now, technically, the rule is that Rob was out, Jocelyn had to remain at third, and Jeff would be awarded first base.  But lacking an umpire (or a Chris), we erroneously ruled it a doubleplay since the first baseman retrieved the ball and stepped on first.  By the time we figured out  Anton Watson  had happened, the teams had already left the field, and since we were already up big, we decided to let it go (which almost came back to haunt us later!).

Eric now came in out of the bullpen to pitch the top of 6th, and he shut the Plankton down without issue.  So the EPs went to the bottom of the frame, still up 17-6.  As Clooney said to Pitt in Ocean's Eleven, "You think we need one more? . . . You think we need one more . . . okay, let's get one  Paul Maurice ."  With one out, Mike, Ron and Eric all singled to load 'em up, and Nate smacked a sacrifice fly to left-center to bring Mike home.  There's your one more, and it was a commanding 18-6 going to the final frame.  Very  Dmitry Kulikov !

Hmmm.  Whatever magic  Patrick Giles  was holding the Plankton bats silent all game certainly wore off in the top of the 7th.  Our opponents suddenly came alive, banging out hit after hit, scoring run after run, making us  Payton Pritchard  for every mistake.  Before the Plankton hit the  Jordan Walsh  and the final out was recorded on a meek bouncer back to the mound, 8 runs had crossed, turning this blowout into a close one at 18-14.  But a win's a win, right?  And a win over a rival is a great win!  What a terrific  Spencer Knight !  We really showed a lot of  Sam Reinhart  and strength of  William Lockwood !

The victory improves our 2024 record to 3-4, with one rainout.  We are now 2-0 at home, and 1-4 on the road.

The offensive  Eetu Luostarinen  of the game was Joe, who went 3-for-5 with a homerun, 2 runs scored and 5 rbi.  Also of note, Eric was a perfect 5-for-5 with 3 runs and 2 rbi;  Nate was 3-for-4 with 3 runs and 3 rbi;  and Mike was 4-for-4 with a double, 3 runs and an rbi.  Defensively, pitcher Ron (1-2) picked up his first win while holding the Plankton to just 6 runs over 5 innings of work.  Also, Mike had three catches of foul pops behind third base, two of them sky-high in pretty strong winds;  and Erienne made a nice catch of a deep drive to right-center that saved a couple of runs.

Notes & Numbers

• Old-Timers' Day:  The Empty Pitchers had only 10 players at this game.  Checking the "All-time" records, all 10 are in the top 17 in career games played; in the top 16 in career at-bats; and in the top 14 in career hits.  I guess this was our "oldies but goodies" lineup!
• Touchin' the plate:  We scored an impressive 18 runs today, but that's only our 2nd-best performance of the season.  In game #5 on May 30, we beat E.coli Happens 28-11.
• In the Big Inning:  We scored 8 runs in the bottom of the 1st inning tonight.  We allowed 8 runs in the top of the 7th inning tonight.  Those match our season highs in runs scored and runs allowed in an inning, as we enjoyed an 8-run top of the 7th in our 28-11 win versus E.coli, and allowed an 8-run bottom of the 2nd in our 24-17 loss to Throwin' Shade.  
• Missed opportunities:  Jae was expected to play in this game, but fell ill earlier in the day.  I had been hoping that she was able to play, so I could write that  Jayson Tatum  first via a hit!  Oh, well.  We were also missing  Evan Rodrigues ,  Josh Mahura  and  Justin Sourdif .
• Milestones (since 2015):  Nate has now appeared in 125 career games for the EPs (7th-most all-time).  Ron's 3rd-inning single was his 450th career at-bat (5th-most all-time).  Rob's 5th-inning single was his 450th career at-bat (6th-most all-time).  Joe's 6th-inning flyout was his 275th career at-bat (9th-most all-time).  Mike's 3rd-inning single was his 325th career hit (2nd-most all-time).  Erienne's 1st-inning single was her 75th career hit (14th-most all-time).  Joe and Rob both homered for the 35th time in their respective careers (tied 1st all-time).  Nate scored for the 200th time in his career in the 1st inning (2nd-most all-time).  Joe collected his 175th career rbi with his 1st-inning homerun (3rd-most all-time).
• Team milestones:  When Rob ground out to the pitcher to end the 2nd inning, it was the 250th plate appearance of the season for the EPs.  Eric's single in the 3rd inning was our team's 250th at-bat of the year.  Mike's double in the 4th inning was our 25th team two-bagger of 2024.  Rob's 4th-inning homer was the 10th team homerun of the season.  Joe's single in the 3rd inning was the 200th total base of the year for the EPs.

Tonight's game featuring the Line Drivers at the Empty Pitchers was cancelled per the request of the visiting team.  They said they had a shortage of players "due to the heat and scheduling difficulties."  It certainly was hazy, hot and humid, with "feels like" temperatures well over 100 degrees under sunny skies.  Impressively, the EPs showed up and practiced for a couple of hours anyway.  HARDCORE!

The game may be rescheduled to a later date, as negotiations continue.  Stay tuned.

UPDATE:  The Line Drivers have agreed to reschedule the game to Tuesday, July 23.  That will be a 2-game week for the EPs, as we will be playing E.coli Happens on Thursday, July 25.

UPDATED UPDATE:  The rescheduled game has been moved to Wednesday, July 24, due to a lack of EP availablility for the Tuesday.

[Editor's note:  As you may have heard, Pat Sajak stepped down last week from his job as host of Wheel of Fortune, after 41 years.  Just thought I'd pay him a little tribute while lamenting our lack of offense.]

WHEEL OF FORTUNE!

It's America's game!  Here are your hosts, Pat Sajak and Vanna White!

 Let's meet our contestants tonight 

On Wednesday evening, the Empty Pitchers returned to Bloomfield, site of our convincing Game #5 victory, 28-11, over E.coli Happens at Bloomfield High School two weeks earlier.  This time around, we were just down the road at the Bloomfield Recreational Department to take on The Dream Team.  The DTs have traditionally been a thorn in our side, as we came into the game with a rather pathetic 2-10 record all-time against them, including an 0-2 mark last season.  But, the weather was perfect -- mostly sunny in the 80s -- and the EPs had a surprisingly robust roster to work with, as 16 players made themselves available for this game, including 7 female EPs.  We also featured first-time EP Claudette, Jeff debuted a brand new bat to mash with, and Jenny had sweetly provided watermelon slices to sate the thirst.  Now let's go get 'em, EPs!

 I'll spin the wheel, Pat! 

The Empty Pitchers collectively spun their wheels in the 1st inning.  Eric led off the game with a fly to right, but the ball dropped out of the fielder's glove for an error.  Great!  Leadoff man on!  After a deep flyout for the first out, Rob singled Eric to second, and a rally was a-brewin'!  But a fielder's choice groundout and another flyout put an end to the threat, as the EPs were left scoreless.  (By the way, that was only the second time all year that the EPs failed to score in the 1st inning.)

The starting pitcher for the EPs was Eric, and he shut down the Dream Team rebuttal, as they were handed a goose egg as well.  One inning down, and no score.

 Vanna, show me a "WHY?" 

In the top of the 2nd, the EPs went down in 1-2-3 fashion on a pair of groundouts to third and a flyout to right-center.  Quick and quiet.

The Dream Team drew first blood, notching a single run in the home-half of the inning to go on top, 1-0 after 2.  It might have been worse, but the inning ended when third baseman Mike made a diving catch to nab a weak drive in foul territory.

 I'd like to buy a hit, Pat.  Any hit'll do. 

Looking for some offense, Tino got the wheels turning with a leadoff single in the top of the 3rd.  He moved up to second on a groundout, before Mike punched a 4-hopper up the middle for an rbi-single, knotting the game at 1-1.  A groundout and flyout followed to end the inning, but at least we had come back to tie.

And then the patented "ONE BIG INNING" arrived.  The Dream Team found their swings in the bottom of the frame, tallying a half-dozen runs to retake the lead at 7-1.  That's okay, there's still plenty of time for us to make it up, right?  RIGHT?

 The category is:  GROUNDOUTS 

The 4th inning was another speedy one, as the EP batters went down in order on three consecutive groundouts.  Hmm.

For their part, the Dream Team looked spent from their hijinks in the previous inning.  They also zeroed out, so the score held at 7-1 through 4 frames.

 Congratulations -- you've won an all-expenses-paid trip back to the bench! 

The Dream Team tried to gift us a run in the top of the 5th, as Jon came up with one out and grounded a ball to short.  The first baseman couldn't handle the throw for an error, and we had a runner on!  When Rob followed with a flyout to deep leftfield, Jon tagged and advanced to second.  The throw to second went wild for another error, and Jon scampered to third, now with two outs.  But a popout ended the threat, and we hung another "0" on the scoreboard.

To his credit, Eric kept the game in reach, blanking the Dream Team offense for the third time in five innings, and it remained 7-1.  Joe made a great play in the frame when he snared a liner to first with a runner on.  It could have been even better, as it looked as though he might have doubled the runner off the bag, but the runner got back just in time (kicking the base into foul territory in the process).

 Pat, I'd like to solve, I mean surrender 

Okay, running out of time here, EPs.  Let's start the rally already!  Colin led off the top of the 6th inning with a double to left, and then Kelly bounced a grounder to short -- the shortstop (Jesse) ran Colin back to the bag, but never made a throw to first.  So, runners at first and second, nobody out.  Here we go!  Aaaaand then we flew out to right-center, popped to third and flew out to left-center.  Rally over.  Shut out again.  Ugh. 

So, staring defeat in the face as we entered what would probably be our final defensive half-inning, we metaphorically emptied the bench in the last-half of the 6th.  Claudette attempted slow-pitching for the first time, young Justin tried his hand at right field, etc.  And it went pretty much as you might expect, as we surrendered seven more runs and The Dream Team ballooned their advantage to 14-1.  

 Ugh, I shoulda tried out for Jeopardy! instead 

Given our waving of the white flag in the bottom of the 6th, it was only appropriate that we were once again retired in order in the top of the 7th, this time on a groundout to third sandwiched between a pair of groundouts to back to the pitcher.  The Dream Team didn't exactly knock the cover off the ball in this game, but the EP offense never even got to the park for this one.

 Sorry, there is no "W", but there is an "L" 

The 14-1 loss drops our season record to 2-4.  We are 1-0 at home, and 1-4 on the road.

The offensive player of the game was, um, Tino, I guess?  He went 1-for-2 and scored our only run.  Colin had our only extra-base hit with his 6th-inning double, while Mike had our only rbi with his 3rd-inning single.  Defensively, the player of the game was Eric, who pitched 5 innings, allowing only 7 runs.

Notes & Numbers

Futility #1:  The Empty Pitchers were held to only one run on Wednesday.  The last time we scored only once was on May 4, 2023, when we lost 13-1 to inDRStructible at the Cigna Campus.  In that game, we were shut out until the 7th inning, when Nancy led off with a single, moved to third on a double by Joe, and then two outs later, scored on a single by Tino.

Futility #2:  On Wednesday, we had only 4 hits in 28 at-bats, for a team batting average (tBA) of only .143.  That is the worst tBA we have ever had in an EP softball game.  EVER.  It easily surpasses our efforts, or lack thereof, on August 23, 2018, versus this very same Dream Team, when we had only 8 hits in 31 at-bats (.258 tBA) in our 22-2 loss at Cove Park/DMV.  In that game, Tino actually went 2-for-2 with a double, Nate had a double, while Jae, Caleb, Jocelyn, Mike and Jeff all added a single each.

Milestones (since 2015):  Mike has now appeared in 190 career games for the EPs (most all-time);  Jocelyn has played in 140 games (6th-most all-time).  

Team Milestones:  When Nancy reached base on a fielder's choice in the 1st inning, it was the 20th time this season that an EP has done so.

[Editor's note:  Purely FYI for those who may not know, Dua Lipa is an English and Albanian singer and songwriter.  She was included in Time's 2024 list of the 100 Most Influential People in the World.  The highlighted words below are some of her song titles.  It was a toss-up between using either her or Volodymyr Zelenskyy, and his song list was a little short.  😋]

Hey,  whatcha doing ?

Thursday was a special day, a day that only comes along once in a while.  Yes, it was D-Day, that day that celebrates the unthinkable courage and ultimate sacrifice made by so many young men on the beaches of Normandy in World War II on June 6, 1944.  Yes, it was also the first time the Empty Pitchers have ever played the Regulators, one of a pair of brand new teams in our league, this one formed from employees of the State of Connecticut Department of Insurance.  And yes, it was one of those rare days where the EPs were coming off a blow-out victory the week prior (28-11 over E.coli Happens) and looking to create an actual winning streak.  But more than those, Thursday was special because we got to welcome two new EPs in Colin & Kelly, and welcome back two long-time-absent EPs in Jeff & Erienne.  It was like a family reunion!  And one where you actually like everyone in your family!  All we were missing was the potato salad.  Can you feel the  electricity ?

Despite the threat of severe thunderstorms, the evening began under cloudy, humid skies at Cove Park in Wethersfield.  So who would  be the one  to pitch tonight?  Well, Evan took the ball to make his second appearance on the mound, and first start of 2024 for the EPs.  The  homesick  Empty Pitchers were playing their first home game of the season after a rough 1-3 road trip to open the year.  (Don't feel bad . . . we all played  bad together .  It's been a team effort.)

The Regulators, clad in black tees with white lettering and still getting used to the  new rules  in our league, showed some early pluck, scoring a couple of runs in the top of the 1st inning to grab the quick 2-0 lead.  But no worries, as the EP bats have been  hotter than hell  of late, and the flat pitches from the Regulators' pitcher were just  begging  to be hit.  Caleb got things started with a booming triple to left-centerfield, and promptly came in on a single by Nate to cut the deficit in half at 2-1.  Joe's double chased Nate over to third, before Rob brought 'em both home with a two-bagger of his own, giving the EPs a lead they would never relinquish at 3-2.  Nice, but not nearly enough.  One out later, Tino blasted a  high , towering two-run homerun to rightfield (1st season, 32nd career) to make it 5-2.  Evan singled, Erienne ripped a hard grounder that the second baseman couldn't handle for an error, and then Jon singled Evan in to increase the EP advantage to 6-2.  Hey, hey!  Quite a start for the team in green!   No lie !

The situation got even better in the 2nd inning, as Evan's pitching and the EP defense held the Regulators scoreless.  And then the offense went right back to work.  With one out, Jeff mashed a solo homerun to right (1st season, 15th career) that seemed to be  falling forever  to up the score to 7-2.  With two down, Caleb reached when his grounder to third, what could have been the third out of the inning, was misplayed for an error, and oooh, baby!, did the EP lineup make the Regulators pay for that mistake.  Nate took a pitch deep for an rbi-triple to plate Caleb and get it to 8-2.  Joe crushed a two-run homerun (1st season, 33rd career)  high, wild & free  to push the EPs into double-digits at 10-2.  And then Rob got into the action with a solo jack to left (1st season, 34th career).  That's right,  boys will be boys , as Joe and Rob went back-to-back, belly-to-belly, and the rout was on at 11-2 after two frames!   Cool !

Or was it?  The regulators took that punch to the gut, but they got right back up in the top of the 3rd and plated another pair of runs to reduce the EP lead to 11-4.  And in the home-half of the inning, the EPs managed only a minor rally when Erienne again reached on an error by the second baseman, then moved to third thanks to a double by Jon.  But no damage could be inflicted, our  dreams  of a big rally were squashed, and the 11-4 score held firm.

Should we be worried?  Naw,  don't start now , because that was only the  illusion  of a comeback by the Regulators.  To the 4th we went, where Evan blanked the visitors' bats for a second inning.  And in the bottom of the 4th, the EP bats returned to form.  Kelly, Mike and Jeff all singled consecutively, Jeff's hit driving in Kelly to make it 12-4.  With one out, Caleb lofted a blooper to deep short, and although the shortstop was able to make a nice  running  catch, Mike tagged and scored from third to give the EPs a 13-4 advantage.   Want to  score more?   Pretty please ?  Nate's single allowed Jeff to race home with our 14th run, and then Joe got  physical , plowing his second dinger of the game, another two-run shot (2nd season, 34th career) that capped the 5-run rally and gave the EPs a comfortable 16-4 cushion.  Huh, maybe  we're good  after all!

A light drizzle began to fall as we played the 5th inning, but the teams battled through it.  The Regulators put up a goose-egg in the top of the frame, while the EPs did the same in the bottom, despite a leadoff single by Jocelyn (she's  that kind of woman ) and a two-out, up-the-middle single by Erienne.  There was  room for 2  on the bases, but the EPs couldn't score.

Our opponents scratched out a single run in their half of the 6th, getting a touch closer at 16-5.  Aww, I'm  happy for you !  But the EPs responded quickly, as Colin destroyed a pitch,  levitating  a homerun to left-center (1st season, 1st career) to lead off the bottom of the inning and make it 17-5.  The inning also featured a single by Mike and a double by Jeff, but no further runs scored.

So to the final inning we went,  last dance  and ready for the visitors'  swan song , and Evan nailed it down, holding the Regulators off the board and securing the 17-5 victory for the Empty Pitchers!  Everybody  dance the night  away!   If only  every game could play out like this!

The win improves our 2024 record to 2-3.  We are 1-0 at home, and 1-3 on the road.  

Our player of the game?  Well,  if it ain't me  (yeah, right), then it was Joe, who went 3-for-3 with a double, 2 homeruns, 3 runs scored and 4 rbi.  Also of note were Nate (3-for-3 with a triple, 3 runs and 3 rbi), Rob (2-for-3 with a double, homerun, 2 runs and 3 rbi) and Jeff (3-for-3 with a double, homerun, 2 runs and 2 rbi).  Defensively, Evan pitched a complete game win, holding the Regulators scoreless in 4 of 7 innings like a  Houdini , and allowing only 5 runs in total.

Notes & Numbers

 Future nostalgia :  Jeff & Erienne last played for the EPs on May 23, 2019, in our 22-7 loss to the Hartford Stars.  Both went 1-for-2 in that game, with Erienne knocking a double, and Jeff picking up an rbi.  I think it's safe to say that 5 seasons is probably the longest any EPs have ever gone between at-bats (although Bharath may challenge that  😋).

 Blow your mind (mwah) :  The Empty Pitchers hit six homeruns in this game (Tino, Jeff, Joe, Rob, Joe, Colin).  Through our first four games of the season, we had a total of two homers, both coming in game #1 (Nick, Angel).  The last time we hit as many as six round-trippers in a single game was on August 25, 2022, when we hit seven dingers in our 17-11 victory over No Hit Sherlock at Cove Park.  In that game, Eric homered twice, Caleb homered twice, Tino homered twice, and Joe went deep once.

Milestones (since 2015):  Erienne has now appeared in 50 career games for the EPs (17th-most all-time).  Jon's 1st-inning single was the 150th hit of his career (8th-most all-time).

Team milestones:  When Jon flew out to end the 5th inning, it was the 200th plate appearance of the season for the EPs as a team.  When Yaidy reached on a fielder's choice in the 6th inning, it was our team's 200th at-bat of the year.  Jeff scored the EPs' 75th run of 2024 in the 4th inning.  Rob's 1st-inning double was the 100th base hit of the season for the EPs.  It was also our 20th double of the year as a team.  Joe picked up our 75th team rbi with his 4th-inning homerun.

It's June, and in honor of it being Pride Month, I thought it might be fun to bring in a guest LGBTQ commentator.  Unfortunately, Sir Elton John charges too much, Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe said no, and the Indigo Girls just laughed at me.  I was, however, able to talk Saturday Night Live's City Correspondent, Stefon, into joining me!

  Hi, Stefon!  Thanks for doing this!

Stefon:  He-ey!  

It's great to see you.  So how're you doing?

Stefon:  Oh, I've had a weird few years.

Really?  What've you been up to?

Stefon:  Um, all of it.

Okay, well, let's just get to it, then.  We're here to recap Thursday's softball game between the Empty Pitchers and E.coli Happens at Bloomfield High School.  Disappointingly, the EPs came in winless at 0-3 so far in the 2024 season, but they've been relatively successful over the years against E.coli, battling to a 7-4-2 record all-time.  The EPs were at a bit of a disadvantage in this game, as Nancy was the only female EP available to play.  As a result, she had to bat twice in the order.  In addition, the EPs had to take an automatic out, assessed at the bottom of the lineup.

So, to begin the top of the 1st inning, E.coli pitcher Barb took the mound, and Stefon, why don't you tell us what happened?

Stefon:  Well, if you're looking for a good time, look no further.  The Empty Pitchers' hottest inning was the 1st, nicknamed "Crease".  Manager Mike has gone all out, and inside this inning was just everything.  After the first two batters flew out, Joe got things started with a single.  Rob then blasted a triple that chased Joe all the way home, and it was 1-0.  Nancy then ripped a single to bring Rob in, and the EPs had a 2-0 lead.  Caleb followed with a single, but the EPs couldn't add any more runs.  But the inning also featured lights, psychos, Furbies, screaming babies in Mozart wigs, sunburned drifters with soap-sud beards, . . . 

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Stefon, . . . what was that last one?

Stefon:  You know, it's that thing when a hobo becomes a rich man, so they take the big bubble bath, . . . 

Okay, yeah, . . . I think I know what you mean.  Anyway, the EPs had the early 2-0 lead.  Nice.  Eric got the start for the Empty Pitchers, and E.coli came out strong . . . 

Stefon:  (whispers) Strong.

. . . in the bottom of the 1st, tagging him for 6 early runs and taking a healthy . . .

Stefon:  (whispers) Healthy.

. . . 6-2 advantage after one inning of play.  So let's move on to the 2nd inning. 

Stefon:  Well, in the top of the 2nd inning, the EPs were back with an all-new hot inning that answered the question, "What?!"  This inning had everything . . . Tino led off with a single, and Mike doubled, putting two men on with no outs.  Ron dropped a single into leftfield to drive Tino home, making it 6-3, and then Nancy did the same thing, as Mike touched the plate to make it 6-4.  The automatic out was next, but then Eric singled to load the bases.  Nate knocked an rbi-single, as everyone moved up a base and Ron scored to cut the deficit to 6-5.  The bags were still loaded, but Joe promptly unloaded them, tripling to bring in Nancy, Eric and Nate, and giving the EPs the lead again at 8-6.  But that's not all.  Rob's base hit scored Joe to bring it to 9-6.  After a fielder's choice groundout, Caleb singled, but Evan's hard liner to shortstop was caught to end the rally.  This inning also had stilts, throw-up music, an albino that looks like Susan Powter, Teddy Graham people, . . . 

Wait, wait, gotta stop you there.  What are Teddy Graham people?

Stefon:  It's that thing of, like, when a guy has the stumpy arms, but with the belly . . . 

Ohh, yeah, yeah, . . . that's definitely not a thing.

Stefon:  Yeah, it is.

No, . . . no.  So the EPs were back in front, 9-6.  But in the home-half of the 2nd, E.coli Happens responded with a pair of runs to cut it to a one-run ballgame at 9-8.  Uh-oh!  The game's getting pretty tight there.

Stefon:  Mmm-hmm.  (whispers) Tight.  

What?

Stefon:  Nothing.

So we went to the 3rd.

Stefon:  Yes.  The EP's hottest inning was the 3rd, called "Twice".  Y'know, because that's how many times they scored.  The EP batters weren't thrown off at all when the inning began with a rabbi that looked like Joaquin Phoenix dancing across the field.  Coaches Joe and Jocelyn had thought of everything.  Tino, Mike and Ron all singled to open the action, loading the bases with nobody out.  Nancy then bounced into a fielder's choice, but that allowed Tino to score to increase the EP lead to 10-8.  After the automatic out left runners on the corners with two outs, Eric singled, picking up an rbi as Mike came in to get it to 11-8.  The inning also included a single by Nate, goths, carnival barkers, groups of guys with afros in graduation caps, human fire hydrants, . . . 

  What is . . . what is a human fire hydrant?

Stefon:  You know, it's that thing of when high-waisted little people have, like, the red pants and the BIG ASS . . . 

Oh.  Oh, right, that totally normal thing.

Stefon:  Mmm-hmm.

Look, Stefon, buddy, you're doing a really great job, but I kind of feel like you're adding some elements that didn't actually happen in the game.  

Stefon:  Okay.  That's fair.

Let's see, we're going to the bottom of the 3rd, and Eric's pitching and the EP defense really started to lock down.  E.coli put a runner on, but couldn't push anything across.

Stefon:  Mmm, push.

So with the EPs clinging to an 11-8 advantage, we headed to the 4th.  It's fun having the lead, huh?

Stefon:  If you want fun, then listen to this.  The Empty Pitchers' hottest inning was "Slice", what I call the top of the 4th.  Club promoter and EP founder Wayne was back, and this time, he's gone c-r-a-z-y.  The EPs jumped in and joined a dance party, when Rob doubled to lead things off.  One out later, Caleb clubbed a two-bagger, bringing Rob in to make it 12-8.  Speedster Evan drove Caleb home with a sharp single, and then it was Tino's turn.  He doubled, chasing Evan all the way around for the score, upping the EP lead to 14-8.  But the play continued.  The throw to third base was wild, allowing Tino to go to third, then round toward home.  That throw was also off, and Tino crossed to make it 15-8.  You want even more fun?  Because there was also a single by Mike, Twinks, gypsies, grown men in wedding dresses, a cat from a bodega, puppets in disguise, . . .

Uh, puppets in disguise?

Stefon:  Yeah, you know, it's that thing of when, like, Alf wore a trench coat so he could go out into public . . . 

Oh, sure, that common thing.  Okay, well, in the bottom of the 4th, the E.coli bats remained asleep.  They failed to score for the second consecutive inning, thanks in part to a leaping snatch . . . 

Stefon:  (whispers) Snatch.

. . . by Mike of a line drive to third.  So, still 15-8 EPs as we went to the 5th.  Take it away!

Stefon:  The EP's hottest inning was "Taste".  Nightlife designer and EP legend Cliff was back, with an all-new inning that answers the question, "Huh?!"  Don't look for an umpire -- there wasn't one.  Instead, the field was guarded by ten jacked homeless guys in old-fashioned bathing suits.  And the action during the inning was just sick:  the automatic out led off the inning, before a flyout for the second out.  Would the EPs actually be held in check for an inning?  Uh-uh.  Nate and Joe smacked back-to-back doubles to plate one run, and then Rob singled Joe in to make it 17-8.  There were also ice sculptures, winos, Germfs, . . .

Germfs?

Stefon:  German smurfs.

Ah, right, right.  

Stefon:  . . . a Teddy Ruxpin wearing mascara, an old lady with Kid 'n Play hair, and none other than DJ Baby Bok Choy.

Okay, Stefon, who is DJ Baby Bok Choy?

Stefon:  He's a giant, 300-pound Chinese baby who wears tinted aviator glasses and he spins records with his little ravioli hands . . . 

I don't believe you.  There was no such person at the game.

Stefon:  Yes.  Yes there was.

Okay, so the EPs were now up 17-8 as we headed to the bottom of the 5th.  And E.coli finally broke through their scoring drought against Eric.  They managed to tally 3 runs, cutting their deficit to 17-11.  It might have been more, but the inning ended when Rob ran down a deep drive to left-centerfield, juggling . . . 

Stefon:  (whispers) Juggling.

. . . juggling . . . 

Stefon:  (whispers) Juggling.

. . . and grabbing the ball for the third out.  That awesome catch took us to the top of the 6th with the EPs hanging onto a precarious 6-run lead.  Could they add some insurance runs?

Stefon:  The EP's hottest inning was the 6th, called "Slash"!  This inning had everything!  Caleb opened the action with a leadoff single.  One out later, Tino doubled Caleb home to make it 18-11.  Mike's single moved Tino over to third, before Ron drove him across the dish with another single, and it was 19-11.  Nancy grounded into a fielder's choice which retired Ron at second, but Mike scampered home to add one more run, pushing the EP lead to 20-11.  The inning ended with the automatic out, but not before we had glass, steam, bear traps, and just when you thought the fun was over, "Knock, knock", "Who's there?", it's black George Washington!  All that, and a party room filled with human bathmats . . . 

  Ahh, what is a human bathmat?

Stefon:  It's that thing of when, like, little people have really long dreadlocks and they lay face-down on the floor . . . 

Hmm, no.  Just . . . no.  I asked you to come over here and help me recap the softball game, but you keep throwing in what can only be described as the nightmares of a crystal meth addict.

Stefon:  Accurate.

So, can you stop doing that and give me something different?

Stefon:  I'm all about different.

Alright.  So now enjoying a 9-run advantage, the EPs were sitting pretty.  And once again, the EP pitching and defense clamped down, holding E.coli scoreless in the last-half of the 6th.  By this time, the sun was dipping below the horizon, but the teams decided to try to squeeze in the final frame.  So we went to the 7th, with the EPs ahead, 20-11.  Go ahead . . . 

Stefon:  If you're looking for an experience, look no further than the EP 7th.  Their hottest inning was "Trash"!  As they stepped into the top of the 7th through the stainless-steel fence of this former meat-packing hot spot, the EPs were greeted by none other than Pierre, the Muslim Elvis impersonator.  This inning had everything!  The frame began with successive singles by Eric, Nate, Joe and Rob, the latter two each driving in a run to pump the EP lead to 22-11.  Nancy then blasted a double to centerfield, knocking in Joe to get it to 23-11, and leaving runners at second and third with no outs.  Caleb's sacrifice fly to left brought in Rob, and it was 24-11.  Evan singled to put runners on the corners, before Tino bounced into a force at second.  That allowed Nancy to come in and make it 25-11.  Mike singled to advance Tino, and then Jon pinch hit for Ron.  He made the most of his first at-bat of the season, doubling to deep left-center and scoring both runners.  Now 27-11, Nancy added the finishing touch with an rbi-single to plate Evan (running for Jon).  The automatic out curtailed the rally, with the EPs up 28-11, but not before the inning also featured clones, freaks, sneezing, a Russian man on a pre-paid cell phone, and absolutely anyone could take an at-bat.  All you had to do was make the Madonna Vogue-face [strikes a pose].

Hey, I recognize that one!  Okay, so we went to the bottom of the 7th in what was now a blow-out.  But with the darkness falling, could E.coli rally and come back?  That's a big nope.  For the fourth time in five innings, they were held without a run, the game ending on Barb's liner into Mike's glove at third.  For the first time in 2024, the EPs WIN!!!

The 28-11 victory improves the EP's 2024 record to 1-3, all on the road.  

Okay, so we're done.  You know, I'm not so sure about some of that stuff you mentioned, but I know your heart is in the right place.  You just wanted the EPs to have fun.  Thanks so much for helping out, Stefon! 

Stefon:  Yay, Stefon!!!

Notes & Numbers

Nonagenarians:  With this victory, the Empty Pitchers have now won 90 games since the beginning of the 2015 season.  We have an overall record of 90-123-3, for a winning percentage of .417.  Yay us?

Offensive Overload #1:  The EPs scored 28 runs in Thursday's game!  That's our largest run total since October 4, 2020, when the EPs downed "Jim's Pick-up Team" 36-23 at Charter Oak Park in Manchester.  It was our final game of covid-shortened 2020, and our regular lineup was supplemented by our old friend Demetrio, Karolina from Caught Lookin', and former league members Victoria and Christian.  Jon H. starred, going 4-for-6 while hitting for the cycle, with 5 runs scored and 7 rbi.

Offensive Overload #2:  On Thursday, the EPs totalled 39 hits, and batted an impressive .722 as a team!  That represents the most hits we've had in a game since that same game referenced above versus "Jim's Pick-up Team", when we collected an unbelievable 48 hits, including 6 doubles, 2 triples and 2 homeruns.  And as far as team batting average goes, the last time we batted better than .722 was way, way back on July 23, 2015, when we crushed the Diamondbacks (aka the Rocky Hill Vets) 38-14, going 48-for-63 for a .761 tBA. (We hit 5 homers in that game - Eric, Alan, Bharat and Mike C. (2) all went deep.)

Offensive Overload #3:  Being the only female EP in the game, Nancy had to bat twice in the order, and did she ever come through!  She went 4-for-10 with a booming double, 2 runs scored and a team-leading 6 rbi!  And that performance would normally make her a shoe-in for player-of-the-game.  But actually, Joe went just a touch better, hitting 4-for-5 with a double, triple, 4 runs scored and 5 rbi, so he takes the honors this week.  Also of note were Rob (5-for-5 with a double, triple, 3 runs and 4 rbi) and Tino (4-for-5 with a pair of doubles, 5 runs and 3 rbi).

Milestones (since 2015):  Jon H. has now appeared in 75 career games for the EPs (12th-most all-time).  Eric's 7th-inning single was his 575th career at-bat (1st all-time).  Nate's 1st-inning flyout was his 400th career at-bat (7th-most all-time).  Nancy's 7th-inning double was the 200th at-bat of her career (14th-most all-time).  Eric's single in the 3rd inning was his 325th career hit (1st all-time).  Caleb's 4th-inning double was the 20th 2-bagger of his career (9th-most all-time).  Rob scored for the 175th time in his EP career in the 1st inning (4th-most all-time).  In the 2nd inning, Nancy scored for the 25th time in her career (tied 23rd-most all-time).

Team milestones:  Joe scored the 50th run of the year for the EPs when he crossed the plate in the 5th inning.  Mike's double in the 2nd inning was our 10th team double of 2024.  Ron picked up our team's 50th rbi with his single in the 6th inning.  Rob's double to lead off the 4th inning included our 100th total base of the season.

[Editor's note:  I did a recap last season involving the titles of television comedies.  But tonight's game was definitely not a comedy.  It was rather tragic, actually, as we got blown out by a team that we usually dominate, and fell to 0-3 on the season.  So, this time out, I'm going with the titles of TV dramas instead.  Y'know, for all the  mad men  and women of the Empty Pitchers.  🤬]

On Thursday afternoon here in Week 4, the Empty Pitchers returned to Colt Park in Hartford, site of their Week 2 loss to Pretty Reckless, this time to battle the  band of brothers  and sisters known as Acid Reign.  Following heavy rains earlier in the day, the skies were now sunny and blue, but some puddling necessitated pre-game groundskeeping by managers Ross and Mike to get the infield playable.  The EPs came in with a 7-2 record (since 2015) versus these particular foes, so hopes were high for a win.  Unfortunately, those high hopes came crashing down like a  house of cards  once the game began, as things began  breaking bad  pretty quickly.  

Things got off to slow start for the EPs, as the first two batters went down in order in the top of the 1st inning.  But then Rob's smash to short was thrown past the first baseman for a two-base error, and Joe promptly drove Rob home with a stinging single to put the Empty Pitchers in front 1-0.  That  suits  me just fine!  Nancy followed with a lined single, but the inning ended with no further runs coming across.  Acid Reign, however, responded with four runs in the home-half of the 1st off of pitcher Ron to capture the lead they would never relinquish, at 4-1.

In the top of the 2nd, Mike led off with a bloop single, but the next three hitters were retired in order.  And Acid Reign just kept on punching hit after hit, like the Visigoths beating down the gates of  Rome , tallying five more runs to finish the 2nd inning ahead 9-1.

Wait, it gets bleaker.  We must have been swinging some real  deadwood , because the EPs went down in 1-2-3 fashion in the 3rd, while Acid Reign added a pair of runs in their half, increasing their lead to 11-1 and burying the EPs  six feet under .

The EPs showed stirrings of life in the top of the 4th, as they got a leadoff single by Nate and a two-out single by Nancy, but the Acid Reign pitching and defense held, and we failed to score yet again.  And then came the disaster inning, the coup de grace, the  chernobyl , as our  fleabag  opponents tacked on half a dozen more insurance runs, blowing the game open at 17-1.  I think I would be totally  justified  in waving the white flag at this point.

Mike led off the 5th inning with a lined single over the second baseman's head, and Ron knocked a base hit with two outs, but still, the EPs could not cross the plate.  Eric was the  doctor who  came in out of the bullpen to pitch the bottom of the 5th, and Acid Reign scratched out a run to make it 18-1.  Yikes!  We were getting burned harder than  Atlanta  during the Civil War!

With one out in the top of the 6th, the top-of-the-lineup  entourage  of Eric, Nate and Rob all singled in  succession , loading the bases for Joe.  And as far as the Acid Reign pitcher was concerned, Joe was  the punisher , crushing a pitch deep over the outfielders to drive in all three baserunners, and close the deficit to 18-4.  As Yoda would say, " Fargo  the ball!  Score the EPs did!"  Oh man, here comes the big rally, right?  I mean,  stranger things  have happened!  Um, . . . nope.  Nancy and Andy both drove laser-shot line-drives, but right at the shortstop and pitcher, ending the EP threat.  And Acid Reign got a run back in the bottom of the frame, so we headed to the 7th with Acid Reign defending their  house , now up 19-4.

Last gasp for the Empty Pitchers, and Mike got it started with his third leadoff single of the day, a dying quail into center.  One out later, Tino mashed a towering double  from the earth to the moon , with Mike coming all the way around to score to get it to 19-5.  Ron singled Tino over to third, and then Jocelyn brought him home with a sacrifice fly into  the expanse  of left-center, cutting the score to 19-6.  But Tino would be  the last of us  to score.  This game would not go down to  the wire .  No further damage could be inflicted on the Acid Reign pitcher, with the game ending in a 19-6 loss for the EPs.  Okay, so maybe we're not exactly  invincible .

The loss drops our 2024 record to a disappointing 0-3, all on the road.  Oh, well.   This is us .  We will  endeavor  to get off the schneid versus E.coli Happens  when they see us  next Thursday.

So who wears  the crown  as our offensive Player of the Game tonight?  That would be Joe, who went 2-for-3 with a double and 4 rbi.  He was a real  person of interest  in this game.  On the defensive side, excuse my  shameless  self-promotion, but Mike turned an unassisted double play when an Acid Reign batter smashed a one-hop grounder toward third base with the bases loaded and nobody out;  Mike gloved the ball, raced to third to get the force on the runner from second, then tagged the runner from third when he just stood there off the bag.  All in the  line of duty .

Notes & Numbers:

Avoiding  the twilight zone :  This was the first time this season that we completed a full 7-inning game, not having to shorten the proceedings due to darkness, not a  firefly  to be seen.  With the exclusion of last season's Saturday afternoon finale against this very same Acid Reign team, our last full game was our 12-7 loss to The Dream Team on August 9, 2023.  Since then, we have had our games cut short to 6 innings (8/17 vs. Pretty Reckless); 6 innings (8/24 vs. the Fighting Plankton);  5 innings (8/31 vs. Caught Lookin'); 5 innings (9/7 vs. Throwin' Shade); 5 innings (5/2 vs. Throwin' Shade); and 5 innings (5/9 vs. Pretty Reckless). 

Power  severance :  Back in game #1 this season, Angel and Nick homered, while Nate and Rob tripled.  Since then, no EP has been able to hit anything bigger than a double.  We need to call a  true detective  to discover where our power has gone.

Milestones (since 2015):  Rob's 6th-inning single was his 275th career hit (4th-most all-time).  

Team Milestones:  Joe's double in the 6th inning was the 100th plate appearance of the season for the EPs.  Andy's lineout to end the 6th inning was our team's 100th at-bat of the year.  Ron's 5th-inning single was the EPs' 50th hit of 2024.  Tino's 7th-inning double included our 75th total base of the season.

The EP bench reacting to being down 18-1 in the top of the 6th inning. 

[from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen] 

🌧  Rain, rain go away! ☂ 

Last season, we suffered only one rainout all year, but here in 2024, we're only in week #3, and we've been done in by precipitation already.  After steady rain all day Wednesday and heavy downpours overnight, a constant drizzle all day Thursday has made playing tonight unwise.  So, GAME CANCELLED.

We do still have inDRStructible on the schedule for July 11 at Cove Park/DMV, and we'll meet them at some point in the Cove Cup Tournament.

[Editor's note:  You may be wondering, "Why Kenny Rogers?"  Well, because Tino mentioned him as we walked to the parking lot after the game, that's why.]

 On Thursday evening, the EPs played a game that wasn't, then was, then wasn't, then ultimately was again.  And if that sounds crazy, let me explain.  

Originally, you and I and all of the EPs had no opponent for this week.  No team at the managers' meeting in April was willing to play on May 9 (some teams in our league don't even begin play until June).  Ever the gambler, I had hoped that one of the teams that failed to attend the meeting would be willing to fill the gap.  But as the date approached, no luck -- even a fool would let go.  It looked as if the Empty Pitchers would remain idle, maybe holding a practice, or even coming together again to battle in an intrasquad scrimmage.  No game.  😒

But thanks to Joe, we were able to get in touch with Ruby from our daytime friends at Pretty Reckless, who was still considering whether or not they would even field a team this season.  Ruby, don't take your love to town -- just e-mail me!  By Tuesday, she agreed to a game versus the EPs, and the date was filled!  And even better, despite forecasts all week predicting rain for Wednesday and Thursday, the storms never really materialized, and the sun was out on Thursday afternoon!  Game on!  🙂

Unfortunately, due to the late scheduling of the game, a plethora of EPs found themselves unavailable.  So many, in fact, that we were only expecting 5-6 players, far too few to be able to play.  C'mon . . . all I ever need is you and 9 more EPs!  But whatever.  So, a forfeit was declared.  It was going to be our first forfeit loss since the 2016 season, and only our second ever through the years of Mike's management.  The horror!  The embarrassment.  No game.  😡

However, Ruby wouldn't let that happen.  She claimed to have plenty of players, enough to supplement our roster and allow some kind of game to happen.  In truth, a number of her players never showed up, but she did have nine, including this woman Linda, the widow of their late-manager Frankie.  For our part, Jocelyn's "maybe" became an "in"; Tino's "maybe a maybe" became an "in";  Nancy's son Justin said, "What about me?" and we said, "Why not?";  and later, Josh made a surprise appearance.  All of that gave us a solid nine (later ten), and guess what?  Forfeit retracted.  We've got tonight.  Game on again!  😵

And as if getting to play the game wasn't cool enough, we also got to debut our brand, spanking new jerseys courtesy of Jae's hard design work this off-season.  Someone somewhere tonight was well-dressed for the game . . . oh, that's us!  Looking good and feeling good, we took the field!  (Only figuratively, because, as the visiting team, we had to hit first, of course.)

Eric led off the game with a single, and advanced as far as third base in the inning on a tag-up and a throwing error, but the EPs were unable to accomplish much, scoring nothing in the 1st.  Meanwhile, Pretty Reckless knocked pitcher Mike around for five early runs in the home-half of the inning (not exactly the best of me).  Uh-oh.  Down 5-0 immediately, I got that crazy feeling this wasn't going to be easy.

The top of the second saw back-to-back, one-out singles by Jocelyn and Ron, but once more, we couldn't put anything on the board.  And our opponents kept on hitting, swimming 'round the bases as if they were just islands in the stream.  They plated four 2nd-inning runs to go up a dominating 9-0.  Needless to say, things looked bleak for our heroes.

The EPs finally broke the seal in the top of the 3rd, when Eric singled, followed by a double by Nate.  The throw back to the infield by the Pretty Reckless centerfielder flew by the third baseman for an error, and allowed Eric to score, and Nate to take third.  Tino then banged a single to drive in Nate, and it was 9-2.  After a pair of fielder's choices, Jocelyn singled again, but we could do no further damage.  No problem though, as the EP defense clamped down and held PR scoreless in the bottom of the 3rd.

To the 4th, where Justin batted first.  Did Nancy feel that he could get a hit?  He will, she knows!  Justin knocked a single for his first career hit to get the rally started.  Mike ripped a double down the leftfield line, putting runners at second and third with nobody out.  Eric promptly took care of that with his third single of the game (something's burning!), as both runners crossed the dish, making it 9-4.  One out later, Tino mashed a double, but he and Eric were left stranded at second and third.  PR responded with another 4-run outburst in the bottom of the 4th, padding their lead to 13-4.  

Dusk was falling, the evening star was coming out, and since none of us have eyes that see in the dark, it was decided that the 5th would be our final inning, so last chances for the EPs to devise a comeback.  Yes, it was time for the good times!  Jocelyn set the table with a leadoff single, her third hit of the game -- that's right, she's three times a lady.  Ron singled, then Justin singled to load 'em up.  Mike's single past the second baseman advanced everyone one bag, scoring Jocelyn to get it to 13-5.  Josh blasted a drive to right, and although it was caught, Ron tagged and scored, and it was 13-6.  Eric collected his fourth hit of the game with a sweet double, bringing Justin home to cut the deficit to 13-7.  Then Mike came in when Nate mashed a single, moving Eric over to third, and now it was 13-8.  Tino's turn, and there you go again!  He notched his second consecutive double, pushing both Eric and Nate across the plate.  Suddenly, the huge PR lead was reduced to 13-10!  See, when you put your heart in it, good things start to happen!  One out later, Lady Jae singled to get Tino to third.  So, with runners at the corners and down to our final out, we had batted around.  Jocelyn crushed a liner into centerfield, a sure rbi-single, right?  Nope.  The centerfielder charged, gloved it on a hop and fired to second to get the force there, ending the game in the process.  Well, at least we went down in a blaze of glory!

Final score:  Pretty Reckless 13, Empty Pitchers 10.  The loss drops our 2024 record to 0-2, both losses coming on the road.  We haven't played a game at our homeland of Cove Park yet.  Enough of these dirt infields -- I miss the green, green grass of home!

Notes & Numbers

• MVPs:  So who was the greatest tonight?  The offensive star of the game was Eric, who went 4-for-4 with a double, 2 runs scored and 3 rbi.  After that performance, I don't call him daddy, but maybe I should!  Tino and Jocelyn also shined, as both had three hits in the game.  
• Milestones (since 2015, not twenty years ago):  Mike's single in the 5th inning was his 550th career at-bat (2nd-most all-time).  Whew!  It's like I've been on this team all my life!  Tino's 5th-inning double was the 40th of his career (6th-most all-time).
• Team Milestones:  Nancy took our 50th at-bat of the year in the 3rd inning.  Mike scored our 25th run of the season in the 5th inning.  Tino drove in our 25th rbi in the 5th inning.  Tino collected our 50th total base in the 4th inning.
• Upcoming Milestones:  The next EP victory will be our 90th win since the beginning of 2015.  Jon H.'s next game will be the 75th of his EP career.  Erienne's next game will be her 50th.  Nate is 4 at-bats away from his 400th career AB.  Art is 5 at-bats away from his 100th AB.  Jae's next hit will her 75th.

<Red neon light winks out>  "Kenny? . . . K-E-N-N-Y!!!" 

 Hello, friends. 

Jim Nance here.  As you may have heard, I did not cover the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament this year, the first time since 1989 that I failed to do so.  So as you might guess, I'm kind of missing my sports fix these days.  Yes, I did recently do the Master's Tournament, but c'mon folks, that's just golf, peaceful and soothing.  And yes, I've done a bunch of Capital One commercials with Spike Lee and Sam Jackson, but I need something more exciting to cover.  So, with Mike's approval, I'm now going to try my hand at co-ed softball.  Specifically, covering the greatest, most-storied softball team in the state of Connecticut, the Empty Pitchers.  It's a lot to handle on my own, though, so I've asked some of my friends, who also happen to be some of the biggest names in basketball broadcasting, to assist me.

It's a beautiful, partly cloudy day here at the Cigna campus on the West Hartford/Bloomfield line.  The temperature is in the high 70s, the humidity is low, and the infield just a touch dusty.  In short, near-perfect conditions for softball this evening.  Tonight, the Empty Pitchers are set to open their 2024 season against Throwin' Shade, a team they've battled over the last three years to a 3-6 record, although that includes a rough 0-3 last season.  So can the EPs break the streak and turn it around?  Let's find out . . . 

And here to help me cover the 1st inning is one of the finest color-men in the basketball business, Bill Raftery.  Raff?

Raftery:  Well, thanks Jimmy.  Great to be here.  I can't wait to see this EP team.  They're always so exciting to watch.

Nance:  That they are.  So, as the visiting team, the EPs will bat first.  And I see that Josh will lead off . . . and he promptly singles, picking up the team's first hit of 2024.

Raftery:  He swung that bat, and put . . . a little kiss . . . on that ball!  Onions!  Double order!

Nance:  Nate's up next . . . and he singles as well.

Raftery:  Oooh!  A little nickel-and-dimer, that'll chase Josh over to third.  Nate really gets those puppies organized when he's up!  Two on with nobody out.

Nance:  That brings up Caleb . . . and he drives a single into the outfield.  

Raftery:  Send it in, big fella!  Josh scores easily, as Nate motors to third!  The hits just keep on coming!

Nance:  So it's 1-0 EPs.  Still no outs . . .and Nancy steps in . . .she chops a grounder to second . . . it's handled . . . and she's thrown out, but Nate cruises home on the play to make it 2-0.  Nice job.

Raftery:  The dagger!  

Nance:  The next two batters ground out, so the EPs take a 2-0 lead into the bottom of the 1st.

Raftery:  Yeah, after a great start, the EPs looked a little floppy on that set.  A little too unselfish.  And as a result, they left a little lingerie on the deck.

Nance:  Ron takes the mound to pitch, and with the setting sun blazing in the fielders' eyes, defense is going to be a problem today.  Okay, so Throwin' Shade bangs out a bunch of hits, plating 7 big runs, and takes a commanding 7-2 advantage after an inning of play.  Ouch.  So we go to the 2nd inning, and here to assist me is NBA legend Bill Walton.

Walton:  Jimmy, I am so honored to be a part of this amazing game that is softball.  Sitting here in the grass, gazing at the majestic orange orb of the sun as it gently careens toward the towering Talcott range in the West, I am both humbled and awed by . . .

Nance:  Okay, great Bill.  Nick leads off . . . and blasts a deep shot to left-center.  It's past the fielders . . . and he's going to come all the way around for the homerun.  It's his first career homer, and cuts the deficit to 7-3. 

Walton:  That was wonderful to watch, Jim.  Nick rounded those bases like a gazelle.  Did you know that the Thomson's gazelle, species Eudorcas thomsonii, can reach speeds of 50-55 miles per hour?  They're found mainly in East Africa, and . . . 

Nance:  Uh-huh.  So following a groundout, Andy smacks a single.  And then Mike lines a single over short . . . Andy goes to third, and Mike cruises into second on the throw.  

Walton:  Speaking of cruising, I was cruising down the Pacific Highway a while back, enjoying the gorgeous Oregon coastline.  I mean, I really am the luckiest man in the world!  To be in the great outdoors, watching the rolling waves of the ocean as they crash mistily on the rocks, seagulls singing their beautiful arias to nature . . . 

Nance:  Trying to do a ballgame here, Bill.  Ron knocks a single . . . and both Andy and Mike cross the plate.  And just like that, the EPs have cut it to 7-5.  The tying run is at bat in the person of Joe . . . and Joe singles, putting two runners on now.  That'll bring up Yaidy.

Walton:  Yaidy?  What a musical name!  As musical as my favorite band, the Grateful Dead.  Do you know that I've attended over 850 Grateful Dead concerts?  I've even travelled to Egypt to watch Jerry Garcia perform in front of the pyramids!  The Great Pyramid of Cheops, also known as Khufu, which was constructed over a period of 27 years around 2600 BC.  The warm, golden sands of the Sahara . . . 

Nance:  Getting back to softball, the next two batters grounded into force plays at third and second, so the top of the 2nd inning comes to a close with the EPs trailing by a pair, 7-5.

Walton:  I am not at all worried, Jim.  You know why?  Because the EPs are amazing.  They'll come back.  They belong in the Conference of Champions, man.  They really do.

Nance:  So we go to the bottom of the 2nd, where the Throwin' Shade hitters go right back to work, smacking hits all over the field.  When the dust settles, they've put up 8 more runs, taking a monstrous 15-5 lead after 2.  It's going to take a lot of offense for the EPs to get back into this one.  As we enter the 3rd inning, let's bring in my new partner, former coach and announcing legend, Dick Vitale.

Vitale:  OH! I AM SO GLAD TO BE HERE!  I LOVE SOFTBALL!  I LOVE THE EMPTY PITCHERS!  OH!

Nance:  Okay, okay.  Calm down, Dickie V.  Now trailing by ten runs, Angel will lead off the 3rd . . . and he plows one between the center and right fielders.  What a shot.  This is going to be a homerun.  Angel rounds the bags and touches the dish, his first homer of the season and second of his career.

Vitale:  OH!  THAT WAS AWESOME, BABY!  WITH A CAPITAL "A"!  "A" for Angel . . . "A" for AWESOME!

Nance:  That makes it 15-6.  And now we go back to the top of the order . . . and Josh singles again, he's 2-for-2. 

Vitale:  OH, BABY!  IT'S A DIPSY-DOO DUNK-A-ROO!  

Nance:  Not sure what that is, but I'll allow it.  Nate swings and punches a double to right-center . . . and Josh is held at third base.  So, once again, two on for Caleb . . . and he singles, with Josh coming home, Nate moving over to third.

Vitale:  ARE YOU SERIOUS?  IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!  OH!

Nance:  So now it's 15-7.  The EPs continue to creep a bit closer.  Here's Nancy . . . and she rips a single.  In comes Nate, Caleb to second.  15-8.  Then Eric singles . . . that will load 'em up for Rob, and still nobody out.

Vitale:  OH!  THIS IS GETTING FLAT-OUT SCARY, BABY!  YOU CAN'T STOP THESE EPS!

Nance:  Rob singles, and everyone will move up a base.  Station-to-station, as Caleb scores, cutting it to 15-9.  A very nice rally by the Empty Pitchers.  Now Nick will bat . . . he's the newest EP, homered in his first at-bat of the game, and he drives the ball to right . . . the right-fielder makes the catch, but Nancy tags-up and she will score.  It's 15-10.

Vitale:  A SAC FLY AND AN RBI FROM THE DIAPER DANDY!  OH, BABY!

Nance:  And that's just the first out of the frame.  Jocelyn reaches on a fielder's choice, leaving runners at the corners with two down . . . and now Andy bangs another single . . . Eric trots home, and it's 15-11.

Vitale:  OH!  ANDY, HE'S A PTPer TONIGHT, BABY!  A PRIME TIME PLAYER!

Nance:  Mike flies out to right-center to end the rally, but the EPs put up 6 runs on 8 hits, and now trail by only 4 runs.  If they can just hold down the Throwin' Shade offense, even for an inning or two, they've got a real shot at a comeback.  But no, TS manages to tally 3 runs in the bottom of the 3rd inning, extending their advantage to 18-11.  For the 4th inning, I am pleased to be joined by long-time FOX announcer, the great Gus Johnson.

Johnson:  Thank-you, Jim.  It's the top of the 4th, and folks, as innings go, this. is. gonna. be. a. good one!

Nance:  Ron leads off the inning with a nice single, his second hit of the contest . . . and after a flyout for the first out . . . Yaidy drops a swinging bunt for a single as well.  First and second, one down.

Johnson:  Hot sauce!  Evan's due up . . . he swings . . . and he puts it into right-center . . . watch out, folks, he's got "get away from the cops" speed!  HA-HAAA!

Nance:  Ron rounds third and scores . . . Yaidy's held up at third . . . and Evan's got himself a stand-up double.  It's 18-12.  Now it's Angel's second at-bat of the day . . . and he bounces one in front of the plate . . . the catcher pounces on it . . . fires to first . . . and they get him.  But wait . . . 

Johnson:  Oh, my goodness!  Yaidy sees that no one's covering home, so she dances home safely for the score . . . pure!  And now Evan sneaks into third as the third baseman failed to cover the bag!  Cold-blooded!  What. a. game!

Nance:  Don't look now, but it's 18-13.  The EPs just keep hanging around.  Josh steps into the batter's box . . . and he strokes his third single, plating Evan with the EP's 14th run.

Johnson:  Oh!  Hurt. my. feelings!

Nance:  Now it's the always-dangerous Nate's turn . . . he destroys one, deep into the outfield . . . Josh is coming all the way around from first to score . . . Nate holds up at third . . . it's a triple.

Johnson:  Count it!  18-15!  Here. comes. the. pain!

Nance:  And the EPs aren't done yet.  Caleb smacks a base hit, his third hit of the day, and Nate waltzes home.  18-16.

Johnson:  Rise. and. fire.  Bam!  

Nance:  Well, there's a forceout to end the inning, but the EPs, after a 6-run 3rd, just notched 5 more runs in the 4th.  So after what looked to be a blowout loss, they've closed to within just two runs.  Impressive.  Evan comes out of the bullpen now to relieve Ron and try to hold the Throwin' Shade bats quiet in the bottom of the 4th.  But ugh, the TS hitters just keep on swinging.  Hit after hit.  Even their lone female player bashes a homerun to left-center.  When the dust settles, it's another 6 runs for the home team, and they resecure their lead at 24-16.  With dusk approaching quickly, the teams have agreed that the 5th inning will be the last, so it's now or never for the EPs.  And to help me cover the 5th, we turn to NBA legend and TBS broadcaster . . . Sir Charles . . . the Bread Truck . . . the Round Mound of Rebound . . . Charles Barkley.

Barkley:  Happy to be here, Jim.  But, maaan, don't talk about my reboundin'.  I always laugh when people ask me about my reboundin' techniques.  Yeah, I've got a technique.  It's called just go get the damn ball!

Nance:  Nice.  So last ups for the EPs, with Eric leading off . . . and he pops a single, his second hit of the game.  So once again, the EPs get the leadoff man on.  Hey, Chuck, you're a role model to millions, don't you think the EPs are doing a good job of showing young players out there to keep trying, even when you're down big?

Barkley:  Aww, I am not a role model!  C'mon, just because I can dunk a basketball don't mean I should raise your kids!  But, yeah, I mean, you gotta keep swingin', man.

Nance:  Rob stands in next . . . and he blasts a shot over the left fielder's head . . . Eric scores all the way from first, and Rob's rounding third and heading home . . . here comes the relay from the shortstop . . . and he is . . . OUT at the plate.  Wow.  It took a perfect throw, but they got him.

Barkley:  Maaan, he prob'ly shouldn't have gone, but hey!  Give him credit for tryin'.  He'll prob'ly get ripped on social media for this, but like I always say, social media is where losers go to feel important.  Of course, I also always say, "Go Auburn!  Beat 'bama!" and then we get shut out, so . . . 

Nance:  Huh.  Well, that'll go down as a triple for Rob, and the EPs have closed to 24-17.  But the next two batters ground out, and that's all she wrote.  Game over . . . final score, Throwin' Shade 24, EPs 17.  

Barkley:  Maaan, I really thought the Eeps were gonna pull this one out.  Damn!  Kinda makes you want to start drinkin'.  Y'know, I read that heavy drinkin' is bad for your health -- I decided I just better stop readin'.

Nance:  Thanks, Chuckster.  Well, folks, this loss drops the EP's record to 0-1.  That's it for me.  Goodnight, friends.  I think maybe I'll go cover a pickleball match next week.

Marv Albert:  YESSS!!!

Notes & Numbers:

• MVPs:  The offensive player of the game was Nate, who went 3-for-3 with a double, triple, 3 runs scored and an rbi.  Honorable mentions to Josh (3-for-3 with 3 runs and an rbi) and Caleb (3-for-3 with a run and 3 rbi).  Defensively, while there was no one outstanding play, the Angel-to-Jocelyn (3rd-to-2nd) and Caleb-to-Jocelyn (ss-to-2nd) connections provided numerous outs on forceouts.
• Getting them on:  Tonight, Josh led off the 1st inning with a single.  Nick homered to open the 2nd.  Angel went deep to start the 3rd.  Ron's single led off the 4th.  And Eric singled to begin the 5th.  That's the first time we've gotten the leadoff hitter on in every inning of a game since June 22, 2023 (game #9) in our 14-5 victory over the Fighting Plankton.  In that game, Nate reached in the 1st when the right-centerfielder dropped his fly ball.  Eric singled in the 2nd.  Angel singled in the 3rd.  Joe singled in the 4th.  Evan tripled in the 5th.  And Nate doubled in the 6th.  (That game was also limited due to darkness.)
• Getting them in:  The 17 runs the EPs scored on Thursday are the most runs we've scored in a game since our 18-15 win over the Bisons on June 29, 2023 (game #10).  It's also the most runs we've scored on an Opening Day since our 19-8 victory over those same Bisons way back on June 25, 2020 (we got a late start that season due to some pandemic or other, you may have heard about it).
• Milestones (since 2015):  Nate's 3rd-inning double was the 40th 2-bagger of his career (5th-best all-time).
• Team Milestones:  For those of you betting on these things in Vegas, Josh had our 1st hit of the year; Nate had our 1st double; Nate had our 1st triple; Nick hit our 1st homerun; Caleb picked up our 1st rbi; Josh scored our 1st run; Evan pitched our first strikeout.